


Dirty Little Secret

by Cress221



Series: Brotherly Love [2]
Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sex Work, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2017-12-17 23:12:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 150,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cress221/pseuds/Cress221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a very late sequel to The Best Man. Michael has problems with jealousy, and Gob has problems with commitment. Spoilers for season 4, and will eventually lead to Gob/Tony Wonder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> "The Best Man" was originally written as a standalone short fic years ago (in 2005), but I recently thought of a way to continue it and connect it to season 4. Please read "The Best Man" first, because this chapter shows the immediate aftermath of it.

After Michael and Gob did it again that morning, there was a knock on the door and they had to get out of bed. Gob grabbed a hotel robe and threw it to Michael, while he gathered up the scattered clothes on the floor. "That's probably my wife. Can you hide in the bathroom?"

Michael disliked being treated like a dirty little secret Gob had to hide. Technically, that's what he was, but still... they were family.

Gob hurried to dress in the clothes that his wife had picked out for him the other day. He hated the bright sweaters and khakis, but she liked them. "Oh wait," he said, getting an idea. "We'll just say that you did it with the stripper instead, and I watched. That stripper didn't get murdered right?" He was trying to recall how George Sr.'s frame up plan fell apart.

Michael raised his eyebrows at the thought that "I watched" was supposed to be an innocent explanation for his wife. He confirmed, "Yeah, the stripper left, and so did everybody else."

"Uncle Gob?" George Michael's voice called from the front door, and Michael ducked under the blankets in panic.

"Coming." Gob finally went to answer the door. "Hey, George Michael."

"Hi, sorry to wake you. I was just wondering if my dad was still here."

Gob didn't let him into the room. "Yeah, Michael's sleeping it off." The time was now nearly 10 o'clock, and he smiled. "It was a great party."

"Really? I thought it ended early. That's what Uncle Buster said last night."

"Sure, we had to get rid of him after all that juice he drank. But me and Michael stayed and had fun." He added, "And there was the stripper. We got her back."

George Michael shrugged, glad that his father had fun, but he didn't need to hear the details. "Well, when he gets up, tell him that I decided to go home with Buster. It's too late to go fishing now, and I didn't really want to anyway."

"Yeah Michael's no fun at fishing." Gob remembered that Michael always needed seasick patches on the choppy ocean.

"So I'll see him at home. Bye."

"Bye." Gob then shut the door and returned to the bedroom. "That was George Michael."

"Yeah I heard." Michael felt somewhat guilty about missing the fishing trip, but also relieved because he hated fishing. He'd only booked the trip to prove that he was a fun guy, and because he was hurt that Gob hadn't invited him to the bachelor party.

Taking off the robe, Michael went to the bathroom to take a shower, and Gob followed, to watch him. He was very casual about it and didn't pretend that he was there for anything else. He felt this was a new privilege that he was naturally entitled to, since sleeping with his brother. Michael didn't object, and he asked if Gob wanted to join him.

Gob thought about it, but stopped when he looked at the sweater he was taking off. "No, wait. My wife will be here soon."

"Your wife?"

"Yeah we were gonna have another ceremony and do it finally. Hmm, but I wonder if Dad canceled everything after Ira got away." (The ceremony was just for show, since they'd already been married for two weeks, and George Sr. just wanted to set up the accountant.)

"If he didn't, then your wife did." Gob really seemed to have forgotten much of last night, even Michael's previous explanation about his wife. So Michael turned off the water and told him again, "Gob, you don't remember this because you hit your head or something, but your wife already came by last night."

"She did? When?" Gob stepped closer and looked concerned. "She didn't catch us together, did she?"

Michael shook his head. "No, she left before we had sex."

He looked relieved. "What happened?"

Michael shrugged and pointed to his bruised cheek. "I'm not really sure, because you punched me, but before I was knocked out, she said something about wanting out of the marriage, because she's in love with your brother."

"What?!" Gob was shocked. "Michael, you didn't--!"

"No, no, of course not."

"But I asked you to steal her--"

"Yes, but I didn't, Gob. I barely talked to her at all before you told me you were going to stay with her." He was starting to be annoyed that Gob was so concerned about his runaway wife.

Gob looked puzzled. "Then she meant Buster?" That didn't seem likely.

"Or maybe she meant Tobias. You know, I noticed at Mom's cocktail party that she kept talking to him about--"

"Tobias? That's crazy." Gob laughed. "He's gay."

Michael nodded and realized something. "She definitely has a type."

Gob was still laughing. He leaned in and kissed Michael, then said, "Look, I gotta go talk to her and find out what's going on. I'll see you later."

"What? Gob, wait! Can't you just call her?" Or better yet they could just discuss an annulment through lawyers, he hoped.

Gob said, "I won't be long. Then we can have more fun, Mikey." He spoke in a suggestive, sexy way, but closed the door and left.

Michael was confused and worried that Gob somehow thought he could keep both his wife and Michael. He hoped that Gob just wasn't thinking clearly due to his head injury. He would have to see if Gob was all right later. In the meantime he had to finish his shower and check out of both hotel rooms, it seemed.


	2. Honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter finishes the _Best Man for the Gob_ episode, and goes into _Whistler's Mother_.

When Michael arrived at home, he found Tobias arguing with Lindsay about the failed family-band reunion.

Michael went upstairs with his luggage, and he ran into his son putting the fishing gear into the attic. Michael felt somewhat embarrassed and he awkwardly apologized to George Michael for missing the fishing trip.

His son didn't mind, nor did he want to reschedule. "No that's okay, Dad. I had fun at the pool with Buster. How was the party?"

"Um, good. Good." Michael didn't elaborate, and he went into his bedroom to unpack his luggage. He left a voicemail message for Gob, saying that he was home now and not at the hotel anymore, then he waited for Gob to call him back. He waited and waited.

Michael thought about going to the yacht to see Gob, but then he remembered that Gob had blown it up during Spring Break. So where was Gob living now, he wondered? Maybe with his wife, given all the bright sweater outfits he kept wearing lately. Michael hoped that Gob would come back to the model home soon. They couldn't have sex here, obviously, but just to see Gob again would reassure him, and they could make plans for another rendezvous at a hotel.

Unfortunately, the only call Michael received was from George Sr., still angry about the failed bachelor party. He wanted to know where Gilligan was now. Michael said he didn't know, and that the frame up with the stripper was a terrible idea anyway. He was going to do things the right way, and find the missing money.

So Michael went to work and looked into the financial records, hoping that it would take his mind off of Gob. He belatedly realized that Ira was the thief. George Sr. had been right after all to not remember stealing the money and to accuse Ira. What a clever bastard Ira was, taking advantage of George Sr.'s crimes and bluffing about the stolen money. Michael had been duped, and the only silver lining to the whole embezzlement was that Ira surely wasn't going to come back to testify against George Sr. He had probably disappeared for good, so Michael had to hire a new accountant.

While Michael was busy dealing with the business, he still worried about Gob not calling him back. Where was he? Was he trying to win back his wife? Michael didn't want to continue with Gob in that case. Sure, having incestuous sex was pretty immoral, but he didn't like the thought of being "the other man" while Gob carried on with a wife who was in love with Tobias anyway. Michael had some standards after all. Maybe it should just be one crazy, passionate night that would never be repeated. He sighed in disappointment.

He was no good at one-night stands, either as the dumper or the dumpee. It hurt all the more because Gob was his brother, and he should have expected this type of behavior.

A couple of days later, Gob finally did come to see him at the office, to ask for money, so Michael asked him pointedly if he just couldn't go to his wife for money. Gob said that his wife had left him, but he denied that it was because of Tobias. He said that she was joining the army, and that he couldn't live on an $800 a month army wife stipend. Tobias was there too, so Michael couldn't really discuss things with him, like why Gob would remain married to this woman instead of just getting an annulment. Did he just want the stipend? Was Michael just somebody to cheat on his wife with?

Michael told them to come up with a business investment to make money, and Tobias suggested remaking _Annie Hall_. The idea sounded terrible, and Michael told them to leave so he could get back to work. But after Tobias exited the office, Gob stayed behind and shut the door, locking it.

"Anyway, Michael..." He came near and started to kiss him.

Michael pulled back irritably. "Where the hell have you been? You didn't call me for days."

Gob said, "I'm sorry. I got in this big argument with my wife." He lowered his voice and leaned near, "Hey, did you know that she's in love with her own brother in the army? That's why she's joining the army, to be with him."

Michael was stunned and incredulous. "What really?" He didn't have any camera footage to tell him that Gob had misunderstood his wife, and that Gob's mind had been preoccupied about his own relationship with Michael.

Gob nodded and sat on the desk close to Michael. "That's what makes her a perfect beard."

"Beard?" Michael asked.

"Yeah," Gob said, touching his knee. "A cover so we can be together."

Michael already knew what he meant, but he appreciated hearing that Gob did want them to be together. He hadn't considered the idea of a beard before. If it was just a sham marriage, and Gob wasn't actually with her, that wouldn't be so terrible.

Gob continued explaining, "So that's why I couldn't call, Michael. I had to make nice to her and help her pack her stuff to go to the army. She wants me to house-sit her apartment for her and feed her seals while she's gone. I talked her into not getting an annulment, so that I could get the army wife stipend."

"So you didn't really come here for money?" Michael felt suddenly very pleased.

"Well," Gob shrugged. "Not just the money." He leaned in and kissed Michael, who did not pull away this time.

However, Michael complained, "Well, you should have at least called me and told me about this before now. I was worried."

Gob smiled and asked, "Were you jealous, Mikey? I can make it up to you. I got the keys now and you can come over tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, and I won't just lie there," he said, referring to Tobias's words about getting in bed with a movie director.

Michael kissed him back and Gob joined him on the chair. Right in his lap, with his arms sliding around him. Michael closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm wet kisses, reminding him of all the sinful things they'd done at the hotel just a few days ago. They made out for several moments until there was a knock on the door.

Jordan the whistleblower was still trying to catch Michael in illegal dealings, and he suspected that Michael had given money to Tobias when they left the board meeting together. "Michael, why did you lock this door? Did you give away the company money?"

"No!" Michael said, straightening his clothes as Gob got off him. "I was just... discussing private family stuff." He came to the door and unlocked it.

Jordan saw that Gob was there instead of Tobias. "Oh, another family member wanting a handout."

Michael shook his head. "No, not at all. Just some problems with his new wife. Nothing to do with the business."

Jordan scoffed suspiciously, but left.

Gob said, "Man, what's up with that guy?"

"He's a board member who's on my case. He wants me to buy out his shares so he won't blow the whistle on me."

"So he just wants money too."

"Yeah. Anyway, he's watching me pretty closely, so um, I gotta get back to work now on this investment stuff. Call me later about tonight?"

Gob nodded and nearly kissed him before Michael reminded him that the door was open and they could be seen.

Gob grinned at his brother's nervousness, and only kissed his cheek lingeringly before he spanked him. "See you, Michael."

Michael watched him go, and now he felt hopeful that Gob would actually call him back this time.

Later Michael went to a coffeeshop to meet with Uncle Oscar, and he ran into Gob and Tobias researching the investment opportunity. Michael was pleased that apparently Gob had taken his words to heart about forming a legitimate business to earn money. He was very proud and eager to support Gob in the coffeeshop idea, but he was puzzled when Gob and Tobias both silently exited the shop together.

Soon Michael met with Uncle Oscar, visited his lemon groves, and invested the money, only to discover that he'd been duped yet again. Why was he so trusting?

As Michael was panicking over this mess at the model home, Gob and Tobias gave him their Gobias Industries business proposal. Now what could he do? Michael told them haltingly of the bad land deal, and Gob assumed that it was all Dad's fault. He even offered to go to the prison and confront their father about interfering in the company. It was so touching, that if Michael had been alone with him, he would have kissed him and so distracted him. But as it was, he stopped Gob from going and calmed them down. He let the lie about Dad stand and said that he would fix things himself.

Unfortunately, telling this lie at the company board meeting just got him into trouble with Jordan again, and then Dad called to yell at him too. Michael went in desperation to Lucille, and was stunned when she hugged him and comforted him. When she left to take care of the mess, Michael wasn't sure if she was going to make Jordan or Uncle Oscar disappear.

He didn't know what to do, and then Gob called him to tell him the address of his wife's apartment. So Michael went to visit Gob, and they kissed passionately. Michael noticed that the apartment was very pink, and as they went to the bedroom, he started to have misgivings. Wasn't it wrong, doing it in Gob's wife's bed? Surely if there was another bedroom... but Gob quickly convinced him that it was hot wrong, and they stayed where they were. Gob commented that after all, his wife might be doing her own brother soon.

They made love many times that night, as Gob wanted to make the most of the opportunity since he'd taken a forget-me-now on their first night together at the bachelor party. Michael was amazed at his skill, and he wondered why they hadn't done this years ago. Oh yeah, because they were brothers, but he found that this didn't really bother him. It felt fitting somehow; their parents had spent years pitting them against each other, and it had completely backfired, bringing them closer together instead.

As they rested in bed, and Gob brought them drinks, he asked, "So what happened with Dad's land deal? Did you fix it yet?"

Michael felt embarrassed again, but he decided to tell the truth this time. "Actually, it was me, Gob." He explained that it was his fault, for trusting Oscar. "Somehow I thought that he was nicer and more honest than Dad."

Gob said, "Well, you have to remember, he's still a Bluth. Lying's in the blood."

"I guess so."

Apparently for this reason, Gob wasn't angry about Michael lying to him before. It was no big deal, and he ran his fingers through Michael's hair. Michael leaned on his shoulder and told him about Lucille deciding to fix the problem for him.

Gob grimaced. "Whoa. That must have been creepy when she hugged you."

"Yeah." And yet this wasn't creepy at all. It felt so right. He sighed and murmured, "I think I might get fired anyway."

"Well you don't need that job, Michael. If it's so much trouble, then let Mom take it over or something. You can stay here and have fun with me. I mean, we couldn't live on this puny stipend, but I could go back to work." Gob even suggested that Michael do magic shows with him with the seals that belonged to his wife.

Michael laughed at the silly idea, then he said, "Or I could quit and go back to school. Become a maritime lawyer."

Gob laughed at that. His brother liked maritime law so much, but he hated fishing and got seasick on the ocean. "Mikey, you're such an idiot."

Michael grinned and kissed him.


	3. Disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob and Michael disagree on what gay means. "Bluth" still means "liar", though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes through the rest of season 1 and part of season 2. I'm trying to speed up now so that we can get to season 4 in a couple of chapters.

The next day at work, Michael resolved to tell the truth and possibly get fired, but he didn't have to after all. Lucille had fixed things by making Oscar take back the land, and using the money to buy out Jordan. Michael was grateful to her, but not for long, because she joined the company board meetings and started embarrassing him.

When Michael visited Gob that night, his brother commiserated with him about how manipulative Mom was, worse than Dad in some ways.

So Michael and Gob had a honeymoon period, and they were intensely, secretly happy for a while, but it was doomed to fall apart.

Michael could not always keep sneaking away to spend the night with Gob, and Gob was not always so nice and understanding. He was a Bluth after all, and lying came naturally to him, especially if he wanted to manipulate Michael for money. Gob also still had a roaming eye, and he suggested that they have a threesome with a hot woman. "You can give a fake name--Chareth Cutestory."

As Michael declined this, he asked if Gob was insecure about being gay.

Gob was bewildered. "Gay? I'm not gay."

Michael frowned. "What do you call this?"

"Fucking my brother senseless. Seriously, do I seem like Tobias to you? I've fucked tons of women, you know."

"I know. Do you mean you're bi, then?" That sort of made sense. Michael thought he might be that way also, given his past relationships with women. Especially his wife Tracey, whom he'd loved so much.

Gob said, "No. This is just--this is us, Michael. It's boyfights and lessons and... God, you're hot." He kissed him and went back to fucking his brother senseless.

Michael didn't understand what Gob meant by denying that he was gay. Maybe he was one of those people who didn't want to be labeled anything at all. His sexuality was just fluid and enigmatic and unknowable. Michael hadn't believed that such people existed in real life before, but Gob seemed very real indeed.

Gob bit into Michael's neck and asked, "You like me, Mikey? You really do?"

Michael nodded and clung to him breathlessly. "Yes."

"You love me?" He'd been crying about this for years in his sessions with Nellie the hooker.

Michael swallowed and met his eyes. It was crazy, but he did really think it might be true. "I love you."

"Michael." Gob kissed him greedily, and his lovemaking was all the more intense. Michael thought this meant that Gob loved him too, even though he could not say the words.

Later that night as they drifted off to sleep, Gob still could not express his feelings adequately, so he started singing a song to Michael instead. He started doing this on other occasions as well, singing sappy love ballads that seemed wildly out of character. But Michael didn't mind. This was proof that Gob wasn't just sleeping with him for "fun" as he said so often.

* * *

It was hard sneaking around together. Michael realized that of course he couldn't openly date his brother, or move in with him, or anything public like that. But he did hope that their incestuous affair would change things in private between them. That they'd fight less, that Gob would stop letting Dad tell him what to do, and that they could talk and understand each other implicitly because they grew up together and had experienced the same horrible parenting. They could be like friends then, which they hadn't been as kids.

However, they could not get out of the old habits, and sex could not erase thirty-five years of rivalry and jealousy between them. It didn't make either of them stop craving approval from their father, and it didn't stop Gob from plotting with Kitty to take over the company. Gob had been feeling hurt and excluded by all the talk of Michael taking the polygraph and nobody needing Gob. Michael knew that, but he still resented being threatened by his brother.

Michael had found out about the Iraqi houses, and he became so frustrated with the entire family that he wanted to leave for Phoenix. He didn't even plan to say goodbye before he was dragged back by George Sr.'s heart attack, and later the police. At the Bluth company, Lucille made Gob the president, and now the brothers couldn't stop fighting over that.

Gob even had the nerve to hire a "business model" named Starla and parade her around the office. What bothered Michael more than the cheating on him was the fact that Gob would order Michael around and insult him just to impress Starla. Then he'd quietly apologize to Michael and expect Michael to forgive him because of some sob story. So it took a while for them to make up and regain their equilibrium.

To his relief Michael found out privately from Starla that Gob had not slept with her after all. Apparently, since Gob's wife was never around, he was trying to cultivate a new beard for them, as well as assert to Michael that he was not actually gay. Michael agreed to hire her as a secretary then, since they still had not filled the position since he fired Kitty Sanchez. Starla wasn't very good, but her eccentricities were less bothersome.

Their escaped father started manipulating them from Mexico, and Gob was the only one Michael could talk to about his frustrations with his son's new girlfriend. When Michael discovered George Sr. hiding in the attic, he faked his escape for George Michael's sake. Then George Sr. kept demanding stuff, so Michael thought about including Gob in on the secret to let him deal with these errands. However, learning that Gob had tried to hang himself when confronted by Wayne Jarvis, Michael thought it was better to protect Gob from this responsibility.

When Gob got dropped from a crane at Christmas-time, Michael had an excuse to spend a couple of weeks living with him and helping him recover. Afterward, it was annoying to have to return to the model home and George Sr. nagging him from the attic.

Then Gob abruptly accepted a job at Sitwell's company, and Michael tried to support him there so that he could resume the presidency for good, instead of just for a couple of weeks. But George Sr. called him stupid and told him he had to win the softball game. After the game, Gob asked Michael about dad showing up as the umpire.

"You've been talking to Dad? How long?"

Michael lied, "Not long. He didn't like you working for Sitwell, and he's just obsessed about this game. He won't come back. Don't worry." He then sent Gob to a dentist to fix his tooth.

But the worst betrayal was still to come. When the Bluths lost control of the company by 2,000 shares, Gob casually slept with Lucille 2 in order to regain his job as president. Furious, Michael stopped coming over and he dated Sally Sitwell in revenge. This fell apart too when Maggie Lizer returned, faking a pregnancy.

Lucille Austero had dumped Gob already, and he went back to his magic. Unfortunately, this led to Gob setting free the seal that bit Buster's hand off. Gob felt guilty, and unwisely confessed the truth to Buster, who attacked him with his hook.

By the time he got out of the hospital, Gob's wife came back from the army and sued for divorce. Both Michael and Gob had forgotten her name by this point, and they no longer needed a beard, since their trysts had ended. Gob had to leave his wife's apartment, though, and he moved into the model home. Michael tolerated this, so long as Gob stayed on the couch downstairs. He advised Gob to admit that he never consummated the marriage, and get it annulled. Gob didn't want to do that, though, and they went on a trip to find the seal that bit Buster, but all they found was a flipper. So Gob had to return to court to meet his wife, and he impulsively consummated the marriage after all.

Was it to make Michael jealous? Or was he just that dumb? Either way the divorce would cost him dearly, and Michael let him keep his Bluth Company paycheck if he would help him in the business.

Trying to make more money on the side, Gob filmed a magic video at the office with Gary, and he also missed a crucial board meeting vote, which annoyed Michael. And maybe it was being reminded of the high school election that he'd lost to Gob, but Michael had enough.

"You know what? I don’t know why, but that’s it, okay?" Michael tried to fire Gob, and Gob tried to fire him, and it was a bad breakup of their friendship/truce/whatever they were now. Michael made up with him later, insincerely, to help George Michael's campaign, but that was a disaster too. Michael started to wonder what he'd ever seen in Gob.

Then Michael fell ill and feared he would lose control of the company while he was in the hospital. He eventually learned to relinquish control, but only after a series of botched operations and a car accident. Eventually Gob joined him in the hospital room when Buster cut off his fingers with the Sword of Destiny. At night, when they were alone, Gob went over to sit on Michael's bed, talking to him about his divorce and his magic. They made up for real this time, and Gob sat holding his hand, like they used to when Gob recovered at Christmas and couldn't do more than kiss him. It was nice.


	4. Hot and Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MIchael experiences angst and confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the rest of seasons 2 and 3, to catch us up to season 4.

Feeling brotherly again, Michael went out of his way on Spring Break to support Gob about his magic, while they rescued their father from Kitty. Gob unfortunately lost the cooler of evidence, but Michael volunteered to tell Lucille the bad news. To his surprise, she was more concerned about losing the other cooler from the banana stand; she strangled him as she told him that it had contained the frozen sperm specimen. Michael also had to go on a spa weekend with her, and for this extraordinary amount of suffering, Gob made a Franklin CD to thank him.

Michael had been too annoyed at first to listen to the music, but once he did, he started to realize that Gob was trying to speak indirectly to him again. He wondered what the card with his face on it said. Hopefully Gob had not written anything incriminating that the police might read. By the time they got the CD back and left the courthouse, Lindsay and the kids had temporarily moved into the penthouse with Lucille. The sinkhole had worsened and the city inspector red-tagged the house, declaring it uninhabitable.

Michael checked into a hotel room with Gob, who gave him the CD and forced him to listen to the whole thing that night. Michael did so and also read the card. "For my hermano, for always being there for me. You're still my best man."

Gob always seemed to know just what to say. Michael sighed and realized that he was falling in love with his brother again. He didn't want to. He was afraid they'd just return to their old patterns of behavior, with the lying and the fighting and the cheating. Their strange relationship was almost the same as it was before they had sex, only with a new layer of betrayal each time they lied to each other, or a new layer of seduction whenever Gob tried to charm Michael into giving him some favor.

"Mikey," Gob moved closer and kissed him, clearly wanting to resume their affair.

Michael gave in to him for one last night, but told him that they couldn't continue this, what with the sinkhole under the model home and the need to find a place to stay for a couple of months. Gob agreed that it would be difficult to sneak around if there were workers trying to repair the house. The only rent-free place that Gob had left was the _Seaward_ boat, and he knew that Michael got seasick.

"But you'll think about me while I'm gone?" Gob asked. "You'll listen to the CD?"

Michael nodded, not sure why Gob ran so hot and cold with his emotions. One minute he was clingy, another he was all bravado, pretending he didn't care about anybody but himself. And now Gob apparently just wanted the reassurance that Michael loved him, even if they couldn't be together.

So two months went by before the model home was fixed enough that the city allowed people to return. Michael, Lindsay, and the kids moved back in, though there was still caution tape around the sunken living room.

Gob came by the model home to ask for a hotel rendezvous, now that Michael wasn't short of funds. Surely a "Don't Buy" was worth some sort of celebration? But Lucille had arrived first, and Gob learned from eavesdropping that there was a cabin at Lake Tahoe that he never knew about. This upset him enough that Michael invited him to go camping there. However, Michael changed his mind out of guilt because George Michael had been sleeping in the staircar; how could he do something frivolous and foolish like resume their affair, when his son needed him? Gob was disappointed.

Then Michael discovered that Oscar was in prison instead of George, and Gob went to the S.A.D meeting in the park, only to be disappointed by his dad as well. He met that kid Steve Holt, though, and they decided to go camping. While they got a car to drive to Lake Tahoe, Gob called Michael to meet him in Reno and bring the keys to the cabin.

Michael asked, "What, you're going camping with some kid? Who is he?"

"Steve Holt. I met him in the park. It's just a son and son thing, 'cause our dads abandoned us. You wouldn't understand, you robot."

Michael could tell that Gob was still resentful about the canceled camping trip, and he did vaguely remember that Steve Holt was a high school kid, though far older than his classmates. Steve had mentioned looking for his father in his campaign video, so maybe Gob really was bonding with him about that. Or else this was some roundabout way of Gob to get revenge and explore his gayness while still in denial. Michael had to get off the phone so the plane could take off, so he just agreed to meet Gob, and he decided they could talk in Reno.

When they did talk in Reno, Michael read the S.A.D. letter and told Gob that Steve Holt was his kid. Why Steve Holt hadn't said so was strange, but he was a recovering alcoholic, and possibly his memory was as bad as Gob's. Michael tried to stop Gob from running away from his kid, only to be distracted by seeing George Michael in the staircar.

So Michael abandoned his search for George Sr., and drove his son to the cabin in Lake Tahoe. He could at least be a better father than Gob, and try to make time for his son for once. They found that half of the cabin was gone already and it was loaded on a truck, but they camped there anyway. George Michael wanted to discuss a girl problem with him, so Michael agreed to do so in the morning.

As he lay on the floor trying to fall asleep, he thought about what George Michael had said about "a problem without an answer." That was his relationship with Gob in a nutshell. Not knowing how to be with him, not knowing how to let him go. Even if they did get back together, it would still be a dirty little secret, never out in the open. He doubted if Gob would ever say that he loved him directly, instead of in the songs from that CD.

In the morning Michael discovered that his father was driving the cabin away, and after a long argument, Michael turned George Sr. in so that the prison would release Oscar. This time George was placed under house arrest, but he didn't want to be with Lucille after all. Soon Michael was so busy investigating Dad's claims about being set up by the British, that he forgot about talking to his son about his girl problem.

Then he met Rita in Wee Britain. The whole family taunted him for being a chicken, so he eventually mustered up the courage to ask her out. He told her that he had no family, though, hoping this would simplify things. It didn't, especially when the family threw him a party and then kidnapped and drugged Rita.

Back at the model home, Michael was trying to salvage the evidence when Gob came in from the garage. Rather than be jealous or resentful, Gob told Michael to go after Rita again, saying that she'd be lucky to have him. This supportive gesture surprised Michael, and it almost felt like getting permission to move on, to look for someone to marry and be a new mother for George Michael. He thanked Gob, who then tried to cheer him up with Franklin, thankfully not singing one of the love songs from the CD. Gob could always make him laugh.

So Michael resumed dating Rita, and there was a kind of carefree innocence about their romance which he should have been suspicious about, but he was blind.

When Gob started seeing a Christian girlfriend (before Michael knew her identity), it seemed like Gob might be trying to move on too. Michael just encouraged him to bond with Steve Holt, and tried to act like a normal brother again. As if he could learn what normal was.

Michael almost married Rita, only to discover what a stupid fool he'd been to not realize her secret. Mom had been right--"People only see what they want to see." It was almost as if he was worse than Gob when it came to relationships. How depressing. Maybe he was the crazy one after all.

There was nothing he could do about it, and Gob was with somebody else. Surprisingly it had lasted for months, much like his previous relationship with Marta. Maybe Gob was right; he wasn't gay after all, and Michael was just a special case.

Michael didn't want to hear any details about Gob's evangelical Christian girlfriend; it would just remind him of how sinful and unnatural their affair had been. He just hoped Gob would never confess it to her, and would stick to the Bluth habit of lying.

Michael lay awake in his bedroom for many nights, and he hid the Franklin CD in the attic so he wouldn't be tempted to listen to it again. He needed to bury his jealousy and his feelings and be the robot he was so often accused of being. He needed to pretend that his heart wasn't broken, and that he didn't need Gob now more than ever.

As George's trial came up, Michael discovered an N. Bluth on the witness list and a secret room in the model home. He looked for this sister Nellie, but got no help from his parents, so he had to look in the old company computers. He never noticed the typo about Nellie the "conslutant", and remained blind to her profession when he met with her.

He hired Nellie to work at the Bluth Company and got excited about having a new sibling. He could start over. It wouldn't be weird and warped and full of lies. He could have a new friend to hang out with and talk to, now that he could not bear being near Gob again.

Then she came onto him at the hotel. Then things went from bad to worse as he discovered that Gob was her pimp. Nellie was a hooker, and Gob said that he'd been with her. It was just so many levels of horrifying, as if Bluths were cursed to never have non-incestuous relationships. Nellie heard them and ran out in embarrassment. Michael told Gob that this was a sign from God that he needed to truly change, not just pay lip-service to his Christian girlfriend's teachings. Then Michael left, too upset to say more.

It wasn't until the next day that Michael could calm down enough to go confront his father about Nellie. Then George told him that Nellie wasn't his sister at all. The money was all gone and in a panic, Michael rushed to the office, only to find that Nellie had spent the money on the employees, as well as paying herself. She was honest, and clearly not a Bluth.

Michael invited her to stay and work at the Bluth Company, but she declined since she made so much more money as a hooker.

Later, Michael told Gob that Nellie wasn't their sister after all, and Gob was surprised. "Then why'd you say...?" Gob frowned. "I don't get you, Mikey. I don't know what you want now."

Michael didn't know either. Even though he should be horrified, he still wished that Gob would break up with his girlfriend and come back to him. It was wrong, of course. And if Gob had moved on, then he had no right to ask. "Just... be happy. I'm sorry that I..." He shook his head and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Then he left before he could change his mind or break down again. But at home he dug up the card with his face on it, and he stared at it for a long time.

Then the depositions for the trial began, and Gob told him he was going on a USO tour to Iraq so he could perform his Christian magic act. He insisted on going, and Michael worried, but guessed that Gob was that insistent because he wanted to get away from Michael. So he didn't stop him, and then Wayne Jarvis told him that Gob was in a prison in Iraq.

Michael went with Buster to rescue Gob, and Gob hugged him emotionally. He criticized Michael for being a robot, then finally noticed Buster had come along. Michael was trying to be cautious and not get his hopes up, because he didn't expect Gob to be released immediately.

However Gob was released very easily, and Michael decided to investigate the Iraqi model homes that Gob said Dad had ordered him to torch. There they found the fake WMD and discovered the truth about Dad being set up to build the homes. Because of Buster's photos, the CIA agreed to let them live and get the treason charges against George Sr. dropped. It was a lucky escape.

Michael was glad to fly home, though he dared not do more than hold Gob's hand on the plane as they sat together. He told himself that this was all he could have with his brother now. He wondered if it would help if he went to therapy and tried to get over his feelings about Gob. But how could he explain everything to some stranger?

George Michael confessed to him about his cousin Maeby, and it hit Michael like a ton of bricks. The Bluth family curse had struck his son as well. He gave the only feeble advice he could give, but chickened out of confessing about his own, much worse transgression. Then at home, Lindsay confessed to him that she was adopted and came onto Michael too. She was the real Nellie Bluth all along. This would be funny if it wasn't so terrible too. Fuck. Why couldn't it have been Gob? Why couldn't Gob want him back? Why couldn't anything go right?

Then there was the Queen Mary boat party, and Gob told him about his girlfriend, and George Michael punching him. Michael rushed to the yacht, and tried to do right by his son. With Lucille fleeing from the S.E.C., maybe it was better that Michael leave too. Just take his son to Mexico so they could both try to forget the past.

But they never got far in their escape.


	5. Hello Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a slight time jump, Michael and Gob reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for season 4. This part is set sometime during 2009, after Michael has been waiting in the finished Sudden Valley for months or maybe a year. Pete is still alive, and Gob has become part of Mark Cherry's entourage already. He's probably in his roofie circle now. The store that Gob gets his roofies from is in Mexico, which seems pretty far to drive from Malibu, but he appears to make the trip often.

Now that Gob was part of a rich and famous entourage, he couldn't help wanting to gloat about it to his brother Michael. So one day, on his usual trip from Malibu to Mexico to replenish his supply of forget-me-nows, Gob took a detour to Orange County in his limo. Since he had last seen Sudden Valley, a lot more houses had been built there, but the place was still vastly empty of residents.

The only official resident was Michael Bluth. Since 2008, Michael had been waiting for the real estate market to recover, but with no success. He had even moved from the original model home at the center of the valley into a house that was on the edge of the neighborhood, so that he could be close enough to spot anyone driving by the entrance.

When he saw the limo driving into Sudden Valley, Michael was confused, but he hurried outside to meet the unexpected visitor. As the limo came to a stop, Michael stood near the back passenger door, waiting to greet whoever came out.

The driver door opened, and instead of a uniformed chauffeur, his brother Gob came out. "Gob?"

"Michael."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came down to show you how successful I've become."

"As a limo driver?" Michael was surprised, but then again, Gob had once been a waiter, so maybe the service industry was good for him.

"What? No, I'm not a... Why would you think--? I'm--" Gob stammered because he realized now that he didn't know what his exact job title was. He also felt insecure that maybe Michael was right. He was just a limo driver who was sometimes invited to party inside the limo with the entourage. But he got to live with them in Malibu too, so that was something, right?

Michael waited, becoming a little puzzled by Gob's incoherent embarrassment. Then he wondered if the limo meant something else; Gob had also been a pimp, using his puppet Franklin. Surely he had not brought any whores here, like Nellie?

Michael went the passenger door and opened it to look around. The limo was empty, but that still didn't explain what Gob's new job was.

Gob finally got a hold of himself and he said scornfully, "Are you kidding, guy? Mark Cherry's not awake at one in the afternoon."

"Who?"

"You know, Mark Cherry, the baby-faced singer of Pop-a-ROTC and Practice Kisses. He's number one on the pop charts for 13-16 year olds."

Michael just shrugged without recognition. "I'm sorry. I don't know who that is. I haven't had internet or phone service here for months." He did wonder why Gob knew so much about teen pop stars, though.

"Oh right." So Gob laughed and mocked him. "Yeah, that's why you can't sell any houses here, Michael. You built a ghost town, and you're a failure."

Michael became annoyed and defensive. "I'm not! The market will recover! I'm just--Never mind!" He decided to cut to the chase. "Look, Gob, if you came here to borrow money from me or ask a favor, then let me remind you that I'm out of the family. I'm still out!"

Now Gob was mad. "I don't need money from you, Michael! You need money from me! I'm rich and famous and cool." He bragged about being a member of Mark Cherry's entourage, and he listed the other members, like he should know them.

Michael didn't know or care who these people were. If they were just teen stars, then it was unlikely that they would want to buy any houses out here in Sudden Valley; well, not unless they were interested in hiding out incognito from paparazzi, and didn't mind the lack of internet. Hmm, maybe he could try marketing his houses that way, but then he'd have to turn this place into a gated community with a lot more security.

Gob could see now that Michael wasn't paying attention to him and wasn't impressed with his glamorous new life. Even when he was winning their perpetual sibling rivalry, he still couldn't get any satisfaction. So he shoved Michael in frustration.

"Hey!' Michael shoved him back.

"I'm better than you!" Gob shouted, and soon they were fighting once again, all over the nearest lawn.

"Gob!" Michael tried to climb a tree, as usual.

Gob threw him on the ground and said angrily, "I know you're out of the family, Michael! You didn't come to my wedding, and you didn't come when I was in the hospital last year!" It was the first time he realized that Michael was serious about leaving this time, and not just crying Phoenix again.

"I'm sorry," Michael said, "I'm sorry. I should have come."

Surprised by his brother's apology, Gob finally softened and ceased fighting him. "Yeah? You mean it?"

Michael nodded. "I mean, I didn't see it on TV, but I read it in the news when you were found in that storage unit. But I couldn't tell if that was part of your escape plan all along. And I thought, if I came to the hospital to see you, I might run into the rest of the family there too." He also feared that if he saw Gob again, then he might be unable to leave. Might feel the desperate love welling up inside him again.

Gob said sadly, "Well, you didn't need to worry, because nobody else came." He didn't count his almost-wife, since she wasn't part of the Bluth family and was a week late anyway.

"Oh Gob," Michael touched him regretfully. "I'm so sorry."

"Mikey." Gob hugged him inappropriately and tried to kiss him, but Michael turned aside.

He patted Gob's back and said, "Listen, um, do you want to come inside for a drink?" Gob was still half lying on him, and he wanted to get up.

Gob sat up a little, but he kept Michael pinned down. He asked, "Really? But I thought you were out of the family."

Michael hesitated, knowing that he should tell Gob to leave, lest he get tangled up in his brother's life again, but then again, Gob had said that he didn't need any money or favors from him. Also, Michael's only visitor for months now had been Pete the mailman. He was lonely for company and maybe Gob was too. So he shrugged. "Well, you came all this way to see me. We can go inside and talk, okay?"

"Okay." Gob happily hugged him again, a touch too long, before finally getting off him and running to the door with childish glee.

So Michael showed Gob into the house he currently occupied, and he offered him a drink.

Gob was disappointed that he only had water and soda.

Michael said he hadn't been to the store for groceries yet, but that was a lie. He had just shopped yesterday, but he was trying to save money by not buying liquor or other non-essentials. Besides, he had to carry everything back on his bicycle, since George Michael had the staircar at UC Irvine.

"Oh I know! I got some liquor." Gob ran out to the limo to get some bottles.

While Gob was gone, Michael unbuttoned his grass-stained shirt and rinsed it in the sink. He was going to change pants as well, but then Gob returned, and Michael thought better of it. He also had to stop Gob from breaking the kitchen counter with his bottles. He got out a bottle opener, then they went to sit in the living room.


	6. Love Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Gob reconnect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story I'm assuming that Lucille's trial took place sometime in 2008, because Lucille Austero's checkbook showed a note about buying all those juice boxes for Buster. Lucille 2 wrote Michael a check for $700,000 on May 1, 2008, so I would think the trial was either upcoming or recent relative to that date.
> 
> The reason I moved Michael from the original model home into another house is because there's a continuity disconnect between when Maeby got fired and when Michael left Sudden Valley. She was fired, went to the penthouse to mope, and then was chased out by Lindsay's arrival with Marky and the ostrich; it looked to me like all this happened within days of Lucille's trial. Yet Michael doesn't leave Sudden Valley until Thanksgiving 2011, so how did Maeby sneak in and continue living there without him knowing? So that's why I moved him out to a different Sudden Valley house.

Over drinks, Gob told Michael that the televised wedding illusion had not gone according to plan. Yes he had planned to escape the marriage and not return two weeks later, but he couldn't unlock his cuffs in the cave, and he got knocked unconscious. So he got trapped in the boulder for two weeks, and he missed Lucille's trial while recovering in the hospital.

Michael said, "I still don't understand why they didn't visit you in the hospital. I read that nobody showed up to Mom's trial. Where did they all go if they didn't visit you?"

Gob said, "I don't know. None of them came to my wedding either, except Tobias as an actor, and he kept messing up his lines. They just don't care about me, I guess."

"Oh Gob." Michael patted his arm comfortingly, and he tried to cheer him up. "Well, you sure showed them. You're rich and famous now."

Gob nodded, feeling better now that Michael acknowledged his success. "Yeah. I go with the entourage everywhere. We party all the time, and have drunk orgies with pills and..."

"Don't need to hear more," Michael interrupted and withdrew his hand. He knew that Gob didn't belong to him, but it still hurt to hear how he'd moved on.

Seeing Michael turn away, Gob frowned and began to feel the shame creeping up on him again. The feeling had become all too familiar to him on many mornings lately, and he'd taken forget-me-nows to erase it.

"Gob? Gob? You zoned out for a moment. Are you okay?"

"Of course! I'm fine," he said with his usual bravado. Then he noticed that Michael was touching him again in the effort to rouse him, and he grasped Michael's arms in return.

The touch sent a thrill through Michael, though he still watched him with concern.

"Mikey." He pulled him close and kissed him.

Michael melted in his arms, and clung to him.

"I missed you, Mikey."

"Gob." It had been so long, that he hardly dared believe it was happening.

Gob started to undo Michael's belt, and he asked, "You still have that Franklin CD?" He wanted to make love to his brother to the music.

Michael said, "I left it in the attic in the other house. But I-I don't have a CD player anymore."

"I've got one in the limo," Gob said, starting to get up from the couch. He took Michael by the hand and started to leave the house.

"Do you have condoms--?" But Michael stopped. Of course he did, if he had orgies in the limo. Or else he didn't use any condoms at all and might have who knew what diseases. Michael frowned and stood still in the foyer.

Gob stopped and turned to look at his brother. "I can get some," he offered.

Michael uncomfortably tried to broach the subject of his health. "Gob, all the girls you've..." he trailed off, wondering if Gob had ever been with other guys.

Gob had a flash of memory of his mirror with the lipstick message on it. He knew he should tell Michael about it, but he didn't want Michael to look at him judgmentally and make him feel ashamed again. "We'll get condoms," he repeated. "Don't worry."

Michael met his eyes but still hesitated. He shrugged in disbelief. "All the sex you're having lately, and you still want more from me?"

Gob nodded and came closer. It's not just sex he wants. It's company, it's someone knowing how to say his name right, it's sharing memories, and having family again. Michael was the only one of the family who ever loved him, period, let alone in this incestuous way. He needed to feel that love again to drive away the darkness. Gob didn't know how to articulate this, so he hugged Michael and started singing one of those love songs again, from the CD. Trying to remember the words after so long.

Instead of making Michael feel better, it made him sad. "Do you love me, Gob? Really want me back? Or are you just missing me and want to have one night of fun?"

Gob said, "It doesn't have to be one night, Michael. I could drive here all the time."

"That's my point. Are we just going to be a secret fling again? I'm just convenient to you?"

Gob frowned and asked, "What, you wanna get married or something? I don't even think that's legal."

"No I know." Michael pulled away and returned to the couch in frustration. Why was he sounding like the "nagging wife" that Gob so often accused him of being?

"Then what?" Gob asked, sitting down also. "You wanna tell George Michael about us?" He was the only other family member that Gob had any contact with lately, because he sent him his Segway.

Michael shook his head. "No, he wouldn't understand. No, I don't mean that, Gob. Look, I just don't want to be here alone, and you off having orgies with whoever."

"Oh so you're jealous. But I can't quit my job, Michael."

"You don't have to quit," Michael said. "Just stop doing the orgies part. Can't you do that at least? For me?"

Gob thought about it and shrugged. He guessed that it wasn't technically a part of his job to have orgies. And maybe they weren't worth it, if he was always ashamed afterward. Still he didn't like it when Michael nagged him and controlled him. "But I could still watch them," he said, "from the front of the limo. And then they'd be doing it back at the house too."

"But if you didn't do anything with them..." Michael said. "If you didn't get drunk, because you had to drive..."

"Or if I called you on the phone, and you talked dirty until I could come see you again."

Michael looked up at this. Gob's suggestion sounded like a good compromise, a way to check up on him, if not for one fatal flaw. "The phones don't work here. I guess I could go somewhere else." He wondered vaguely if the penthouse was empty, and he could call from there. But wait, was Buster still living there? Was Dad still in the desert because of the divorce? Michael had completely lost track of the family, other than knowing that Lucille was in prison now, after losing her trial last year.

Gob said, "You could get a hotel room. You could be near me, instead of out here. Why do you stay here, Michael?"

Michael wondered that sometimes himself. If he admitted that Sudden Valley was a failure, he could leave and try to get another job. But what?

Gob offered, "I'd get you a place somewhere close, and then I could see you all the time. I've got money for it."

Michael thought about being kept like a mistress. And yet, in a way it was a romantic gesture. It was Gob trying to be faithful to him as he'd asked. He shrugged. "Maybe. And while I'm there, I could look for work. Or I could go back to school. Be a maritime lawyer."

Gob laughed affectionately, and pulled him near for a kiss.

Michael snuggled close to him on the couch. "You really love me?"

Gob started singing the song to him again.

"I love you," Michael whispered against his shoulder.

That was it. That was what Gob ached for. He lay him down on the couch and looked in his eyes. "Tell me again."

"I love you."

It made Gob emotional and clingy. "You're the only one. The only one."

Michael knew that was a lie; they'd just been talking about his orgies. But maybe Gob meant Michael was the only one who mattered emotionally, the one he loved.

Soon they were kissing and undressing again, forgetting for the moment about condoms.

Suddenly, they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"What?" Michael couldn't believe it, after not having a customer for so long. "Who the fuck?"

Gob got off him and they scrambled to get dressed.

Michael was mad enough that he might refuse his first ever opportunity for a sale. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Pete."


	7. Pete the Mailman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the confusing things about season 4, albeit a minor issue, is why Gob remembers Pete the mailman enough to bring his giant glittery cross to Sudden Valley as a memorial to Pete. Gob hasn't lived in Sudden Valley in years. Why does he remember this mailman, and why did the mailman say "Love each other" as he lay dying?
> 
> Also there's a continuity error, in that a mail truck with a R.I.Pete sign drives by the funeral of Lindsay and Tobias's realtor, implying that Pete died in 2008, or at least before Lucille's trial. Yet Michael doesn't move into the UC Irvine dorm until Thanksgiving 2011. That doesn't make sense, so I'm going to move Pete's death to 2011 to make things consistent. There's more stuff here about Maeby in the model home too.

"Pete?" Michael opened the door, almost ready to yell at his mailman.

Pete was his usual cheerful self, grinning. "Congratulations."

"What?"

"Your visitor. Must be rich if they came by limo." He gestured to the car out front. "I wouldn't have interrupted, but it was blocking your mailbox. I also wanted to see how you're doing. Did you make a sale yet?"

Gob was getting impatient and jealous, so he came to the door. "Who's this guy?"

"It's Pete the mailman," Michael said, although the uniform made it obvious. He regretted the fact that he so often talked the mailman into chatting with him to relieve his loneliness, and in return the mailman felt free to come chat with him now.

Pete handed over the mail to Michael and said, "Hey I know you. You're Gob."

Gob was pleased to be recognized. "Yeah that's me."

Pete continued, "You used to live here sometimes, back when there was only one house." He remembered delivering mail to him, such as Gob's S.A.D. letter and his divorce papers.

"Yeah," Gob said, not really remembering the mailman, but going along.

"So you must be really successful now. That's great. Now you can help out your brother here. Are you going to buy a house?"

Gob shook his head, and slid an arm around Michael. "No, I'm taking Michael away. He's going to come with me and get a place in Malibu."

"Oh." Pete shrugged. "Well, whatever helps out. I told this guy he should get in touch with his family again, but did he listen? No." They'd had many discussions about Michael quitting the family, forcing the Fünkes to move out and get their own house. Then after the housing market collapse, Pete told Michael many times to give up on Sudden Valley and make up with his estranged family. "He's too stubborn and proud."

"Yeah he's such an idiot," Gob said in the indulgent tone of an older brother who was always right.

Michael rolled his eyes but didn't make Gob remove his arm. Pete might see the touch as brotherly.

Pete said, "I'm glad he's got you now. Family's gotta love each other, you know?"

"Hey, that's my saying! I use that in my magic."

Pete nodded. "Yeah I saw that in your wedding thing on TV last year. Too bad it didn't work. I told this guy to go see you, but did he listen? No."

Michael looked embarrassed and half-ashamed. "Yeah, I told Gob I was sorry."

"Good." Pete said, "Anyway, I guess I won't have to drive out here anymore. Make sure you give us a forwarding address when you move."

"Yeah, okay," Michael answered.

"Good luck." Pete started to leave for his mail truck.

"Bye!" Gob shut the door. "Cool guy."

"Yeah, I'm sorry for the interruption."

"It's okay." Gob pulled him closer and kissed him.

Unknown to them, though, Pete could see them. This front door, unlike the one at the model home, had clear glass panels instead of frosted glass, and Pete had turned back to wave goodbye to them. They didn't see him staring, and Pete stood there blinking for a bit. Finally he decided that he should pretend he saw nothing, and he hurried away to his mail truck. If Michael was moving out, then it wasn't like he'd ever need to see them again. It was still very shocking, though, and he regretted using the phrase "love each other."

Inside, Michael and Gob still embraced. Gob thought about his failed Jesus resurrection illusion with the giant glittery cross, and he said, "I wish you had been at my wedding, Michael. You could have stopped them and rescued me." After all, Michael had unburied him when his coffin illusion failed at the wake years ago.

Michael said sadly, "But I couldn't come, Gob, or be best man. She was George Michael's ex. But I guess I could have asked Pete to show me his videotape of it, and I could have listened to him when he said to visit you in the hospital. I'm sorry."

Gob shrugged and nuzzled his face. If Michael had never left the family, or more specifically, never left him, things would be so different now. He possibly would never have met Mark Cherry's entourage at the bar, and yet, having Michael around might have been worth it. In any case, he wanted to get back to fucking his brother senseless. "Where's the nearest place that sells condoms?" Gob asked.

Michael shrugged and told him of a store he knew within bicycling distance.

"Come on then," Gob pulled him outside and started for the limo.

"We don't need the limo," Michael said. "It's not that far."

"We do if we're going to use the CD player." Gob pulled him along and had him sit in the front of the car with him. "Let's get the CD first."

Gob drove them to the old model home in another part of the neighborhood. Unknown to the brothers, the house wasn't abandoned.

Maeby had been squatting there since 2008, after Gangie's trial, and after she got fired from Imagine Entertainment. She always took care to avoid being spotted by her uncle who lived nearby, lest he try to force her to go back to one of her runaway parents. Many times Michael's long conversations with Pete the mailman provided just the distraction that Maeby needed to leave unseen on a bicycle. Maeby kept enrolling in the local high schools under aliases, and she lived off her royalty checks from past movies she'd done. Sometimes she'd do a Surely Fünke con for more cash if an opportunity presented itself. Whenever she got her mail from the penthouse, Maeby took care that her mother and her activist boyfriend didn't see her; it helped that Marky Bark had face blindness and never recognized her.

Luckily, Maeby was in school right now, so her uncles didn't discover her, nor she them. They went inside the model home and up to the attic. Michael searched for the CD while Gob looked around curiously for Franklin. "Do you know what happened to him?"

"No, I thought you took him to your apartment with the bees or something." Michael had been surprised when Gob got himself an apartment for once, instead of keeping his _C-word_ yacht. But clearly bees should not be kept in either an apartment or a yacht.

"Oh, maybe I did," Gob said. "Or I left him on the yacht. I wish I could remember." His memory only got worse, the more he took his forget-me-nows. He couldn't even remember the last time that he'd used the pills for magic shows instead of his shame.

Michael asked, "Are you sure you're all right, Gob?" He had been concerned by Gob zoning out before. Maybe he ought to take Gob to a hospital just in case.

Gob just grinned and pulled Michael close. "Yeah, I'm great. Now I got you again, and you'll come home with me..." He shrugged. "I mean, I don't think Mark Cherry will let you live at the house, but maybe you can meet them or something."

"Maybe," Michael said. "But if you introduce me as your brother, we'll have to watch our behavior around them."

Gob shrugged and kissed him. "They'll be sleeping off most of the days anyway. Then we can be alone."

"Yeah." Michael said, "You know, you still haven't told me how you met these kids."

"Oh I didn't?" So Gob told Michael about what happened in the hospital, and about meeting his son Steve Holt at the bar. Then he stayed and met Mark Cherry and the entourage, who liked magic. He helped them escape the paparazzi and joined them in the limo. "Then he called me Getaway, and that's what they all call me now."

"You mean, you've been with them since then? You never met up with Steve Holt again, not even to apologize?"

Gob shrugged. "I passed by the Pest Control place the next morning, but I couldn't stop. He calls me sometimes, but I don't need that job anymore. I've got plenty of money to pay for the bee hospital now."

"That's great," Michael said sarcastically. "I'm sure Steve Holt would love to hear that." Michael wondered how Gob could spend all his time with those celebrity kids instead of his actual kid. "He's your son," he tried to make Gob understand.

Gob said, "He sure doesn't look like it anymore. I couldn't recognize him!"

Michael thought that Gob must be exaggerating about how Steve Holt had changed, and he asked, "Hey did he ever go in the army, like he signed up to do? Maybe that's what aged him. Poor kid."

Gob told him to stop being a "nagging wife" again, then changed the subject, "How's George Michael by the way? Did he like the Segway I sent him?"

"You sent him your Segway?"

"Yeah. I don't need it because I've got my limo now."

"Well I haven't had a letter from him recently." George Michael had to write and mail letters, since his father had no phone and internet access in Sudden Valley. "He's probably just busy studying."

Gob speculated, "Maybe he's attracting a lot of girls with his cool new ride."

Michael hoped not. "Grades come before girls."

Gob stared at him. "Why do you still listen to Dad, if you're out of the family?"

Michael frowned and realized that he was still constantly repeating things Dad had told him when he was growing up. "Sorry. Force of habit." He said, "Remind me to give George Michael my new address." Although he wondered how he would explain moving and letting Gob support him. Well, George Michael had accepted the gift of the Segway, so there couldn't be hard feelings anymore. He would say that Gob was an exception to the "out of the family" thing. From what Gob had said, the family had practically abandoned Gob for over a year.

If they were both effectively "out of the family", then maybe they could be something else. Something like what Michael had wanted during their first affair. He hoped so.

Michael found the CD then, and they headed downstairs to the limo. Gob put the CD in and played it as they drove to the store. At first it was just the Franklin songs, and Gob reminisced about the puppet, before he sang along to the love ballads.


	8. Shameless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onscreen, we are shown Gob's roofie circle lasting only about four months, with the passage of holidays at the Mexican store. Yet stage four syphilis only develops if untreated for at least 3 years, so there must have been some kind of time-jump. I'm going to assume that Gob is currently in the 3rd or "latent" stage of syphilis where symptoms aren't visible, and that his collapse happened in early 2012 before the Opie Awards. The night before the Opies, Gob's mirror has been partly cleaned of the lipstick message, suggesting that he broke the circle when he got treated at the Mexican hospital.

Michael used to worry about Gob treating Franklin like he was a real person, but living alone in Sudden Valley for so long had changed his perspective. He could understand now Gob's need for a friend to talk to, when he was constantly rejected by family, and also fought with Michael often. Maybe it was like when George Sr. started talking to the dolls while hiding in the attic. When you had nothing to do and no company at all, you had to make your own. Michael often felt like he would have gone crazy if he didn't have Pete to talk to. Even hearing Pete tell him to cave and go back to his family was better than having nobody to argue with.

So as the Franklin CD played on the limo's speakers, Michael could look back on Franklin with some nostalgia, even though he was glad that Gob had been able to successfully move on without the puppet.

At the store, Gob turned the engine off but left the CD playing as he parked. "Wait here." He gave Michael a kiss then headed inside. So Michael waited, glad that the tinted windows hid his disheveled appearance. He had to remember to change out of his grass-stained clothes before going to whatever hotel Gob had in mind. Gob's clothes were stained during their fight too, but he could carry it off with his easy confidence.

When Gob returned, he had evidently bought some liquor as well as condoms. Gob asked him to open the back door, so Michael got out and did so.

Then Gob handed him a case and asked him to refill the liquor compartment inside. So Michael climbed into the cabin and began reloading the bottles, while Gob joined him with the other shopping bag. However, when Gob shut the door, he locked all the doors, then flipped open some kind of remote control panel. Lowering the partition, he selected a love song from the CD, then pulled Michael close for a deeper kiss.

"Gob?"

"Yeah, I got some," Gob said, showing him the bag with condoms and lube. Why did Michael have to nag him, like he forgot?

"No, I mean--not here?" He was surprised that Gob was seriously this impatient for sex, given how promiscuous he'd been.

Gob pressed him against the seat cushions and started to pull up his white t-shirt. "Not enough room in the front seat, Mikey."

Michael stopped his hands. "I mean, here in this parking lot, in the middle of the afternoon."

"The windows are tinted. Nobody can see us."

"I know, but I-I don't want to do it here." He couldn't help imagining the various orgies that must have taken place in this limo. "Can't we go back to the house?"

"You said you didn't have a CD player."

"Yeah, but I thought you maybe had a portable player that we could take inside the house."

Gob shook his head. "No, just this." He started singing along with the CD and nuzzled his neck.

Michael said, "I'd rather go back to the house."

Gob pulled back and pouted. "I thought you liked my CD, Mikey?" Had he just been lying again, when Gob made him listen to the whole thing years ago?

"No, I do. I just--not here. This is Newport Beach, Gob, not Hollywood."

Gob kissed him coaxingly. "Come on, Mikey."

Michael said, "Please, let's just go back to Sudden Valley. We can stay in the limo, but it'll be more private there. Please, Gob."

"Fine." Gob reluctantly released Michael, then climbed over the open partition to the driver's seat. He started the engine and drove them back to the house while Michael remained behind him. In the mirror, Michael could see that Gob was irritated.

"I'm sorry, Gob. I'm nervous. It's been so long since we were together, and I don't think we were ever that public before."

Gob shrugged and thawed a little. "We had to sneak around."

Michael nodded. "Yeah, for our insane family, and the damn company, and the stocks and shit like that."

Gob was surprised by Michael's bitterness, though of course his brother did curse as much as most of the family. Gob became pensive, and he asked, "But if we didn't have to sneak around... you wouldn't be ashamed of me, would you?"

"Ashamed? No." Michael leaned forward and looked at him squarely in the mirror. "Gob, if you weren't my brother, I'd have been with you. I'd have stayed. If you'd been adopted instead of Lindsay--"

"Thanks a lot!" Gob interrupted. As if he didn't feel excluded from the family already.

Michael looked apologetic. "Or if I'd been adopted. God knows they forgot my birthday enough times. Either way. If I could have been with you openly, Gob, I would have. I'd have tried to fight for you, and made that stupid Egg go away. Why'd you ever have to date her, or get engaged, or anything?"

Gob looked touched by his jealousy, and he shrugged. "I thought you wanted me to change, Michael. That sign from God, you know."

"I'm sorry I ever said that." What did he know about God anyway? They were committing sins just being together, and their family had never been sincerely religious.

Gob smiled, but said nothing as he parked the limo outside Michael's current house. He left the CD playing again, then returned to the backseat via the doors this time.

He embraced Michael and kissed him softly. "Better now?"

Michael nodded. "Yeah. Thank you." Though it was still the middle of the afternoon, the streets were more deserted here, and he knew that Pete had already made his delivery for the day.

"Good." So Gob started undressing him and kissing him feverishly.

Michael was still somewhat nervous, but he tried to forget about past orgies in order to just focus on the present. Gob had come back to him at long last, and they could be happy.

"Michael." Gob pressed him against the backseat and loved how much he could remember of his brother's body. He could never be ashamed of this.

"Gob." Michael unbuttoned his silk shirt and sighed against his warm skin. He'd missed this so much. Even just the smell of Gob brought back many sensuous memories.

Soon they got naked and started to open the packages of condoms and lube. Michael leaned back, propping one leg upon the limo's sideways seat. It had been a long time for him, though, and Gob was careful preparing him. Michael joked that if it was like riding a bike, then he should be able to get back on easily enough.

"Oh, you want a ride, then?" So Gob sat back and pulled Michael onto his lap.

Michael was quite turned on, kissing him eagerly while Gob put on a condom. Then Gob raised him up by the hips, positioned him, and gently lowered him down.

Michael moaned loudly and closed his eyes, clinging to the back of the seat. "Oh Gob," this was far better than any bicycle ride he'd taken lately.

"Mikey." Gob soon let gravity take over and shifted Michael's legs on either side of him. He loved how familiar Michael felt inside, and he kissed his neck while singing to him.

Michael sank down slowly, then stopped to catch his breath. When he did, he met Gob's eyes and kissed him passionately. Gob ran fingers through his hair and spanked him with his other hand. It sent a thrill through Michael, who started to move now. Gob helped him lift up higher and find a good angle.

"You love me?" he asked, while fondling him.

"Yes." As he got looser and looser, Michael moved faster, so Gob stroked him at the same pace. Michael came first, because it had been so long for him. "Oh God!"

"Mikey." Gob let him finish, then lay him down against the seat again. Sliding back in, Gob fucked him hard and fast, rocking the limo in rhythm with his thrusts. It was so good and so hot. So them.

Michael opened his eyes so he wouldn't miss the look on Gob's face. He thought he'd never see it again.

Gob shuddered and collapsed against his brother. The CD was now playing one of those Franklin duets, and it was quite incongruous.

Michael smiled and just kissed him. Gob had surely never played this CD during one of his orgies before, and surely it meant that Michael was far more special to him.

Gob laughed a little, then asked, "You good, Mikey?" He cautiously slipped out of him and threw away the condom in a hidden trash compartment.

"Yeah."

Gob asked if he wanted a drink now, then he opened a bottle and poured a glass for him.

Michael sat up and drank it, while he watched Gob fiddling with the controls again to shut off the CD player. It was still a novelty to him being in a limo like this, though he would still prefer not to repeat this experience if those pop stars were going to keep using this limo for orgies. He figured that he and Gob could buy a CD player and keep to the hotel room from now on.

Gob sat with him and kissed him, then shared the drink too.

After a moment, Michael said he needed a shower and a change of clothes. 

"Okay." So Gob gathered up their scattered clothes, and they dressed haphazardly. He took the car keys and checked his watch, then went with Michael back to the house.

It was still the middle of the afternoon, and neither of them realized that Maeby just got home from school and had seen the limo parked in front of Michael's house. She had worried about whether her uncle had somehow managed to sell a house, so she hid with her bicycle behind a fence so that she could see what happened. She got more than she bargained for when she saw the limo rocking, and realized that somebody was having sex inside. When she saw that her two uncles came out of the limo, Maeby shrieked and nearly dropped her bike in shock.

Fortunately they mistook her shriek for some vulture and did not investigate. The birds had been circling and sometimes landing in Sudden Valley for years now.

Maeby watched her uncles disappear into the house, then decided that she better leave before they returned. Maeby rode quickly back to the model home and wondered whether she would have to pack her things and move again. Also, when the hell did that happen between Uncle Mike and Uncle Gob? She thought that they hated each other. But then Maeby dimly remembered an incident several years ago when Uncle Mike went on a romance package at a spa with her own father Tobias. That had been very disturbing to hear about, so she had tried to block it out with denial, and thankfully Uncle Mike went back to dating women soon afterward. But it now appeared that Uncle Mike had switched teams again, and somehow made up with Uncle Gob in a very, very non-brotherly way.

Maeby shook her head. She would never understand her uncles, it seemed. She went upstairs and packed as much stuff as she could, figuring that she needed to be ready just in case she was forced out of the model home. Or else, maybe she could blackmail her uncles if they did discover and confront her. But did she want to still live in Sudden Valley, if they were going to be doing that all the time? Maybe she could convince them to pay for her to have a decent apartment, instead of living in this shithole. So Maeby packed, then went downstairs to have dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By "sideways seat" I mean the seat that Josh Abramson sat on when Gob joined the entourage as Getaway.
> 
> Also, just to be clear, Michael never had sex with Tobias, but Maeby mistakenly thinks that he did because of the romance package in season 2.


	9. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gob also knows about Michael going on a romance package with Tobias in season 2, because he saw them in a tent in bathrobes together. Assume that Gob and Michael talked in private after leaving the spa that day. In season 3, in the MR F episode, Michael pointed out that Rita was not a man, but Gob responded "As far as you know." In season 4 at the Little Ballroom, Gob also implied that Rebel Alley might be a man.

Inside the house, Michael took Gob upstairs and they got into the shower together, washing and kissing each other sensuously. When they finished and dried off, Michael offered to loan Gob some clothes, and Gob put on Michael's bathrobe, which given his greater height, was slightly short on him. He pulled it up even shorter as he sat on the bed and crossed his legs, while watching Michael dress.

"You've been alone all this time?" Gob asked him. In his opinion, Michael was too hot to be alone for three years, although perhaps he might have had another abortive relationship without sex, like with Rita.

Michael said, "Well, even if I'd had money to date, Gob, it turns out that a lot of women are turned off when a grown man only owns a bicycle." The staircar hadn't been a babe magnet, either, except for Beth Baerly. He thought of past disasters with girlfriends, and he shrugged in defeat. "I probably would have fucked it up anyway."

"Well, yeah." Obviously. Still, Gob remained curious. "But that's it? You couldn't find a guy who wanted to... give you a ride?" His innuendo was not subtle at all. Although Gob always denied being gay himself, he sometimes mocked Michael about his own use of the word bisexual, mostly by suggesting that the women Michael dated were secretly men.

He even once caught Michael enjoying a romance package at a hotel spa with Tobias, which Michael explained afterward was not a date, but which Gob suspected was at least an attempt to make him jealous. (Then they got into another fight over Gob sleeping with Lucille 2, with Gob claiming that he didn't do any worse than what Michael had tried to do, by driving her in his Corvette and taking her to a nightclub to get her to sell back the Bluth Company shares. Michael insisted that he wouldn't have gone further on the date, and that Gob stopped her from selling the shares, and he was a selfish cheating bastard, and blah blah blah.) Anyway, Gob almost expected to see Michael with another man since then.

Michael just finished buttoning his shirt, and he hesitated to answer. In the last couple of years, he had actually considered dating men, to see if it would get him over his brother, but his heart had never been in it, and he didn't feel comfortable in gay bars anyway. Michael sighed and finally said, "They weren't you."

Gob looked pleased, and he pulled Michael down to sit with him on the bed. "See, that's what I mean, Michael. This is just about you and me, and how our family fucked us up. It's only brotherly love. It's not gay." That was how Gob always denied being gay.

Michael didn't see any point in arguing with him, so he hugged his brother and nodded.

Gob kissed him and changed the subject. "So you haven't had a car since George Michael took the staircar to college? Should I get you a car?"

Michael sat back in surprise. Was Gob really that rich, or had he just become casual with money, like in the old days when the Bluths were wealthy and treated the business like a personal bank account? "You don't have to."

Gob shrugged. "Well, it's just that I'll be driving Mark Cherry around, and you'll be out looking for a job."

"Yeah, a car might help," he admitted. In a way, it could make up for Gob always getting company cars from Dad and Stan Sitwell.

"Do you want a cellphone too? And I could put you on my credit card."

Michael frowned and stood up anxiously. "Well, I--you sure you can afford...?" He turned away in embarrassment. This was weird and foreign, having Gob provide for him like this, so he focused on it being only a temporary situation. "I'll pay you back as soon as I can." If he could get a new career, then he could contribute his fair share, and maybe they could eventually get a place together, instead of having to live separately.

"Hey relax, guy," Gob said, and got up to stop Michael pacing around. "I'm just paying you back, you know, for all the stuff you've ever done for me. You're my hermano." He also enjoyed having this kind of power.

"Yeah, I-I know." Michael remembered how, three years ago at the family meeting, Dad had accused him of never accepting help from anybody. So he tried to swallow his pride and just accept Gob's generosity. "All right. Okay. Thanks Gob." Michael kissed him and softly called him "my hermano" too.

Gob smiled and nuzzled him, smelling his hair.

Michael relaxed in his arms and asked Gob when he wanted to leave for Malibu. "Are we going tonight? 'Cause I'll need to pack my stuff, and maybe we should stay for dinner."

"Hmm? Oh." Gob checked his watch and frowned. "Actually I can't stay now, Mikey. I gotta leave for Mexico, if I want to get back in time."

"Mexico? What for?"

Gob went into Michael's closet to pick out some clean clothes to borrow. "Oh it's my usual trip, Mikey. I'm all out of forget-me-nows." The pills were of course illegal, and this Mexican store was Gob's reliable source.

"What?" Michael did remember that Gob often used the pills years ago, but he hardly expected Gob to still be making such trips now that he was living with the entourage.

Gob started to change out of the bathrobe. "Hey can you wash our clothes and pack your stuff while I'm gone? Then I can change again when I get back, and we'll be ready to go."

Michael was still hung up on his previous statement. "Gob, wait, you're not using those pills as roofies for real? Are you drugging girls for those orgies?" He should have suspected so when Gob mentioned pills before, but he had guessed that they might have been other illicit drugs abused by Hollywood celebrities. And they might not have come from Gob.

Gob shrugged and didn't see what the big deal was. "They're celebrities, Michael. Girls would throw themselves at Mark Cherry no matter what."

"But are you being their drug dealer, Gob, and committing felonies? Exactly how old are these kids anyway, having drunk orgies with pills?" 

Gob didn't appreciate Michael trying to judge him and make him feel ashamed. He always had to rebel whenever Michael lectured him like this, so he decided to fudge the truth. (Not that he was really sure that he was actually lying. Gob didn't have a very clear idea of the current date.) "They're 21, and they pick up girls from Hollywood bars and clubs. So they gotta all be old enough to drink and fuck as much as they want."

Michael was somewhat relieved, but he pointed out, "Illegal drugs are always illegal, no matter what the age."

"And we're always illegal, too, Michael, but we fuck anyway."

Michael felt that like a slap in the face. One minute Gob would incorrectly call this "brotherly love" and the next it was just "fucking" again, like it had no meaning to him.

Gob saw that his brother looked hurt, and he felt regret, then shame...

Michael didn't notice Gob's frozen state because he had turned away. He retreated to his bed and drew up his knees to his chin, hugging himself.

When Gob came out of it, he found himself alone in the closet, so he followed after Michael. Seeing him on the bed, Gob sat close and started to sing a love song, but Michael didn't want to hear it.

He shook his head and whispered sadly, "We know each other, Gob. We don't have to be drugged or even drunk. We don't--we're not hurting anybody." In fact it felt like making up for all the hurt that their parents had caused them over the years. It felt like home and tenderness and love. If only Gob would say he felt the same.

Gob knew better than to tell Michael that he'd swallowed a forget-me-now on their first night together at the hotel. His brother would misinterpret that as shame and regret about them. Gob couldn't actually recall why he'd taken a pill that night, anyway. He could only guess that he felt humiliated by the failed bachelor party frame-up but took his pill too late to erase that part. He only knew that he never would have willingly erased his first night with Michael. Not sure what to say instead, Gob caressed his face tenderly.

"Mikey." God, he wanted to know what it felt like, that first kiss, that first moment that Michael showed that he loved him, despite all the conditioning that their parents had done to them. Sometimes Gob thought that if he had the memory back, then he could drive away the darkness for good.

Michael waited for Gob to say something more, but when he didn't, Michael pleaded again, "Do you love me?"

Gob hugged him close and tried to kiss him, but Michael pulled away.

"Tell me. Say it please."

Gob hesitated, feeling at a loss since Michael had refused both his song and his kiss. The problem was, that he had experienced so little love in his life that he wasn't sure how to define it or recognize it in himself. Michael once told Gob that he might feel love for his son Steve Holt, and yet it was the opposite of an erection. It scared him to feel his heart get hard, and so he often ran away from his son.

Similarly, he didn't know really what it was he felt for Michael. Yes, he felt it in his heart, but often it was frustrating and painful, with the way they fought so much and betrayed each other. It felt somewhat like the desperate craving for affection and approval which he always felt around his parents. It also felt like an ache to be respected and looked up to, which he had wanted from Buster and Lindsay, as well as Michael's son George Michael. It partly felt like needing a friend to talk to and get drunk with, like Franklin. Sometimes it felt like an annoying obligation, always having to listen to Michael nag him about stuff. Finally there was this forbidden lust, this passionate incest that they always knew was wrong, and yet they didn't care. The sin only made them hotter for each other, as if trying to get revenge on their parents together. Gob didn't think it made him gay, because he had never been emotionally involved with a man other than Michael; it was just a physical thing, just a job now and then back when he followed people to their cars for money. Though Gob used many of the same sexual skills, it was not like him and Michael. Many nights he would fuck his brother and kiss scars on his body that he remembered giving him back when they were kids trying to kill each other. It was so confusing and special and different from the rest of their family.

"It's brotherly love," he said, inadequately, but Michael shook his head.

He insisted, "That's not what that means."

Gob knew that. But what else could he call it? Michael always called this love, but it seemed like he was just simplifying it and making their affair like any other romantic relationship that didn't involve family. To Gob, the family part was key. It was the reason for this strange mixture of love and hate, comfort and pain, because that's what family did to you. And you couldn't walk away from family, even if you told yourself you should stop caring if your parents hate you, or if your brother still hasn't forgiven you for setting Tracey's hair on fire. Pretending that you didn't care would never stop you from craving their love, even when they weren't around. Michael did not seem to understand family, what with his resolve to be out of the family. He didn't see that this was impossible and futile.

"Michael, you're my brother. My hermano. I need you. I want you. I can't--" The words wouldn't come; his emotions were tangled up too much for him to unravel. Finally Gob remembered what Pete had pointed out about his Amazing Jesus motto, that it applied to families as much as to random audience members. Families had to love each other; they had to, even if Michael went around claiming he was done with them. Gob told him, "We love each other."

Michael looked into his eyes, and he finally accepted that effort, since it equated their feelings. Gob already knew how he felt, and he was admitting that he felt the same. So Michael kissed him and let Gob embrace him again. "My hermano."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark Cherry said he was 23 when Tobias asked him his age at the Austerity Clinic. That was in 2012, so in 2009, he should be 20, still underage for drinking, but not underage for consensual sex. I will assume that the other members of the entourage are about the same age.
> 
> Maeby should be 20 also, given that her ID in the bar showed her real age to be 23 in 2012. (Although it doesn't quite match her previous birthdate listed on her marriage certificate in season 3.)


	10. Human Touch

Gob kept kissing him, and he moved Michael's knees out of the way so he could half sit on him. Then the kisses became more than mere comfort, and he passionately pressed Michael down on the bed. He nibbled Michael's ear and slid his knee between his legs

Michael groaned beneath him, and said, "God, you're insatiable." Maybe it was just the years apart, or how Gob got used to having constant sex with the entourage, but he seemed to recover quickly, like in the old days when they were younger. Michael was eager to keep up with him, for he was plenty horny from being alone so long. Getting off by himself would never be the same as actually having Gob in his arms.

Gob started undressing Michael, and he liked the way he smelled, fresh from the shower. This bedroom looked enough like Michael's master bedroom at the model home that he found the idea of doing him here exciting. The one place they could never risk being together was at the model home, and he said with a laugh, "No more George Michael down the hall."

"Yeah," Michael smiled back. The Fünkes living in the house had been an obstacle too, but Michael had always been most concerned about traumatizing his son.

Michael started to unbutton Gob's shirt, which was actually his own borrowed shirt. He was glad that Gob hadn't put on a t-shirt beneath, and he could already feel his chest hair and muscles once again.

Gob was undoing his belt when he paused. "Damn, the CD's in the limo." Then he also remembered, "You don't even have a player."

Michael suggested, "We don't need it this time, do we?" After all, they had sex many times before Gob ever made the CD for him. And Gob could sing the songs himself, if he insisted. "But you should go get the condoms. I only have lube here."

"Oh, right." Gob felt slightly guilty about being reminded of why he couldn't risk infecting Michael.

Michael frowned and also tried not to think about the orgies with the entourage and pills. He didn't want to ruin the mood now, and he thought he could talk to Gob some more about the forget-me-nows later.

Gob decided once again not to tell Michael about the syphilis, but as he got up to go to the limo, he glanced at his watch and realized how late he was. "Damn, I forgot about Mexico."

Michael sat up and protested, "No, Gob, don't go."

"But I have to, Michael. I'm already running late, and I gotta get back in time tonight."

"But why do you have to? You don't need those pills."

Gob got dressed anyway, though he did realize that Michael might think he was ashamed of him. "I wouldn't use them to forget you. I never would."

"I know. Then why do you have to get them for those kids?"

Gob shrugged, really not having time for this argument. "It's not for them. It's my prescription." He often got annoyed if one of the entourage borrowed the drugs that he'd paid for. "I just--even when I just drive them around and wait in the car, they'll already have their own pills to get high on. And the girls..." Gob couldn't even remember what exactly happened with them, only that it must be shameful if he took the pills to forget. "It's just Hollywood, Michael. I mean, Lindsay Lohan's a hot mess, and that's normal for celebrities. Besides, I take the pills afterward, not during the sex. It's so I can sleep."

Michael considered that Gob might be telling the truth about only drugging himself, but Gob's memory could not really be relied upon, and he didn't like the idea that Gob's job was so unpleasant that he constantly needed pills just to get by.

"You shouldn't live with them," Michael said suddenly.

"What?"

Michael nodded. "It's not healthy for you. You should stay at the hotel with me. I can help you sleep. I can help you forget any crap they put you through."

Gob stared at him like he was suggesting the impossible. "I-I can't. They pay me to be there at all hours, and entertain them with magic or stories if they're in the mood. I couldn't live somewhere else, and they really wouldn't let you move in with me." How would he explain having a brother that he fucked? Even if they lied about who Michael was, Gob would have to erase that lipstick message off the bathroom mirror. "If they fire me, then I wouldn't be able to pay for a hotel room and everything else."

"Maybe we could live here instead." Michael thought that Gob's health was worth a sacrifice. "Gob, do you have any savings? What if you quit and went back to your bee business? Or you could do your magic again. Perform illusions at the Gothic Castle instead of for Mark Cherry." Surely Gob's current fame would help, and Michael could try to learn enough to help him develop a new act that could work.

But Gob did not appreciate this suggestion at all. He was surprised and hurt. "You said I didn't have to quit my job, Michael."

"But it makes you unhappy. I want to help you, Gob. Don't you miss doing magic? And why do you keep your bees in the hospital if you're not going to do anything with them? Why not just release them into the wild?"

"Johnny Bark says they're sick, and that bees are endangered or something." He only half remembered now what the tree hugger said, but it was supposedly his fault for using the magic smoke on them. "And I don't have savings, and--" Gob spoke bitterly, "I can't go back to my magic, Michael! My ruined wedding illusion got covered in Poof magazine, and it was all over TV for weeks. I was humiliated in front of all of Christendom."

He was exaggerating, of course, but Michael did feel bad for not being there for his brother. "Oh Gob." He got out of bed and tried to take Gob's hand.

Gob pulled away, though, and he accused, "You're ashamed of me. You said you weren't, but you are. I'm rich and successful, and it's still not good enough for you."

"No, Gob--"

"You just want to control me and change me, 'cause you're still listening to Tracey."

"No, I don't mean--!"

"You can't just love me the way I am. You hate me, just like all of them!" Gob stormed out of the room and down the stairs.

Michael ran after him, but Gob took his keys and exited the house, slamming the door and breaking the glass. Michael had to put on some shoes and step around the shards.

Meanwhile Gob got in the limo and started the engine. However, the Franklin CD began to play again, and he realized that he was still wearing Michael's ill-fitting clothes. He ejected the CD and picked up the nearby CD case to put it away. But then he looked at the card with Michael's face on it and it made him sad. Gob turned off the engine and just sat there miserably.

Michael ran out to the limo, but Gob locked all the doors so he couldn't get in. Michael kept pounding on the door and calling out his name.

Gob turned on the engine again and blasted the radio loudly so he wouldn't have to hear him. He moved to the other seat and sighed, weighing his options.

What was he doing? He only came here to gloat about his success and punish Michael for leaving the family. For leaving him. But somehow Michael manipulated him into feeling shame and loneliness again. He tempted him with his beautiful body, his loving words, and his eyes that relieved the darkness inside him. Gob had made stupid romantic promises, and Michael didn't even properly appreciate that. He still wanted to control him like always. It was this unpleasantly suffocating aspect to Michael's love which had stopped Gob from trying to make up with Michael before now. What did he need with a nagging wife? A ball and chain? It was why he'd planned to escape his wedding too.

Gob knew he shouldn't get tangled up in his brother's life again. He should just leave now and never come back. But Michael had made him very late for Mexico, and he could get fired if he didn't get back in time to Malibu. He needed to change back into his normal clothes, and he needed some pills so he could forget about Michael. Forget this whole disappointing day.

But he could still hear Michael pounding on the window, trying to be heard. Why wouldn't he leave him alone? Gob saw the opened box of condoms in the back, and he felt like shoving them out the window in defiance, so he grabbed the box and pressed the button to lower the window. But before he could throw the box at Michael and shout something about them being over for good, he saw Michael's face, and he stopped.

Michael had been crying, and he looked broken and miserable. Relieved that Gob had lowered the window, he leaned in and clung to the door while he spoke, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't go, Gob. Don't leave me. Please, I..." He knelt by the car and broke down in tears again. "You just came back. You just--Please!"

Dropping the box, Gob turned off the radio and the engine. He didn't say anything at first but he listened to Michael's apologies.

"I love you! I don't hate you. I'm not ashamed of you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I made a mistake. Forgive me. Please."

Gob thought about this and moved tentatively back to the driver's seat. "You really mean it?"

Michael nodded and tried to grab hold of his arms. "I'm sorry! Don't go. I'm not trying to change you like Tracey. I'm not. I love you. I love you so much."

Gob finally let Michael touch him, and he leaned near, feeling the hot tears on Michael's cheeks. Then he pulled him close and tasted the tears. Real. Human. Not like a robot anymore. He kissed Michael's mouth then, and Michael clung to his shoulders.

After a moment Gob pulled away and pushed Michael backwards. Michael panicked for a moment, but saw that Gob was just opening the car door. So he got out of the way, then rushed in to hug him.

Leaving the door open, Gob pulled Michael into his lap and held him, letting Michael cry against his shoulder in relief. He patted his head and frowned; he knew he was getting trapped again, tangled up with his brother because he was too weak to look away from him. Even if he could miraculously get to Mexico in time now, he couldn't just take a pill and forget him.

Gob glanced up in the mirror and looked at the two of them. Such a miserable pair of discarded Bluths. Michael was in many ways still that desperate little boy waiting for his dad to take him fishing, even though he hated fishing, just because he wanted Dad to keep one promise to him. It was so fucked up and typical. So why did Gob have to keep the promise to him? Why did he have to be the one to make Michael feel better, when he himself was hurt that Dad never even told him about the cabin in Lake Tahoe, and never made a promise to him in the first place? How could he fix someone else when he was broken too?

He sighed and kissed Michael's ear as he whispered, "I'm here."

"You won't leave me?"

"No, I won't."

"Oh Gob." Michael hugged him in gratitude.

Gob shrugged in resignation. He couldn't go. He couldn't leave the only family he had left, and the only one that loved him, even in a fucked up way.

When Michael calmed down a little, Gob met his eyes and asked, "Mikey, you still want to come with me, don't you?"

"Yeah." He clung to him desperately.

"Then don't argue with me about my job, okay? You're wrong. It doesn't make me unhappy. I like it. It's great and it's fun. It pays well and I've finally got friends, you know."

Michael tried to believe that, and he kept his doubts about the roofies to himself. Gob had been lonely for so long. He needed friends. "That--that's good."

"Yeah. You've gotta trust me, Mikey. I mean, I'm already giving up the orgies for you, aren't I?"

Michael nodded.

"So don't worry. I don't know why it bothers you anyway. It's no worse than when I was a pimp or a stripper."

Michael considered that. It was also better than Gob following people to their cars. "Yeah. I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm not ashamed of you, Gob," he repeated. "I do love you, just the way you are."

Gob searched in his eyes to be sure that he wasn't lying. They were Bluths after all. Finally he said, "Then I forgive you." Gob gave him a long, deep kiss to show his forgiveness.

Michael melted and let his legs dangle out of the car. He asked in Gob's ear, "Can we go upstairs? I still want you in that bed."

Gob nodded, reaching for the box of condoms. "Well we have time, since I'm not going to Mexico."

"Really?" Michael smiled appreciatively.

Like he had a choice? "Yeah." Gob pushed him off his lap and back toward the house. Then he pulled out the car keys and got out of the limo, shutting the door behind him.

Michael put an arm around him and they walked back to the house.


	11. Moving Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob takes Michael to Malibu, and Michael takes a new name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline on Gob's engagement is weird too. The family meeting apparently took place in May 2006, three months after the Queen Mary hijacking. At some unspecified point after that, Gob announced his wedding illusion on the religious TV show, and then "two weeks later" Gob visited Michael at the model home with the boulder. Is it two weeks after the family meeting, or two weeks after the TV announcement, whenever that was? And why does the wedding apparently not take place until a couple years later during Lucille's trial, if Gob already had the props ready in only two weeks?

At the broken door, Michael got a broom to quickly sweep aside the debris, but he did not stop to really clean up the mess or try to fix the door. He headed upstairs with Gob.

When they had makeup sex in the bed, they both felt a lot better. Michael was still apologetic and grateful for his forgiveness. As they undressed, he covered Gob's chest in kisses and clung to him like he was precious. It made Gob feel less oppressed by obligation and more adored and relaxed. When Gob started singing the songs to him, Michael was also willing to hum along and join in. He knew the lyrics were sappy, but quite sincere. Gob enjoyed fucking him until he screamed enthusiastically in the empty house.

Then they caught their breaths and Gob discarded the used condom. Lying close, Gob counted the freckles on Michael's skin for the first time in many years, and Michael laughed when he tickled him.

Thinking of the love song, Gob asked, "You would fight for me?" Michael had claimed that he would, if only they weren't brothers. "But you didn't say anything when I got engaged."

Michael frowned at the memory. "You announced it in front of the whole family. What could I say? And you acted like you only wanted to do it so you could restart your magic act."

"Yeah, I needed the money." He had spent the first three months of his engagement not telling his family and trying to start his bee business as an escape plan. He also sold the yacht and got an apartment so that he could try to get away from the overly clingy Veals. Gob didn't want that creepy family to love him; he wanted his own family to. His fiancee kept coming by, though, and his bees got sick, so eventually he gave in and brought her to the family meeting slash graduation party. After all, Lucille had liked Gob's first wife, so maybe she'd be proud of him for getting engaged. "Mom and Dad said they would give me some stimmy money if I testified at Mom's trial, and I wanted to do a spectacular show so they'd be impressed. I can't believe they didn't come, even though they paid for it."

"Maybe they just didn't think it was a real wedding," Michael suggested. "You certainly didn't act like it was, or that you even loved her." That was the most frustrating thing, that Gob didn't seem to care about Egg any more than Michael did, and yet he stayed with her in defiance of George Michael's feelings. Or Michael's own feelings. It was why he had to kick that damn boulder down the stairs.

"Well it _wasn't_ a real wedding," Gob agreed. "It was my big show and they didn't care, even though I tried to do the big publicity push by setting it just before Mom's trial." It was partly also to keep delaying the wedding as long as possible. He sighed and hugged Michael close. "But I told you that I didn't want to get married, Michael. Why wouldn't you help me escape? You could have been in disguise as a centurion so that George Michael wouldn't know you were there."

"Gob, when you asked me, you told me that you had sex with her one time and that her stomach was huge. I thought that maybe you got her pregnant."

Gob was shocked. "What? No way."

Michael shrugged. "Yeah I eventually figured that out when nine months passed and you didn't come panicking to me about having another Steve Holt on your hands. And then it was a couple of years before you even had the wedding, and I still heard nothing about a baby. So I must have been wrong. But back then, when you came to the house, that's why I suggested you should try to work things out with her and not escape the marriage. Even if you didn't love her, she seemed to like you sincerely. I thought that maybe you'd like the baby more than Steve Holt if you were there from the start, and you could have a family."

"Oh." Now Gob understood. "So it wasn't just because you decided to be out of the family."

Michael shrugged. "Well, what did you want me to do, Gob? Stick around and have another affair while you had another sham marriage?"

"No, no, I'd escape the marriage."

"And what, hide out with me? Even though I told you twice that I was escaping the family?"

"You were just crying Phoenix again. At least, I thought you were."

"I'm sorry." Michael sighed and shook his head at the mess of their misunderstandings. "But we're together now."

"Yeah. We love each other."

"And we can be happy." He kissed him and hoped it could be like the old days, or maybe even better without their family around.

Gob lay close and listened to his heartbeat. It felt familiar and warm and peaceful in his arms. Michael belonged to him, and they were family.

After a while, they got up to shower and dress. Then Gob put on the bathrobe again and glanced at the clock, figuring that he still had a couple of hours to get back to Malibu. "We should clean up everything, and you can start packing."

"Yeah okay. And we'll have some dinner."

"Yeah, let's have dinner." He felt pretty hungry, and at least Michael could cook. "Then we'll put everything in the car and drive to Malibu. I'll put you up in the hotel, but I'll have to go back to Mark Cherry's house tonight. He always goes out to the clubs."

"Oh." Michael still worried a little about the entourage, but he would have to not interfere since Gob insisted on it. "Okay." Michael figured that he would just have to work all the harder to start his own career and help Gob save some money so that he could move on eventually. Either he'd get tired of the job like he often did, or the entourage would stop being top celebrities, replaced by younger, fresher stars.

Gob said, "I'll call you, though, and then I'll come see you tomorrow afternoon when everybody's asleep."

"All right."

Michael put all the dirty clothes and bedsheets into a laundry pile and went downstairs. He stopped this time to clean up the glass in the foyer a little more. Soon he loaded the laundry into the washing machine in the garage, then went to the kitchen to start dinner.

Gob's idea of helping was to open another liquor bottle and drink while watching Michael do chores. He also looked in the fridge and cabinets to see what food Michael had. Gob's diet had been crazy for years now while he tried to stay young and shredded, so he did crave something substantial for once. He could afford a little indulgence, to celebrate getting back together with Michael.

It was just a quick meal of pasta, then Michael got the clothes out of the dryer. Gob could finally change into his own clothes again, and he looked quite good. Michael packed his stuff and made sure to remember the condoms and lube.

Since the door was broken, Michael didn't bother locking up the house. They took Michael's bags to the limo, and Gob loaded them into the trunk. Then he and Michael got in the front of the car and they left Sudden Valley.

* * *

On the drive to Malibu, they had more time to talk again. Gob was excited about showing off his success. "I'll show you all the great places I know, and maybe we'll hang out at the beach sometimes."

"Yeah, if I'm not busy looking for a job. I don't know what I should do."

"Sitwell doesn't have an office in Malibu?"

"No he wouldn't hire me. After the last time I talked to him, he started advertising his paved roads and cable. Just to stick it to me for my failure."

Gob said, "That's too bad. He was nice to me for a while until he fired me. I wonder if he's still mad about the eyebrows I stole?"

Michael laughed. Maybe their father's rivalry with Sitwell was based on petty reasons too.

Gob said, "You'll find something else."

"I guess. Listen, I'm sorry for arguing about your job before. My job didn't turn out so great, so who am I to talk?" He looked depressed. "You know, last year in May, I had to borrow $700,000 from Lucille Austero to pay off my building costs."

Gob was surprised. "Wow. You didn't have to do anything for that, did you?"

Michael admitted, "She kissed me, and she's tried to before. It's weird. She's been with you and Buster already. Is she trying to get me too?"

Gob shrugged. "Hmm, $700,000 for a kiss. That's way more than I ever made."

Michael protested, "Gob, I don't think she was actually..." He frowned, but shook his head. "No, no, she wasn't. It was just a peck on the lips, and she hasn't called in the debt yet." It had been over a year, and though he had no phone, she knew where he lived. So she had plenty of time to make her expectations known, if she had any untoward expectations.

Gob asked, "How are you gonna pay her back? Or maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you can just not tell her that you've moved."

Michael shook his head. "I'm not trying to run out on her. I just gotta get a new job to make any money."

"And you wanna be with me too," Gob added.

"Yes, of course." Michael took his hand. "I wish I could live with you. Someday maybe."

"We'll be okay, Michael."

"Yeah." He sat back and sighed. "Wow. I didn't think I'd have to start all over again at my age. I'm turning 40 this year."

"What, really?"

"Don't say you forgot too." He shrugged. "Although I can only guess at my actual birthday, since I found out that Lindsay's adopted. I think my birth certificate or hers must have been faked so that she could be my twin, but Mom and Dad wouldn't give me any straight answers." He'd asked them about it after the Queen Mary disaster, but they were too busy worrying about Lucille's trial to care about Michael's unexplained need to know where he came from.

"They wouldn't tell you the truth. They've been lying to Lindsay all her life. And Buster too, I think."

"Yeah. Well maybe we could just pick a day and celebrate it together, huh?"

"Uh, sure. Whatever you want. I still can't believe you're 40."

He shrugged. "As far as I know."

Gob couldn't believe that Michael was turning 40 because that meant he would be 42. He didn't want to be that old. He needed to be young and hip to be with Mark Cherry's entourage. So he told Michael, "You should give your age as 30."

"Thirty?"

Gob considered it. "You're right. You can't pass for 30. Let's try 35, and I'll be the younger brother."

"You can't be younger!" Michael didn't even know why he should lie about his age. "I've got more hair than you."

Gob rolled his eyes. "You and your hair. You're like Uncle Oscar before his hair wouldn't grow back. So vain." Still, he ran his fingers through it.

Michael smiled and said, "You're not gonna introduce me as your brother anyway."

"Okay, then what do you want to be?"

He shrugged. "Your boyfriend?" He wanted to pretend that they weren't family anymore, so they could be together, out in the open.

Gob didn't say anything for a minute, staring at the road. Then he said, "I thought you'd want to be Chareth Cutestory, maritime lawyer."

They laughed, and Michael didn't even realize that Gob was trying to deflect from a word that made him uncomfortable.

* * *

When they arrived in Malibu, Gob stopped at a local hotel he knew. People greeted him as Getaway and thought for a moment that Mark Cherry was in the limo.

Gob lowered the window to say, "No, no, Mark Cherry's not coming. Just us." He gestured to him and Michael. "Can you get the bags out of the trunk?"

He parked and popped open the trunk for the bellhop, then gave the keys the valet. He took Michael inside to book a room.

"For Mark Cherry's guest?" the clerk asked, knowing Getaway as someone who did errands for the pop singer. Mark Cherry often had guests stay in town here, when he didn't want them to stay at the house, such as his family, or the entourage's families and friends.

"No, no, Michael's my guest." Gob was glad for the neutral term, and he put an arm around his brother, hoping that this would be enough to keep Michael from forcing him to use the word "boyfriend."

Michael almost signed into the guestbook using his real name, but realizing that this would out them as brothers, or at least family, he changed it at the last minute to Michael Bee.

"Thank you, Mr. Bee. Your room number is 314. I'll make your keycard."

"Bee?" Gob glanced at the register in surprise, then smiled and squeezed Michael's shoulders fondly. "Two keys, please."

"Yes, sir."

Michael liked Gob's demonstrativeness, and he still did not notice that the word "boyfriend" had not been used.

Gob paid for the room with his credit card, then went upstairs with Michael. In the elevator, he asked about "Michael Bee."

"Well, it's like the name of my company, but that was just an initial. Then I remembered your bee company."

"It's good 'cause you're my honey." That term didn't bother Gob as much, with its lack of gender and commitment, and he kissed Michael.

"Honey," Michael tried it out too and liked it. He decided that he would no longer use hermano, in case anybody around here knew Spanish. That way, they could pretend they really weren't brothers.

Soon they arrived at Michael's floor and found the room. They went inside together, and Michael looked around; the room was spacious and elegant with a little balcony. He kissed Gob, and said "I love it. Thanks, honey."

"You're welcome." They waited for the bellhop to deliver Michael's bags, and Gob tipped him easily with some cash, before joining Michael on the bed.

"Can you stay a little while?"

Gob checked his watch. "Not long, and if we had sex, I wouldn't have a change of clothes here."

"I didn't mean sex. I mean, tell me your phone number. And when can I see you or call you?"

"Oh right." Gob wrote down his cell number on a hotel pad. "We'll get you one too and program it in."

"Yeah."

Then Gob said, "Mark Cherry usually likes to go out to the clubs, like from midnight to 3 or 4 in the morning. We'll party and then I'll drive everybody home and get them inside. They might stay up another couple of hours drinking and asking me to do magic or something. They'll sleep it off all day, and then I'll usually leave at noon to go to Mexico or take the girls home or whatever. So I'll probably see you then."

"Okay." Michael asked curiously, "Does he ever work?"

Gob shrugged. "Oh, sometimes he'll write songs and go into the studio to record them. Or he'll have to perform at some concert. He doesn't have a regular TV show now, so mostly he hangs out. He'll tell me if there's any special plans that he needs me to drive him to, or sometimes his business manager will call." Gob made a face.

"You don't like him?"

"Technically he's the guy who pays me, and he doesn't like me because his son Josh used to be in the entourage but now I'm in. He'd find any excuse to fire me if he could."

"Oh. So that's why you were worried."

"Yeah I have to get back in time to see that they're awake and don't need anything. They usually have dinner and goof around until it's time to go out."

Michael considered Hollywood morals in the light of the fact that Mark Cherry's business manager knew of and condoned any illegal goings on in the group; he had even let his own son participate. No wonder Gob thought nothing was wrong. Michael refrained from commenting on this, lest Gob get mad at him again. Michael told himself that it wasn't his business, and he had failed at business too.

"I need to get a new job."

"Do you want me to make a fake ID with your Michael Bee name?"

"No. Well, maybe just to use around here, since they know your name and you'll be coming over all the time."

"Yeah for some honey." Then Gob had a thought. "Hey, do you want to be vice president of my bee company? Then you can handle remembering to pay the bee hospital all the time."

Michael considered that and said, "Yeah maybe I should look at all your finances, Gob. Then I can figure out what your budget is and what you can really afford to spend on me." Michael was not a certified accountant or anything, but he did have to handle the household budget when the family lived at the model home. It was a struggle to support all the freeloaders. Hmm, maybe he could take some classes and become an accountant.

Gob said, "Okay."

Michael said, "I'd need you to give me your paychecks and receipts and credit card bills. It would help if I had a calculator or maybe a computer with spreadsheets..." If only he still had George Michael's copy of Quicken.

"Oh, I got a computer." Gob had been given Josh Abramson's old room, and he'd found a laptop left behind. Gob had mostly just used it for porn and tried to figure out how to write funny programs on it like he'd done on the old Bluth Company computers. "I can bring it over tomorrow."

"Okay, that's good."

Gob kissed him and stayed chatting for a little while, until Mark Cherry called him. "Yeah, I'll be right there." He looked at Michael. "Sorry. I gotta go."

"I know." Michael reluctantly said goodbye, then lay on the bed depressed. Since he had television now, he turned on the TV for some background noise while he unpacked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's never stated exactly how far apart Michael and Gob are in age, but they have to be within four years if they were in high school at the same time, and probably closer if they were in the same election for class president. In the season 3 finale, on the Queen Mary, Gob overhears Lindsay saying that she's adopted and going to marry Michael. In revenge, Gob hits on her and somehow assumes that he's younger than her. So the writers forgot to explain Gob's knowledge, but maybe they did mean him to be correct about being younger than Lindsay. I'm guessing two years difference, based on that flimsy reasoning.


	12. Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob recalls how Michael found out about his sex work. The flashback features Tracey, as well as mentions of other family members.

So Gob drove to Mark Cherry's house in the limo, and he saw that he still had the Franklin CD in his car, so he slipped it into the glove compartment. Inside the huge house, the young stars were now awake and watching some reality show on TV. Gob often watched with them to keep up on current events in the youth-oriented world.

"Hey Getaway," they greeted him as usual.

"Hey." He felt slightly nervous around them, feeling that so much had changed in his life since the last time he saw them.

"Can you get us some pizza?" They preferred that Gob order for them and answer the door for delivery people, so they could remain out of view.

"Yeah." Gob called the usual place and got the usual order.

"Was there traffic from Mexico?" Mark Cherry asked about him being late.

Gob said, "No, uh, I didn't go. I was just visiting a friend. A friend of mine came up from Orange County." It was true that Michael was his friend, in fact his only friend for years, but the term felt just as inadequate as "brotherly love." Michael was his brother and his secret lover, but now Michael had reversed it, wanting their sexual relationship to be known, but their family relationship kept secret. It felt weird.

"That's cool. Hey can you get us some drinks?"

"Sure." Gob handed out bottles as usual, then sat and silently wondered how to tell them about Michael. They were his friends after all, and he thought they should know.

Ironically he would love to tell them that he'd reunited with his brother Michael. That the brother he'd complained to them about for so long had not abandoned him because he didn't care about him. Michael had just not come to the hospital because he hated the rest of the family too much. Michael had not helped him with his wedding out of jealousy and a misguided attempt to let Gob try to have a family. As if Gob knocking up his fiancee could in anyway make them a happy couple like Michael and Tracey had been when they got married in college. That was just a fantasy.

Gob wanted to brag to the guys that Michael loved him after all. That he loved him enough to move here and change his name and start his life over. His brother loved him, and he was not alone anymore.

But Gob couldn't tell them that; he couldn't say anything about them being family. He would just have to make up some story about Michael Bee, some guy from Orange County, who was actually more than just a friend. He tried to think of something plausible, but could only keep remembering his real past with Michael.

* * *

Since Michael's wedding in 1989, Gob had been estranged from him, because he accidentally set Tracey's hair on fire with his illusion. Though he'd told himself not to care about the rejection, it put him in a spiral. In 1992, Gob got arrested, and George Sr. was so annoyed by the charges that he refused to come to the jail. He sent Barry and a newly promoted Michael to handle the matter as quietly as possible.

Barry talked to the police, while Michael sat down with Gob alone. He look stunned and saddened. "You're a hooker?"

Gob hated being judged like this. "No. Michael! I'm a magician. I'm just following people to their cars for money."

"Following--? Why would people pay you to follow them to their car?"

Gob explained to his idiot brother, "You know, people leave clubs late at night, and women get scared going to their cars alone, so I offer to walk with them, and they feel grateful and happy, so I charm them, and then we might have some sex in the car."

"And then they pay you money?"

"Sure, so I can get a cab home. Or some drugs."

Michael looked very sad. "That's prostitution, Gob."

"No it's not." He scoffed and rolled his eyes. Like Michael had ever even used a hooker himself; he'd refused the one that Gob brought him for his birthday, to lose his virginity in college. How ungrateful. "Michael!"

"And you were arrested with a guy."

"Sure, sometimes guys don't want to go home alone."

"Gob... are you gay?" That was actually the first time that Michael had asked him that question.

How insulting and disrespectful! From his own younger brother. Gob denied it strenuously. "It's a job, Michael! You don't discriminate if it's a guy or a girl. That's just good business."

Michael just stared at him in that same horrible, pitying way.

Gob went on about how he wasn't gay, and he'd fucked tons of women, and Michael would know better if he had sex more than four times.

"Four women, not four times." Michael thought for a while, then he asked, "Is this about our sissy--? I mean," he corrected himself, "our cousin Larry. Look, just because Dad made fun of him all the time, doesn't mean you have to be afraid--"

"Michael, you're a fucking idiot. We haven't seen Larry in years, or our aunt, or Uncle Oscar. Nobody gives a crap about them. They're out of the family."

"Gob--"

"And Dad hates Tobias and tried to shove him out of a moving car."

"I think that's more because Dad's mad that they moved to Boston and only visit every couple of years."

"And he's a horrible psychiatrist! Those awful cards." Tobias almost got arrested for those analrapist business cards. "Fucking clueless."

Michael nodded in agreement about their brother-in-law. "But what I'm saying is, you don't have to be afraid of Dad, Gob. There's nothing wrong with--"

"If you tell Dad this stupid gay lie, then you can fucking go to hell." He was shaking. "You just want him to hate me more, so he'll love you more." He turned away and stifled a sob.

"Gob." Michael felt awful, and he suddenly hugged his brother for the first time in years. He hugged him as tightly as when they were kids screaming about the one-armed man.

Gob cried. It'd had been so long since Michael even wanted to be around him.

Michael patted his back. "I'll support you, Gob. You don't have to be scared."

"Support me?" He pulled away. "You hate me. You wouldn't forgive me. Wouldn't even let me meet George Michael."

Michael felt like shit, and he finally said, "I'm sorry, Gob. I'm sorry. I was just scared about your tricks--"

"Illusions," Gob said. "Tricks--" He stopped and frowned.

Michael said, "Why don't you come over now? Barry will get you bailed out, and you can come stay with me and Tracey."

"What, now? I can meet George Michael?"

"Yeah, yeah. Give me a minute. I'll call Tracey and tell her you're coming tonight." He gave Gob another hug and left the room.

* * *

So Michael brought Gob to his home, and Tracey greeted him with a hug at the door.

Gob was surprised that she was so warm to him. "Your--your hair grew back nice."

"Yes." She laughed. "I forgave you a long time ago, Gob. It was just Michael--"

"Tracey--"

"No, he should know. Michael's just overprotective and stubborn. But he thought you were fine, that you didn't care. He had no idea--" She touched his face tenderly, but Gob withdrew.

He backed toward the door, accusing Michael, "What did you tell her?"

"No, no!" Michael tried to stop him and calm him.

Tracey realized her mistake, and she grabbed Gob's hand. "No, I meant--I meant he thought you didn't want to visit. Didn't want to help babysit for us. But if you really want to see the baby, then we're so happy! Come here, come meet George Michael." She pulled Gob into the nursery and took him to the crib, which was making a weird noise.

Tracey stopped Gob from touching the sharp metal box. "Careful! That's the BabyTock." She picked up her two year old son. "George Michael loves the sound."

Gob stared. "Isn't that--?"

Michael nodded in shame. "From the Cornballer. Yes."

"You let Dad put that--"

"It was a condition of him making me Manager of the Company."

"So just to become Mr. Manager--"

"We just say Manager."

"You let--"

Tracey interrupted, "Gob, don't you want to hold George Michael?"

"Me?"

"Yes, here."

Gob held his nephew awkwardly at first, but got the hang of it when Tracey showed him how. He cradled the toddler and was overcome with feelings he could not name.

Tracey shut off the BabyTock for now and cooed to her boy, "This is your Uncle Gob. Your Uncle Gob. Isn't he wonderful? He's magical. He's going to do magic for you and make you laugh."

George Michael giggled, and Tracey smiled. "See, he loves you already."

Gob could hardly believe it. "Hey. Hey, George Michael." He wished he had some magic stuff on him now, but all he could do was play peekaboo. That seemed magic enough for George Michael, though.

Michael stepped closer and rubbed Gob's shoulder, hoping that he felt better now. He didn't know what to say. Tracey took Michael's hand and squeezed it.

After a while, George Michael started to cry though, and Gob didn't know what to do, so Michael took his son and rocked him soothingly.

"It's the BabyTock," Tracey said. "He misses the sound." She turned it on again.

Michael looked chagrined, and Gob started to ask again about the unsafe device, but Tracy stopped him.

"Gob, can you help me with dinner?"

"What?"

"Come here." She pulled him out of the room and to the kitchen. "I hope you like it. I know you've had a long night."

Gob frowned and got uncomfortable again. "I should go."

"No, you're not going anywhere!"

He was surprised by her suddenly raising her voice, but he responded in kind, "Whatever he told you, it's not true! It's a big fat lie. He's just jealous 'cause I've had more sex than him--"

She slapped him.

"Ow!" That was even more surprising. He thought that dull boring Michael had married a dull boring wife.

"Shut up." She made him sit down at the kitchen table. "You listen to me, Gob. If Michael calls me on the phone crying about 'Oh God, it's my fault' and 'Stupid, stupid Michael' for fucking five minutes before he's coherent, then you're not leaving. You're gonna eat your fucking dinner and stay in the guest room until your fucking court date. Longer, even, if Michael needs it."

Gob didn't understand why Michael's needs came into it. "Who cares about him? I don't need his help. He shuns me for 3 years, and he thinks that one night makes it all right?"

"Of course it's not all right. You should have been here when George Michael was born. God knows I needed the help, with your father calling me a fat gold-digger and your mother saying she likes me only to make Lindsay jealous. So the liberal snob blathers on about how she's getting married and pregnant too, sounding almost as oblivious as Tobias. It's unreal the kind of shit he says, yet he's still a practicing doctor in Boston. Remind me never to go there! And Buster's just an overgrown boy who can't help anybody, much less himself. Three years of this would be bad enough without Michael working like hell to finish his degree and apply to law school. But now he has to drop out after only one year, because _now_ George Sr. wants to make him Manager of the company. Because only now is he done punishing Michael for getting married while in college."

Gob stared at her. "If you hate us so much, then why do you stay?"

"Because I don't hate Michael, and I don't hate our baby. As for you, Gob, I don't even know you well enough to hate you, but I can see that he doesn't hate you."

"He does!"

"No he doesn't. That's just your horrible Boyfights talking. But I saw those videos, Gob. You never once punched him."

And Gob knew how to punch. He'd done it to Buster many times when teaching him how to overcome his fear of slides and such. He'd also played "Why are you hitting yourself?" over and over with his baby brother, to punish him for being Mom's miracle baby. But with Michael, Gob took out his frustrations only by wrestling and shoving. He needed somebody to like him enough to hold onto him when they were screaming about the one-armed man.

Tracey sat down and sighed. "You're his only real friend, you know. He was invisible in high school except for that school play where he flew into the loose seal, and then he became a punchline for getting seasick in midair."

Yeah that had been bad. If it had happened earlier he might have had enough name recognition to get more than 2 percent of the votes in the class election against Gob.

She shrugged. "I didn't even recognize him in college until Sally Sitwell told me that that's the heir to the Bluth fortune. That's the next brains behind the real estate empire--a geek with a goofy haircut and a disturbingly high tolerance for alcohol. From the womb, of course."

Gob blinked. "So what, you are a gold-digger?"

"I am a woman who can't stand to see a man with so much potential crippled by his own psychological damage. He could make the Bluth Company so much better, without shoddy construction or corruption. He could make it much bigger than Orange County, if he didn't go around being cowed by his father and letting himself be jerked around by promises. I thought for a while I could get Michael to start his own company, but he's so desperate for approval, that he'll even walk away from his maritime lawyer dream and give in on BabyTock, just to have George Sr. pat him on the head and give him a promotion."

Gob asked, "And you just let George Michael sleep in that crib with it?"

She liked that Gob was rational enough to see that, despite the issues he was going through personally. "It was just for the infomercial at first, but George Michael likes it for some reason. Plus, Michael feels so guilty, that he'll stay there watching him for hours. God, it's the only time at home that he doesn't try to do extra work for the business. But I put the BabyTock in a drawer when they're both asleep. It's loud enough that it doesn't make any difference to George Michael."

"You should get rid of it for good."

"I will when I find some other way to make Michael sleep through the night. Are you going to help me?"

"Help you?"

"You have to stay, Gob. He needs a friend. He can't live with himself alone with his thoughts. I've tried to talk to him as much as he'll let me, but he keeps holding back because he thinks there's a point where I'll decide that the Bluth insanity is just too disturbing and ingrained. He's afraid I'll divorce him and run away with George Michael to save him from the family."

"You wouldn't?" Gob looked concerned.

She shook her head, but smiled, "See there is something there, like a real feeling, instead of a Bluth lie. Maybe that's why he likes you. And if George Michael is destined to go crazy too, then I've got to stay here and learn how to cope with the kinds of crazy this family breeds."

Gob shrugged and said, "You can't walk away from family." And he was afraid of being kicked out forcibly.

Tracey smiled. "So stay. He needs his big brother. I'm sorry that I let him keep you away so long, but Michael would always go on a jealous rant about how you always had things easy. You got good cars, and girls, and elections, and your dad never made you work for a living. He thought that you were fine doing your magic, that you were happy and carefree. He didn't realize that you sold your Camaro and didn't have anything left. He's so sorry."

Gob looked away and didn't want to talk about it. Not his arrest, not the drugs, not the tricks. Not the guy he blew or the way it felt compared to fucking a woman.

She said, "Fine. I'm not a Bluth, and I wouldn't understand. Talk about it with Michael, then. Stay here for him, and for yourself, and for George Michael." She got up and began serving the dinner.

Then she called to her husband and took George Michael from him so that Michael would go join his brother in the kitchen. She left them alone, because she had already eaten before they got home from the police station. They ate together in the awkward silence, not sure what to say to each other. If she wanted them to talk, it wouldn't happen this night.

But after she put George Michael to bed, and Michael showed Gob to his guest room, he broke the silence. "I'm sorry." He hugged Gob tight again, and Gob sat down with him. Being distracted by Michael's misery was better than dealing with his own dark thoughts just then, so Gob said, "I forgive you." Michael cried and held onto him.

Gob stayed with them for a few weeks, trying to enjoy the feeling of being a big brother who was needed. He worked on some magic, also, so he could be a cool uncle for his nephew. He got to know Tracey a little more and respected her for knowing what she was getting into.

But sometimes Michael wanted to talk with him about his court case and how Barry was incompetent and they should get him a new lawyer. Then Michael got concerned about Gob's health and wanted to take him to get tested for STDs.

Gob didn't like the way that Michael looked at him at those times, as if still judging and pitying him from a superior place. And he realized that even if Michael hadn't told their parents the details of his arrest, Barry had discussed the case with them. He didn't like the way his parents looked at him and laughed about his "following people to their cars" defense.

As soon as Gob could get away after his court date, Gob moved out and went back to dating, or rather fucking, as many women as he could, to prove to his dad that he was not gay. Sometimes Gob would come to visit George Michael again, but he would never agree to Tracey's pleas to stay the night or move in again.

Then Tracey stopped asking him to move in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, the unnamed aunt that's missing is Lucille's sister, who was mentioned in both "Altar Egos" and "Justice is Blind" in season 1. Sissy cousin Larry was mentioned in season 3 in "Family Ties," and for simplicity's sake, I'll make Larry the son of Lucille's sister. I don't know who the father is. Might even be George Sr., depending on when he slept with Lucille's sister. As far as I know, Oscar's never been married.


	13. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is going deeper down the rabbit hole of angst than I originally intended, but that may be the darkness of season 4 creeping in. Anyway, I thought of more 1992 flashbacks featuring Tracey, so I changed the last line in the previous chapter and have altered some previous dialogue about Tracey to be more consistent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's never stated precisely what year Gob started using Franklin in his magic act, though it must have been a long time ago, if he became Nellie's pimp and his contact information was in the old Kaypro computer at the Bluth Company. But if all that happened in the early 1980s, then Gob would be a mere teenager. But maybe he was making fake IDs for himself and sneaking into clubs like Maeby conned her way into being a film executive. Who knows. I'm going to stretch things a little and have Gob still using Franklin in 1992, when he's 25.

A few months after leaving Michael and Tracey's home, Gob finally ran out of women who would give him money and places to live. Luckily, Nellie the hooker called then to give him his ten percent and to ask him to do more pimp work for her. So he dug out Franklin from a family storage unit in Reseda, and he met with Nellie at a hotel for another session of crying/therapy about Michael. Nellie never seemed shocked by what he said, or at least she was a good listener like all whores were. Even though he'd now experienced her side of the business, albeit on a lower-class scale, Gob wasn't stupid enough to think that Nellie was his friend now. If she were less apathetic and more evil-minded, she might have tried to blackmail him about his secrets, and so gained a toehold in the prominent Bluth family. Maybe she was just content with her life, or maybe she wasn't as clever and patient a gold-digger as Tracey.

Gob still wished that he could have sex with Nellie and pretend that she was Michael, but the coincidental resemblance only made him ache more for the real thing.

Talking with Franklin helped, though, and Gob decided to try to revive his magic career again. However, his ventriloquism had still not improved, nor his racial sensitivity. After a show, he was mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance.

Michael and Tracey rushed to visit him in the hospital, and Michael once again cried and clung to his brother. Gob was unconscious for this, for he was given powerful drugs.

After a few hours, Tracey sent Michael to get some coffee for them. Michael didn't want to leave Gob's bedside, but she insisted that he should call and check on their babysitter. Tracey had finally got rid of the BabyTock, in favor of a recording of the sound. Metronomes weren't loud enough for George Michael. Sometimes their babysitters were annoyed by the sound, though, and kept turning it off. Or forgetting to rewind and start the tape again.

While Michael was gone, Gob woke up, and Tracey said, "Thank God. You fucking scared us. You've gotta get rid of that puppet, Gob."

"He's my friend," Gob said weakly. Franklin never shunned him, unlike Michael. He never judged him either.

"Michael's your friend, and so am I. Come home with us."

Gob shook his head and looked around the room. "Where is he, if he loves me?"

"He was here. I just sent him to check on our babysitter. George Michael misses you too. Please come back."

"No." He couldn't go back. Couldn't take that look in Michael's eyes.

"Gob, you need us. We need you too. What do we have to do to get you to come back?"

If it weren't for the drugs, Gob wouldn't have said anything. He wasn't stupid. He knew that his feelings for Michael were forbidden, and that he should not confess these things to Michael, let alone to Michael's wife.

But he was on powerful drugs, so he asked, "Could I watch you two have sex?"

"Gob!" At first she thought that Gob was just being sleazy and wanting to ogle her naked.

"Or have a threesome? That would be great."

Tracey rolled her eyes. So he really just wanted to sleep with her. Typical. "I'm not having sex with--"

Gob closed his eyes, aching for him. "Michael. Mikey. God, I want him so much."

For once she was speechless with shock, and she went pale as she realized that he was asking for a twosome, not a threesome at all.

Gob went on, as if she were Nellie. "I want to taste him, smell him... Count the freckles on his skin. Do they go all over him?"

She finally managed to sputter and protest, "He's your brother!"

He opened his eyes and looked at her through his medicated haze. Oh, not Nellie then. But still he could not stop himself. "I'm the one that got him a hooker on his 18th birthday, you know. If it weren't for me, he'd have obeyed Dad's 'grades come before girls' bullshit, and he would have been a fumbling virgin when you got him. You're welcome."

Tracey sat there horrified.

Gob asked with jealousy, "Are you even in love with him yet? You didn't say you were. How could you not be? He's everything, and he gave you George Michael."

She couldn't take this anymore, so she ran out of the room. She paced around anxiously, not knowing what to do, and trying to remember if Gob had ever shown signs of this madness before. Was he just high on the drugs? She hoped so. But what was he saying about Michael and a hooker? What did Gob do, watch them?

Just then Michael arrived with the coffee cups, and she grabbed one to take a gulp. She wished it was alcohol instead. "Fuck."

"What?" Michael looked scared by her behavior. "What's wrong? He's not worse?" Without waiting for an answer, he rushed into the room.

When Gob saw Michael, he was overjoyed. "You came!"

"Of course I did." Michael put down the coffee and just hugged him.

Tracey tried to pull him away and whisper to him that she needed to talk to him alone, but he didn't pay attention.

"Come home with us," he begged Gob.

Gob touched the traces of tears on his brother's face, and he frowned. "She said you don't sleep through the night. Are you still crying, Mikey? You used to cry all the time before they made you into a robot."

Michael said sadly, "I missed you."

Gob pulled him near and tried to kiss him.

Tracey pulled Michael away and out of the chair. He looked stunned, not quite sure what just happened, or rather, he knew what happened; he just couldn't comprehend or believe it.

He kept blinking and frowning in bewilderment. "Gob?"

Gob turned away from the look in Michael's eyes. Judging him again. He covered his face with Franklin and tried not to cry.

Tracey pulled Michael out of the room altogether, and she whispered to him, "You see what he did? He tried to kiss you."

Michael was still in denial, shaking his head. "No, he was just gonna kiss my cheek. He does that sometimes. Maybe it's the drugs, too, affecting his aim."

Tracey sort of wanted to believe that, but she remained worried. She looked for an empty room where they could have some privacy, then she took him there. "Michael, when you were gone before, Gob was raving as if... as if he's in love with you."

"What? No!"

She looked at the floor. "He was--he was talking about wanting to have sex with you."

"Me?" Michael turned back to the door and almost left to actually ask Gob. But then he stopped and said to himself, "Huh."

"What?" She stared at him, looking as if he'd realized something. She demanded, "What? You knew about this before?"

Michael turned back to her. "No, no. Not really. It just... explains some strange moments."

She got suspicious again. "He said that he got you a hooker for your 18th birthday."

Michael nodded about that and frowned. "Yes, he brought her right to my dorm room. I said no, of course, but--" He looked uncomfortable at the memory. "But then Gob said that he spent a lot of money on me, and he wasn't going to waste it, so they were gonna have sex on my bed, and make me watch."

"Oh God!" She was shocked and had to sit down.

Michael found a chair next to her and reassured her, "No, no, I told him that they had to leave. My roommate would be back, and this was all illegal anyway. He didn't care, and he was very clingy. I finally got him and the hooker outside, back into his Camaro. He tried to convince me to leave with them and go to a hotel. I realized that he was too drunk to drive, so I dropped off the hooker and drove him home. He was staying on some yacht at the time, and he asked me not to leave, so--"

"You didn't sleep with him?"

"No!" Why was she leaping to such conclusions? "I mean, I only slept. Real sleep. I just needed to make sure that he was all right. He did try to kiss me, but I thought that he was just drunk and high, and didn't know what he was doing. But nothing else happened, and then I got a cab back to campus the next morning. Hmph. I missed a whole night of studying and got a B on my quiz the next day."

Tracey stared at Michael for being so blase. "Then why does Gob claim credit for you losing your virginity? Did he think you did something that night?"

"He what? No, nothing happened." Except him getting undressed and sleeping in Gob's bed, but that was nothing. There was only one bed on the yacht. Besides he had to make sure Gob was okay.

Tracey prompted again, "What happened?"

Michael thought about his freshman year some more, then finally shrugged. "Well, later he called me to say that I shouldn't listen to Dad about girls, and he made fun of me for still being a virgin. He kept doing that for several days afterward, complete with chicken dance, until I finally decided to prove to him that I wasn't a chicken. So I went on some dates and eventually slept with a few girls. I told you about them already."

Tracey frowned and said, "You didn't tell me about this other stuff. Was Gob there? Did he pick them out for you, or give you lines? Did he watch you?"

Michael could see that she felt disturbed, and he said, "I never did anything with him, Tracey, I swear. He's my brother." When she still did not look convinced, he said, "Come on, this is like--like with Buster being too close to our mom. It's creepy and weird, but it's nothing."

"No it's not." She didn't find this funny like Buster's oedipal complex, and she worried that she had let Gob be too near to her husband. "I don't--I don't know how to help you. If I can even--" This was way more than she could handle. Gob being wretched and in the closet was one thing, but this was apparently a deep-seated, incestuous desire.

Michael realized that this might just be Tracey's breaking point, the moment where she became too horrified by his family to stay. He got scared and clung to her hand. "No don't go, Tracey. Please! I know it's not normal, but it's not that bad! I mean, Gob won't do anything when he's off the drugs. He'll just be embarrassed, or maybe in denial again. We can pretend it never happened."

Tracey shook her head doubtfully. Michael just didn't get it, but she didn't want to quote to him word for word the shocking things that Gob had said. Even his "you're welcome" had been defiant and possessive, as if challenging her to win a war that she didn't know she was fighting. Gob seemed to think that Michael belonged to him, that someday Michael would yield. The scary thing was that Tracey thought Gob was right. Michael was just oblivious enough to dismiss it as "not normal, but not that bad." 

"Tracey!" Michael hugged her close. She wasn't just his wife, and his dream girl from high school. She was his lifeline and his window into a non-Bluth world; she was the one who was teaching him what it was like to be normal. Michael couldn't deal with the thought that he might lose her, and likely George Michael too. A divorce court would probably side with her over how traumatic and awful his family was, and how she needed to save her son. If she took George Michael away, then what would he do? "Don't leave. I'll do anything to fix this. Gob doesn't have to move in with us. I'll get him an apartment and hire a nurse to take care of him. Yeah, then he'd probably sleep with her and forget all about me."

She still looked troubled, but she was thinking the matter over. "It's not just sex." She stepped out of Michael's embrace and began pacing. "I--he needs therapy or something. I mean, you all need it, but he really needs it."

"Yeah, yeah," Michael agreed. "That's a good idea."

"But would Gob agree to see a therapist?"

"I don't know. You could convince him somehow." She was very persuasive.

Tracey wasn't so sure. "He still hasn't dealt with that whole gay stuff from his arrest. And we certainly couldn't use that incompetent Tobias, even if he weren't in Boston right now."

"No, he's awful, and I wouldn't trust anyone that he'd recommend. But I'm sure we'll find someone. There's plenty of therapists around here."

She sighed and bit her lip. Then she looked at Michael and took his hands. "You need--we need some ground rules, until I can get him professional help. We should take care of him, of course. Get him well with the nurse like you said. Give him enough money and emotional support so that he's functional and won't disappear again."

"Definitely." He couldn't take it if Gob resorted to drugs and prostitution again.

Tracey said, "He needs to experience a normal family life, so we should still visit him and maybe bring George Michael. But be careful, Michael. Never be alone with him. Never get drunk with him. Never stay the night with him again."

"It was one time in college."

Oh God, he sounded like somebody talking about a sexual experiment. "Don't do it again." She couldn't believe that she had to tell him something so basic. Bluths really were fucked up.

Michael shrugged and gave in. "All right. But you'll stay here instead? He shouldn't be alone tonight." 

She stared at her husband, wondering how he could not grasp how awkward that would be.

Michael insisted, "We're not shunning him, Tracey. He needs family. Well, not Mom and Dad. They would just say mean things and make him feel worthless, as usual."

She sighed and realized that someone did have to watch Gob, to make sure that he didn't say more shocking things in the hearing of nurses. "All right. I'll stay until he falls asleep, or visiting hours end."

"Good. I'll go home to take care of George Michael, and then tomorrow morning I'll come back and bring Buster too."

"Are you sure he won't say or do anything inappropriate in front of Buster?"

Michael blinked. "You think he would?"

"He just tried to kiss you in front of me!"

"Oh, right." She had a point. "But you said I shouldn't be alone with him."

"I know." This was so frustrating and beyond her experience. She knew that rich people could be crazy (or more politely, eccentric), but she had not anticipated this level of fucked up.

Seeing the look on her face, Michael squeezed her hands for reassurance. "We'll figure something out. As long as we're together. You will stay, won't you? Please."

She sighed and nodded. "Yes, all right."

He hugged her gratefully.

She warned him, "But remember what I said, Michael. Be careful around him. You find him a nurse, and I'll find him a therapist."

"Yeah. And then he'll get better." Michael imagined how wonderful it would be when Gob was completely well and could move in again. Then they could be a normal, happy family. He and Tracey would both teach Gob about being normal.

Tracey sent Michael home, and then she reluctantly entered Gob's hospital room again.

He had quieted by now and just lay there, watching her walk in alone. "He's gone?"

She said, "I sent him home to take care of George Michael."

He said nothing, waiting for her to slap him again or shout about Michael.

She considered pretending that nothing had happened, but soon gave up. She stepped closer and spoke quietly, "Michael told me about the hooker you brought him for his birthday. He said he spent the night with you on the yacht, and you tried to kiss him, but nothing else happened. Is that true?"

Gob didn't want to be questioned by her, and he was worried about Michael. "Does he hate me now? Did you tell him that he should?"

She shook her head. "He's still your brother, Gob. He's just worried about you."

He scoffed and looked away. "I don't want his pity. I don't want..." He clutched Franklin. "Just leave me alone."

"No. He wants me to stay with you. Do you understand? I don't want to be here either, but he's making me stay, because he doesn't want you to be alone tonight. _He's_ making me." She hoped that it would comfort him to know that Michael had insisted on his behalf.

Gob thought about it, but said nothing.

She sat down near the bed. "We'll still take care of you, Gob. We won't leave, and we won't tell your parents or the rest of your family. Just please don't disappear again."

He still did not respond, and after a while he feigned sleep so she wouldn't talk to him anymore. It was a tense night, and he was glad when visiting hours were over and she left. She spoke to the night nurse, though, asking to make sure that they kept an eye on Gob.

If only he had a forget-me-now on him...


	14. Lost Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more flashback, then we return to 2009.
> 
> I'm trying to imply that Gob was originally, and in some ways still is, just as smart as Michael, but that he was unloved and neglected for so long that he adopted his playboy idiot persona to try to gain attention and popularity. It at least worked in high school. Gob is also in denial about certain things such as his sexuality and his sex work. It's not that he doesn't know the meaning of these terms; it's that he refuses to apply them to himself. Plus years of drug abuse have ruined his memory and fried his brain.

In the morning when Michael came back to the hospital with flowers, Gob hugged him desperately. But he noticed Buster, then.

"Hey, brother. I brought you a get well card." It was handmade and childish, though Buster was in college now. He perpetually remained the same Baby Buster as always.

Gob just humored him with a polite, "Thanks, Busty," but he kept watching Michael put the flowers at his bedside.

Michael sat close to him and explained, "I told Mom and Dad not to come." Or rather, he told them that Franklin was there, knowing that they hated the puppet and would avoid it. "I mean, Dad has to take care of the business since I'm missing work today, and Mom..." He tried to think of a lie, but nothing sounded plausible.

"She hates me." Truthfully, Dad hated him too, but it was easier for Michael to make up an excuse for him not to come.

Michael frowned and squeezed his hand comfortingly, but he changed the subject. "The doctors say you'll be all right in a few weeks." He explained Gob's many injuries for Buster's sake.

In lieu of a forget-me-now, Gob decided to pretend that he didn't remember anything about last night, not even Michael and Tracey visiting him. Michael looked pleased and relieved when he realized this. He even hugged him lingeringly even though Buster was there.

Then Buster distracted them by asking about Franklin and the show. Gob told him a little bit, but went fuzzy around the edges to maintain the fiction that he forgot last night. Buster talked about his latest college class, and they just chatted. Michael still held onto Gob's hand, and he didn't look at him with pity anymore, so that was something.

When Gob was released from the hospital, Michael and Tracey still got Gob an apartment and a nurse to look after him while he recovered. They visited him there and sometimes brought George Michael along. They tried to be friendly but not too friendly. Meanwhile, Tracey kept looking for a therapist, though Michael said that she shouldn't bother, if Gob didn't remember that night. Tracey argued that Gob still was in love with him, and needed to learn how to get over him.

Gob realized that there was a new distance now in their behavior. He wasn't stupid, although he was surprised that they hadn't tried to shun him completely again. Still, he realized that they were whispering about him behind his back and planning to get him into therapy. He sadly adjusted to the new reality, that they thought him pathetic and insane now. As if he hadn't known that he was insane already; all Bluths were. He had just hoped that Michael could share in his madness enough to love him too, so he wouldn't be alone. But now Tracey knew about his secret love, and now Michael was obeying his wife to be careful. Michael just wanted to be normal.

As soon as Gob recovered and was well enough to pack his stuff, he escaped Michael and Tracey again so that they couldn't force him to see a therapist. They didn't know it, but he was in therapy already, albeit an informal kind, with a hooker. A real psychiatrist would probably try to talk him to death or hypnotize him or medicate him until he was normal. Until he was a robot who forgot everything he felt about Michael. Gob didn't want to forget. If he didn't have Michael to live for, then what did he have left?

Michael was upset when Gob disappeared again, and Tracey could barely keep him calm. Before the lease on the apartment ran out, Michael spent some nights sleeping in Gob's bed and missing him.

Gob did eventually call to ask about George Michael, and he'd sometimes show up at the Bluth Company to get money from their father. He seemed all right and was pursuing his magic again, but thankfully without Franklin. He even tried to gain respectability and he founded an Alliance of Magicians.

Michael sometimes asked Gob to move in again, and Gob could sense that he had not consulted Tracey about the invitation. He would hesitate a moment and kiss Michael's cheek, but then he would say no, and leave again.

Michael knew that he shouldn't break Tracey's rules about being alone with Gob, but he couldn't help it somehow.

Meanwhile at home, Tracey would often question Michael about his past with Gob. She suspected that Gob's obsession with him must go back very far, if Gob had tried to have sex with Michael by proxy on his 18th birthday. Tracey kept asking Michael if he had any memories of Gob being inappropriate with him as kids, especially when they shared a bedroom. Michael told her no, but she didn't seem to believe him, and talked about possible repressed memories. She suggested that Michael go to a therapist, but he was unwilling to do this. It was difficult enough discussing his family with her. He didn't want to do it with some stranger.

Sometimes they fought about this, and he feared that she would eventually get mad enough to leave him. It made him worry and stay up pacing the house at night.

Tracey had to stay. He needed her. She was his dream girl from high school. Well, he'd also had a crush on Sally Sitwell, but he got too scared to pursue that when he overheard his father talking to Stan Sitwell about it. Tracey was the little red-haired girl that he adored from afar, just like Charlie Brown from the comic strip. Luckily, Michael finally got his little red-haired girl in college, when she was even more beautiful and out of his league. He suspected that she finally noticed him and dated him because he had hair, unlike Charlie Brown. And also some money, at least in prospective as a Bluth. Michael was not entirely blind to Tracey's ambitions about his career, but she couched it terms of wanting to help him and teach him how to be strong enough to rebel from his father. She was very persuasive.

So Michael hadn't minded about Tracey getting pregnant and wanting to get married right away. He wanted that too, and he liked how she taught him how to be normal. She was also great to talk to, whenever he needed it. It made him feel less lonely, for his other intimate relationships in college had been brief and not very deep. Gob had emphasized casual sex when nagging him to go out and gain experience. Certainly Michael liked sex, but was awkward at flirting or seduction. He wanted to be in love, and have someone always there. He wanted Tracey to improve him and show him how to be happy. Besides, the odds of him finding another beautiful woman who could deal with his family were very low, so he might as well settle down now, even if it made George Sr. mad at him.

Michael loved Tracey, and he loved George Michael when he was born. He needed them both to stay, even if he could certainly understand Tracey's temptation to escape his family. Michael wished he could run away from his family many times. He considered Tracey a saint for putting up with all that she did. If someday Tracey did decide to divorce him, Michael hoped that she wouldn't mention too many embarrassing things in order to win sole custody. Mostly he didn't want her to mention Gob's incestuous feelings in court. It would be like a public mockery of his brother, like Buster's "Why I want to marry my mother" article in Balboa Bay Window Magazine. Michael didn't find Gob's feelings laughable at all; he could sense that it was painful, and he didn't want George and Lucille joking about Gob once again.

Michael really missed Gob, but Gob refused to be anything more than an intermittent presence, so there was no way to get him to a therapist. Maybe it was for the best, so that Michael could follow Tracey's rules. For years he tried to toe the line and learn how to be normal. He tried to be just brothers with Gob, which seemed to mean being sort of hostile friends.

As George Michael grew older and went to school, Tracey even took psychology classes to try to help Michael more with his issues. She called Michael's relationship with Gob co-dependent and arrested. She guessed that maybe Gob's loneliness and despair had caused him to focus all his love and his gay feelings onto his brother. It was sad, and she still wished that Gob would get some help so that he could learn how to be happy and have a proper relationship, whether with a woman, or a man, if he were really gay.

Tracey did not get much farther in her studies before they discovered her ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, the cancer was too far advanced for treatment to do much good, and it was horrible watching her get sicker and sicker. Michael tried to keep it together for her sake, and for George Michael's sake. But when Tracey fell into a coma, he felt so miserably alone and lost. Then he momentarily forgot Tracey's rules and got drunk with Gob to get through his grief. To his surprise, Gob didn't really try to kiss him that night. He just hugged him and let him cry again, like on the night that Gob forgave him for their three-year estrangement.

Then Tracey died, and at the funeral, Michael avoided Gob out of embarrassment and guilt. Afterward, he tried to be more protective toward George Michael and to reestablish some kind of appropriate distance with Gob. Also, Dad forced Michael and his son to move into the attic of the model home; Michael had had to sell his own house to cover all the medical costs for Tracey, and Dad had been a jerk about not helping him financially. Michael had hoped that he'd be named CEO of the company in compensation, but this was not to be.

After Dad got arrested, and Michael had to take over the company, the stress was terrible, and Gob kept hanging around for favors and money. Then they fought about Marta, and other stuff, and it brought back their weird and familiar relationship from the Boyfights. Tracey was no longer around to define rules and reinforce boundaries for him, so Michael began to forget how to be normal.

Eventually at the hotel, at Gob's bachelor party, it was so easy to lose all boundaries of right and wrong. Michael wasn't really drunk that night, but he ached to be close to his brother again, and he really couldn't think of a reason not to kiss him back.

* * *

At the Malibu hotel, Michael was half asleep in bed when his room phone rang. He fumbled for it in the darkness while seeing that the clock read 12:37 AM. "Hello?"

Gob said without preamble, "I love it when I'm inside you."

That certainly woke up Michael and told him unmistakably what Gob wanted. Michael answered softly, "I love it when you spank me."

Gob moaned softly, and clothes rustled. After Michael talked him off, Gob finally explained that he was currently sitting in the limo and using the car phone. Mark Cherry and the others had gone inside a club and wouldn't be back for hours probably. "I missed you."

"Clearly." Michael was glad that Gob was keeping to his promise to give up orgies and think of him instead. Since they had time, they reminisced about old days, and Gob asked him to tell him about their first night together at the bachelor party. Michael had already told him the story many times, but they liked to reminisce about it and use it for a fantasy.

So Michael told him again about how Gob's wife came into the hotel room, and Gob had uncharacteristically punched him. "She said she was in love with your brother--"

"But she must have meant her own brother," Gob said. He had fixed it in his mind that his wife had joined the army to be with her own brother. It couldn't have been because she loved Tobias, even if she kept telling him that repeatedly in the days afterward. He assumed that she was just in denial about her brother and making up a story that would be more acceptable.

Michael continued, "Then you must have talked to her and hit your head somehow. I woke up and you were with me on the floor."

"And we held each other, and I said I was sorry."

"And you kissed me, and I kissed you."

"And we loved each other."

"Yes." He sighed at the memory. "Buster must have left while we were out cold. There was only the broken stripper cake there. And you took me to that bed, and we got naked."

"And I told you how beautiful you were."

"And you said you wished you'd taken my virginity. That I'd let you sleep with me on my birthday in college."

"God yes."

"And you said that you wished we'd run away together when we were kids. Gone to live with our aunt or whoever."

"Or some Neverland without parents, and you could be Peter Pan like you wanted."

"Lost boys. And you'd teach me how to fly. And you'd never let the one-armed man hurt me."

"Mikey."

"Oh Gob." He let himself slip for the moment, "My hermano."

Gob put on the Franklin CD to cover up the sounds of their phonesex, but this time he played "Total Eclipse of the Heart." It was a pretty old-school song, and Michael had found it funny for the part where Franklin sang "Turn around, bright eyes," but Gob remembered seeing the music video when he was a teenager. It was a strange fantasy about an adult teacher apparently lusting after her students at a private boarding school. The half-naked boys cavorted around her while she sang. If that kind of stuff could get by on TV, then why the hell couldn't he appropriate the song's lyrics to speak about their "love in the dark"? Michael was still his everything. "Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time."


	15. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob deals with temptation and has a nightmare about Tony Wonder.

When the entourage returned with several girls in tow, Gob was still on the phone with Michael, just listening to him breathe. He said, "Oh, they're coming now. I gotta go. See you tomorrow."

"Okay. Love you."

"Goodnight." He turned off the CD and hung up the phone before he unlocked the doors.

The entourage piled into the car and greeted Getaway as usual, but they soon noticed the smell of sex in the limo.

"Were you partying too while we were gone?" Mark Cherry asked with a laugh. He didn't mind, knowing that Gob sometimes picked up hookers or other girls to pass the time.

Gob looked embarrassed and said, "Sort of. Sorry."

"That's okay, man. Let's go." Opening the liquor compartment, they started getting out drinks to pass around to their guests.

Gob started the engine and drove them away from the club. He felt guilty and worried because he still had not told any of them about Michael. He couldn't think of a good cover story for Michael Bee, which was strange. Gob was a Bluth and usually an excellent liar. He just kept stumbling over the concept of calling Michael his "boyfriend." He thought that it might be easier to call Michael his "lover", but the term seemed too intimate, and "partner" was too distant and too gay. He'd heard the term used about gay couples in the Hollywood media sometimes, and he didn't like it any more than "significant other." Not that he considered himself to be gay, but Michael kept claiming to be bisexual, and Gob had to default to using that label if he couldn't explain that "I don't fuck guys. I fuck my brother." This whole pretense of not being brothers was very inconvenient to Gob.

Soon Gob drove the limo back to Mark Cherry's house, and everybody hurried into the house for more raucous fun. In the living room, Gob passed out drinks and drank too, but as a Bluth, it took a lot of alcohol to get him drunk. He felt clear enough to hang out and stay in control, but then John Beard Jr. invited Gob over to sit down with them. He knew where this was headed, and he had to decline because of his promise to Michael.

Gob said, "Uh, no thanks, JBJ. Had my fun in the limo, remember?"

"Oh come on. I got this girl just for you. Isn't she hot?" He looked at the drunken girl and then spoke to her, "This is the guy I was telling you about. What do you think?"

She said to Gob, "Hi. He said you have magic fingers." She giggled and started undressing.

Gob was tempted, but he had to stay strong. "No, no thanks. Really. I'm all worn out."

"Aw, come on, Getaway. Join us," Mark Cherry said. "We had such fun the other night. God, the things you teach us how to do."

John Beard Jr. nodded, for he admired Getaway's easy charm and considerable experience. He often tried to emulate him, and he was forever impressed with how much alcohol Getaway could effortlessly handle.

The other guys also tried to encourage Getaway to join them in partying, but he insisted, "No, I really can't."

"Why not?" Mark Cherry asked. "Are you feeling sick?" He had noticed that Getaway sometimes zoned out.

Gob didn't want to risk being sent to the hospital. He said finally, "I'm--I'm dating somebody now."

They were pleased for him. "What? Wow!"

"Hey, no wonder you were late. She's your friend from Orange County, right?"

"Was she with you in the limo earlier?"

"Is she hot?" JBJ asked. It was all he ever cared about concerning women.

"Guys, I mean--" He tried to discourage their interest. "She--she wouldn't want to come to these parties. Nothing against you being celebrities, but--"

Mark Cherry nodded. "No, no, we get it. She's all yours, man."

They all had a toast to Getaway's new girlfriend, and then they went back to partying. Gob said goodnight and went to his room.

He felt bad for calling Michael a "she", but he told himself that he'd merely gotten used to thinking of Michael as his nagging wife. It wasn't because he was ashamed of him. Also, Gob wanted to come out to the entourage as his friends, not to all these random drunk girls. So it was okay to lie for now.

Gob began work on making the fake Michael Bee ID, and he told himself that he would tell the entourage the truth, or at least the non-brother version of the truth, tomorrow. But still, who was Michael Bee? Maybe he could just tell the story about the night of escalating dares with his first wife, whose name he couldn't remember.

He vaguely wondered whether he could ever make an ID good enough that he could fool government people. Then, if California ever sorted out this gay marriage mess and made it legal again, then maybe Gob could sneak them in and get married to Michael. That seemed to be what Michael wanted from him. Gob didn't think that a silly piece of paper meant anything, but he did want to make Michael happy. He had seemed mostly happy when he was married to Tracey, and he had wanted to marry Rita until he learned the truth about her; Michael seemed to be a guy who liked marriage. If Gob could give him a sort of marriage, then maybe Michael wouldn't nag so much, and Gob could jokingly refer to him as his wife. Even if he didn't do the marriage thing, they could get rings or something. Gob shrugged it off, then went to bed. It was difficult to fall asleep without his usual forget-me-now pill, but he tried to just listen to the familiar sounds of the orgy.

* * *

Gob had a terrible nightmare. It started at his wedding illusion, and he saw that all the chairs for his family members were empty. Then he saw Tony Wonder standing in the back of the audience. Suddenly Tony was now in front, sitting in Michael's chair. The "love each other" sign on the cross fell down and there was a puff of smoke.

Then Gob fell into the boulder, handcuffed. Suddenly he was trapped in the storage unit again, trying to break out of the boulder. Then he was trying to eat some red candy vines. Somewhere he heard a voice saying, "Tomorrow if you don't open up and let someone else in, then the treasures you have inside may never come out." He was scared and weak and all alone. Suddenly an ostrich appeared out of nowhere and ran at him, kicking and pecking. He was screaming.

"Hey, hey!" John Beard Jr. was in his room shaking him awake. "Hey, wake up. You okay?"

Gob was shocked, still shivering when he realized that he was safe in bed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm just glad I was up getting some water, or I wouldn't have heard you." This was a very big house. "Did you have a nightmare?"

He nodded. "Yeah. That stupid wedding and the boulder."

"Oh that's why you were yelling at Michael."

"Michael?"

"Yeah, that's your brother's name, right? The one that wouldn't be your best man at the wedding? What a jerk he was to not even come see you at the hospital." Gob had told the story to the entourage many times.

Gob swallowed, thinking that he must have been screaming for Michael to save him. He felt guilty again, and he decided to try to confess. "I--not my brother. It was Michael... Michael Bee, this guy I'm dating."

"Michael Bee?" JBJ looked surprised. "You said it was a girl, didn't you?" Maybe he had misheard over the sounds of their partying.

He shook his head and looked at the floor. "I lied because you were with all those girls..."

"Oh you thought we wouldn't get it. No, don't worry, Getaway. We're not homophobes. I got a lesbian aunt. I think Mark Cherry's cousin is gay."

Gob looked up at last. "Really?"

"Yeah. You're the first bisexual person that I know, though. This is so cool."

Gob shrugged and accepted the term now because he was distracted by something else. JBJ was his friend. He really was his friend.

"Do you feel better now?"

Gob nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

JBJ hugged him. "Come on, you wanna go get a drink with me? You can tell me about this Michael Bee guy."

"No, no." Gob didn't have a cover story yet. "I don't want to wake the others."

"You sure? We could go out by the pool."

"No, no. I just wanna go back to sleep."

"All right, get some rest. We'll tell everybody tomorrow." He got up and went to the door. "Goodnight, Getaway."

"Goodnight." Gob lay back and felt calmer. He was right after all, and Michael was wrong. He had real friends and this job was good for him.

However, he thought back to his nightmare, and JBJ's words worried him. Michael hadn't been there for him. As much as he claimed to love Gob, he had really abandoned him. Yes, Michael had made excuses for his absence, but they didn't add up. If Michael knew that Gob's fiancee wasn't pregnant after nine months, then why didn't Michael try to see Gob before the wedding? Why didn't he come fight for him then? If Pete the mailman kept nagging Michael to look at video of the wedding and to visit Gob in the hospital, then why didn't Michael do it? Michael stayed out of the family on purpose. He chose to shun him as if he were the same as the rest of the family, as if they had no special relationship of their own at all. Michael wasn't there for him when he really needed him the most.

Gob tried to forget about this and forgive Michael for this mistake, just as he forgave him for the brutal three-year estrangement. But this was hard, especially if he was going to remake his life for Michael. Especially if he was considering "forever" with him, like in the song. What kind of forever could they have, if they couldn't even tell George Michael about them? Then Gob shook his head and told himself that he was being stupid. They couldn't tell George Michael. He always knew that, even when they began their affair. George Michael was a good kid. A perfect little innocent kid. A chance for a Bluth to finally turn out normal and happy. Gob couldn't tell his nephew and make George Michael hate him again, like he hated him and punched him back on the yacht. Gob knew that George Michael hadn't really forgiven him when he said "Yes" either. When George Michael left for college, it had been hard to just work up the courage to send him the Segway as a peace offering. He couldn't ruin all this now. And Michael had said that he couldn't come to the wedding because of George Michael. He was just trying to be a good father. Gob should accept that and forgive him.

But Gob's mind kept straying to his nightmare about the failed wedding illusion. There was something on the edge of his mind about Tony Wonder. Gob hadn't seen the guy in years, since he and Buster had a magic act with the Sword of Destiny. That was before Tony Wonder came out as gay, because he had been dating a woman at the time as well as inappropriately kissing his brother's widow. "It's fucked up" he had said.

Why had Tony Wonder come to Gob's wedding? Gob hadn't invited him as a guest, and if he was just there for the magic, then why not just watch the show on TV? Did Tony Wonder come back two weeks later for the opening of the cave? He hadn't been able to watch any videos from that time, so he didn't know for sure. Gob recalled that he still didn't know why the secret compartment in his cave didn't open. Had Tony Wonder tried to hide in the cave and pop out, somehow jamming the compartment? Had he sabotaged it on purpose? But why? Gob's magic career had stalled. There was no reason to consider Gob his competition, especially since his act was Christian-themed, not gay themed. So why was Tony Wonder there? Gob tried to puzzle it out. He used to be able to puzzle things out and think clearly, many years ago.

He'd even managed to sort of figure out that Lindsay was adopted, back when he was a kid. He of course noticed the huge age difference between Michael and the Nellie girl that suddenly were introduced to him at the same time. Then Nellie became Lindsay, and his parents kept saying that Lindsay was Michael's twin, but that didn't make sense. Gob's parents said that Nellie was an imaginary friend he had, but he grew out of it. That didn't make sense either. Gob could see that Lindsay and Nellie had the same nose. Lindsay started calling one of her dolls Nellie too. When Gob tried to argue about his sister, his parents called him stupid and sent him to his room without dinner. They also sent him to school at Milford, where children were neither seen nor heard. So Gob finally stopped saying anything, even to Michael, who half remembered Nellie, but more easily accepted the lie about having an imaginary friend.

On the Queen Mary ship, when Gob overheard that Lindsay was not related, suddenly everything clicked, and he realized that Lindsay was Nellie after all, a girl who was a year older than him. It was so fucked up, especially with Lindsay saying that she was going to divorce Tobias and marry Michael. Not if he had anything to say about that. Michael was his, even if they weren't having sex currently. So he hit on Lindsay and offered to marry her instead; another sham marriage wouldn't bother him, and maybe he could seduce Michael again once they had a cover. However, Lindsay just fought with him, and he had to call for Mom to help him. At least Lindsay gave up on her scheme to marry Michael.

But none of this helped him figure out what was bothering him about Tony Wonder. Something was there that he couldn't quite see. If only Gob could figure this out.


	16. Michael Bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, some stuff about other Bluths now. I'm inserting a scene into the season 3 finale between Lindsay and Maeby to try to clear up some stuff about George Michael and Maeby's marriage. The scene takes place between Lindsay's fight with Gob, and Michael's speech to the party guests.

The next day, Gob finally came up with a cover story for Michael Bee. Since the entourage were his real friends, he wanted to tell them a story that was close to the truth. So he told them that he and Michael Bee first slept together while he was married to his first wife, who left for the army. They had to sneak around for years because of family.

"Your family or his?"

Gob hesitated, then said, "Both. My family's awful, you know, and he had a son who wouldn't have understood. Anyway, I divorced my wife, and eventually his son went to college."

"But didn't you almost get married again to some girl?"

Gob nodded and explained, "Oh Michael and I broke up before then. He almost married some girl too, but it was a huge mistake. Anyway we haven't seen each other in years, but then yesterday, I met up with him in Orange County and we got back together. So Michael decided to come to Malibu to be with me."

"Aw, that's nice." JBJ said he was happy for Gob.

The others were supportive, too, and Mark Cherry said that Gob could bring Michael Bee by the house if he wanted to hang out or anything. "You don't have to sneak around and just meet him in the limo."

"Thanks. Yeah I might bring him by sometime, but he's not into partying all night like you guys are." Michael could be very fun in private, but at other times he was a killjoy when it came to stuff like drugs and orgies. He'd never agreed to have a threesome, for example.

Mark Cherry said, "Hey, if his son wants an autograph or something, let us know. Maybe that will help you guys out with him."

Gob considered that, but he knew that George Michael would need more than an autograph to accept his father sleeping with his uncle. He just said, "Thanks," then went to his room to get the laptop and fake ID to take to Michael.

* * *

So that afternoon, he returned to the hotel, and he called Michael from the lobby. "Hey, honey, I'm coming up to see you now."

Michael was happy. "I can't wait. You know I always prefer having you fuck me in person than on the phone."

Gob laughed and got in the elevator. "See you soon."

Michael opened the door so that Gob wouldn't have to get out his own keycard. He saw that Gob had brought not only the computer, but also a CD player. He grinned and kissed Gob in the doorway. Gob lingered with him for a moment, then he went inside.

He put down all the stuff, and he told Michael that he'd told the entourage about them. "They said you can come by any time to hang out."

"Could I move in with you?" he asked.

Gob frowned, not wanting discuss that possibility. "I already told you, no."

Michael looked disappointed, and Gob took out the fake Michael Bee ID from his pocket to distract him. Michael mumbled thanks and put it away in his wallet.

Gob gestured around the great room and balcony. "Come on, you don't want to stay here?"

"I just, I want to be with you all the time." He kissed him. "I want to wake up with you, and be there if you can't sleep at night."

Gob frowned, not wanting to be reminded of his nightmare. He deflected, "What about you? Can you sleep all right, Mikey?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes. It's weird being all alone in Sudden Valley."

"Well, you're not alone anymore." He put the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, then came back and pressed play on the CD player. He'd already put the Franklin CD inside it.

Michael smiled and started to undress.

Gob joined him on the bed and pounced on him. For all the nagging and controlling that Michael did out of bed, he was very submissive in bed. Once, when they had been fucking at Gob's wife's apartment, Michael had asked if he might be on top, but Gob had said no. He said that as the older brother, he should naturally be the one on top. Michael started to say that there was nothing natural about it, so Gob told him that he preferred fucking Michael because it was like he was taking Michael's virginity like he'd wanted to in college. It was special, doing something with him that no woman had done with him before. Michael liked that idea, and he never argued again with what Gob wanted in bed.

For variety's sake, Gob had taught him other things about handcuffs and safe-words and spanking. Also, during the time that Michael had been vice president at the company, Gob sometimes locked the door of the storage room/office, and he would have Michael on the couch as a reward for doing all the work. He usually did this late at night when the office was empty, so that they could make as much noise as they wanted. Sometimes they even risked doing it on the pool table in Gob's office. If only they hadn't broken up over Lucille 2 and the stocks.

Later that afternoon, when Michael was both well spanked and well fucked, he lay on his stomach trying out the computer on the hotel's free internet. Gob showered in the bathroom, then came out in a bathrobe. He would have to bring his own short robe from home, for he didn't like the length of hotel robes.

"Hey, honey." With a kiss, Gob sat close and said he would bring his financial stuff later in the week when he found all the receipts. Right now he needed to get to Mexico since he missed yesterday's trip.

"Huh?" Michael looked up from the computer. "But you--I thought you weren't..."

"No, that was just because I didn't have time to go to Mexico yesterday. But I need them, Mikey. I couldn't sleep last night for hours, and then I had a horrible nightmare."

"What? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I'm sorry, I just--I wanted you so bad, and you make me feel better."

"But if I move in with you, then I can be there--"

"No," Gob refused. "No, Michael, you can't." There was still a lipstick message on his mirror which he didn't want to tell Michael about.

Michael pouted and hugged him.

Gob insisted, "Trust me, Mikey. I don't know, maybe this was why I was really taking the pills, because I was still having nightmares about being trapped in the storage unit. So I gotta go get some more now, all right?"

"All right," Michael agreed reluctantly. "I don't want you to have nightmares." Then he thought that maybe Gob was addicted to the pills like people got addicted to sleep medications. Or how Lucille was addicted to her postpartum medication. "But be careful."

"I will. Don't worry." Gob kissed him, then got out of bed to get dressed. He gave Michael another kiss as he said goodbye. "We'll get your phone and car tomorrow."

"Okay."

After Gob was gone, Michael sighed and looked up the side effects of the roofies online. The withdrawal symptoms sounded terrible, so he sympathized with Gob and realized that he shouldn't suddenly quit cold turkey. He needed to figure out how to get Gob to see a doctor soon so he could be safely eased off the drug. Also, he needed therapy or something for his nightmares.

* * *

For a couple of weeks, Michael was too busy figuring out Gob's finances and drawing up a budget to go looking for real work. Gob also was reluctant to discuss his health, and he didn't want to see a doctor, saying that he'd get into trouble about the pills, which were illegal in America, but not in Mexico.

So Michael gave up for the moment. However, he figured out how to set up a free email account online, and then he found George Michael's email address at college.

"George Michael, this is your father. I just wanted to let you know my new address since I've moved. It wasn't working out in Sudden Valley. Your Uncle Gob and I have made up, and I'm doing some work for him in Malibu. I mean, this is just an exception to the "out of the family" thing; I'm still not talking to the rest of them. Anyway, I hope you're doing well in college. Did you enjoy Gob's Segway?"

George Michael replied to his father in surprise. "Really? You made up with Uncle Gob? What kind of work? Is it something to do with Mark Cherry? I didn't tell you before about Uncle Gob sending me the Segway in case you got mad at me for accepting it. I did like it more than the staircar, but when I told people about Uncle Gob being a magician, they didn't think it was cool. So I had to get rid of it. Tell Uncle Gob I'm sorry."

Michael told Gob about this as diplomatically as possible, saying instead that the vehicle wasn't allowed on campus. He replied to George Michael, "I'm glad you forgive him. I'm doing Gob's finances for his Bee Company. Gob made me Vice President again. :)"

For a moment Michael indulged in a fantasy that someday he could tell George Michael about him and Gob. Maybe he could use Tracey's psychology terms to explain it, and maybe George Michael could understand why they loved each other so much. Or maybe if Michael claimed that he was adopted and that his birth certificate was a fake, then George Michael would be okay with them being together. Maybe.

But on the other hand, probably not. In the real world, George Michael could be too weirded out and confused about his father suddenly being gay for his own brother. And if Michael explained how far back the affair went, George Michael might complain about his hypocritical advice regarding Maeby years ago. In that case, then George Michael might never come back after college and might move away. So for now Michael said nothing about being in love with his own brother, and he just tried to hope for the best.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Sudden Valley, Maeby had noticed the broken front door right away, and she monitored the house surreptitiously. Soon she began to realize that Michael must have moved out. She had not seen him or the limo at his house in a while, nor had Pete the mailman come by to deliver anything recently. So Maeby decided to venture into Michael's house and steal any valuables left behind, but there wasn't much left. She also didn't want to go upstairs, since they probably had sex there. After all, there were still bedsheets in the dryer.

So she returned to the model home and unpacked her bags at last. It was sort of a relief for Uncle Mike to be gone, but it also reminded her that she was alone in the world. She knew where her mother lived, but her dad had disappeared off her radar after she saw him in the final episode of _Scandalmakers_ about Carl Weathers. Tobias wasn't even getting parts in religious TV shows on the Miracle Network anymore. Had he finally given up on acting and gone back to psychiatry? He might as well be back in Boston, for all Maeby knew.

And of course George Michael was away at college. She knew that they were still technically married because she had found their framed marriage certificate hidden in the secret room when she checked the model home for valuables. George Michael must have left it behind when he left for college, just like he left her behind.

It still annoyed her that George Michael had broken up with her after the Queen Mary, all because his dad discouraged him. Stupid lying hypocritical Uncle Mike! George Michael said he wanted to be "just cousins" and focus on graduating high school, and she pretended to go along, hoping that she could flunk out in two months time. Surely he wouldn't want her to flunk? But he didn't notice her anymore than her own parents did.

"Just cousins" as if they weren't married! As if they hadn't just found out that her mom was adopted and they weren't really related! Maeby knew that George Michael wasn't a good kisser yet, not as good as Steve Holt had been, but she didn't expect him to be better given his lack of experience. What a stupid bland ex-girlfriend! Despite his awkward kissing, Maeby had still let George Michael get to second base with her that night on her 16th birthday, and she thought she could teach him to kiss better with time.

But in the morning, Maeby's dad showed them the scrapbook pictures of her birth, and it traumatized them both. But even thinking that they were cousins, Maeby had still lusted after George Michael enough that she kept kissing him in their room with the bunkbeds. To control herself, she had rushed to get back her job at Tantamount Studios. She then belatedly learned that her mother was adopted.

On the Queen Mary, Maeby had been getting her family's signatures for the TV show about her life, and Lindsay had said that she already signed Lucille's form.

Maeby had bluffed that the first copy got wet when she spilled a drink on it. Lindsay shrugged and agreed to sign again. Then she said casually, "Oh Maeby, I just want to let you know that I'm adopted, and I'm going to divorce your father to marry Michael."

"What?"

"He's technically not my brother."

Maeby just stared speechlessly, freaking out that George Michael wasn't her cousin, but if her mother had her way and got married again, then George Michael would become her step-brother. Ew!

Thankfully, then Michael gave his big speech at the party, insisting that Lindsay was still his sister "no matter what any piece of paper says." He also said that Lindsay and Tobias loved each other, so clearly Uncle Mike was not on board with Lindsay's plan. Then the police boats came and Gangie hijacked the Queen Mary, so everybody forgot about that. Even Lindsay no longer tried to get Michael to marry her.

Maeby was relieved, but at the coast guard station, George Michael still broke up with her anyway, just because of his dad's interference. Maeby wondered how George Michael would react now if she told him about his dad and Uncle Gob having sex. Shoot the messenger, maybe. Or else he wouldn't even believe her at all.

Well, George Michael was gone now, and he'd clearly forgotten their marriage and abandoned her. So she had to forget about him too and move on with her own life. Unfortunately for Maeby that meant living a roofie circle of going to high school over and over again. She thought about giving her name as Maeby Bluth instead of Fünke, but changed her mind, as it hit too close to home.


	17. Modern Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hit sitcom Modern Family began airing in the fall of 2009, and AD refers to it a couple of times in season 4. I watched the first season before growing tired of it, and I base my comments on what I remember of the show. The 2010 Camaro began to be sold as early as April 2009.

Once Michael finished updating his resume, he began to look for work around town under his real name of Bluth. Since he was often out during the day, Michael would call Gob to let him know that he wouldn't be at the hotel, and Gob would cheer him up after bad job interviews. However, Michael would not engage in phone sex while out in public like that, so Gob started asking Michael out on dates at night.

Mark Cherry had given Getaway permission to go out with Michael during the early evening hours, since the entourage usually stayed in for dinner. As long as Getaway came back in time to drive them out to the clubs after midnight, they would make do by inviting Josh Abramson back to order food and stuff for them.

Michael would pick up Gob in his new car, which was a 2010 model Chevy Camaro. Gob had liked the update to the classic car, and he bought a black one for Michael on the same day that they got him a cellphone. Michael would come inside the big house to say hello to the entourage, and Gob was happy to show Michael off, but he didn't want to linger for long, to maximize their time alone. Michael didn't have much in common with the young stars anyway, and would not be able to keep current with their small talk.

Though Michael drove the car, Gob got them reservations at top trendy restaurants that knew him. On their dates, they got to act like a real couple, which they never got to do during their first secret affair, but they did have to avoid paparazzi in case anybody recognized Michael as a Bluth, and therefore Getaway's brother. Michael enjoyed their romantic dates at first, but he soon worried about Gob's budget and recommended that they just stay in for room service at the hotel. Gob agreed, since they had to leave the Franklin CD at the hotel, and Michael didn't want to risk having sex in the Camaro since it did not have tinted windows. The card with Michael's face on it, as well as the dedication of the Bryan Adams song, were just too incriminating to leave lying around in the car.

Once they started staying in at the hotel, Gob would usually fuck Michael at the start of the evening, then order room service after they stopped the CD player. Gob would answer the door in his short robe, then bring the cart inside so they could eat in bed. Sometimes he would try to fuck Michael again, and other times they'd just rest and watch TV together until Gob had to shower and change to go back to Mark Cherry's house.

There was a new show called Modern Family that they liked to watch sometimes. The sitcom had a Colombian actress who was hot and reminded them a little of Marta, but the brothers also discussed how they liked the other actress, Julie Bowen, who was blonde.

The patriarch on the show wasn't nearly overbearing and mean enough to scare them, and the realtor character looked way too successful during a down economy. "I'd like to see him in Sudden Valley," Michael said.

There was also a gay couple on the show who had adopted a baby. Gob laughed at their antics and said that they reminded him of some Hot Cops he had known. "At least they don't talk like Tobias."

Michael said, "I don't think that most gay people talk like Tobias does. Gary at work almost never said anything."

"Oh Gary?" Gob remembered the Bluth Company employee that he'd accidentally flirted with at the office years ago. There had also been another guy at Sitwell's office who tested a chair with him, but Gob had forgotten the other guy's name. Walking in on them, Michael had given him a strange look that day, as if Gob were cheating on him. But he was always jealous.

"I wonder what happened to him?" Gob hadn't seen Gary since the office magic video.

Michael watched Gob's face, and he said, "Of course, Tobias doesn't know that he's gay."

Gob snorted. "That's his problem and Lindsay's. I wonder if they got divorced yet."

Michael shrugged and gave up. Maybe it didn't matter if Gob never admitted that he was physically attracted to other guys besides Michael. It would just mean that Gob would be less likely to cheat on him with another man.

Meanwhile Gob watched the sitcom's gay couple and wondered if that was what Michael wanted them to be like. One of them, Mitchell, was very controlling and nagged his partner against being flamboyantly gay. He was even a lawyer like Michael had wanted to be, though not in maritime law. Mitchell had red hair and a beard, which seemed to Gob to be a symbolic mixture of Michael and Tracey when they had been on their mission to make him normal. In cooing over their adopted baby, the gay couple seemed domestic and cutesy, a bland stereotype that was never dangerous, and never controversial. They were also quite annoyingly sexless, never kissing or really touching onscreen.

Gob would never want to be like that, and to prove it, he got up and turned off the TV. He didn't need to see the end of the show.

"What?" Michael complained.

Gob kissed him and murmured, "Grab another condom."

He opened the balcony doors and pulled Michael outside underneath the stars. Michael was nervous at first, but Gob kissed him and pressed him onto a recliner on the balcony. Soon Michael got into it, and they fucked while still half wearing their robes. At this rate, Gob could corrupt Michael into being more wild and free from Tracey's rules. Gob proved that he could not be tamed, and he hoped that Michael would not want to change him anymore.

* * *

Later that night, after he had showered and dressed, Gob went down in the elevator and then was stopped in the lobby by the hotel clerk.

Apparently the hotel manager wanted to speak to him in private. Gob wondered if it was about his bill, which he thought he had paid.

In the office, the manager asked him to have a seat, and she said carefully, "While we do appreciate your business, Mr. Bluth, we pride ourselves on being discreet. So I must ask that you and your guest be discreet also."

Gob frowned. "What's wrong with me and Michael?" Had Michael not properly locked up the CD, or had a maid come across the card with Michael's face on it, calling him hermano? Did they know that Michael Bee was Michael Bluth?

The manager said, "Tonight we had some complaints from other guests about you and your hooker having sex on the balcony."

He blinked. "My hoo--? Michael's not a hooker."

She shrugged. "Escort, then."

Gob realized his mistake in not properly introducing Michael Bee in the first place. "No, he's my honey, my--" Damn it, he still couldn't force himself to use the word "boyfriend." So instead he took on an offended tone. "Look, Michael would be my wife, if that was legal here."

The manager raised an eyebrow at "wife," but she assumed that Gob was referring to Prop 8 and same-sex marriage, not incest. She frowned. "I'm sorry. I-I thought that if he was your boyfriend that you'd be staying here with him. Or why doesn't he live with you?"

Gob deflected. "It's not my house."

"Oh, of course." She looked embarrassed. "I apologize, but please do not have sex on the balcony anymore."

"Fine."

Gob then left the hotel and hurried to the limo, which he had brought this time instead of having Michael pick him up. He was not going to tell Michael that he'd been mistaken for a high-class whore. Michael didn't approve of such things, though he really should take it as a compliment. He and Nellie both seemed to command high prices with their good looks, while Gob had been doing tricks on the street.

Gob was able to admit to himself now that he had been a whore in the early '90s. It was entirely the fault of the drugs and his misery during the estrangement from Michael. Gob would never sink to that level again so long as he had Michael's love and friends like the entourage.

He just wondered why he still couldn't say "boyfriend." Maybe because it began with a "b" and he would be too tempted to say "brother" instead.


	18. Crisis

After looking into the matter, Michael learned that his pre-law degree didn't have enough accounting classes, so if he wanted to become an accountant he would have to start over with 5 years of classes and then take a qualifying exam to become a CPA. This depressed Michael and made him feel like a failure again. How could he ever start paying Gob back if he couldn't restart his career?

Gob said that Michael didn't have to pay him back, and he tried to cheer him up by taking him out to the beach since the weather was still pleasant. Michael had trouble relaxing, so Gob rubbed sunscreen on his brother's body and kissed him as they lay on the towels. Michael felt slightly better for the public display of affection, but he still worried about his debt to Lucille 2. Had she found out that he left Sudden Valley yet, and would she be angry? Michael hadn't intended to deceive her, but he was not getting anywhere. He might as well try to get a job as a waiter, like Gob had once done. There was no shame in it, but it would still take a lot of tips to pay back $700,000.

When they went back to the hotel that afternoon, Michael remained melancholy and was not in the mood for sex. He just lay on the bed and sighed. "Sorry."

Gob snuggled close to him anyway and felt sad. Their happiness was so intense sometimes, but so fleeting. Why could it never last? Were they just too broken to fix each other? For so many years, Gob had imagined that if Michael loved him, then everything would finally be right between them. They would feel complete and not alone. But the reality was different, both during their first affair and this one. It was so frustrating and disappointing. He didn't know what to do.

Michael asked again, "Can't I move in with you?"

Gob shook his head. "Michael..."

He pouted. "I hate it. I hate going to bed alone and waking up here alone. Why can't you stay the night at least?"

Gob felt terrible, but did not think he should risk asking more of Mark Cherry than he already had. Though the entourage were pleased for Getaway, they hardly ever saw him now, except as their limo driver. Given time and some distance, they might decide to let Josh Abramson back into the fold, and then where would he be?

He thought about asking Michael to spend the night with him at Mark Cherry's house, to sneak him in, if he had to, but then he remembered the lipstick message on his bathroom mirror. He should clean it off, really, for he had realized with the passage of days with Michael that the message was old, possibly very old. He wished he knew how far back it went.

Yet Gob still took the forget-me-nows every night, to help him sleep after staying up with the entourage for hours, and to ward off any further nightmares. And in the mornings when he saw the mirror, Gob thought that he needed the reminder of the syphilis, to make him vigilant about protecting Michael.

He held Michael close. "You're not alone now, Mikey. Not like in Sudden Valley. And you can play the CD to hear my voice."

"I know." He often did so at times when he knew that Gob was busy or asleep and couldn't call him. Still, he wished that they could live together. He'd always wanted Gob to move in again, even when Tracey was alive and well. She wouldn't have let Michael be alone with his brother after the kissing incident in the hospital, but still Michael wanted his brother around, at least to talk to; he had wanted them to be a family. Maybe it never would have worked, though.

He sighed and just held onto his brother.

Gob realized that Tracey had been right about one thing: Michael could not live alone with his thoughts. Even in a crowded hotel and a city full of life, he was still haunted by memories and emptiness. Maybe he had as much darkness in him as Gob did, and she really was a saint to live with him so long.

Searching for some remedy, Gob said, "Hey, what about your birthday? Weren't we gonna pick a day and celebrate?"

Michael shrugged.

"You want to?"

"I guess."

"Okay, let's do it this weekend. You'll feel better, and we can pretend that you're not 40 either. How about 35?"

Michael didn't care about his age. He just wanted some proof that they weren't brothers, so they could be normal at last, so they could be like any of the other couples on the beach. "I just wanna be with you."

"I know. We'll be okay, Mikey." Gob kissed him and got up to go.

Michael said in a needy way, "I love you."

Gob managed, "Me too. I'll call you later." Then he left as usual, wondering what kind of birthday party or presents he should give Michael to cheer him up.

Maybe he would have to give him a ring or something like that. Promise him forever even though he didn't know if he could keep Michael happy for that long. He had no idea how they'd handle George Michael when he came back from college, either. They had lied to the kid for years, but maybe it wouldn't work anymore once he was all grown up. A full fledged Bluth ought to be able to detect, as well as tell, lies.

* * *

Before the weekend came, though, Michael got needy again. He called JBJ, who seemed to be Gob's closest friend of the group, and he asked if he could come surprise Gob that night. JBJ agreed to leave him a key to the house in a hiding place, and he told him where Gob's room was. So after midnight, Michael drove to Mark Cherry's house and let himself inside.

As he headed to Gob's room, he glanced all around the big house, wondering why he couldn't move in. Surely he wouldn't bother Mark Cherry and the others if he stayed in Gob's room and didn't intrude elsewhere? Gob would save money on the hotel too, and he could be available more of the time to the entourage. Michael could even offer to run errands in his Camaro or do chores if it would influence Mark Cherry. Granted, Michael would have to refrain from giving his opinions about any orgies going on in the other part of the house, but he thought he could keep quiet, if he could just be with Gob.

Soon Michael found the room and started to prepare for a romantic night. He would get undressed and then surprise Gob when he returned and came to bed. (Hopefully JBJ would find an excuse to send Gob straight to his room instead of lingering with the entourage for hours.) Maybe Michael should use Gob's handcuffs or other bits of magic props that were here? After getting naked and putting on Gob's spare short robe--he seemed to have an endless supply--Michael went into the adjoining bathroom. Then he stood frozen, reading the lipstick message on the mirror. "Fun nite" and a similar misspelling of syphilis. What the fuck?

Furious and hurt, he ran back into the bedroom for his phone. He called Gob, who was waiting in the limo again. "Who was she?"

"What?"

"Who were you with? Little Miss Syphilis who calls you Joe with a B." He stopped pacing Gob's room and sat on the bed miserably. "You promised not to cheat this time. How could you?"

Gob finally realized that Michael must have been in his bathroom at Mark Cherry's house, though he didn't know why or how. "No, Michael--"

"Don't lie to me, Gob. Those orgies going on at the house--"

"I'm not cheating on you, Michael!"

"How would you even know if you were? You still take forget-me-nows." He should have fought harder to get Gob to see a doctor. He should have gone with him on a trip to Mexico and asked the prescribing doctor to wean Gob off his addiction.

Gob answered, "I know because JBJ and the others wouldn't let me cheat. They know about you, and they don't offer me girls anymore. I only do the magic and stuff like that for them." They were his friends, and he trusted them no matter how drunk or impaired they got.

"Then what the fuck is this message? A joke?"

"It's an old message, Michael. Can't you see? It's dried on."

Michael thought about that, and he returned to the bathroom to test it. Indeed, the message did not feel moist or wipe off easily. He calmed down slightly, but still worried. "How old is this message?"

Gob said honestly, "I don't know. All the days blurred together before, and I must not have told the entourage about it. But I swear, Michael, there's been no one but you since we got back together." He had really tried this time. He had wanted this to work finally, to have real love and magic and everything he'd longed for.

Michael looked into the medicine cabinet for any pill bottles, and he only found the damn roofies. He asked Gob, "Have you been treated for the syphilis? Do you still have it or anything else? Is that why with the condoms?" In the old days, it was usually Michael who had to be responsible enough to remember to buy condoms for them. He should have suspected something when Gob was being more responsible lately.

Gob hesitated to answer Michael's questions, and he felt guilty for his deception. "Michael, I wanted to protect you..." But he trailed off, unable to explain.

Michael put down the bottle and figured that Gob's non-answer was an answer of sorts. He returned to the bedroom to pace again. "You should have told me the truth! You knew about the syphilis before you came to Sudden Valley, didn't you? Before you asked me to move here with you. Why couldn't you just tell me then?"

Gob asked, "Would you have come with me, then?"

Michael said, "Of course. I love you." He still loved him even now. "I would have just asked you to go to a clinic with me again." They had gone together, years ago, after Gob's herpes outbreak; he said he had caught it from Kitty. "We could have taken care of this."

That was what Gob hated, Michael lecturing him and judging him, as if he somehow knew better than Gob despite his lack of sexual experience. The first visit to the clinic had been horribly humiliating, and Gob only went along to stop Michael nagging him. Michael would not admit it, but he had felt embarrassed and uncomfortable too, and not just because he feared that they might be recognized as brothers. This was an entirely new situation for him and he felt out of his depth, so Gob had asked to be there with him during his brother's examination and tests. Well, he had used the word "lover" then.

"Don't you remember what it was like?" Gob asked him. The way Michael blushed, the way he held onto Gob's hand, the way he preferred Gob to answer for him when they were questioned about exactly what kind of risky sex they had together... It made him look young and innocent, not in control anymore.

Michael sighed and sat on the bed. He remembered the experience of paradoxically feeling like a virgin again. "But I would have done it for you."

Gob insisted, "I wanted to protect you."

"Then why not go by yourself to a clinic? You didn't, did you?"

Gob couldn't take having this conversation over the phone. Being unable to see Michael's face or to have Michael see him in return, see the feelings he could not express in words. So he lied and said, "Oh, it's the guys. They're coming back. I can't talk now."

"Well then come see me as soon as you get back to the house. I'm in your room."

Gob kept lying, "We might not drive home just yet. Mark Cherry was talking about hitting more than one club tonight."

"Then call me back when you're parked again."

Gob pretended that he hadn't heard him. "They're almost here. I'll see you when I get home." He hung up.

Michael protested and almost called back, but then he put down the phone, realizing that he wouldn't have wanted to reflexively end the call with "Love you" as usual. As if everything were fine.

Michael sat there on the bed, still wearing Gob's robe and wondering if he should dress again. Instead he lay down miserably on the bed and smelled the scent of Gob in the sheets and pillows. He'd missed that so much, because the hotel room was regularly cleaned so that no smell could linger. It was part of why he wanted so desperately to live with Gob again.

Michael got in bed and wrapped himself in the blankets for comfort. Why couldn't he and Gob live together now? Why couldn't they have a normal life? Because they were so abnormal? He also vaguely wondered why Gob didn't clean the mirror long ago.


	19. On the Yacht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's another flashback, this time from December 1987. I don't remember Michael's exact birthday from his birth certificate, and it didn't match up with all the talk of Lindsay's birthday during the season 3 finale, which was set in February. Anyway, this is why Michael thinks that nothing happened when he slept on the yacht.
> 
> In season 3, Michael says that he's not calling Gob stupid, and "of course" he thinks that Gob is smart, in "Making a Stand." Though they both fall for the banana stand manipulation, Gob actually carries off the lesson well, totally fooling their father.

In 1987 when Michael should have been studying, Gob came to his college dorm room with very different plans for his brother's 18th birthday. The surprise was quite disconcerting, but at least Michael got to drive the red Camaro. After getting rid of the hooker, Michael drove Gob home and then helped him climb aboard his yacht. Gob didn't want him to leave, so he agreed to stay for the night, even though he didn't have any seasick patches with him. Gob needed him, and the yacht was at least securely tied up at the dock, instead of out on the choppy ocean, so Michael risked it for one night. He undressed Gob to put him to bed, and Gob tried to sloppily kiss his mouth. "Hey!" Startled but in denial, Michael just backed away and wondered how high Gob must be.

"Mikey!" He knew he shouldn't have tried to kiss him, but he had been so tempted by how much Michael touched him. Sometimes he seemed to know what was happening, but other times he would shut down like a robot who couldn't comprehend anything that didn't agree with his programming.

"Gob, let go. I need to get undressed."

Surprised that Michael wasn't trying to leave the yacht, Gob finally released his hold on him. He watched Michael strip down to his t-shirt and shorts, and he wanted to shove more than just his tongue down Michael's throat now.

Michael obliviously got in bed with him, and turned out the light. However, it was still rather early in the evening, as Gob had paid for a full night with the hooker. Michael remained sitting up and watching his brother in the moonlight to be sure that he was all right. He felt his pulse at his neck and looked into his eyes.

Gob blinked and took Michael's hand. He kissed it as he had wanted to kiss his mouth, lingering on the palm.

Michael gasped softly at the feel of Gob's tongue, and he pulled away, frowning. It took a couple of more seconds for his denial to kick in again. This was his brother.

Gob stared at his face, still trying to read Michael's mixed signals. He knew this incestuous desire was wrong, and that Michael was hung up on things being illegal, so he only ventured, "Michael, I just--if you let me watch you with a girl, then I won't do anything. I just need to see you once." That had been his original intention tonight, after all. Michael was the one who was stubborn and got rid of the hooker, leaving them alone like this, without even an option for a threesome.

Michael only heard what he wanted to hear, and he interpreted Gob bringing him the whore as a misguided gesture from an older brother who was drunk and overenthusiastic about teaching his younger brother about women; it was a mentoring thing, trying to offer him guidance about how to have sex. Michael said, "Thank you, but I don't need your help, Gob. I'm not afraid of girls." That was a lie. "I'm just concentrating on my studies. Grades come before girls."

Gob felt frustrated and sad that Michael was still spouting Dad's nonsense, even though he should know better. Dad was a womanizer, and he'd encouraged Gob to be the same in high school. Grades didn't matter then. It was so fucked up how their parents had brainwashed Michael into becoming this obedient little robot.

Then Michael oddly felt flattered and half smiled like a human being again. "Did you really spend a lot of money on me?"

Gob answered, "Yeah. Of course." It cost a lot to get the single healthiest call girl that this town had ever seen. Well, the healthiest besides Nellie, but she knew too many of Gob's secrets and she had too many rules that would shock a virgin like Michael. It wasn't worth it, even to give Michael a family discount, especially since Gob hadn't told anyone that he was a pimp. Well, technically, Franklin was the pimp.

Michael still acted oblivious, and he patted Gob's shoulder with a laugh. "Well I'm sorry you wasted your money tonight, but I'm glad you remembered my birthday at least." No one else ever did. "Next time, can you just get me a birthday card or call me?"

Gob shrugged and wondered if he could give Michael a blowjob for a birthday present instead. He might be receptive to that, unlike the kiss, and it could break down his wall of denial. He sidled closer to Michael's lap, but then Michael spoke again.

"What are you doing on this yacht anyway? Why aren't you in college yet?" When Gob didn't apply after leaving high school, Michael had thought that Gob just needed a year off to get over his misery at home and to play at being a magician some more. But it had been two years, and Michael was in college now. Lindsay had briefly attended college too, but she dropped out to pursue guys and her so-called causes. It was just as much a waste of money as the hooker tonight, so maybe Dad could be persuaded to let Gob use the tuition.

Gob answered, "College? Why? So I can sleep with all the hot coeds? I get plenty of that on Spring Break, and then I never have to see them again."

Michael rolled his eyes. "No, I mean taking classes, Gob. Studying for a real career."

"Magic is a real career!" Why did he have to act so superior and smug?

"Come on Gob. Haven't you grown out of that kid stuff yet?"

God, still quoting Dad to him. Gob felt irritable and not generous enough to give him a blowjob after all. Even though he really was so hot.

Michael saw his brother's face and continued in a more conciliatory tone, "I mean, you could keep magic as a hobby, but make money doing something else."

"I make plenty of money, Mikey. I got this yacht, don't I?" Mostly he made money illegally, by making fake IDs, or selling drugs, or being a pimp. Also, Dad had put him on the Bluth Company payroll in order to use him at the annual softball games against Sitwell. But Dad didn't want to see Gob's face around the office otherwise, messing with his computers, or anything else. Gob considered editing his father's file on Nellie the hooker, so as to reveal Franklin as the pimp, but then he decided to just write the Penus joke program to be petulant. Besides, he didn't want to think about his father having sex with Nellie; that weirded him out, though he supposed it was better than thinking of Mom and Dad together. Ugh!

Michael looked surprised that Gob could make this much money from magic. Well, no wonder he was too lazy to work hard for a degree. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"You should be." Gob was unhappy about this impasse with Michael. Maybe he should just tell him to get out of bed and sleep on the floor. Or in the Camaro, so he wouldn't be seasick.

However, Michael became sad and pouted. "I miss you, Gob. I haven't seen you since you left high school. Why didn't you ever visit me before now?"

Gob only muttered, "Busy." In fact he'd been trying to put some distance between them. He knew that his feelings for Michael were crazy and wrong, and he was trying to get better. He'd tried having sex with Nellie when he first met her, after all, but he only ended up crying and holding Franklin for comfort.

Meanwhile, Michael pleaded, "I wish you'd come to college." He looked wistful. "We could have been roommates this year."

Gob looked up in surprise. He imagined that living with Michael would be hot, but he probably would not have had the self-control to keep from jumping on Michael on their first night in the dorm, instead of waiting until Michael's 18th birthday. Still, Michael was 18 now, and he seemed to be inviting him. Gob would do it, if only Michael would give him unambiguous signals. Did he want to be seduced?

"You really want me there, Mikey?"

Michael nodded and smiled hopefully. "We can get rid of my roommate, and you can have the top bunk."

"Or we could... be together. Do things." He thought that being explicit would scare Michael, since he was a virgin, but Gob pulled him down on the bed at last, so that he wasn't sitting up and looking away. He tried to kiss him, but Michael interrupted excitedly.

"Yeah, maybe we can get in the same classes, so we can study together and hang out all the time. It'll be so great, Gob, and Dad can't make us fight again."

"No, he'd find a way. Who's got better grades? Who's having more sex?" He frowned. "And you remember the election."

Michael nodded and looked hurt again. He turned away, and Gob felt bad.

Dad had been trying to goad them into having another Boyfight, and Gob had been unable to fight the sick compulsion to do anything for his approval. Still, despite the dirty campaign tricks, he didn't really think that Michael would lose by so much just because Gob had started to become popular with his "I don't give a fuck about grades anymore" attitude. Michael had felt so utterly invisible, and he'd only wanted to run to get Tracey's attention.

Gob hugged him from behind and kissed his cheek comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Mikey."

Michael said, "Why can't we be friends? Why? It's not fair." He didn't have any other friends really. Just acquaintances and study partners and his roommate.

Gob could see that Michael still felt so alone. He needed Gob, so he thought about enrolling in the college to be with him. Maybe he could pay the tuition himself and not have to go through Dad. They could keep it a secret, but there would still be the dilemma about how to keep himself from touching Michael. About whether Michael wanted to be touched. "I, um--Mikey, it would be a lot of work for me, if I went back to school for you."

Michael looked hopeful and pleased, especially about the "for you" part. "But you could catch up, Gob. You're smart. You don't have to keep pretending like this." He knew that Gob was just lazy and apathetic, not incapable. He also got no attention or support from their parents, no matter what grade he got.

Gob insisted, "It's been a long time, and I don't really care about being a lawyer, or whatever you're studying now. Look, would you do the work for me, and I'll keep doing my magic?" Plus all the other illegal activities that he did for money.

Michael asked, "But why do you wanna cheat? It's wrong."

"A lot of things are wrong, Mikey, but they feel good. Do you want me to show you?"

"I don't want drugs or anything."

"No, I don't mean drugs. I mean sex."

"I don't need a hooker--"

"I mean you and me, Mikey." He touched his cheek. "Kissing and touching and fucking."

Shutdown again with denial, Michael just stared at him blankly and didn't answer.

Gob worried that he had scared him by mentioning "fucking." So he kissed him gently on the lips. "I mean, not right away, if you're not ready, but I just need to know that you want it. That you want me."

He kept waiting for Michael to protest that they were brothers, or that it was gay, or something like that. All the things that had made Gob wretched and guilty all through high school, when he fucked every girl that he could to try to erase the incestuous lust.

Still nothing, so Gob pleaded, "It won't be scary, Mikey. I'll make it fun for you."

"Fun and failure start the same way."

"Michael!" He was just a fucking robot now, wasn't he? He got out of bed and had to kick something, throw something. He accidentally knocked over a steering control, though, and rocked the yacht violently. 

That seemed to snap Michael out of it. "Ugh. Hey." He got sick and reached for a trash can.

Gob saw him, and tried to correct the steering. Once the boat stabilized, he sat down in frustration and tried to decide whether he wanted to dress and help Michael all the way back to the Camaro. Or maybe he could just give him a forget-me-now to put him to sleep for the night and make him not remember any of this futile conversation.

He went to get a glass of water and a pill.

Michael was still trying to recover when Gob wiped him with a tissue and fed him the pill without comment. Michael didn't protest, and thought that Gob had found some seasick pills. He drank down the water to clean his palate, and murmured, "Thanks."

Gob put down the glass at the bedside, then took the trash can outside to dump it and put a new bag in so that it wouldn't stink up the yacht. He returned to get a robe and some blankets to sleep upstairs on the top deck.

Michael was lying on the bed, feeling weird and sleepy. "I feel weird and sleepy."

Gob sighed as he tied on his robe. "Get some sleep now. I'll take you back to campus in the morning."

"Yeah, then you can apply at the admissions office."

What the fuck? He was still on about that, like Gob hadn't burned that bridge already. "No, I'm not coming to college."

"But, Gob--"

"No, Mikey. I don't want to."

Michael looked hurt again. "I need you."

Gob frowned and looked at him sadly. He was so beautiful and tempting. The only family member who kinda liked him and wanted to be near him despite all their fights. He sat down on the bed and said, "This is crazy. You make me crazy."

Michael reached for his sleeve, and said, "You're not crazy."

Gob shook his head.

"You're not." Becoming more affected by the drug, Michael got wistful and far away. "Remember when we used to complain about Milford in the talking room?" All the Bluth kids were sent there, but only Buster liked it and stayed. "I said I was sorry that Dad hated you, and that I believed you that Nellie was real. I said that she was a fairy who came from Neverland, but Mom and Dad just didn't see her because she was invisible, so they thought she was imaginary." He laughed at his own silliness.

Gob got uncomfortable to remember his brother at that young an age. What a sweet innocent kid Michael used to be, before their parents ruined him. "You said I wasn't crazy."

"You're not, Gob." Acting rather child-like now, Michael plucked his sleeve and said, "Come back with me. You'll be good in college."

Gob hushed him and told him to go to sleep. When Michael was finally unconscious, Gob kissed his forehead and tucked the blanket over him. He walked away and went upstairs to the top deck, where he lay down under the stars miserably. Even if he wasn't crazy about Nellie, Gob knew he was crazy now, for wanting his brother. The way Michael had been tonight made Gob feel like more of a pervert for wanting to do things to him, for even drugging him to make him forget.

Gob no longer tried to seduce him that night, or to tell Michael what he felt. He already knew it was wrong anyway, and he had to protect Michael from him. He had to stay away and do his magic and fuck more women to get over his gay feelings.

* * *

In the morning, Michael woke up in the bed alone, but he saw that Gob was back inside getting changed. Michael startled him by asking if Gob would come back to campus with him now. Gob hadn't thought that his brother would remember that part, and he questioned Michael carefully to figure out the limits of his memory.

Michael blushed to recall the near kiss at the beginning of the evening, but he dismissed it as Gob just being high and drunk and not knowing what he was doing.

"I was still horny because of the hooker," Gob added.

Michael accepted that and got dressed.

Gob tried not to watch, busying himself with making a strong drink.

Michael protested. "It's 8 AM, Gob. And you have to drive back with me."

"What?" Oh that. Gob told him again, "I'm not going to college."

"But Gob--"

He insisted on drinking down his whole glass. "Besides, I got a hangover from last night."

"Oh." Michael admitted that Gob's condition would make a bad first impression if he tried to apply today. He didn't feel that great either. He must have been seasick last night. "But, look, Gob, will you think about? It could be your birthday present to me."

As if he hadn't already spent money on a present that Michael refused? He was so demanding and ungrateful.

Michael said, "Come on. Maybe call me and come over in a few days to talk about it?"

"Fine." Gob shrugged to get Michael to stop nagging him. "You gotta get back to campus now. Call a cab."

"Oh, yeah." He belatedly remembered a quiz he had today, and he got ready to leave.

In a few days, Gob did indeed call Michael, but only to try to get him to stop listening to their father about girls. Michael needed to be less lonely and clingy, so Gob spent the next few weeks on a campaign to make Michael lose his virginity.

Gob had given up his plot to hire a hooker and be there to watch his brother. It felt too wrong just now.

But even if Gob couldn't be with him, it would be good for his brother to go out with girls and stop being a machine slaving over the books. Gob tried not to keep track of how many girls Michael slept with, but Michael seemed to want to confide in him, as a friend and brother. It was just one more thing for Gob to have to complain about in his therapy sessions with Nellie the hooker.


	20. Spin the Wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after the 1996 song "Spinning the Wheel" by George Michael, the singer/songwriter. The song is about infidelity and the risk of deadly sexual diseases.
> 
> This flashback to 2004 (in late season 1, but before the finale) shows that Michael and Gob are both irresponsible in their own ways. According to Maggie Lizer, Michael isn't careful about protection, because he apparently didn't use a condom with her when he thought she was blind, and a tag scene also implied that he got her pregnant, but that scene might not count in continuity. So Michael is a typical, deceptive, reckless Bluth too.

At the start of their first affair, Michael and Gob used to frequently have unprotected sex, until the herpes outbreak, and reality set in. But it took a while to fully sink in.

They were in bed at the time, when Michael noticed the blister, which completely spoiled the mood for him. "What's that?"

Gob frowned in annoyance and explained that he caught herpes from Kitty a few months back. "Should never have fucked her." He apologized to Michael, but said it would heal and go away in few days. "Don't worry."

"Well what about me? This means you gave it to me, doesn't it?"

Gob shrugged and said, "You look okay to me. You could check with your doctor."

Michael said, "I don't have a regular doctor now." He sat back against the headboard and chewed on a fingernail as he worried. "I haven't found a new guy yet since Dr. Miller lost his license." This was the family doctor that bandaged his head after the car accident and pumped him full of drugs so that he wouldn't remember that Lucille was the driver.

Typical Michael, to neglect his health. He never took sick days for himself at work either.

Michael asked, "What about you? Do you have a regular doctor, Gob?"

Gob rolled his eyes. Of course he did. He had the Mexican doctor who prescribed his forget-me-nows. "Yes, Michael, and I'm on herpes medication, but it doesn't completely suppress the outbreaks. But they're not as bad, and my doctor said that they would eventually get less and less with time. It's no big deal."

"Oh, that's good." He felt slightly relieved.

Gob kissed him and said, "So you get a doctor and find out if you need meds too." He hoped they could resume having sex soon. They could do other things in the meantime, like phone sex. He liked the idea of getting Michael off while he was in bed at the model home, with George Michael and the other family members down the hall. It made it even more hot wrong.

Michael thought about how long it would take him to find a new doctor, and he asked, "What are they, pills?"

Gob nodded. "Or you can get it in other forms. They're antivirals."

Michael had previously only heard of "antivirals" in the context of HIV treatment, and that suddenly scared him. "Gob you don't have anything else, do you? All the girls you've slept with, and--" Michael also finally recalled Gob's past sex work and felt stupid. "Oh God. We should both get tested right away."

Gob told him to calm down. "I've been tested, Michael." Well, he was current as of a few months ago, just after Kitty. "And your doctor can test you for whatever you want when you see him. So get one."

Michael remained panicky and kept focusing on Gob instead. He knew that Gob had been with some other women since Kitty, such as Nazghalia and Edna Whitehead. Maybe even that high school cheerleader too, who he hoped hadn't been underage. "Gob you could have caught something new since you were last tested."

Gob shrugged. "Sure. Maybe from you, Michael. I don't know about some of the crazy girls you've been with. Did you sleep with that publicist Jesse before you let Lindsay beat her up? And that Maggie Lizer was a piece of work. So that makes how many women now?" He started to count.

"Six women," Michael answered. "Not Jesse, but Beth Baerly instead. Then Maggie." He never got to sleep with Marta, and that might actually be a good thing, since Gob had been with her while also cheating on her frequently. What a mess.

"Oh right. That teacher." Gob had confused her for the civics teacher Mrs. Whitehead.

Michael knew he would never be able to count up all the women that Gob had been with, and possibly Gob didn't know the number himself. They had been so reckless. He remembered 1992 and asked curiously, "Gob, how come you wouldn't let me take you to get tested after you got arrested? For," he coughed in embarrassment, "you know, following people to their cars?"

Gob frowned and didn't like Michael acting weird and sad again about his arrest. "It wasn't a big deal, Michael! It was just a job, and I didn't need you and Tracey judging me or whatever." Like he wasn't good enough to be in their family. Like they only felt pity and guilt, not actual love for him. Plus Gob had to get away from his parents' laughter about his arrest; he had to prove he was not gay by fucking more women.

Michael said, "We weren't trying to judge you. We were trying to help you."

"I don't need help. I can take care of myself, unlike you." Then he took on a more conciliatory tone and pulled Michael closer, "Besides, all the things I learned to do with guys has come in very useful for us, hasn't it?" He kissed him deeply and tried to tempt him with at least some spanking for tonight. He said in a low voice, "I could get my wand."

That did indeed tempt Michael, but he tried to keep a clear head when reminded of all the men. He wondered if Gob had ever kept a count on them. "All the guys you've been with--"

Gob interrupted him defensively. He said that following people to their cars didn't mean he was gay or bisexual. It was business, whereas fucking Michael was pleasure. And that incredibly sinful pleasure was about Michael being his brother, not about him being a guy.

"But I _am_ a guy. I mean, you don't feel this way about Lindsay, do you?"

"No, I never had any Boyfights with her." Gob rolled his eyes at his idiot brother and scoffed. "You were the one always coming onto her."

"Me?" Michael was shocked. "No, I was just trying to be nice whenever Mom called her fat or criticized her nose."

Yeah, Lindsay's nose had been huge before her plastic surgery in high school. It was also the reason that Gob knew that she was Nellie, but he'd been conditioned into not saying anything for years now. Decades even. Hmm, it was weird that Nellie the whore had the same name. He hoped that it didn't mean anything.

Michael hesitantly asked, "You didn't ever think of Buster that way, either?"

"Ew, no! He's our baby brother." In many ways Buster was still a baby, and he remained too close to their mother. He also had a creepy relationship with Lucille Austero. "God, Michael! What is wrong with you?"

"No, I was just making sure--"

"You are sick!"

"Gob--"

"I have a sense of propriety!"

Michael regretted ever asking the question, and he just changed the subject, "So you only ever wanted me in the family? Not like cousin Larry either?"

"No." Gob told him, "It's you and me, Mikey. Nobody else."

That was kind of flattering, in a strangely twisted way. So Michael kissed him and consented to being spanked with the wand.

Gob said, "You deserve it, after what you said."

Michael laughed and thought of a safe word, while Gob left to get his magic wand and anything else he thought would be useful. So that was how they completely forgot about STD testing for the night.

They somehow managed to forget the subject again on the next night, as Gob coached Michael in phone sex and got him off in the model home. Gob's voice was intoxicating enough already, but now Michael was completely in love with its every inflection.

* * *

In a few more days, Gob said that his outbreak was over, and Michael came back to Gob's wife's apartment to celebrate by fucking all night. Neither thought to bring or use condoms.

As they rested for a bit, Gob asked Michael, "So what did your doctor say? You on meds yet?"

Michael had forgotten. "Oh, um, I didn't see a doctor yet."

"Michael!"

"I'm sorry. But there was so much work at the Bluth Company, and I didn't have time to look into doctors on my insurance, and I don't have a secretary since Kitty disappeared and--" Blah blah blah.

Gob figured that he must indeed have infected Michael by now, even if he didn't see symptoms yet. "I can loan you some pills for a bit, but you need to get your own prescription. You want to come to Mexico with me tomorrow?"

"Mexico?"

"Yeah that's where my doctor is."

Michael said, "I can't take off work to drive three hours to Mexico and back."

"Then get somebody around here."

"All right. I'm sorry."

Gob kissed him and said with a shrug, "Well, if we've both got it, then we wouldn't have to use condoms with each other. Just have to hope our outbreaks happen at the same time, so we don't have to stop having sex."

Michael thought about it, and said, "That means we won't be having sex with anybody else. Not even like that threesome you keep talking about."

Gob looked confused and disappointed. "What, you changed your mind about that?"

"No, I just--" He only just realized now that Gob was saying he would not cheat on him.

Gob said with a shrug, "Well, we could use condoms if we did have a threesome with somebody else. Protects them, and us."

Michael didn't want to talk about a threesome with some random woman, however hot. He asked hopefully, "You love me?"

Gob just kissed him and sang a song to him as usual. It was disappointing not to hear him say the actual words this time, but at least Gob was singing the part about "We'll be holding on forever, and we'll only be making it right."

So Michael said, "I love you" and they had unprotected sex again.

Afterward, Gob got them drinks and then put a porn video into the VCR. He was hoping to get hot again in a while so that they could break their record of three times in one night. He sat on the bed in his short robe and turned on the video with the remote control.

Michael watched the TV with him, but looked confused. "What is that?"

"It's a Straight Bait," Gob said casually. "You ever watch those?"

Michael had never heard of it before. After a while, he blinked and wondered if Gob had finally gotten over his denial. He realized, "This is gay porn."

"What?" Gob shook his head. "No, this isn't gay porn."

Michael said, "It's two guys doing it. Right there."

"But there's a woman there too, Mikey." How blind could his idiot brother be? "It's just a threesome like I want to have with you."

He insisted, "They're not doing it with her. She's just watching."

"Yeah, watching is great." He stared at the video again and started stroking himself.

Michael tried again. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay. That's my point."

"Michael, shut up! You're ruining it." He paused the video. "Look, just because you've had sex with six women now doesn't mean that you know everything!" He pointed to the screen. "See, she likes to watch sex, 'cause she gets off on it. And those guys are doing it so they can have sex with her. It's not gay. It says 'straight' right in the title."

Sometimes talking to Gob was like talking to a wall. Apparently Gob had found just the kind of porn tailor-made for people in denial. He wondered how long Gob had it. Michael sort of wished he could ask Tracey what to say, but of course she would never have let Michael sleep with his brother or watch porn with him in the first place.

Gob played the video again, and Michael looked at the guys, wondering if they would ever stop and actually have sex with the woman. She might as well be invisible. Michael wondered if that was what Gob actually meant when he said that he wanted to have a threesome. But then again, he also said that they would use condoms with the woman, so maybe Gob did want to have sex with her too. Michael didn't want to share Gob that way. It would just make him jealous, not turned on.

Meanwhile Gob got very into the porn, for whatever fantasy it fulfilled for him. Clearly he liked watching those guys doing it.

Michael let his eyes stray to Gob's movements now, and he reached to pull Gob's robe open so he could see more.

Gob grinned and finally turned to his brother. "You ready?" He was quite hard now and eager. As they kissed, he slid fingers inside Michael again, making him gasp and break the kiss.

"Love it when you're still wet and loose. You're so ready."

Michael moaned in agreement, and he lay back on the bed.

Gob smiled and withdrew his fingers before he thrust deep into him once more. Michael clutched him tightly by the slinky robe, and Gob fucked him until he was messy and sticky all over again. "Oh God." He looked so debauched and beautiful that way.

After a moment, Gob gently pulled out. "You good, Mikey?"

Michael nodded, and only let go of Gob reluctantly. He was somewhat sore, but it was worth it, to break their record. "So good." Soon Michael closed his eyes, feeling sleepy and happy.

Gob kissed him, then turned off the porn and took off his robe. He lay close so he could hear Michael's heartbeat again, and he hoped that Michael would go see a doctor tomorrow to get his own meds.

Michael seemed okay with not using condoms, even after this herpes outbreak. Gob hadn't meant to deceive him about that; he'd just forgotten about Kitty and didn't want to make Michael jealous by mentioning any past lover. Gob didn't think that Michael forgot about him "following people to their cars" either. He assumed that Michael remembered everything and had just decided to consent anyway in full knowledge of the risks. Perhaps as a Bluth he shared Gob's desire for danger and pleasure. It was wonderful corrupting him.


	21. The Clinic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is still 2004, showing what finally made them go to a clinic together. Also I wrap up the season 1 finale that I glossed over before.
> 
> Then we return to 2009, with another crisis.

Gob woke Michael in the early morning so that he could clean up and head back to the model home before anyone in the family woke up. He usually used the staircar to sneak into his bedroom via the balcony, just like he had done with Beth Baerly, the teacher.

As Michael dressed, Gob reminded him to see a doctor today.

"Oh." Michael had forgotten again.

Gob told him, "You got to get on meds if you have herpes. It'll be worse if you're not on them."

Michael looked scared and deflected. "What about you? Have you been tested again, since Kitty?"

Gob shrugged. "Well I guess I can drive to Mexico today and do that. But promise me you'll find a doctor in the meantime. Just take a sick day from work and do it today."

Michael got worried and needy again. "I wish you would come with me, Gob."

"Why?"

"So we could get tested together, and then we'd know at the same time what we both have, and get treated."

Gob said, "Together? Wouldn't they ask why we're having sex?" Sure, there was doctor-patient confidentiality, but the doctor would probably recognize that they were brothers if they came in together. Bluths were well known in Orange County, and Gob didn't want to be lectured and judged.

"Oh." Michael frowned and thought about it. "But maybe we don't have to give our names. Maybe we can go to one of those clinics where you can be anonymous."

"Michael, just find a regular doctor."

"I don't have time, Gob. Let's go together. Come with me to a clinic."

Gob didn't understand why he couldn't handle this himself. "Michael, it's easier to keep us a secret if we don't do this together. Look you find a doctor, and just call me when you get your results. I'll call you from Mexico too."

Michael still hesitated and pouted.

Gob reminded him that he had to get back to the model home now.

So Michael reluctantly left and got in the staircar, worried that the slow vehicle would make him arrive in full daylight. Well, if he ran really late and was seen sneaking into the model home, he could just say that he spent the night working late at the office and sleeping on his couch again. He often told that lie too.

* * *

Gob came to the Bluth Company to borrow the staircar so that he could drive to Mexico; he hadn't been able to convince Mom to give him her car. Gob hoped that Michael would forget about the clinic, but Michael still tried to talk him into it. "Take a sick day and pick a doctor," he said, taking the keys.

After Gob left, Michael remained anxious about finding a regular doctor and going alone to get herpes medication. He still didn't leave his office, and later he called Gob to ask if he was in Mexico yet.

"I'm still driving there. Remember, the staircar is really slow." He tried to be reassuring. "I'll get checked, okay. You get checked too." Gob asked him why he was so scared.

Michael said that he'd been searching online about STDs, and it made him realize how reckless they'd been, not using condoms at all.

Gob said not to read that stuff and to calm down. "Look, if you're nervous, then get drunk before your doctor's visit. Or, you know, try some pot."

Michael said no thank you and changed the subject back to getting tested. Something about HIV and blah blah blah. He also kept asking Gob to come with him, so Gob finally pulled the car over on the side of the highway, trying to talk some sense into his brother. Regardless of the testing or the herpes, he needed to have a regular doctor for normal health stuff.

Michael said that he would do that later, but right now he didn't have time. And it was urgent that he be tested as soon as possible. That they both be tested. Why couldn't Gob come back and go with him? He just kept nagging until Gob gave in and agreed to drive back home. Gob found an exit and turned the staircar around.

By the time he returned and stopped at the Bluth Company, it was the end of the day. Michael was relieved to see him, and he hugged him in his office. "You'll really come with me?"

"Sure." Gob only warned that they shouldn't go to any clinic in Orange County, where they might be recognized as brothers. "Let me find out where we can go."

So the next day they got on a bus and went to a clinic outside of Orange County. Michael gave his Chareth Cutestory alias and still looked anxious as they filled out forms.

Gob could see that Michael only knew about STDs in theory, and had lived in a little cocoon assuming that he would never catch anything bad due to his small number of lovers.

So Gob held his hand and tried to be there for his brother. He told Michael not to look at the various pamphlets or scary pictures of diseases. Soon they got tested and examined together, and Gob endured being judged by the doctor for having risky sex without condoms. Hmph, how much worse would the lecturing be if the doctor knew they were brothers?

They were informed about window periods when the test results might be inaccurate. It was recommended that they come back for more tests in another month, and to keep getting tested every time there was any possible exposure. Michael got samples of herpes medication for now, but was told to see his regular doctor to get a prescription.

So they returned home to Orange County and finally Gob got Michael to visit a doctor under his own real name. Gob stayed in the waiting room this time, pretending only to be there for moral support, not because he was Michael's lover.

Michael was still rather uncomfortable telling the doctor about being bisexual and having a secret lover. The doctor said not to worry. Everything would be confidential. He just warned Michael to use condoms from now on. "With both male and female lovers."

So Michael left and got his prescription filled at a pharmacy, and Gob agreed to keep it at his wife's apartment, so that nobody would see this in his medicine cabinet at the model home.

Gob could see that Michael was not okay with the risks of dangerous sex after all, so he agreed to use condoms with him from now on, even if he would miss how it used to feel. Gob needed to protect his brother.

* * *

Unfortunately, then Kitty came back to cause trouble. She had been missing ever since Gob sunk the yacht, but apparently she survived it. Kitty claimed to have dangerous information and threatened to bring down the company with it.

Wanting to be useful, Gob offered to climb back on top of her despite her repulsiveness, and the risk of another herpes outbreak. Michael tried to make clear that he didn't want Gob to do that, but they were meeting with their family at the prison at the time.

Then there was the whole distraction of Gob showing off his bee in a glass container, and he got tackled by the guards. "They don't allow you to have bees in here," was all Mom said.

Michael eventually got the guards to release Gob and his bee, then they left the prison separately from Mom and Barry. Now that they were alone, Michael told Gob again not to cheat on him with Kitty.

"It wouldn't be cheating, Michael. I don't want her or her herpes. It's for the company."

"I know, but don't do it, Gob. Not for the company and not even using protection." He would meet with Kitty himself, to make some deal.

Gob could see that Michael was still jealous, so he agreed and decided to work on his bee business some more.

Michael initially thought that Kitty's bombshell was about nothing more than unpaid taxes, so he blew off her demands.

She contacted Gob next and convinced him to take over the company with her. He didn't really want the responsibility, but he did appreciate being asked, and he was preoccupied about his low-carb diet. It wasn't like he was cheating on Michael, either, so it seemed to be a good solution. Besides, Kitty proposed that Gob be a figurehead only, so that she could have the real control. That didn't sound bad to Gob, and it would get Michael out of a stressful job. They could have more fun in private, perhaps.

But Michael didn't see it that way when they fought about it. He never appreciated half the things that Gob ever did for him. So Gob backed out of the deal with Kitty, and he left a voicemail trying to explain and apologize to Michael, who had stormed out.

Michael was furious, though, about the Iraqi houses, and after confronting both their parents, he tried to abandon the family with George Michael. He was always throwing tantrums like that, forcing Gob to step in and try to comfort everyone when Dad had a heart attack. At the hospital, Michael apologized and promised that he would never leave the family again, but he reneged as soon as they discovered that Dad had actually escaped. The family all knew that Michael would be back of course, so they didn't fuss.

After Michael returned from his many attempts to drive to Phoenix, Gob gloated about all the fun changes he had made in the three hours that he was in charge of the company. He said he didn't need Michael, just to rub it in and punish him for running off. But soon the job became too much work, especially once Gob discovered the signed contract with Saddam Hussein. He was glad when Michael finally admitted that he needed the family and wouldn't go. Of course Michael then stupidly let Dad steal the contract and escape from the hospital.

But at least they were together. Michael apologized to Gob in private, and he accepted the job of Vice President; he would do all the work, and they could resume their affair.

* * *

Still parked in the limo at 3 AM, Gob worried and tried to figure out what to say to Michael about the syphilis when he got home. Michael was always misunderstanding him and having jealous tantrums without thinking. He was impulsive and needy too, and that must be why he somehow ended up at Mark Cherry's house, seeing the lipstick message. It was so typical for him to leap to conclusions and not even see how old the message was.

At last, the entourage returned to the limo with more drunk girls, so he unlocked the doors for them. As they took their seats, Gob asked JBJ if he had talked to Michael lately. "You didn't give him a key to the house, did you?"

JBJ looked embarrassed for a moment, then said, "Yeah, um, he wanted to surprise you, Getaway. How did you find out?"

Ah, typical. JBJ meant well, but he was just a kid who couldn't understand about him and Michael. Nobody could understand, really. Gob shrugged and only said, "A magician never reveals his secret." He started the car and drove them toward home.

JBJ said, "Well, even if the surprise got spoiled, I hope you two still have fun tonight."

"Yeah," Mark Cherry said. "I don't know why you don't ask him to move in with you. We've got room at the house, and then you wouldn't have to be gone all the time."

Gob lied that Michael liked it at the hotel. The real reason that he couldn't have Michael move in, other than the lipstick message that he should have just cleaned off, was one that he didn't want to say out loud ever. He felt guilty just to think it: _Michael is suffocating and controlling. He'll talk me into not taking my pills anymore, and then I'll have that nightmare reminding me of how he wasn't there for me._

The entourage just wished Getaway a great time with Michael, and they got back to partying with the drunk girls.

When they arrived at the house, it was easy for Gob to say he was going to see Michael, and they agreed that he didn't have to entertain them tonight.

* * *

So Gob nervously headed to his bedroom and tried to steel himself for an argument. But he came inside and found Michael asleep in the bed.

Gob sighed in relief and sat down with him. He pulled the blanket back and saw how beautiful Michael looked in his short robe, and how it reminded him of old days at Gob's wife's apartment. It made him feel guilty again.

He leaned close and started kissing him awake. "Mikey."

"Gob?" He forgot at first about the mirror and just kissed him back.

Gob got into bed with him, holding him, but then Michael remembered the message and got upset. "Why didn't you tell me about the syphilis?'

Gob said, "I didn't want you to get scared again, Mikey, like you did about the herpes. You were never scared before, remember?"

Michael nodded and clung to Gob.

"So that's when we started using condoms, you know, and when we got back together, you didn't mention getting tested again. We just agreed to use condoms again."

Michael recalled their talk in Sudden Valley, and he felt guilty for not following up about the orgies. "I know, but you should have gone to get treated. A long time ago."

Gob said, "Michael, you don't know what it was like for me when I was in the hospital last year. You weren't there, and none of our family came. Egg showed up finally, so I thought I should try to marry her after all, but she only came to break up with me and give me some Christian garbage pamphlet. Then I tried to make up with Steve Holt, and I agreed to be in his pest control business. That's how alone and desperate I was! So when I met Mark Cherry and all of them, it was a great escape. I finally had some friends, too."

"But if they don't take care of you--"

Gob interrupted and insisted, "They're my friends. Anyway, I partied with them all the time so that I could feel numb and not have to remember anything about the storage unit, or you abandoning me, or anything else. It was like... I don't know, when you shunned me for three years and I didn't care about anything."

Michael frowned and felt guilty again. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Gob hugged him and kissed him to keep him from talking about his time doing tricks on the street. "So when I saw that message about the syphilis for the first time, I must not have cared. Just one more horrible thing to happen to me. Then I just kept taking pills and forgetting to clean the mirror, and it got old. I don't know how long it's been there."

Michael clung to him and said, "Well why don't you get treated now?"

Gob sighed and said, "I guess so. I'll go see my doctor in Mexico tomorrow, okay?"

Michael said, "I'll go with you."

Gob blinked at that offer, but he shrugged. Maybe Michael was getting panicky again, and needed to be near him. He nodded and kissed Michael.

Then he got up and started to undress for bed. He also had to go to the bathroom and take his pill for the night before Michael talked him out of it.

Michael saw him and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I told you. I need my pill or I'll have a nightmare."

Michael felt guilty. "Maybe you should see a therapist."

Gob turned to him angrily. "Stop listening to Tracey!"

Michael frowned and hugged his knees again.

Gob felt guilty. He took the pill, though, and washed it down with water. Then he came back to bed and hugged him. "I'm sorry. I just, I don't want to go to therapy. Come on, you didn't want to either, when Tracey tried to make you go." Michael had told him about that years ago.

Michael nodded and hugged Gob. "Maybe a therapist would just try to talk us into not loving each other anymore."

"Right, so we shouldn't go. We should love each other."

Michael kissed him and said sadly, "I just wanted to surprise you tonight. To sleep here with you. I wanted to see what it would be like if I moved in here."

Gob had to stop him from talking about that, so Gob kissed him passionately.

Michael moaned and asked softly, "You can still do it?" He'd just taken a pill.

Gob nodded and only asked, "Did you bring condoms?"

"I--yes." He indicated the box nearby, along with the lube. He said nothing about the syphilis now, just assuming that the condoms were sufficient protection. He really wanted some makeup sex after their fight.

Gob kissed him and started opening him with the lube, but he told Michael to keep his robe on. Michael did so and helped Gob finish undressing. Gob put the condom on and fucked him as fast as he could, before the drug could impair him too much. Michael liked it, especially being here instead of at the hotel.

Michael had not brought the CD player, so there was only the sound of their heavy breathing and their fucking in the dark room. It was like the old days before Gob made the CD. They shook the bed and hit the wall behind the bedstead. Gob succeeded in getting Michael off and finishing before he collapsed. He slipped out and discarded the condom.

Then they just lay in the bed together, and Gob soon passed out. Michael just took off Gob's robe and lay holding him as if everything were fine and normal again. In the distance he could hear the sound of an orgy going on in the living room. Michael told himself to ignore it, though; it wasn't his business. He just clung to Gob, happy that he could fall asleep with him and then wake up with him tomorrow. Maybe in the morning he could talk to Gob again about moving in. Maybe he could even ask JBJ or Mark Cherry about it?


	22. Suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another nightmare with Tony Wonder, and the guys are still in denial about their issues. Then a flashback about how Michael and Tracey got engaged and married.

Despite the forget-me-now, Gob had another horrible nightmare. It was a mixture of his failed coffin illusion and the failed wedding illusion. Gob was handcuffed in the coffin and kicking at the lid to try to get out, but it wouldn't budge under the weight of the dirt. Michael wasn't there to hear him or dig him out either. He was suffocating. Tony Wonder appeared, though, with a magical explosion that caused the lid to open. Gob gasped for air and realized that he was covered in rainbow glitter now, instead of dirt. It stuck to his skin, for he was wearing the Amazing Jesus costume. Gob sat up, but his hands were still cuffed behind him, and Tony pulled out a key as if to release him.

However, Tony got kicked aside by an ostrich, and Gob couldn't get out of the coffin before the ostrich turned to peck at him and knock over the coffin so that it would roll shut again. It was horrible trying to scream while out of breath.

"Gob! Gob!" Michael shook him awake.

Gob felt dazed and groggy as he looked around in the darkness. "Michael?"

"Yeah, it's me." He kissed him and hugged him close. "What happened? I thought you didn't have nightmares anymore."

Gob was confused too. "I didn't." He caught his breath and looked at his hands just to be sure they weren't cuffed anymore.

Michael kissed both his hands to be comforting. "You're all right now. You're safe."

Gob tried to believe that, but he still had trouble breathing. He rubbed his eyes and asked what time it was. Michael checked the clock and said it was 5:30, only about an hour since they went to sleep.

"Did I take a forget-me-now?"

"Yeah, don't you--" But that was stupid. Of course he didn't remember. Michael just repeated, "Yeah, you took it before we had sex."

"Oh." Gob caressed Michael's naked body and was glad that they'd made up. He only remembered up until the fight they had over the phone about the lipstick message, and he felt bad about lying and hanging up. "Hey, we're okay, right?"

Michael realized that Gob must have forgotten, so he explained, "Yeah. We made up, and you promised to go see your doctor about the syphilis tomorrow."

"Oh. Okay." Yes, he probably should have done that long ago.

Michael was glad that they didn't have to argue about that again. "Yeah, I'll go with you, Gob. We can take the Camaro." He kissed him, then asked cautiously, "Who's Tony?"

"Tony?"

"You were yelling that name in your dream."

Oh. Gob didn't want to recall the nightmare, but he didn't want Michael to be jealous either, so he explained, "Tony Wonder, the magician. He was there."

"Oh, right." Michael was relieved. The name was ambiguous enough that he had started to worry that it was some woman. But it was only a dream after all, so there was no need to be jealous of a woman in Gob's imagination. Gob hardly ever remembered women's names, anyway. "He was at your wedding, right?"

"Yeah." Gob frowned and tried to puzzle out his dream. Tony Wonder had opened the coffin lid, and he also had the key to the handcuffs. Did that mean that he sabotaged the resurrection illusion after all? He got the key out of the compartment in the cave? Then he jammed it shut so that Gob wouldn't know that it was empty? But why? Why would he be so mean? Tony Wonder used to be such a cool guy. He invited Gob and Buster to be in the Use Your Allusion DVD, and they could have been successful together. If only Buster hadn't cut off his fingers with the Sword of Destiny. Gob couldn't recover in time to do the DVD.

Michael noticed his brother's silent pensiveness, so he asked, "Do you wanna tell me about your nightmare? Was it in the storage unit again?"

Gob didn't want to remember that other bad dream, so he said, "Can you get me a glass of water first?"

"Sure." Michael got up, naked, but tripped on the clothes on the floor. At least he found the robe, though.

Gob turned on a beside lamp for him, and he enjoyed watching Michael tie on the robe again. He was still beautiful, and he still belonged to Gob.

Michael went to the bathroom to fill a glass with water. He reached up to try to clean the mirror, but it wouldn't rub away. He would have to get some glass cleaner and something to scrub it with later. For now, he just took the full glass back to Gob.

Gob thanked him and drank it slowly, while Michael sat close and nuzzled him. "Hey, you wanna fuck again?"

"Now?" Michael didn't think he'd be in the mood.

"Yeah." He put down the glass and pulled him nearer. "You brought condoms, right?"

Michael laughed a little. "Yes, and lube. Do you want me to keep the robe on again?"

"Oh, I asked you that before?"

"Yes." Michael kissed him and turned off the lamp. It took a little while for his eyes to adjust to the darkness again, but he could feel Gob shoving aside the blankets and placing some pillows beneath Michael.

Michael spread his legs expectantly and pushed the robe out of the way, though he didn't untie it. Gob got the lube and opened him more gently now. He still felt a little drowsy from the pill, so he was less frantic and rushed this time. Michael liked the attentiveness; hard and fast was good, but so was slow and easy. Maybe making love again would comfort Gob and help him to forget the nightmare. Maybe it might convince Gob why he should move in.

Gob realized that this was like the first night they made love at the hotel after his bachelor party. Michael had woken Gob up, not knowing that he had taken a forget-me-now, and they had kissed and had sex for the first time. Gob always regretted not remembering that night, and he probably wouldn't remember much of this night either. Michael would have to tell him everything again in the morning. But still, it was good that Michael knew he was drugged now, and they could relive that time more honestly. Michael would get it now that there were sometimes situations where you ended up having sex while drugged. It didn't mean that he was ashamed of Michael. "My hermano," he murmured.

Michael smiled and called him "My hermano" too. He put the condom on Gob, and then sighed as Gob started to fuck him again.

So they made love, and Gob kissed him as Michael moved aside the robe sash to stroke himself. He was so beautiful still. Michael was his lover, his brother, his everything. Maybe they should get married after all. Somehow. They could pretend, at least, like they pretended they weren't family. As long as he had Michael, then he would never be alone.

When they finished, Gob slid off him again, feeling sleepy. He threw away the condom and worried that he might have another nightmare, but what could he do? Apparently the pills weren't helping anymore, so he clung to Michael for comfort, and Michael said "I love you" again. Gob hoped that would be enough to keep the darkness away.

As Gob fell asleep again, Michael watched him closely to make sure he wouldn't have another nightmare. He was glad that he was here with Gob; it was a chance to make it up to him for not being there for him before.

Michael felt terribly guilty, not only for not showing up at the hospital last year, but also for the three-year estrangement. It was his fault, for letting so much bad stuff happen to Gob in his absence. He should have paid more attention and not got caught up in his own issues about Sudden Valley being a failure. Michael knew that he was a self-involved narcissist; he had told Rita so as he said goodbye to her. He just couldn't seem to break the habit and change his ways for good. But he needed to do that, for Gob's sake. What was the point of loving someone if you couldn't make them happy? Or keep them safe and protected?

* * *

Even in 1989, Michael knew that shouldn't have been so angry about the stupid fire trick at the wedding, when it was only an accident and Tracey forgave Gob after only a few months. But it was an excuse to shun his brother and punish him for other things.

Since his 18th birthday, Michael started to resent Gob for refusing to enroll in college with him, and for constantly calling him a chicken so he would go out on dates and have sex. Michael had some limited success, but he still felt awkward with most girls, and he wished that Gob would come be his wingman and help him, if he knew so much more about seduction than his "car trouble?" routine from high school. Gob would only say that he was "busy" and didn't have time to babysit Michael all night while he fumbled to say hello to a girl without embarrassing himself. Besides, what did Michael want, for Gob to bring him another hooker? Waste more money on him?

No, but Michael missed Gob and wanted to see him. "Why can't we be friends?" he pleaded.

Gob hesitated a moment on the phone, but he only said, "Because of the Boyfights. We can't--we can't change now, no matter what we want. Dad would never let us, you know. But if I could, Michael, I'd... No, you gotta learn to make other friends. You can do it, Mikey."

But Michael couldn't. He didn't know how to be like all the normal people in college, just like he didn't know how to be like them in high school. He was just invisible. Gob would not visit him again, other than for an occasional demonstration of a chicken dance, and he would not let Michael visit him on the yacht for his 19th birthday, saying he was out of town for a magic show. He only sent a birthday card, saying "Happy Birthday, Mikey. Go fuck some girl." He never knew what inappropriate was.

So Michael struggled on through his sophomore year until he began dating Tracey, his little red-haired girl who was all grown up now. She pursued him for the most part, making things easier and less awkward.

"Michael? Michael Bluth? Hi!" She said she remembered him from high school, and he'd grown up to be very handsome. Flattered, he confessed to having a crush on her in high school, and she beamed at him. She said that she'd actually voted for him in the class election. It made him so happy, and she said he had a lovely smile. When she kissed him, he was practically giddy.

So they dated, and she didn't even mind that he only had a bicycle and no car of his own. He loved talking to her, and she said she would teach him how to be normal. After a few dates, she brought him to her dorm room and they had sex. He stayed with her all night, and she got him to talk about his plans for the future and how he wanted to be a maritime lawyer.

She said, "I don't know what that is, but I guess being any kind of lawyer is a good career. Is your family going to support you through law school?"

Michael wanted to avoid talking about his family, 

She insisted, though, and said, "I know rich people can be eccentric, and I've heard of the Bluths before. Who hasn't? It's okay, Michael. You turned out pretty good, didn't you?"

Michael shrugged, and reluctantly opened up to her, saying he was working summers for his Dad in the family business. Building houses, he meant, not the banana stand.

She laughed and said, "Yeah, you're too grown up now for the banana stand. But it gave you a lot of business sense already, I'm sure. That will help you when you're a lawyer running your own firm, I bet. Michael, I think you can do something really great when you finish school. Really big and outstanding. I've always wanted to be with a successful man like you."

Her pep talks really helped Michael's ego, and he fell more in love with her each day. She was even better than he imagined his dreamgirl would be.

As they got more serious, she began to ask him what he thought about love and marriage. "Do you believe in love, Michael, or has your family completely ruined that idea for you? You don't think it's just fairytales, do you?" He took her hand and said for the first time that he loved her. She looked pleased and she said that she loved him too. Then they had sex again.

Eventually, Tracey asked him if he ever thought about having kids someday. He frowned and said that Bluths were terrible at raising kids, but she said, "Not you. Not you and me. We'd be great together. You're learning how to be more normal every day." She took his hand and kissed him, saying how perfect their hypothetical kid might be. She was very persuasive.

It was only a couple of more weeks before she told him that she was pregnant, and he was scared at first, but she told him that that was normal. She calmed him down and said how much she loved him and with any other guy, she'd be scared too, but she knew he was a good man. A wonderful man. No matter what, they had a future together. So he proposed to her, and she accepted happily.

When they got a ring, she asked him when the wedding date would be. When he hesitated, she said that she didn't want to be engaged for a long time, nor did she want to have the baby out of wedlock. Her parents were very traditional, and she didn't want to upset them.

Michael worried that his own father would be upset with him, for he wasn't supposed to be dating seriously at all, let alone getting engaged, but Tracey was very persuasive that he could stand up to his father. They could both do it, united. "We want to give our baby a normal life, don't we? We should get married as soon as possible."

He was wary of introducing her to his family, but there was no avoiding it since they needed to get married right away. Michael tried to prepare her beforehand, and she reassured him that she wasn't scared. "This is what all normal families go through."

So Michael brought Tracey to meet his family at the penthouse, and they were horrible of course, but Tracey endured it with determination. Still, it was terrible the way Dad openly called Tracey a gold-digger, and Lindsay said with jealousy that "getting pregnant's not hard. I've done it dozens of times!" Buster kept trying to give Tracey shoulder rubs while talking about the most recent Motherboy competition. "If you have a boy, you can start taking him too." Mom said she liked Tracey, but only to fuel more arguments among the family.

Meanwhile, Gob sat alone drinking and not looking at Michael or Tracey.

Michael sat down with him and asked, "Well, whose side are you on?"

Gob looked at him finally and said, "You did good, Mikey. Your first big rebellion from Dad." He raised his glass to Michael then drank it down.

Michael was surprised. "You're happy for me?"

Gob asked, "Does she make you happy?"

"Yeah."

"Then that's all that matters."

"Thanks." He hugged him.

Gob got emotional, and he put down the glass to return the embrace. He kissed Michael's cheek and said softly, "I'll miss you, Mikey."

Michael sat back. "What? Why, where are you going?"

Gob looked away and shrugged. "What, you gonna live here with Mom and Dad and Buster?" Lindsay was off living with one of her liberal boyfriends already.

"Oh." Michael said, "No, we're gonna get our own place. Maybe just a campus apartment at first. You can come visit us when we move in."

"No."

"Why?"

"You know, Mikey. Busy with my magic." He picked up his drink again. "Got girls to fuck, too."

"Gob, come on. I've barely seen you. I--"

Tracey yelled, and they turned around. Michael rushed over. "What happened?"

"Oh nothing. Your sister just spilled red wine all over my dress. By 'accident'." She didn't hide her sarcasm at all, deciding that politeness wasn't going to work. Tracey went to clean up in the bathroom, and Michael suddenly noticed that Gob was gone.

Michael tried calling him afterward, but Gob didn't want to be Best Man or to throw him a bachelor party, so Dad did it instead, getting a hooker instead of a stripper, to encourage Michael to cheat on Tracey. It was horrible, especially since George Sr. had invited company investors to the party to fill it out; Michael lacked real friends besides Gob, and Gob didn't even show up.

Michael refused the hooker, of course, though Dad kept her around for the rest of the party guests to use in a back room. It made Michael uncomfortable, and then George Sr. gave his toast, lecturing Michael about how women lie about birth control and trick you into marrying them, and it wasn't too late to back out and pay her off to get an abortion. Michael hated this and resented Gob for not coming to support him. For not throwing a party himself.

At the wedding, George Sr. continued making disparaging remarks about Tracey and her family in an attempt to make them back out. Lindsay also paraded around her new fiancé Tobias Fünke, and said they were going to get married and pregnant too, but in an eco-friendly, politically correct way. Tobias said shocking things without even meaning to, and Lucille was her usual critical self. Tracey's family tried to talk her out of it and asked if Michael was really worth all this shit. She said yes he was, and she could handle his fucking family. Tracey's family couldn't, though, and they decided to shun the Bluths from the wedding onwards.

In the meantime, Gob staged a big illusion as his wedding present, and Michael was ungrateful as usual. When Gob's trick set Tracey's hair on fire, Gob did try to put her out and help her, as Michael rushed to get her away from him. Gob also tried to apologize later, but Michael would not accept it, saying he never wanted to see Gob again.

It was stupid and wrong, of course, to say that to Gob and not to the rest of his family who had been deliberately awful. However, Michael had been hurt by Gob avoiding him and not reciprocating his efforts to be friends throughout college. Back then, Michael had no idea of the real reasons Gob had for not being there for him. He wouldn't understand the truth until three years later, when it was too late to take back his rash decision.


	23. Vertigo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's taken so long, but now we are at a real turning point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In season 1, Gob played the piano and sang "Cold As Ice" in "Bringing Up Buster," so I assume that he had piano lessons as a kid. In the next episode Michael folded an origami crane while bored at the Daytime Desi awards, and he later gave it to Marta to cheer her up. It's never mentioned again, but I thought it would be interesting to explore how he learned origami. Also in season 1, there's a deleted scene from "My Mother, The Car," showing a flashback to the twins' supposed 6th birthday, where Lindsay had a great party but her brother "Mike Bluth" was forgotten. Lucille fawned over Lindsay, while George tried to convince young Michael that a pink bicycle was a present for both of the kids.

In the morning, Michael was happy to be with Gob, and he clung to him until he woke up at about 11 AM.

"Michael?" Gob looked surprised to see him, for he only remembered up until their fight over the phone. He thought surely that they would have fought again in person, and then Michael might have left angrily for the hotel.

Michael was a little annoyed to have to explain things again, but he knew that Gob had taken a forget-me-now last night. "We made up, honey, and you're going to see your doctor about the syphilis today."

"Oh." Gob held onto him and nodded. "I hope my doctor can figure out how long I've had it."

"Yeah, then he can give you antibiotics or whatever you need. I'll take care of you too."

"Thanks, honey." Gob kissed him, relieved that Michael wasn't angry with him anymore.

Michael asked, "Hey, do you remember anything about your nightmare?"

"My what? Didn't I take my pill?" Gob frowned, and he wondered if Michael had talked him out of it last night.

"Yeah you did, Gob. But you still had a nightmare later, and I had to wake you up." Michael kissed him. "I'm glad that you slept well afterward. I always wanna be here for you." Maybe now Gob would let him move in. At least he could ask Mark Cherry about it.

Gob was too distracted to reply, and he become anxious about his pill apparently not working. What had gone wrong? He tried to remember the nightmare, but couldn't recall much from it, other than a vague sensation that he was suffocating. "I can't remember."

"Good. Then I helped you forget it."

Gob still worried, and felt he needed to know, even if it might be unwise to remind himself of the trauma. "What happened in my nightmare?"

Michael shrugged. "I don't know. You only told me that Tony Wonder was there, and you were yelling his name when I woke you up."

"Tony Wonder?" Gob felt miserable at the idea that Tony Wonder could have been suffocating him, even in a dream. It hurt. Gob had been jealous of Tony Wonder's career ever since he first read about him in Poof magazine, but when he finally met him, Gob had liked Tony and hoped that they could become friends and work together. Tony had been so nice at the Gothic Castle. He was such a cool guy.

"Gob, honey." Michael could see him getting upset, so he kissed and hugged him comfortingly. "Do you wanna have sex again to forget?"

Gob was not in the mood, nor did he notice the word "again." He said absently, "Look, we'll have makeup sex later. Maybe back at the hotel."

Michael said, "We already had makeup sex last night." It was still annoying to have to explain everything again to Gob. 

Gob was surprised. "We did? You didn't want to wait until I got cured of the syphilis?" He thought that Michael would be more scared about that. But then again, Michael had continued having unprotected sex with Gob even after the herpes outbreak. He'd only stopped after visiting both the clinic and his new doctor.

"No, it was okay," Michael said. "We used condoms. You actually fucked me twice. I didn't know you could do that while still drugged." Well, maybe it depended on the drug.

Gob answered, "Yeah, sometimes I can." But he usually took his pills after sex, not before or during. Gob mainly used forget-me-nows for erasing his regret and shame.

Michael kissed him passionately and tried to pull Gob on top of him. Or maybe he could have a ride instead? Either way, he wanted to have makeup sex that Gob would remember.

"Honey, not now." Gob pushed Michael gently off so that he could brood some more on Tony Wonder. "Go have a shower."

"Do you wanna come with me?"

"No thanks."

Michael looked disappointed, but he guessed that Gob was just tired. He didn't want to go shower yet, for he thought he could talk to Gob about moving in. He snuggled close and kissed him. "My hermano."

Gob could see that Michael would not give him privacy, so he reluctantly stopped thinking about Tony Wonder for now. "My hermano." He kissed Michael back and ran fingers through his hair. After a moment, though, Gob decided to take this opportunity to confess, "You know, Michael, the first night we were together at the bachelor party, I didn't really hit my head. I actually took a forget-me-now."

"What? When?" Michael sat back, looking shocked and hurt.

Gob told him, "It was before we had sex. Remember, I punched you out, and I talked to my wife about her brother or whatever. I must have taken the pill when she left; I asked Buster about the party later, and he said you were on the floor and he saw me take a pill. Then he got scared and left the hotel room. We were finally alone for real, and later you and me woke up."

Michael remained shaken up. He could barely comprehend that his entire idea of their first night together was wrong. "But why, Gob?"

Gob shrugged. "I don't know. I took a pill to forget something. It might have been because I messed up Dad's scheme to fake the death of the stripper, or maybe I was arguing with my wife about her brother, and maybe I said something to her about my feelings for you. I don't know. Something like that." Gob's wife had never mentioned anything about that night, other than her stupid story that she was supposedly in love with Tobias, not her own brother in the army; Gob never believed her, of course.

"But all the things you said that night--" Gob had talked about wanting him for a long time and about running away to Neverland. So many wonderful things.

"I meant them. Of course I did."

Michael still frowned and looked miserable. He had been so touched by Gob's words that he didn't feel nervous or scared, despite his lack of prior gay experience. He let Gob fuck him that night, instead of just groping and blowing him, while trying to teach him how to reciprocate. Michael had even trusted Gob to take him from behind because he had not yet become flexible enough to do it face to face.

"What, do you think those were lines that I use on anybody?"

"No, but I just--" He pouted. "It was special."

"It still is. Why do you think I ask you to tell me about it all the time?" Gob took his hand. "Michael, I didn't take that pill to forget us having sex. How could I? We hadn't even kissed yet, and I thought you still wouldn't want me anyway. But then you did, and we had sex. I still wish I could remember that night."

Michael asked, "Well, why didn't you tell me this before? Why'd you let me think you hit your head all this time?"

"Because I thought you would get mad and hurt, just like this. I didn't want you to think that I was ashamed of you or what we did. But, look, it's just like how I took the pill last night so I wouldn't have a nightmare, but we had sex anyway. It's not a big deal. You knew I forgot that night; you just didn't know why. Don't let it bother you."

Michael reluctantly shrugged. "All right."

Gob felt like a weight had been lifted off him after all these years. He kissed him, then got up and said he needed to take a shower.

Michael wasn't in the mood to join him, so he just waited in bed and kept thinking about their first night together, five years ago. Maybe he should have known this already and figured out the truth himself, especially once he found out about Gob's forget-me-now pills for the first time. But he had made an assumption and Gob had never contradicted him. Michael had trusted Gob to tell him the truth. He was always saying "Trust me" but lying to him anyway. Of course, Gob was a Bluth. They all lied all the time, and Michael had lied to Gob about big things before, like hiding Dad in the model home attic.

With a sigh, Michael tried to just forgive Gob and move on. He told himself that there wasn't much difference between Gob losing his memory due to a pill, and Gob losing it because he somehow hit his head. 

Meanwhile Gob showered and brooded over Tony Wonder, but he still couldn't figure anything out. So Gob finished and dried off. He put on a robe and came back to bed, then he saw that Michael was still upset.

To cheer up Michael, Gob said, "Hey, um, did you still want to move in with me?"

Michael looked up in surprise and hope. "Yeah, can I? Will Mark Cherry let me?"

Gob nodded, knowing that getting permission was never the problem. There was no obstacle now that his syphilis was discovered and they had made up. Also apparently the pills no longer worked to ward off nightmares, so it might help to have Michael around to comfort him. Maybe it wouldn't actually feel suffocating to live together, and at least it would keep Josh Abramson from rejoining the entourage. "Yeah, I can talk him into it, and JBJ would support me."

Michael was excited. "Can we go ask him now?"

Gob stopped him though, knowing that he had to keep Michael from discovering that he had lied about why Michael couldn't move in. "Wait, he's probably still asleep right now. They'll all sleep most of the day. Why don't we go back to the hotel now so you can pack, and then I'll ask Mark Cherry later tonight when he's awake."

"Oh okay. And we should go to Mexico, too, about your syphilis."

"Oh yeah. Maybe we should have lunch at the hotel before we go."

So they dressed and quietly sneaked out of the house. They got in the Camaro and returned to the hotel together.

* * *

Michael showered while waiting for room service, and Gob thought some more about what Michael would be like once they lived together. Maybe it could be fun after all. Maybe it would be the good parts of living at Gob's wife's apartment, without the bad parts of having to sneak around and lie to family. They would still have to lie to George Michael, but he was away at college, and they could try to figure things out in another year or two.

Room service arrived, and Gob brought the cart inside. Michael dressed and they ate lunch in bed. Michael was still happy about getting to move in soon. "Maybe we can do it by this weekend, huh? It'll be my best birthday ever."

Gob smiled. Well if this counted as a birthday present, then they wouldn't need to get rings yet. Maybe for Christmas, and then they could plan to have a ceremony sometime. Not legal, of course, but for pretend.

Michael fondly reminisced. "I remember the first birthday present you ever gave me."

Gob snorted and doubted it. Michael was always ungrateful.

Michael insisted. "You made me that origami crane, remember?"

Gob realized what he meant. That was before Michael became ungrateful, because he never expected Gob to give him a present before then.

* * *

It was Michael's 6th birthday, and Mom threw Lindsay a big princess-themed party with all her friends, but she totally forgot Michael's birthday. After a reminder from their housekeeper Rosa, "and Mike Bluth" got added to the birthday banner at the last minute, and Dad attempted to convince Michael that the pink bicycle was for him to share with Lindsay. Michael wasn't fooled, and he didn't want any cake either.

Gob had tried to sneak into the party to steal some birthday cake, but he saw Michael run away crying.

Dad just said, "Fine, go ahead and cry, just like your sissy cousin Larry!" Mom didn't care, either, just telling Lindsay that she shouldn't eat too much cake, or she'd get fatter.

Gob followed Michael into the bedroom, but he didn't try to tease him for being a sissy too. "Hey, Mikey. It's okay." Gob said he would show him a magic trick he just learned. He pulled a coin out from behind Michael's ear and then tried to do some card tricks, but was less successful at that. (Gob only started calling tricks "illusions" after he knew what whores were.)

Michael still cried a bit, but he watched Gob because he was surprised that his big brother wasn't saying, "I hate you" or "I wish you were never born" for once.

Then Gob ran out of tricks he knew how to do, and was frustrated with not getting the card tricks right. So he got out a piece of paper and folded an origami crane. Origami was an activity taught at Milford to make kids be quiet, but even then you could get into trouble if you folded the paper too loudly or complained about getting a papercut.

Michael watched him intently, and then was happy when Gob finished. "Wow. That's neat."

"Yeah. It's some kind of bird called a crane." Gob gave it to him. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." Michael hugged him with one arm to avoid crushing the crane.

Gob liked being appreciated for once. "You're welcome. Hey, you wanna learn how to do it?" He got out another sheet of paper to show Michael.

Gob wasn't sure why he'd decided to be nice that time, and not gloat about Michael's misery. It was just the first time that he was rational enough to see through his blind jealousy of his younger brother. Though Michael was the favorite son, and their parents professed to love him, Gob realized finally that this didn't mean that Michael wouldn't get hurt too. Though Gob never knew what it was like to be a favorite son, he could certainly understand being forgotten and ignored for a more beloved sibling. He realized that Michael was not his enemy, but a fellow victim of their parents. He actually kind of liked Michael, and he was glad that he'd been born, if it meant that Gob had someone to be his friend now.

Unfortunately, once Michael and Gob started to be friendly with each other, their parents noticed and had to end it. George Sr. hated and envied his own twin brother Oscar, and Lucille also had some aversion to brothers "colluding", so George Sr. would mock them for being like their sissy cousin Larry, and eventually he hit on the idea of the Boyfights.

* * *

In the present, Michael leaned against Gob and smiled at the memory of that origami crane. "You know, Tracey never believed me when I told her that you didn't come onto me when we were kids."

Gob looked surprised. "Why wouldn't she? She noticed that I never punched you in the Boyfights."

Michael just shrugged. "You were the best brother. You never hurt me on purpose, and you said you would just put on a show for Dad for the videos, and I should run away like I was scared of you. At least I learned how to climb a tree." He laughed. Of course the boys did start to feel really jealous of each other, due to their parents' manipulations, but Gob still tried to always remember his promise not to really hurt Michael. He didn't restrain himself as much when it came to Baby Buster, apparently Mom's new favorite son, and the new target of Dad's complaints about sissy behavior.

Michael snuggled close to Gob and said, "You taught me how to ride the bike, and we used to play catch since Dad wouldn't do it with you. And you read to me about Neverland and fairies. And you played the piano for me so I could practice my song for the Peter Pan play." He stared at Gob adoringly. "I love you."

It felt weird, suddenly, for Michael to say that to him and not mean it sexually. Gob also became uncomfortable to remember Michael when he was that young, before Gob had weird feelings for him. It was like on the yacht on Michael's 18th birthday, when it felt wrong to try to seduce Michael, or even watch him have sex with a hooker. Gob couldn't even say, "We love each other" just now.

To change the subject, Gob talked about Lindsay. "Hey, did you ever wonder why Mom and Dad pretended that Lindsay was your twin, not mine, even though that would have been easier? I think they wanted her to be the same age as Sally Sitwell, to put her in the same grade so they'd be in competition all the time, like you and me were."

Wow. That made total sense to Michael now. "I wonder why Stan Sitwell didn't do anything or expose the fraud if he knew the truth about Nellie's age and how she was adopted? Mom totally destroyed Lindsay's self-esteem with the fat jokes and the comments about her nose. Why did Sitwell wait until Lindsay was really 40 to tell her that she was adopted?"

"Well, Sitwell turned out not to be such a nice guy after all. Maybe he thought the competition was good for Sally too."

"I guess so." Michael was still very happy and impressed with his brother. This was like when Gob figured out that Mom framed him for the car accident after only one phone call, and came to rescue him. Or when he helped Michael work out a foolproof lesson so they could teach their dad not to make them Boyfight anymore. Their complicated fake kidnapping/accidental fall from the balcony plot still worked even though Dad tried to teach them a lesson, and Buster also planned a lesson at the same time. Michael was always glad to see that drugs had not completely ruined Gob's brain after all. "You're so smart." He tried to kiss Gob on the lips, but Gob ducked from him.

"Hey, uh," he stammered, his mind still stuck in remembering Michael as a boy, "I gotta go talk to the hotel manager... about the plans for your birthday party."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, uh," he extricated himself from Michael's embrace. "Stay here so I can keep it a surprise."

"Okay, and then we'll go to Mexico when you get back."

Gob nodded and left the hotel room. As soon as he was on the other side of the door, he had to lean back on it, for he felt sick. Oh God. Michael was his little brother. He was his sweet innocent brother Mikey. What had he been doing to his little brother for the past several years? What was wrong with him to even lust after him in the first place?

With an effort, Gob shook his head and made his way to the elevator. He needed to get drunk in the hotel bar and make this disgusted feeling go away, like it eventually did when he avoided Michael in college and Michael got married and shunned him for three years. The problem was that he didn't have years to waste now. So he needed to get drunk.

If Gob could just forget all this, then he and Michael could go back to being in love and happy. But even that phrase sounded wrong in his head, and after he punched the elevator button for the lobby, Gob had to lean on the safety rails. As the elevator doors closed, he felt a strange feeling of vertigo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I would not want to write Gob hating and blaming himself this much, but for the purposes of this story he needs to be deeply horrified at himself in order to get over Michael and eventually return to his roofie circle. I've also written Michael and Gob's couple-like relationship as dark and unhealthy because Michael has to return to Sudden Valley and become the awful mess he was after Pete's death. Usually in my other fics Michael and Gob are more fun together and even good for each other, but season 4 is dark, and so they are dysfunctional and doomed as a couple. At least Gob will have Tony Wonder in the end.


	24. Coming Out of the Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob still wants to forget, and he has an unexpectedly nice dream about Tony Wonder.

Gob never made it to the hotel bar because he stumbled out of the elevator and into the nearest public restroom, where he was sick for several minutes. He kept trying to calm down and forget his memories of their childhood, but the problem was that his more recent memories were often messed up by his taking drugs, so his earliest memories as a kid became sharper and more vivid by contrast.

Of course he also had plenty of adult memories of fucking Michael, or spanking him, or just in general doing non-brotherly things to him. He had previously found these memories sexy and hot, but now they seemed upsetting and wrong. He felt like a pervert, and he remembered feeling guilty and wretched in high school when he first felt the unnatural desires. Oh God, why hadn't he been able to control himself? To stay away?

Gob didn't understand why Michael seemed able to compartmentalize their childhood away from their adult affair, but maybe he was still a robot underneath it all. Everything carefully ordered in his mind, along with a huge dose of denial about anything disturbing. Gob needed to figure out how to do it again, how to not feel that being with Michael was like being with Baby Buster. Gob felt like he was coming out of a fog, waking from some drug-induced haze, and he just wanted to go back to sleep.

Gob wondered if he could summon the strength to get to the Camaro and drive himself back to Mark Cherry's house for the forget-me-now pills. Maybe he could get the hotel clerk to call a cab for him.

Gob was still too ill to leave the bathroom stall, so he tried again to convince himself that the incest didn't matter. Michael wasn't a kid anymore. He was all grown up, and they could do whatever they wanted. They were lovers now, and they belonged together. They were making things right. They were fixing each other. So why didn't it feel right? Why were they still broken? Why were they still fucked up?

Meanwhile, Michael was wondering what was taking so long, so he called Gob's cellphone. Gob saw the caller ID and heard the familiar ringtone, but he didn't answer. He couldn't.

Gob didn't want to be alone. Not anymore. Michael was the only one who drove away the darkness inside him. He was going to move in soon. They were going to be happy. They were going to drive to Mexico to cure his syphilis, and then they'd be back to normal, or as normal as they could be while still being illegal and fucked up. Gob cried and wondered if the syphilis was a sign from God, a punishment for their sins. He usually wouldn't think this way, but years with Egg had forced some of her evangelical garbage into his brain. Even Michael had said once that Gob should change his ways because of a sign from God. Of course, Michael had been wrong about Nellie the whore; she wasn't their sister. But Michael was still his brother.

Gob tried to tell himself that this was not true. Their parents had lied to them constantly about everything. They would never know the truth. But even if one or both of them were adopted, they had still grown up together. They'd played together as kids and they tried to be close even though their parents sabotaged them. Despite all the manipulations and conditioning, Michael still loved him. He was the only one that did. Gob needed him. How could he live without him? And yet how could they go on pretending like this, pretending that they could be normal, and get fake married, and be together forever? Besides, how could they ever convince George Michael that it was all right? He'd probably get angry and yell at them and judge them, looking like both Michael and Tracey. He would hate them, and they would lose the only other family member that they had left.

Michael came downstairs at last to look for Gob, and he asked the hotel clerk where the manager was, and if he had seen Gob leave yet.

The clerk said that Getaway didn't ask to speak to the manager, but he did see Getaway get off the elevator and head to a restroom near the hotel bar. "He looked kind of sick."

Worried, Michael hurried to the restroom and finally found Gob inside, crying on the floor. "Gob, what's wrong? What happened?" He saw now that Gob had vomited, so Michael flushed the toilet and then got some towels to try to clean him up. "Are you okay?" He hoped that this didn't have anything to do with the syphilis. "Maybe we shouldn't go to Mexico. We should check you into a hospital around here."

Gob shook his head and said with difficulty, "I need to go to the house. I need my pills."

"Your roofies? Why?"

"I need to forget-- No, don't!" He jerked away from Michael's attempt to lean close to him.

"What's wrong?"

"You're my brother," he said, sobbing again.

Michael shushed him and looked around, hoping that no one had overheard. They couldn't have their cover blown at this hotel. Not yet, anyway. If he could move in to Mark Cherry's house soon, they would be safer there, he hoped. Although they would have to be cautious about playing the CD or saying "my hermano" if anybody was awake to hear them. Luckily, the place was empty. Maybe Gob's vomiting had scared off anyone else from using this restroom.

Michael insisted on helping Gob stand up and leave the restroom. They left the hotel and went to the Camaro. As they got inside, Gob asked again to go to Mark Cherry's house, but Michael wanted to go to a hospital.

"Please," Gob begged, and he finally thought of an excuse. "I'm not sick. It's my nightmare. I remembered some of it."

"Oh Gob." Michael tried to lean in and kiss his cheek comfortingly, but Gob pulled away again.

"Please. I need my pill. I need to make it go away."

Michael reluctantly started the car and drove them back to the house. He wanted Gob to quit the pills, but he also knew that there were side-effects to quitting the drug. Maybe if he let Gob have one last pill and maybe if it didn't work again, then Gob would finally admit that he needed to get weaned off them for good. Hopefully they could get a doctor around here instead of the Mexican doctor, and maybe they could take care of the syphilis at the same time.

* * *

Back at Mark Cherry's house, they sneaked in quietly because the entourage were still sleeping at 1:30 in the afternoon.

In his bathroom, Gob urgently took the pill and drank a lot of water with it. Then he went to his bedroom to sleep it off. "I'm sorry, Michael. We'll go to Mexico tomorrow."

"That's okay." Michael tried to help undress Gob, but Gob wouldn't let him.

"No, I'm fine." Gob tried to make him leave. "I'll call you when I wake up."

"Call me?" Michael came to sit on the bed with him. "I'm staying here with you."

"No you can't. You don't live here yet."

Michael pouted. "I know you haven't asked Mark Cherry yet, but they're still asleep. This could count as spillover from last night."

"No, Michael. Please go. We shouldn't get into trouble before I ask him."

"But what if the pill doesn't work, and you wake up screaming again? You need me, Gob."

"JBJ will hear me or something. I'll be okay. Please just leave, Michael. Just go and pack your stuff or something. I promise I'll call you later."

"Gob." He tried to kiss him, but Gob wouldn't let him.

"I vomited," he reminded him.

"All right." Michael only kissed his cheek and reluctantly left the house.

Gob just lay in bed waiting to fall asleep. Though the pill hadn't kept him from having a nightmare, it had still worked in making him forget it afterward, as well as everything else that happened last night. Surely it would still work now, if he hadn't taken it too late.

* * *

Back in his hotel room, Michael got out the laptop and searched online for doctors in the area. He worried and wondered if he should try to take Gob to a therapist after all. Maybe they could lie to the therapist and not mention their incest at all. They could just be a couple, and Gob needed help with his trauma and his nightmares about being trapped in the storage unit. The therapist couldn't talk them out of loving each other if he or she didn't know they were brothers.

Meanwhile Gob finally fell asleep and he didn't have a nightmare this time. He didn't realize that this was because Michael was not here to subconsciously remind him of suffocating. But Gob did have a dream. He was at the Gothic Castle performing the Sword of Destiny illusion with Buster, only this time Buster didn't cut off his fingers. The illusion went as planned, and the crowd cheered. Tony Wonder was watching him and actually clapping as Gob took off his mask and declared himself the real magician.

Gob felt wonderful and proud, and he came off the stage to ask if Tony would help him get back into the Magician's Alliance now. Tony smiled and said he'd do anything for him.

Then he suddenly kissed him, right there, in front of everybody. Gob was stunned at first, but he kissed Tony back, running fingers over his W beard.

Tony's girlfriend or his brother's widow, or somebody like that, shouted at them with jealousy, but Tony just turned to announce, "I'm here, I'm queer--" with a puff of smoke they were suddenly standing together on Gob's Segway "--and now I'm over here."

Tony let out some rainbow glitter from his hands as some music started and they rode away dramatically. Buster even waved his fake hand at them. Nothing about this dream was unpleasant, so he didn't wake up screaming.

Gob felt very calm and happy when he woke up. He didn't feel sick at all, and he looked at his clock, surprised that he had slept so late. It was almost 5 in the afternoon. Gob got up to wash his face, and he saw the lipstick message still on the mirror. Now he remembered Michael saying they were going to Mexico to get him treated for syphilis.

But then Gob frowned as he remembered having lunch with Michael at the hotel. Dammit! The forget-me-now pill hadn't worked. He must have taken it too late to erase the lunch. Fuck. Now what could he do?

Gob went back to his bedroom and sat down, trying to think. He wasn't exactly sure how he ended up back at Mark Cherry's house, but maybe he had called a cab. But Michael was waiting for him back at the hotel, wasn't he?

Gob got out his phone and checked his messages. There was one message from about lunch time, where Michael asked why his meeting with the hotel manager was taking so long. Wouldn't they be late for Mexico? "Do you want me to meet you downstairs in the lobby? Call me back soon. Love you."

Gob was surprised that Michael hadn't left another message since then. Was he worried or angry now? Gob called him.

"Gob, I'm so glad you called. Are you all right now?"

Gob said, "Um, I guess. I can't remember." Which was true. He wasn't sure what Michael was talking about. When had Gob talked to him after leaving the hotel?

"You didn't have another nightmare, did you?"

Gob said, "No."

"Oh." Michael was surprised and slightly disappointed. "I guess the pill worked, then, and you forgot it. Well, can you come over now? I know it's too late for us to go to Mexico, but I wanna see you. Make sure you're all right."

Gob hesitated, not sure if he could see Michael now, and not feel creepy and perverted. "I don't know. I'm still not completely okay. Maybe I should stay here tonight."

Michael was somewhat hurt, but he said, "Mark Cherry might wake up soon. Will you ask him if I can move in so I can come over tonight?"

Oh, dammit. Gob wasn't sure what to do now. He couldn't let Michael move in and try to kiss him or touch him again. Not until he could get over this disgust. If he could get over this.

"Um, Michael, wait a minute. I'll come over and we can talk."

Michael was pleased with his change of mind. "Good, I can't wait. Love you."

Gob hung up and sighed, trying to think what to say. Maybe he could pretend that Mark Cherry refused to give permission after all. Or they should wait until Michael's birthday party this weekend. That could buy him some time.

As Gob got up and dressed to go out, he began to remember bits and pieces from his dream. It bewildered him. He had been kissing Tony Wonder. How strange. Tony hadn't come out as gay back in 2005. Maybe his mind was confusing Tony's coming out with the Sword of Destiny illusion. Strange.

Gob hadn't ever kissed a man like he kissed Michael. He'd just had sex with them sometimes back when he had been a whore in the early 1990s. Sex wasn't love, though, and Gob wanted love. He didn't want to be alone anymore. If he could just somehow get over this disgust, he and Michael could love each other again. But how?


	25. Delay Tactics

Gob returned to Michael's hotel room, and started to say, "Hey," but clumsily ducked from Michael's attempt to kiss him hello.

Michael was becoming suspicious. "Why do you keep doing that, Gob? Didn't you rinse with mouthwash yet?"

Gob picked up the keycard that he dropped. "I forgot to."

"Then go do it now." Michael just gestured to the bathroom.

Well that lie only bought him, like, two seconds. Gob went and used the mouthwash.

Michael waited for him to return and tried to kiss him again, but Gob turned aside and kissed his cheek instead, holding Michael still so he wouldn't turn. Gob tried to linger on his cheek like he used to do sometimes, but it felt awkward now rather than passionate.

Michael was puzzled and backed away to look at Gob carefully. "Are you all right?" He tried to search Gob's eyes, but Gob looked away. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. "I'm just, I don't know, still groggy from the pill."

"Maybe you should stop taking the pills."

Gob was irritated, and he moved to sit down on the bed. "Stop controlling me."

Michael sat too close to him and caressed his cheek. "I'm just worried."

Gob got up and went onto the balcony for some air. "I can take care of myself."

Michael wanted to suggest seeing a doctor or therapist in Malibu, but there was something off about the way Gob kept his back to him. So he remained sitting on the bed, and he gestured to his luggage. "I'm all packed now."

Gob stiffened when he was reminded of Michael moving in.

Michael pouted and lay back on the bed. "Can't I move in tonight? Will you ask him?" He sensed that Gob had kept putting this off for a reason. If it wasn't the secret about the syphilis, then what was it?

Gob took a breath and tried to look tender as he turned back to Michael. He knelt by the bed and took his hand. "Honey, I think we should wait until your birthday. Make it special."

Michael stared at him; he knew when he was being placated. He deflected, "So we're having a party here? That's why you were going to see the manager?"

Gob nodded.

"Who's going to come?" Michael didn't know anybody else in Malibu except the entourage, and he wasn't sure if he'd like seeing them at the party with who knew how many drunk girls.

Gob kissed his hand. "You know, all the guys, and Mark Cherry said he could invite a few celebrity friends from music and TV."

"Yeah?" Michael felt impressed, though it nagged him that Gob had previously said that the birthday plans would be a surprise.

"Don't know if we can get Julie Bowen. Maybe just the kids."

Michael smiled and shrugged. "Maybe next time." He tried to pull Gob near for a kiss.

Gob kept talking. "We'll have a nice dinner in a private room. Open your presents. Get some autographs."

"And then we'll come back here for one last night?" Michael asked. "And we'll check out in the morning and you'll let me move in?"

Gob nodded and swallowed, hoping that he'd be able to make love to him by then.

Unfortunately, then Michael asked, "Can we have some makeup sex now?"

Gob blinked. "What? Did we fight again?"

Michael said, "No, but you don't remember the sex we had last night. I wanna do it again, and refresh your memory."

"No, I-I don't have time now. Gotta get back to Mark Cherry's."

"No, please. Something quick then. I could blow you."

"I've got syphilis, remember."

"Then we'll do it with a condom on." He let go of Gob's hand to go open the bedside drawer, and Gob took the opportunity to get up and start for the door.

He said apologetically, "No, Michael. I can't right now. Wait until I feel better."

Michael got up and went after him. "Gob!"

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? We still have to go to Mexico and all that." He hoped that Michael would not want to get tested and examined together.

Michael grabbed him to stop him at the door. "Wait. At least kiss me goodbye."

Gob could see he was upset and getting more suspicious. He tried to give him just a quick peck on the lips, but Michael was insistent, holding him still so he could really kiss him.

Gob closed his eyes and tried to imagine it was someone else. Any of his past lovers. But of course, Michael didn't smell or feel like a woman. Michael tried to open his mouth, but Gob pulled back, saying again that he didn't have time and had to go.

Michael looked unconvinced and hurt. "What's wrong? Are you mad at me? Did I do something?"

Gob shook his head. "No, it's not you. I just--"

Michael suddenly kissed him deeply, catching him off guard.

It made him too nauseous to hide it, so Gob pushed away and hurried to the bathroom.

Michael watched him being sick and for a moment tried to convince himself that this was something to do with the syphilis. That he should try to clean him up and take him to a hospital. But then he just returned to the bed and sat hugging his knees.

He listened as Gob continued retching in the bathroom, and he tried to remember how to block things out, how to hear only what he wanted to hear.

Gob finally recovered and washed up, and he tried to think up a good excuse for the vomiting. Something about his syphilis maybe, or maybe he had a flashback to the storage unit and got sick at the thought of candy vines again. But when he returned to the bedroom and saw Michael, he felt too guilty. "Honey." He sat down and hugged him.

Michael begged, "What's wrong?"

So Gob tried to tell him the truth, as gently as he could. "It's not you. It's me. I've been feeling weird since lunch--"

"Sick," he corrected.

Gob nodded reluctantly. "Since you were talking about us as kids, I felt bad about us being together."

"But why?"

"Because we're brothers."

"So?" He didn't see the point. "We've always been brothers. We've always known that. You said you weren't gay because this was about us being brothers. About all the horrible stuff we went through when we were kids."

"I know."

"We called each other hermano. We still do sometimes." He supposed that Gob didn't remember saying it last night during sex.

Gob nodded. "I know." That was what made this strange turn in his feelings so nonsensical and bewildering. It was so sudden, and he just wanted to feel the way that he used to, the way that Michael still felt.

Michael looked hurt. "Why are you ashamed of us now?"

"No, I--" He couldn't explain it. "It's not like that. I want to be with you, Michael, but it--it feels wrong when I remember us before." He didn't often think about the time before he had feelings for Michael. It was so long ago. "You were so different then."

"So were you."

"When you were little you were so innocent. You used to believe in fairies."

Michael snorted. "I used to believe Dad would take me to the cabin in the woods too. It was stupid to keep falling for it. I don't even like fishing, but he said that fishing on the lake would be calmer than on the choppy ocean." Also, Dad had said he wouldn't take Gob along, that it would be their secret to make up for all the hot summers working at the banana stand. Michael felt guilty now about agreeing to exclude Gob. He should have just asked to go out for ice cream or to play on the beach with his siblings for once. But knowing Dad, he and Gob would probably have had a Boyfight over who could build the better sand castle.

Gob said, "It feels wrong to kiss you or touch you now. Not hot wrong. Regular wrong."

Michael recalled their conversation at lunch and he looked surprised. "I upset you by talking about stuff we used to do? But it's why I love you, Gob. Because you're my brother."

"But you didn't want me to come onto you back then. That would be creepy."

"Of course, but you didn't come onto me, Gob. You didn't feel that way then, did you? You didn't even like girls yet." In fact Michael suspected that Gob had never really liked girls; Tracey said that he probably used them as a distraction from his gay feelings. Gob would not admit that, though. Michael said, "You weren't creepy then. We were just brothers, trying to be friends, while they kept ripping us apart." He lay his head on Gob's shoulder and sighed. "But we grew up and we fell in love later."

Gob was stunned that he could call their strange and tangled history "falling in love."

Michael shrugged. "It just took a long time, but it was worth it, Gob. It's like me and Tracey. She didn't even notice me in high school, and she didn't date me in college until she started to care more about money. And she lied to me and she didn't really love me when we first got engaged and married. But I loved her and she stayed and she loved me at the end. I'm sure of it." Tracey would not have gone to so much trouble for him if she didn't really love him. It was just hard for Michael to pin down the exact date that her "I love you"s became sincere, and too many of her final days were lost to the coma.

Gob hadn't been sure before that Michael realized that Tracey was a gold-digger. Dad had been sure about Tracey from the start, and Gob had not spent enough time with her to form his own opinion prior to the wedding. After the three-year estrangement, Tracey had practically admitted it to Gob, but he never brought up the subject with Michael afterward. Gob didn't want to burst Michael's bubble of denial, if that was what he was living in. But it seemed now that he did know all along. He just didn't mind the deception because he loved her anyway. Bluths were used to love being mixed with lies.

Gob patted his head and said, "She gave you George Michael too." What a good kid. Not like the rest of the family. Gob worried again that George Michael would hate them when he found out. He didn't want to lose him but couldn't see a way around it.

Michael remembered Tracey with their son. "Yes, and she was a great mother. She was always there for him whenever I worked too much and wasn't home. She saved all of George Michael's stuff for me and gave me a folder to keep at my desk at work. I'm just glad that she never took him away to save him from the family."

Gob shrugged and wondered if Tracey should have done that after all. If it would be better to lose that kid before they had a chance to alienate him themselves.

Michael got back to his original point. "I'm sorry that it took me so long to love you back, Gob, but I didn't understand you in college, and then I was married to Tracey. I'm sorry for shunning you and not being there for you. I'm sorry I made you wait. I wasn't ready before, but I do love you now. I really do. I don't want to lose you."

Gob shook his head and took his hand. "No, um, I'll get over this. Give me some time."

"How long?"

"I don't know. Let's just not have sex for a while."

Michael looked disappointed. "And we can't kiss either?"

Gob said, "I'm sorry, but I'll make it up to you. We'll have your big party, and you can still move in. We can fall asleep together and wake up together." He tried to be cheerful. "Come on, it's like when you were in the hospital and couldn't move from all the surgeries. Or when Buster dropped me from the crane at Christmas and you moved in for a couple of weeks. We couldn't do anything but talk then."

"And kiss. We could still kiss," Michael pointed out with a pout.

"Michael, I'm sorry. I'll try, just give me some time to get over this and forget." If drugs couldn't do it, then maybe just seeing Michael in his bed would make him ache again to count the freckles on his skin.

Michael still looked hurt, but he clung to Gob's hand. Gob must still love him. He wasn't even talking about going back to Mark Cherry's house yet. "Okay, but you'll tell me when you feel better?'

"Of course." If he felt better, then he hoped to show it by climbing on top of him and--Ugh, no he couldn't think about that now.

"Can you stay a while? Stay for dinner?"

Gob didn't feel he could eat again right now. "Can you just get me some water? I just have to lie down for a minute."

Michael frowned, but he got up and got the water.


	26. Fraud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George Michael is in Spain, and Gob has another nightmare featuring Tony Wonder. I might as well add him as a character even though he's still just a figment of Gob's imagination right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If George Michael's freshman year in college was from Fall 2006 to May 2007, then his "year abroad" should have been from Fall 2009 to 2010, but in season 4, he must have stayed in Spain for two years, in order for his senior year to happen from Fall 2011 to May 2012. This problem arose because season 3 actually happened during GM's junior year in high school, not his senior year; the writers have forgotten one year, by changing his and Maeby's ages. Don't even get me started on how Buster's drone strike in Spain couldn't possibly have happened before Fall 2011, when GM returned from Spain. The narrator is clearly wrong in his declaration of other supposed years too. I do my best, but the season 4 timeline is still a mess.

Gob thanked Michael for the water, and he sat up a little so he could slowly drink it.

Michael cautiously sat near him and watched him. He felt upset that Gob got queasy from even thinking about them having sex. It also hurt that Gob had shuddered and vomited just from a kiss. Michael didn't understand Gob's weird disgust at all, since it came out of nowhere and they just had sex last night. It didn't make sense for Gob to suddenly be ashamed of them now. Gob was the one who called this, "fucking my brother senseless," after all.

Gob set the glass down and lay back with his eyes closed, still trying to settle his stomach. It wouldn't do to vomit again. He was relieved that they had talked, though, and that Michael would not keep trying to be intimate. At least for now. He wasn't sure how long Michael would be patient.

Michael still said nothing and held his hand, frowning. 

Gob looked at him and asked softly, "You ever wish that we weren't brothers?"

Michael met his eyes and shrugged, "Sometimes." He did want them to be normal, like other couples. "Then we wouldn't have to keep lying, or be a secret from George Michael."

Gob nodded. "Yeah. I'm worried that we'll lose him. He'll shun us."

Michael hoped that that was the real source of the problem; maybe Gob's disgust was more from guilt than shame. He said, "Gob, you know how you make fake IDs and passports? I was thinking maybe you could figure out how to fake a birth certificate too. Give me a new name and make me adopted."

Gob considered it. "We could go back to Sudden Valley to get your birth certificate, and I could see how to copy it." And change it.

Michael nodded. "It's already got the Nichael typo to discredit it. Plus we're out of the family, so Mom and Dad couldn't contradict us with their fucking lies. When you make the new one, we could maybe visit George Michael at college and tell him that we found my real certificate. See how he reacts to me not being a Bluth anymore." That would make George Michael not a Bluth either, but he hoped that his son would not want to change his name or investigate the matter. He wasn't sure that Gob's fake certificate would hold up to any legal scrutiny. "Then maybe we could tell him that we always kind of liked each other and that's why we made up. Then say that we want to start dating now. Be together."

Gob warned, "We shouldn't rush him too much." He was hopeful, but not that sure that this scheme would work. "Just the birth certificate at first."

Michael sighed and nodded. "Yeah I guess. And then during a later visit we'll start talking about us. And we can email him about how happy we are and how we love each other."

It still half sounded like a fantasy to Gob, an impossible scheme that would never work, but he was willing to try for Michael's sake. At least it would be a good distraction from Gob's problem with intimacy right now. "You know, as long as we're faking birth certificates... maybe we could get married, Michael. I mean, if they make gay marriage legal again, we could try to sneak in sometime." Just like he sneaked Franklin Delano Bluth into the legal system.

Michael looked touched, but he said that they shouldn't risk their fraud being discovered. Besides, he didn't want to wait until the courts resolved Prop 8. He would be fine if they just had a private party or something whenever they got George Michael to accept them.

 _If_ George Michael ever accepted them, Gob thought doubtfully.

"I love you," Michael said, and nearly kissed him.

Gob stopped him and reminded him not to. Still, he embraced him and said, "We could get rings." But he frowned right after he said it.

Michael didn't notice because he was snuggling against his shoulder. "Yeah."

It felt weird to imagine them having a ceremony of some sort, when Gob wasn't sure yet that he'd be able to consummate it afterward. At least they could put it off for a while, since George Michael was in Spain now. Gob needed time to perfect the certificate and figure out how to age it for 40 years. He might need to practice it a few times, after all. Even if he made a convincing fake, Gob worried that George Michael would still not accept them as a couple, would still find them weird and unnatural. Gob tried to shake off his skepticism, though; Michael probably knew that their chances of succeeding were low as well, but he still wanted to try instead of just dreading and doing nothing.

Gob sighed and figured that even if they lost George Michael, they would still have each other, and possibly a ceremony would be the only thing that could comfort Michael afterward. He hoped it would be enough to keep away the darkness inside them both.

Michael made a feeble joke, "Just don't use Chareth Cutestory for the name. Maybe Michael Bee after all." They would need to come up with names for his fake parents too.

Gob nodded and ran fingers through his hair. Then he sat up at last. "I'm sorry, I can't stay for dinner. I gotta go back to Mark Cherry's house."

Michael let go and tried not to be hurt. Gob just needed time. "Okay."

They got out of bed and went to the door together. Gob said, "We could stop in Sudden Valley on the way to Mexico, I think. Anyway, we'll go tomorrow."

Michael accepted a kiss on the cheek for goodbye, then he watched him go. He shut the door and came back to bed, trying not to worry about whether their scheme would fail to convince George Michael. Gob's offer of marriage, absurd as it was, comforted him and assured him that Gob was not trying to break up with him after all. He did still love him. Michael hoped that he would soon recover from this weird disgusted phase, so they could return to normal. Or their version of normal.

* * *

Back at Mark Cherry's house, the entourage were awake now. Gob ordered dinner for them and got drinks as usual.

JBJ asked if he had a good time with Michael. "Any luck convincing him to move in?"

"Uh yeah, actually. He said he wanted to move in after his birthday party on Saturday."

"Oh, that's cool. But if the party goes late, it'll be more like Sunday."

"Yeah," Gob said. "You guys don't mind, as long as we're quiet when he moves in, right?"

"Sure, don't worry."

"It'll be great when you can hang around with us more."

Mark Cherry asked Gob, "Hey, should we send an invite to Michael's son? The party could really help you guys bond with him."

Gob wished that it could, but he could not let his nephew learn that his father had become his lover yet. "No, uh, he's away in Spain now. Can't get back in time." This wasn't the usual day that Michael Bluth celebrated his birthday, either.

A few weeks ago, George Michael had told them via email that he wanted to spend a year abroad, but didn't have enough money to go, so Gob had sent him money. In fact, he told George Michael to go ahead and spend two years in Spain, to make up for his terrible junior year having to earn money by volunteering for awful experiments. (Gob also wanted to put off George Michael's senior year a little longer, so that he and Michael could figure out what to tell him about their relationship.)

George Michael was very happy for this gift and not suspicious at all. When he received Gob's letter and the accompanying check, George Michael emailed his father, and spoke to both of them, "Thanks for the check, Uncle Gob! I'm gonna pack my bags and book my flight now. Dad, I'm so glad that you two made up. I'll send you both some great postcards from Spain."

Gob hoped that George Michael would remember this gratitude in the years to come. He made sure to tell George Michael not to send physical postcards, and to just email pictures to them. Any mail addressed to "Michael Bluth" would out them at the hotel.

* * *

Gob drove the entourage out as usual that night, and while he waited in the limo, Michael called him.

Gob asked, "Honey, what are you doing awake? You should get some sleep so we can drive to Mexico tomorrow."

Michael replied, "I still miss your voice, and talking's all that we can do now, isn't it?"

Gob nodded. "Yeah, but don't try any dirty talk now, okay?"

"Okay," Michael agreed. "About Mexico, I guess we can still go tomorrow, but I think that we should try to get you a doctor in Malibu too, at least for the non roofie stuff. I mean, going to Mexico so much has to be inconvenient for you, and what would happen if you had an emergency and couldn't wait three hours? Besides, how come your Mexican doctor didn't see any syphilis symptoms before?"

Gob said, "I didn't ask him for an exam or any tests lately. He knows that I have to drive a long way to get there, so lots of times he'll just renew my prescription so I can fill it at the pharmacy and get back." In other words, bribing money made him ask no questions unless Gob specifically asked for treatment.

Michael pressed again, "So can you get a copy of your medical records from him, and we can find you a doctor around here?"

Gob considered it, and he asked, "I can still take my pills?"

Michael reluctantly said, "Okay." Getting a new doctor was the greater priority, and an American doctor might talk Gob out of the pills eventually.

"Okay, then we'll find somebody in Malibu." He did agree that having a local doctor would be more convenient and save on gas money. "Do you have a doctor now, or even insurance?"

"No, not for years now."

Gob felt bad for not remembering to ask before. "So you should get a doctor too, and get back on the herpes meds." He felt guilty and also somewhat sick to remember how he infected Michael in the first place.

"All right." Michael added, "You were right, though, that the outbreaks got less and less over the years."

"Of course." Gob's Mexican doctor did know his stuff, even if he chose to ethically let things slide, such as Gob's addiction to roofies.

They spent a while discussing medical stuff, and Gob said that he would not be able to be there during Michael's examination this time, and he would stay in the waiting room again. Michael said that he would try to handle it calmly and not panic again. They debated whether Michael ought to see the doctor under his real name or use the Michael Bee ID.

Eventually Michael agreed to get off the phone, and he said "Love you" as usual.

Gob said, "Goodnight" as usual. Michael had not pressed him on the issue, and Gob wondered if he was still hearing only what he wanted to hear.

* * *

That night, Gob took his usual forget-me-now pill so that he could sleep, but he had a nightmare again.

He was in Sudden Valley at the model home again, and Michael was there, dressed as a groom. Gob wore a tux too, and they were having their ceremony with some guy as the minister. The entourage came, and so did Steve Holt, which surprised Gob. He figured that Michael must have invited him to nag him into being a good father. Then George Michael stormed in holding a birth certificate and saying it was fake. Tracey even somehow showed up too, looking judgmental and trying to slap Gob.

They tried to argue that they loved each other, but then suddenly the scene changed to the church, during Gob's wedding illusion. Gob was dressed in his Amazing Jesus costume, but not handcuffed, and Michael was dressed as a centurion, though he didn't like the helmet and took it off. Gob didn't have time to admire how Michael looked in armor and a skirt, for the "Love Each Other" sign fell down from the glittery cross, and Gob had to save him. He pushed Michael out the way, but accidentally got him trapped in the cave. Gob tried to roll the fake rock out of the way but it was stuck and jammed, just like the secret compartment had been. "Gob!" Michael called out.

Gob tried to ask for help from the minister, but that guy turned into an ostrich and suddenly ran at him. Gob ducked and pulled off his purple cape to wave it, treating the ostrich like a bull in Spain. He tried to make the ostrich kick or peck a hole into the cave to free Michael, and he called to him, "Honey, stand back."

Then there was a puff of smoke, and Tony Wonder stood there, while the ostrich was now trapped inside a cage.

Gob gestured to the cave, "Can you help me break this open?"

Tony just stood there and said, "I didn't come to save him. I came to save you." He stepped forward and kissed him.

Gob tried to say no, and remember Michael, but Tony said, "Look" and pointed to a woman in a strange white dress. Gob looked closer, and she turned out not to be Egg but Tracey. At least, sort of like Tracey, because she had red hair. For some reason she had a dead dove in her hand, which she threw like a weapon at the cave.

Tony pushed Gob aside so they didn't get hit, and they somehow ended up on the floor while the cave opened. The Tracey/not Tracey woman went in with George Michael who was angry, but Gob couldn't see what else was happening.

Tony was still on top of him, and touching his shredded abs. One hand also started reaching up the short skirt of the Amazing Jesus costume. Gob found that he was turned on, but he felt guilty because this was supposed to be his wedding day.

"It's just an illusion," Tony said.

In the distance, he saw the "Tracey" woman and George Michael take Michael out of the cave, but they weren't rescuing him. They were actually trying to drag him away, out of the church. He resisted, but then looked at Gob and Tony together.

"Michael, no! I'm sorry!" He tried to get up but couldn't, and he saw Michael's hurt face, just before he turned to leave with "Tracey" and George Michael.

Tony still wouldn't let him up.

JBJ shook Gob awake and said, "Hey, hey, you're okay."

Gob was in his bedroom again, while JBJ sat close and looked concerned. He turned on the lamp and said, "See, it's all right. Don't cry."

Gob realized that he was crying, and his voice was hoarse, though he wondered whose name he had called out. If he had shouted Tony, it was probably just to yell at him for not letting him go after Michael.

JBJ hugged him and said, "I'm glad that Michael is moving in soon. You really need him."

Gob nodded and tried to calm down. "Thanks for waking me."

"No problem. You wanna talk about the dream?"

"No, uh, I'll be okay now."

JBJ shrugged and said, "Maybe you can call him and he won't mind talking it over with you." So he got up and said goodnight to Getaway.

After JBJ left, Gob didn't call Michael. He didn't want to wake him right now, or make him worry.

Gob pondered his dream and felt that Tony Wonder was a jerk for trying to make him cheat on Michael, and not letting him get up. So selfish. Gob wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that Tony sabotaged the cave in 2008 after all.

But something bothered him about the way Tony said, "It's an illusion."

What had he meant?


	27. Hypotheticals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't notice, I added a line to the 1992 flashback in "Lost Boys" to mention Michael sleeping in Gob's bed at the apartment where Gob recovered from being beaten after a show with Franklin. This chapter will expand upon that line.

In the morning, Gob didn't remember his nightmare about the wedding illusion or Tony Wonder. He did have a vague sense of dread that the fake birth certificate wasn't going to make George Michael accept them. But he already kind of knew that. It was an impossible fantasy. Gob would still try to do it, though, just to keep Michael happy and give them a project to focus on for a while. Gob still didn't clean the lipstick off the mirror, for he was lazy and thought it could wait until after they returned from their trip to Mexico.

At noon, Gob got dressed and drove to meet Michael at the hotel. Michael greeted Gob with a kiss on the cheek and asked if he slept well.

Gob paused and was not sure, but he did not want Michael to nag him about the forget-me-nows again. He just told Michael that Mark Cherry was fine with him moving in after his birthday party.

Michael was ecstatic, and pleased that Gob was finally not going to put him off any longer. He hugged Gob and promised that he would not cause any trouble at Mark Cherry's house. "I can't wait to live with you."

"Yeah, it'll be good," he said hopefully. "Just be patient with me about, you know."

"Okay. Come on, let's have lunch before we leave for Mexico."

Gob didn't want to be reminded of yesterday's lunch. "No, maybe we should wait until we stop in Sudden Valley. There's that store nearby, isn't there?"

Michael said, "No please. I'll behave, Gob. I won't talk about any stuff that makes you sick, and we can eat on the balcony instead."

So Gob agreed to stay, and Michael ordered room service for them. Gob went outside and was glad to sit on a recliner instead of sharing the bed as usual. Fresh air was good, and Michael would restrain himself when they were in public view in the middle of the day.

When lunch arrived, Michael brought it over to the table on the balcony, then he sat in the other chair. They leisurely chatted about their plans for the weekend, and how great it would be once Michael moved in. Michael was careful to not mention sex. He just said they could fall asleep together, and he would be there to wake and comfort Gob if he had a nightmare.

Gob nodded and thanked him, pleased by Michael's restraint. He wasn't even trying to play footsie under the table. Gob said they could swim sometimes in Mark Cherry's pool, or go out to the beach and watch the sunset. He almost said, "and build sand castles" but decided against it. He felt weird about that idea, like he had felt about wanting to buy rings for them. Gob frowned to himself and sipped his drink.

Michael said with a shrug, "Tracey said I never spent enough time at the beach. I was always working, you know. I guess I should be glad to get a break from work for once."

Gob agreed, "I told you that you didn't need that job, Michael. You should have let Kitty take over, or Mom. Jobs should be fun, not stressful. Anyway, you'll find something new eventually. Just let me take care of you right now."

"Okay." Michael eased his pride by reminding himself that he would be taking care of Gob too, by getting him a new doctor, who would cure the syphilis and hopefully wean Gob off the forget-me-nows. Maybe Michael could get him a therapist too, to help with his nightmares. If Gob still refused therapy, then Michael could try to contact Steve Holt instead. If Steve had indeed served in the army, then maybe he had traumatic experiences from the war, and he could talk to Gob about how to get over them. It was worth a shot, anyway. He loved Gob, and he wanted to make up for not being there to take care of him before.

Gob put a little honey on his food, and he wondered if his bees would ever recover at the bee hospital. If they did, then maybe he could just put Michael in charge of running the bee business. He was already Vice President, so he should probably do all the work, while Gob continued having fun with the entourage.

Meanwhile, Michael watched Gob eat and ached to kiss him, but he knew they could only talk now. Still, he wanted to express his love and feel close again, so he held Gob's hand and asked, "Do you know when I first started to fall in love with you?"

"You mean at the bachelor party?" Gob hoped that Michael wouldn't bring up the sex they had that night. "Like, when we turned off Dad on the TV, and we made up about you being my best man?"

"Yeah, that was good too, but I actually meant something else." Michael smiled fondly. "This didn't just happen five years ago when we kissed. I had feelings for you before then, but I just didn't know I was bisexual yet. I thought we could only try to be friends, or you could be part of my family with Tracey and George Michael."

Gob looked sad as he remembered 1992. "Yeah I tried for a while, Michael. I did. I knew you were married and nothing could happen even if you somehow wanted me back. I really didn't mean to say anything that night at the hospital, but I was just on drugs."

"I know, Gob, but I'm glad that you were on drugs, at least on that night. I'm glad that you told Tracey, even if you couldn't tell me." In fact, Michael often wished that he had been there to hear Gob say whatever he said, to hear "I love you" straight from his lips, to make up for all these years when Gob couldn't say the words to him when sober.

"Why?" Gob asked, withdrawing his hand from Michael's. "It just caused trouble, and even after I left, she kept nagging you about us all the time."

"But I needed to know how you felt," Michael said. "She never told me exactly what you said, and I wish you could remember too." Michael still did not know that Gob had only pretended to forget that night. "But she said that you were in love with me and wanted to have sex with me. It all finally made sense. I finally understood why you got that hooker for me, why you avoided me in college, and why you wouldn't be my best man for my wedding. It wasn't because you forgot about me for girls, or your magic career; it wasn't because you didn't want to be friends. It was because you loved me and couldn't tell me. It was because you were too jealous to see me with girls. If I had only known the truth, I wouldn't have been so stupid. I wouldn't have shunned you for three years."

Gob said, "You might not have, but Tracey sure would."

"No, no, she would understand. I mean, she might be jealous at first, but she forgave you for setting her hair on fire after only a few months. I could have talked to her, and we could have worked things out. I mean, she might still want to get you in therapy or something, but she had a terrible time those first three years we were married. I could have said, at least Gob loves me and wouldn't hurt you on purpose. He can help us, and we can be a family."

The depths of Michael's self-serving delusion began to worry Gob, but he didn't say anything yet. He just sipped his water and watched Michael's face.

Michael continued, "Anyway, that's just hypotheticals, because I didn't know until 1992 that you loved me. Even though it made her upset, Tracey still agreed that were weren't gonna shun you, that we were gonna take care of you, and that you'd still be in our family. So we could have worked things out if you had just stayed, and slept with the nurse. I could have told Tracey that you were cured and could move in again. Why did you have to leave us?"

"I didn't want that nurse, or to move in with you again. It was too awful, the way you looked at me then. Besides, Tracey wouldn't think I was really cured. She would still try to make me go to therapy, like she did with you. I didn't want to forget you, Michael, or be a robot too."

Michael looked touched. "I'm sorry about that. I was just desperate to get her to stay, and I thought you would be happier if you could forget and be normal. But that was before I knew I was bisexual. I didn't know that we could really be together, that it could be more than a hypothetical."

"No, you were married then." For about ten years after that, as well.

"Well maybe we could have talked to her together. Maybe she'd be our beard."

Gob shook his head. How could Michael forget so much about how normal people were?

Michael just continued, "After you disappeared from the apartment, I was so upset and worried. Remember when I used to call you and beg you to come back?"

Gob frowned uncomfortably at the memory. "You shouldn't have done that, Michael. What about Tracey and George Michael?"

"But I wasn't breaking her rules. I was just calling you, and you never answered." Michael sighed and felt sentimental. "That's when I started to fall in love with you. That's what I meant, Gob. When you were gone, I missed you so much, and I walked around the empty apartment over and over, touching anything you left behind. It was worse than the last time you disappeared, because now I knew that you loved me, and I was starting to love you too."

"No, I don't think you loved me then. You loved Tracey."

"But she didn't love me yet. And I did love you too. I thought about you all the time, and I'd remember you trying to kiss me on the yacht. I wished that I'd just let you then."

"No," Gob said. "You were just confused and feeling guilty." He knew for a fact that Michael couldn't even handle a kiss back then; Michael just didn't remember.

Michael insisted. "When you disappeared, I cried so much, and couldn't sleep at home. Nothing could calm me down except sleeping in your bed, 'cause it still smelled like you. Tracey said I shouldn't stay there, and that I was obsessed with you. But I told her to leave me alone."

* * *

Michael's exact words that night were, "The last time he disappeared, he got beaten outside a club in Torrance. And the time before that, he ended up arrested as a hooker. Why the fuck shouldn't I be obsessed with him?"

"It's not your fault he left. We can't help Gob until he's ready to be helped. He's still trying to escape his feelings."

"I need to find him. I have to keep him safe."

"I know, Michael. We can still look for him. Just come home now."

"No." He cried and lay down in the bed, pulling the covers over him.

She offered to get George Michael and stay the night here with him, but he said no. "Your perfume will mess up the smell." He clung to Gob's pillow and wished that the guest room at their house still smelled like Gob.

Tracey frowned and reluctantly left the apartment, feeling quite sure now that Michael was unhealthily obsessed with his brother. Bluths were so fucked up. However, she didn't realize that Michael's obsession with Gob began years before, that the three-year estrangement in itself was a form of obsession; he was so focused on Gob disappointing him, but he didn't care enough to shun the rest of his family for what they did.

Michael kept staying in the apartment night after night until the lease ran out, and sometimes he'd get drunk and try calling Gob, who never answered. So he left voicemail messages. "Where are you? Please come home. Did you hear us talking about the therapist? I'm sorry. You don't remember this, but on your first night in the hospital, Tracey heard you say that you love me and she got upset. But I don't think it's bad. She doesn't understand because she's normal, but I do. Please come home and talk to me."

Another time he asked, "Is this why you wouldn't come to college with me? Why didn't you just tell me? We could lived together anyway. Maybe I could have tried for you. You could have taught me things."

Then he begged, "Can't you come back? I don't care if you go to therapy. Maybe you could keep the apartment and I could watch you have sex with a hooker like you wanted me to before. I wouldn't mind if you kissed me sometimes. Tell me what to do. I need you."

Gob had done his best to ignore or delete these messages, but he ached to hear the sound of Michael's voice. He had to scoff at the ramblings about college, though. He did try to tell Michael what he felt on the yacht, and Michael couldn't handle it, so Gob had drugged him to forget. Being together before Tracey would never have worked. Michael just didn't know better. He had married so young, and he was still only a confused 23-year-old in 1992.

* * *

"Wait, you called me from my bed in that apartment?" Gob sat up and felt disturbed.

Michael nodded. "Where did you think I called you from? The guest room in my house?"

"No, I knew you couldn't let Tracey hear you saying that stuff. I knew you had to be at the apartment, but I didn't think you were in my bed. If I had come back to talk, you would have been there waiting for me?"

Michael nodded. "If you did come, and we were alone... then we'd be breaking Tracey's rules. But I didn't like those rules anyway. It just cost me ten more years living without you."

"You weren't alone, Michael. You were living with her. You loved her."

"But I still needed you. I always did. If you had kissed me and touched me, then everything would have been better. We could have loved each other then."

"But Tracey--"

"We could have sneaked around in secret. We could have been happy."

"Michael." Gob didn't know what to say. Michael could be such an impulsive idiot sometimes, doing things without thinking of the consequences. Gob felt guilty just to imagine Michael sleeping in his bed night after night, offering himself in desperation and misery. If Gob had come back one night intending to soothe Michael's fears about his safety, he would have found Michael in his bed, drunk and maybe undressed. Gob worried that he would not have been able to control himself in the face of such temptation. He might not have paused to ask Michael why he had changed his mind, might have gone too far without realizing that Michael was in no condition to consent.

Consent. That was the key. It made Gob feel wretched, and it reminded him of how Michael used to sleep in his bed in high school. "Why do you keep doing that, Michael? Going too far, when you're not ready and you don't really know what you're doing? That was why I thought you wanted me in high school."

"What do you mean in high school?"

Had he forgotten and blocked it out? "When you used to sleep in my bed. I'd sneak out to bars and you'd--"

"Yeah, I remember." Michael smiled fondly, in fact. "You'd wake me when you came back, and we'd talk."

Gob said, "You kept doing it, and I was so confused. Was it like with Lindsay, when you came onto her without realizing it? Was it like Buster and Mom?"

Michael protested, "I loved you."

Gob grimaced and hated that Michael still used "love" in the most twisted ways. "You didn't know any better, and you were lonely. I should have told you so. I should have been strong because I was the older brother. But then I started feeling weird things about you. All these creepy, unnatural feelings."

Michael blinked in surprise. "That was when you fell in love with me?"

Why did he have to keep using that phrase? "When did you think I started lusting after you?"

Michael shrugged. "I didn't see you for two years after high school, when you left to get away from that last girl you got pregnant. Steve Holt's mom, I think. I thought you missed me and started to love me. That's why you came to my college on my birthday."

"No, I felt that way before I left home. I was trying to get away from you."

Michael frowned. "You mean, you wanted me even back in high school? After--?"

"Yes! Don't you get it, Michael? It was wrong. It still is!" Gob felt so perverted and horrible that he rushed from the balcony and back into the bathroom to be sick.

Michael sat there stunned for a minute. The once orderly compartments in his brain were all a jumbled mess now. The wall he had carefully built between their childhood and their affair was starting to crumble, and he didn't know what to do now.


	28. Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob and Michael discuss what happened on the yacht, and then there's a high school flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the kink meme, danajsparks wrote a fill called Gob's Journey, and the first part featured Barry Zuckerkorn with an underage Gob.  
> http://ad-kink.livejournal.com/811.html?thread=17451#t17451
> 
> That story (as well as Barry being a pervert at the high school in season 4), inspired me to write a 1984 flashback where Barry goes after the Bluth kid that's actually interested in law. I think Barry would have been in his late 20s at that time, if he finished law school in 1982.

Both Michael and Gob forgot about finishing lunch, let alone getting to Mexico, in the midst of their emotional turmoil.

After a while, Michael came inside and stood at the bathroom door. "Gob, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He hadn't meant to remind Gob of high school at all; he thought Gob would talk about when he "fell in love" too, and Michael hadn't known that happened during high school either. "I thought--I mean in high school, you were fucking all those girls, and Dad said that Eve Holt wouldn't have an abortion like the other girls, so that's why you left."

Indeed, that was the reason Gob had given when he packed up his things in his Camaro and left their childhood home. His secret feelings for Michael were the real cause, though. He needed to leave, work on his magic, and fuck other girls. During those two years, he tried heavy drinking and illicit drugs too, but nothing worked to make the incestuous lust go away.

Gob was still too ill to answer, so Michael went on, "It's just, when you were gone those two years, and you wouldn't call or visit me, I felt so alone." Buster was still babyish and weird, while Lindsay was too cool and popular to hang out with Michael. (Also, because she got a nose job and hit puberty, she didn't want Michael to be around and come onto her.) Even the other geeks in school couldn't really understand Michael, when he tried to talk to them. He never knew how to make friends instead of having study partners and acquaintances. "I missed you all the time, Gob. I thought you felt the same."

Gob managed to finally speak. "I was trying to protect you from me." He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall, trying to recover.

"But you finally came to see me in college. You must have changed your mind, then. You wanted to be with me on my birthday."

"No, I brought you the hooker first, remember? I felt bad about leaving you at home to be brainwashed some more. You needed to stop obeying Dad's bullshit, and be with girls, and grow up." He frowned and looked at the floor now, to avoid Michael's eyes. "But yeah, I was selfish too. I still wanted you so much. I thought, if I just watched you have sex with the hooker, then that would be enough, and I could control myself. I could go back to my yacht and not touch you." Though he might have taken the hooker home to have sex with her too.

Michael said, "But you tried to kiss me on the yacht."

"You got rid of the hooker, and you drove me home, like I couldn't take care of myself." He shrugged. "But I guess you never saw me that high before. You were so beautiful, and you kept touching me when you took me to my yacht. And you said you would stay the night, and you undressed me. I thought maybe you wanted me, like you seemed to in high school. And maybe it was okay, since you were 18. Maybe we could be crazy together, and not alone."

Michael looked regretful. "I'm sorry that I didn't let you kiss me that night. I should have. We could have been together a long time ago."

"No," Gob shook his head. "No, I was wrong. You were still messed up and just blocked it out. You couldn't even understand."

"If you had just told me, Gob, that you loved me--"

"I did!" he said, although technically he hadn't used those exact words. But it was clear that Michael was equating "love" with "lust," no matter how inappropriate. It was so frustrating. "I did, and you couldn't handle it. You just shut down like a robot."

Michael looked confused. "When was this?"

Gob sighed and thought he might as well tell Michael the truth about the yacht now. "Michael, I roofied you that night."

"What? On the yacht?"

"Yes. You asked me to come to college and be your roommate. I should have known better, after you ignored me trying to kiss you and touch you before, but I thought maybe we could work things out. Maybe I could explain, and you wouldn't be afraid. So I told you I wanted us to kiss and fuck--" He had to break off at the sickening word.

Michael still couldn't quite believe all this, and he asked, "What did I say?"

After a moment, Gob recovered enough to speak again. "Nothing! Nothing but nonsense. You were a fucking robot, and you couldn't deal, even when I kissed you and said I would wait for you. I realized I'd made a huge mistake, and I gave you a pill so you would forget."

This shocked Michael deeply. "Did anything else happen that night?"

"You mean did I take advantage of you? No I slept upstairs. But you got seasick, and you babbled about fairies. I felt so awful and crazy and dirty. So I never tried again when you were in college. I just told you to be with girls and tried to make you not be a robot. You needed help, and you needed to make other friends. Then you were with Tracey, and she started fixing you herself. I thought she could make you normal and happy." It was sort of a relief to not have the responsibility anymore. After the engagement, Gob had tried to let go of Michael and not be jealous either. He really hadn't meant to set Tracey's hair on fire at the wedding.

Still thinking about the night on the yacht, Michael had to move away from the bathroom and sit down onto the bed. How many more revelations like this were there still to come? He knew Gob was a Bluth and a liar, of course, but it was upsetting to be wrong about so much of their history. Everything was upside down now.

Gob was glad for Michael to finally shut up and leave him alone. He closed the door and flushed the vomit, and tried to clean up. Then he sat on the bathtub's edge and tried to puzzle through their past again. He wondered what was wrong with him, why he had to go so crazy in high school.

* * *

In 1984, Gob was 17, but already making fake IDs for himself, so he could sneak out to bars and clubs. He liked alcohol, and it helped him feel whole after so many years of emptiness and misery at home. In fact he suspected that this was why their family was so crazy; at least the kids. Maybe it was the alcohol in the womb from Mom, or maybe it was the sudden withdrawal from it once they were born, but they had all come out very wrong.

Gob wasn't sure that Lindsay actually came from Mom, of course, but she suffered plenty of damage, because she developed an eating disorder and low self-esteem from Mom's criticisms. Even when Lindsay became indisputably beautiful, it hadn't really helped, because she constantly had sex for validation, and she got pregnant a lot. Lindsay had some daddy issues too, because they had fought ever since she went to the new-age feelgoodery school, and yelled at Dad about cheating on Mom. And of course she thought that Michael was coming onto her all the time.

Meanwhile Buster was still in Milford, loving it almost as much as he loved Mom. He was so weird, and he still liked the Motherboy competitions. Gob was kind of jealous of the love and attention, even though he knew it was terrible and suffocating. And Michael--well Michael was turning into a robot who blocked things out so that he wouldn't have to deal with the horrors of having emotions. Gob felt very sorry for him and thought that alcohol might help him cope, but Michael still looked too young to pass for 21, so Gob didn't risk making an ID for him. Instead he encouraged Michael to try some pot, since after all the banana stand was the Big Yellow Joint, but Michael was afraid of doing anything illegal. He was almost as timid as Buster.

The only thing that Gob could do for Michael was try to include him vicariously in his clandestine trips out on the town. Late at night, Gob would get dressed to go out, then Michael would sleep in Gob's bed to make it look occupied, while pillows filled Michael's bed; it was a top bunk bed, and less visible from the door. "Thanks, Mikey," Gob would say, happy to know that Michael didn't still resent him for the Boyfights or the election. Besides, Michael needed to learn how to break rules and defy their parents; this would be good for him. So Gob sneaked out the window and made it to his car, which he left parked at the bottom of the hill.

After a great night, Gob would sneak back in the early morning hours, and he'd wake Michael with a hug to thank him again for his help. Sitting together, they might talk a little more about Gob's night before Michael would return to his own bed. Gob thought that this was harmless bonding and fun. It was also the only time they could really talk, for their parents still made it feel like a crime to be close to your own brother. Like they were sissies to want to hold hands or hang out without fighting.

One night, Michael looked worried and asked if Gob was ever scared of being caught. What if the police arrested him for his fake ID?

Gob shrugged. "I'll pretend I'm not drinking or something." It took a lot of alcohol to get him drunk, after all, and he could act very sober. "I'll say I'm there to see the magic shows at the clubs. Those are great, you know. And if they take my ID, I can just make another one."

"But what if the police call Dad and tell him?"

Gob frowned at the thought. "He might be mad, but he keeps giving me cars and saying I should be like him. I'll try to tell him that I'm just having fun and meeting girls. I hope Dad doesn't bring his new lawyer to bail me out, though."

"You mean Barry? He's nice."

Gob frowned and looked worried. "You mean Mr. Zuckerkorn."

Michael said, "He said, that was his father, and I should call him Barry."

"He said--? When did he talk to you?"

Michael shrugged. "After one of those meetings he had with Dad. He asked me if I was excited about running Dad's business some day." The heir to the Bluth fortune had been picked out, and it was not Gob, though he shared his father's name. Michael continued, "I said I wanted to be a lawyer instead, and he said that was good too. He told me about law school and said I could work as a paralegal in his office."

Gob looked shocked and disturbed. "Was this in front of Dad?"

"No, um, Dad was inside, and Barry was leaving the house. I was getting on my bike to go to the banana stand, and he offered me a ride."

"Shit." Gob grabbed his arms and looked in eyes. "Michael, don't do that anymore. Don't ride with him and don't even talk to him."

Michael blinked in confusion. "Why?"

"You haven't seen how sleazy he is? How creepy he gets around everybody?" Basically anybody with a pulse. Barry had hit on Rosa, and Mom, and the gardener. Sometimes he'd have hookers in his car with him. Of course that was just adults.

Gob hadn't cared or felt disturbed about the lawyer's random sex life, until he saw Barry staring too much at Lindsay. Gob cleared his throat, and then Lindsay became aware of the inappropriate ogling. So she slapped Barry and said he was gross. Barry thankfully gave on up on her. However Barry tried to put an arm around Gob and offered to comfort him about not being the heir to the Bluth fortune. Gob told him to fuck off and avoided him from then on.

If only he had remembered to warn Michael, but Gob thought that the lawyer's behavior was obvious enough and that Michael was smart enough to see for himself. However, Gob had forgotten how innocent Michael could still be, and how he blocked things out. Gob tried to be a good brother now, and he told Michael firmly, "Don't ever be alone with him."

Michael said, "He's weird sometimes, but Mom says he's family."

Gob scoffed. "Yeah, the wrong kind of family. Like the au pair was family." It didn't take longer than a week for Dad to have sex with the foreign girl who came to take care of Lindsay and live with their family.

Michael finally blinked and began to understand. "You mean sex? Barry was trying to--?" He shuddered and realized that he should stop calling him Barry instead of Mr. Zuckerkorn.

Gob nodded and felt guilty. He asked, "Did he touch you, or anything?"

Michael shook his head. "Not yet. But he said I could keep seeing him and talk to him about lawyer stuff. He'd keep it a secret from Dad, 'cause Dad wants me to build houses instead. Oh God." He blamed himself. "I'm so stupid!" Of course the creepy lawyer wasn't really his friend. Nobody was his friend but Gob. "Stupid, stupid Michael!"

Gob shushed him and hugged him. "No, no, you're not stupid." Actually, he was kind of an idiot, but Gob was trying to comfort him. "You're just innocent and blind. They sheltered you, because they don't want you to see all the illegal bullshit they do, like letting the pot dealing go on at the banana stand all through the '70s. Just promise me you won't talk to Barry Zuckerkorn anymore. Just tell him to fuck off, and if he keeps after you, tell Mom or Dad."

Michael agreed, but then he looked confused. "Why do Mom and Dad keep him for a lawyer? Don't they know too?"

Gob frowned and sat back with a shrug. "They think he's some kind of legal genius, and his dad died on the job a couple of years ago, so they think they owe him or something. And maybe they don't really see it. He flirts with Mom all the time, so maybe she thinks he's straight. Besides, Mom is drunk and she spends so much time coddling Buster or destroying Lindsay. And Dad's always busy with the business, or hiding his affairs from Mom, or buying her stuff when she does find out."

Michael nodded. "Maybe he doesn't notice, 'cause he only sees Barry with other grownups.

"Yeah maybe." Gob sighed and said, "I don't know if Dad would believe me if I said something, but maybe he'd believe you. He loves you." Lindsay too, though they fought a lot about her pregnancies and abortions.

Michael hugged him again and cried a little.

Gob patted his back soothingly. "You're gonna be all right, Michael. It's okay now."

The next day, Michael did speak to their father, and he was angry enough to yell at Barry, but he didn't fire him, because he still thought he was a great lawyer. With all his crimes, George felt he needed Barry Zuckerkorn's unique advice. But he told Lucille and said they wouldn't have meetings at the house anymore. Also they forbid Barry to hang around the kids at the banana stand or school or anywhere else they were.

It was somewhat comforting, but then Dad had to ruin it by adding, "See, this is why you shouldn't want to be a lawyer, Michael. You should work for me, building houses. When you're old enough, I'll move you from the banana stand to the Bluth Company, and I'll teach you everything about the business."

"But I don't want to. You could have Gob instead."

"No!" Dad hated him too much to have him around the company all the time. Gob was good enough to be on the softball team, though, and he could probably do shady jobs on the side too; Gob had been good at the dirty campaign tricks in the election, after all. But George Sr. wanted to keep Michael's record clean and spotless, so that the company would look more honest. Michael would be his good son and his heir; it was all firmly fixed in his plan.

Michael was too timid to protest again. Besides, Gob would probably hate working for Dad, just like Michael hated working at the banana stand. Michael felt trapped and miserable, though, and he went to Gob for comfort that night.

Gob said, "You can still be a lawyer, if you really want to. Don't be Barry's paralegal, though."

"Yeah, I know." Michael felt stupid for being blind before.

Gob felt reassured that Michael was okay now. "Anyway, just keep the lawyer stuff a secret from Dad, so he'll still pay for you to go to college. Then you could get some job there and earn money so you can go to law school. He can't stop you if you pay for yourself."

"Yeah. Yeah, that's good." Michael hugged him. "You're so smart."

Gob smiled, and liked being appreciated. It was so great to be friends with Michael, even if it had to be in secret.

So they continued their nightly routine. But Michael soon became rather clingy, and he started to like sleeping in Gob's bed, even when Gob was only going out on a date with a high school girl, and there was no need to pretend that Gob was still at home. Gob would often come home and find Michael there, sometimes not even asleep since it was only 11 PM or so.

Gob wondered if Michael was unaware of what he was doing, like when he came onto Lindsay and called her beautiful all the time. So he tried to gently dissuade Michael by explaining, "You don't have to do that," but Michael still wouldn't stop.

One night, Gob tried to really talk to Michael about it. Maybe he was still traumatized from Barry or something. "Are you okay, Mikey?"

Michael hugged him suddenly. "You still like me?"

Gob nodded and kissed his cheek. Because Mom and Dad jerked him around so much with their approval and disapproval, Michael still feared that Gob's love was just as fickle. That someday Gob would go back to saying "I hate you" and "I wish you were never born." Gob told him, "Mikey, of course I do. You know that I don't want to hurt you in the Boyfights, and I didn't mean you to lose that election so bad." He really thought Michael would get more than two percent. Maybe ten, twenty percent. He had told Michael afterward that Dad must have rigged the vote; it couldn't possibly be real, because Michael wasn't that disliked or unknown in school. Michael wasn't so convinced by this argument, and he still felt invisible.

"I love you, Gob." He was the only one who saw him. Who liked him and cared about him.

"I love you too."

Michael clung to him and cried. "I wish we could be friends. Not in secret."

"Me too." It was so fucked up, how Mom and Dad would never let them get along or be close. The worst part was that Michael didn't have any other friends than Gob, and he needed one desperately. Gob tried to be there for him.

When Michael calmed down a little, Gob asked, "Hey, you wanna hear about my date tonight?" He thought a story would cheer up Michael.

Michael shook his head. "You're gonna graduate soon and go to college. You won't forget about me, will you?"

"No, of course not." Gob did, at the time, want to go to college. He'd neglected his grades in high school, but he'd won the election after all, and that might look good. Besides, he could just go to some party school with lower standards. Gob still wanted a magic career, but he knew that it might take a while to get famous and earn money doing it, instead of from his illegal activities. In the meantime, it sounded like fun to party in college for a few years.

Michael worried. "But you're all popular now."

"Michael, do you think all those kids are really my friends? No, they just wanna hang out 'cause our family's rich, and I got cars, and they want me to buy them stuff. It's just fake, and a lot of them don't care about my magic, either. You're my real friend."

Michael felt a little better, but he remained sad. "If you go far away, I won't get to see you. I can't even call you long distance, 'cause Mom and Dad would see the phone bill, and ground me or something." Not that Michael actually went out on dates, but he was enough of an obedient kid, that any kind of punishment felt horrible to him.

"Michael, don't worry. I won't go far, and you can come visit me sometimes, too. Maybe on your birthday, since they never remember, and wouldn't look for you."

"And when I go to college too, I can stay with you, and we can be together all the time."

"Sure."

"Without Dad."

"Right. That will be so great." Gob shrugged. "Maybe when Dad disowns you for going to law school, then we can get an apartment together or something."

"And we'll always be together."

"Yeah." Gob didn't think that Michael meant "always" as in "even if one of us gets married." He hadn't learned yet how suffocating Michael could be. He thought they could have fun being out of the family, until either Dad forgave them, or Michael finished law school and set out on his own. Maybe Gob would be a famous magician by then, and have some real friends among the normal people. Whenever they did move on, Gob hoped that they would still be friends and hang out sometimes as brothers.

Michael kissed Gob's cheek, and then finally agreed to return to his own bed. Gob tucked him in and went to sleep happy.

However, Michael still didn't stop sleeping in Gob's bed, out of loneliness and neediness. And then Gob's own feelings started getting weird and creepy. He would notice it whenever Michael came into the room in a robe. (When he worked at the banana stand, he often had to shower to get the smell of sweat and chocolate off of him.) Feeling wretched and guilty, Gob feared that he was turning into Barry the pervert. After thinking that he had survived his childhood relatively sane, Gob had gone crazy after all with gay and incestuous feelings. He should have known it, of course, since all Bluths were crazy, but he didn't know he was this fucked up.

Gob was in no mood for college anymore, and he had to hide his shameful feelings. No matter how Michael behaved, he was too innocent to understand how inappropriate he was being. Gob was the older brother, and he had to be the one in control, just like Lindsay always discouraged Michael's compliments. So Gob tried fucking a lot of girls to erase the lust, but it wouldn't go away, especially since Michael was always there in his bed after Gob returned from his dates. Finally he had to escape home and abandon all his plans with Michael, just to protect his little brother.


	29. Steep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after the Lauren Christy song "Steep" which contains the lines "I can hold you, but not with lover's arms, 'cause you are more of a brother to me now."
> 
> I hadn't meant Peter Pan to become a major theme in this story, but it crept up on me and turned out to be important. As I said before, Gob is taking too much responsibility by solely blaming himself as the older brother, but that's the guilt and horror affecting him.

Gob eventually left the bathroom and decided to talk to Michael. He didn't even consider wasting his time on trying to get a forget-me-now from Mark Cherry's house. There was no way to forget about high school, or the apartment, and all that other stuff now. He had to end this before it got worse.

Gob pulled a chair over to the bed, but not too close, and he said, "Michael, I think, I think we shouldn't... be together like this. It's wrong. We shouldn't fake date anymore, and you shouldn't move in with me."

Michael sat up and looked shocked. "What? No, Gob, you promised!"

"I'm sorry. I made a huge mistake. I'm sorry about the party too, but--"

Michael interrupted, "And we're not fake dating! We're boyfriends, and we're gonna live together again." Gob had even talked about marriage, like he meant it. He sang songs to him about forever, and told him that they belonged together.

Gob looked sad and ashamed for letting this charade go on so long. Maybe this had all been a fantasy, an illusion. "No, Michael, we can't. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I shouldn't have promised in the first place. I mean, you don't have to go back to Sudden Valley, Michael. You can stay here 'cause we need to get into therapy or something. But we should break up for good."

"No! What are you talking about? Don't you love me?" He thought that Gob was overreacting to his disgust and guilt. "No, you'll get over this, Gob. You said so. You just need time."

"No, Michael." Gob shook his head. "Yeah, I thought I could, but I can't get over this. It's wrong for us to be lovers. We should never have started in the first place."

Michael was heartbroken. "Why are you ashamed of us? We love each other. We belong together. You always said..."

Gob felt awful enough to risk hugging Michael. "I was wrong."

Michael couldn't accept that. "They fucked us up so bad, and we only have each other now. Nobody else would understand us." Michael had so many disastrous relationships with women that he'd given up on trying anymore. He loved Gob, and wanted to be with him for good.

Gob let go again and looked sad. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean that we can be lovers, and pretend that this is normal. This is fucked up too."

Michael moved back on the bed and hugged his knees again. "I didn't mean anything when I slept in your bed in high school. It's just that I was lonely, and I wanted you to hug me and tell me we were still friends. I couldn't even talk to you half the time because they'd get suspicious and rip us apart again. "

"I know that, Michael. You didn't know any better, and you didn't understand how I felt. That's why I had to protect you. I fucked all those girls to try to forget, but it didn't work. I don't know. Maybe I needed therapy. Maybe I should have let you and Tracey make me go. I'm sorry I didn't listen, and that I yelled at you. You were trying to help me, but I was in denial."

Michael was still in denial. He said, "So what if you felt that way about me in high school? It's just feelings, Gob. You didn't do anything creepy to me."

Gob disagreed. "I was as bad as Barry Zuckerkorn."

"No, he was ten years older than us. We were much closer in age, Gob, and we already liked each other. You were, you were just falling in love with me."

"No, no!" Gob felt awful. "That wasn't love. It was lust. It was crazy and dirty and wrong."

"No, it wasn't wrong," Michael insisted. "It was love. I mean, I thought I only liked girls back then and I wasn't ready to have sex, with you or anyone. But it's okay if you already loved me secretly. You were older than me, and had more experience."

"Michael, that's the point! I was older and should have protected you."

"You did! You didn't tell me or do anything weird the whole time we shared a bedroom."

Gob could only respond "Michael!" in despair.

Michael tried to mend things with more excuses. "It's not bad. Like, I loved Tracey in high school, but I never even figured out how to say hello to her. Then she dated me in college and we got married. And I liked Sally Sitwell too, and she flirted with me in high school, but we never had sex until years later. So we're just like that, Gob. It was only feelings and desires. Teenagers have crushes all the time."

"Not on their brothers." Although it had been strange how Michael kept telling Lindsay she was beautiful.

Michael said, "It doesn't matter. We grew up and got together after I was ready. You even waited until I was 18 before you tried to bring me that hooker or kiss me. Then you told me the truth. Did you really say that you would wait for me, Gob?" That felt kind of flattering to know. "I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I'm sorry I wasn't ready for you until after Tracey. But I really love you now. We love each other."

Gob shook his head. "No, you were just lonely, Michael. You needed me to be your friend and your brother, and I just twisted it into something unnatural. Maybe you're not even bisexual."

Michael found that idea absurd. "Gob, we've been having sex on and off for five years now. I wasn't faking it."

"Not on purpose, but I think you were lying to yourself. You were trying to please me, to do anything I wanted so that we could be close again. Maybe you just liked the parts where we talked and slept in the same bed and kept secrets. You thought the sex was worth it, to have all that. I'm sorry I manipulated you. I didn't mean to."

"You didn't, Gob! I liked the sex. I still do. Why can't we kiss anymore?"

"Because you're my brother."

"So?" he repeated.

"It's crazy."

Michael answered defiantly, "I don't care! Gob, if it's crazy to love you, then I don't want to be sane. I need you. You make me happy."

"You call this happy? It's unhealthy. We're just faking things like Lindsay and Tobias did, only with more sex."

Michael looked hurt.

Gob sighed and wished that he had never felt this strange lust. It made him sick with guilt to think about it now.

Michael said, "I know we're brothers, but I love you anyway."

"Like you loved Tracey anyway, even though she was a lying gold-digger?"

Michael protested, "She learned to love me."

"I know. And she loved George Michael too. I just mean, that you do things for other people, Michael, and you're good at denial."

Indeed, Michael had become an expert in denial and blocking out stuff, ever since Gob had read him Peter Pan. Michael had especially liked the first chapter where Mrs. Darling "tidied up" her children's minds while they slept. The author claimed that all mothers did it, hiding the bad and unpleasant thoughts in the kids' brains so that happy thoughts could come to the top in the morning. Michael had felt sad that Lucille wouldn't do that for him, so he started doing it himself, cleansing his mind and making it orderly. After all, if the Lost Boys could survive on a savage island for years, regularly witnessing carnage, starving because Peter Pan made them make-believe food, and killing pirates, yet they forgot the whole experience and became ordinary, dull Englishmen in the end, then why couldn't Michael block out his upsetting traumas too?

Gob had started to regret reading the book to him, but he also knew that Michael had to cope somehow as a child. He couldn't survive just believing in fairies, and he didn't have alcohol or drugs to help. It was Mom and Dad who manipulated Michael into being an obedient robot who was blind to their crimes and hypocrisy. Gob had tried to save his brother, to fix him. But he didn't know how, because he was broken too.

Michael got up and paced the hotel room. "Denial? What, you think that I'm in the closet about being straight? Gob, that doesn't make any sense. I wouldn't pretend to like having sex with you. I did like having sex. How you made me feel..." He sighed and ached to touch him again. To have makeup sex and be happy again. "You taught me everything." Way more than he had learned with any woman.

That upset Gob even more. "I taught you. That's it. Don't you get it, Michael? I taught you that having sex with your brother was okay, when it wasn't. I was selfish."

"No, I love you, Gob. I wanted this too. Why don't you love me anymore?"

Gob said, "You don't love me, Mikey. Not like that. You're just confused and fucked up and crazy." All Bluths were.

Michael argued angrily, "I know what I feel. Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Of course. Michael was his idiot brother who almost married Rita, after all. He never knew how stupid and blind he could be.

"Why don't you love me?" Michael repeated.

Gob didn't know how to answer. "I really cared about you, Michael. I did. I wanted to protect you and fix you. I didn't come on to you for so many years because I knew this was wrong. But I was on drugs at the hospital, and I couldn't stop myself. I should have just gone to therapy like Tracey said, but I didn't want to become a robot. And it felt like, if I forgot about you, about everything, then there would be a huge piece of me missing. I would be alone."

"That's love," Michael said.

Gob shook his head, but he couldn't articulate what he meant. He was still in denial, and he couldn't see yet that the "huge piece" was the gay part of him. That was the piece that was missing and didn't want to be buried. It was also the piece that was trying to reach him about Tony Wonder, about how to have a normal life and real love.

Michael continued. "So you love me, see? And I love you. It's not wrong."

"No, it is."

"There's nothing wrong with us! I mean, I know that normal people wouldn't accept us, but they didn't grow up like we did. They don't know what we went through. I don't care what they think. We love each other. We need each other. We're not hurting anybody."

"No, we are. We are. George Michael will never forgive us."

"He might," Michael tried to hope. "Even if the birth certificate doesn't work, then we'll figure something else out. We will. You're smart, and if you get off the drugs, you'll be even smarter. Like you used to be."

Gob felt awful and wretched. "Like I used to be when we were kids. We were kids together, Michael! I shouldn't want to fuck you."

"Why not? I want you to. I love you."

"No, you're just fucked up. Just like me. We're both fucked up."

Of course they were. He knew that. "But you make me happy."

"Michael, come on! How could I do all these awful things to you?"

"They weren't awful! We made love. I consented."

Sure, like he consented to unprotected sex without thinking it through. Gob rolled his eyes. "No, it's my fault. I'm the older brother. I should have protected you. I should have stopped this long ago. I shouldn't have asked you to move here and be with me again, but I was selfish. I was lonely, and I missed hearing you say that you love me."

"I missed you too, Gob. All the time. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't break up with Egg if you didn't love her."

Gob shrugged. "Maybe it was all her religious talk and her family and chaperoning friends. It was getting to me." Michael had also been nagging and suffocating during their first affair, and Gob needed a break. He also thought that Michael needed some time to be with more women, to let them try to fix him too. If only Rita hadn't been an MR F.

Michael said, "So maybe that's why you think you want to break up now? You're listening to their religious garbage."

"No, Michael, that's not me. That's you. You know better, but you still repeat what Dad used to say. And you talk like Tracey still."

That made Gob realize something; Michael had totally remade himself for Tracey, when she taught him how to be normal. Michael used to be so timid and polite, much like Buster, but once he married Tracey, he started to talk sarcastically and toss veiled insults at his family, just like she did. It was a small rebellion and a show of solidarity with his wife. Most of the Bluths had liked it, and took it as a sign of Michael growing up. Gob had thought it was probably healthier for Michael to vent his feelings, and he appreciated Tracey for teaching him how to cope like a normal person. Still, Gob had found the stark difference in his brother rather jarring, once he spent time with Michael again after the three year estrangement.

Michael still argued, "I don't want to break up, Gob. We can be happy again. You can fall in love with me again, if you'll let me be with you. Please let me move in like we talked about."

"No, Michael." Gob tried to tell him what he realized. "You completely changed yourself for Tracey. You changed more with every year you were married. That's what you did with me. You changed yourself so that we could be together. On the yacht, you couldn't handle me kissing you, and that was what you really felt. But after you learned about my feelings, you wanted me to stay around and not disappear, so you changed yourself for me too. You said crazy things on the phone, but I still didn't come back because you were married, and it was wrong. Then after Tracey died, you wanted to try again with me. You missed me and didn't want to be alone, so you kissed me back at the bachelor party and we had sex. You went along with whatever I wanted."

"No! I wanted it too. I still want it." Michael knelt in front of Gob and hugged him desperately. "I fell in love with you. It was real. It is real."

Gob shook his head, and he was crying now. "I'm so sorry. I should have known. You're a robot. You followed Mom and Dad's rules for love and approval. Then you followed Tracey's rules for love and approval. And then you just--"

"No!" Michael cried. "I didn't just go along. I love you."

Gob hugged him and felt miserable. All these years, Gob had blamed their parents for hurting and ruining Michael, but apparently Gob had screwed him up too. He hadn't been saving Michael at all. He had just managed to accidentally reprogram the robot!

As his sobs subsided, Michael sat back on the floor, leaning on the bed. He insisted that Gob didn't brainwash him. "I just needed time, Gob. I wasn't ready, and I was married to Tracey for 12 years. I couldn't reciprocate your feelings before the bachelor party, but I really did fall in love with you. It was more than once; I loved you again after we broke up the first time. You made me that CD, and then all the fighting and cheating didn't matter. After Rita, I realized I should have stayed with you. I loved you, and we belonged together. When you said you were engaged, I couldn't get over you. That's why I couldn't be with anyone else for three years when I was alone in Sudden Valley. Nobody else could be like you."

Gob felt guilty. "You were desperate and lonely. I should have left you alone."

"No, I loved you. We love each other. Remember when you said it the first time?"

Gob was frustrated. "Michael, this isn't love! This is just what happens when two crazy people decide to be crazy together."

"Then why can't we still be crazy?"

Gob sighed and wished he had never screwed up Michael. "I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I should have protected you from me."

"You don't have to protect me. I'm 40 years old, Gob. I'm well past the age of consent. I was 35 before we first had sex. I love you."

"It's still wrong. You just don't know any better. I wrecked you."

He shook his head, "You didn't wreck me. Our parents wrecked us. We just wanted to be friends, and they never let us."

"Right, you just wanted to be friends."

"I wanted that when we were kids. We're grownup now and I want more. I want you. We can do what we want."

"No, Michael. You'll hate it if you lose George Michael over us. You'll hate me."

"I won't. I can't."

Gob shrugged and said sadly, "I wish I could fix you for real. I wish I knew how. We should find a therapist or something."

Michael scoffed. "Oh now you believe in therapy?"

"I don't know what else to try. I'm so sorry, Michael."

"I'm not a robot anymore. I know how I feel. Being you with you makes me feel human. Not alone."

Gob nodded and said, "You know all these years, wanting you, I thought it would be great when we got together. I thought it would fix everything that went wrong between us."

"It did."

"No, you just don't know any better."

"I do, Gob! You're wrong."

Gob sighed. "I thought I would feel happy and complete, if you just loved me back. But it's almost like--I'm still alone."

"You're not. We have each other now."

Gob got up from chair and kissed Michael's cheek gently. Michael held onto him and started to have hope that Gob was falling for him again.

He whispered, "I love you."

Gob looked in his eyes and realized now why he hadn't been able to say those words before. Because real love was not fucked up and selfish and destructive like this. He said, "I love you too, Mikey."

Michael was happy at first, but then Gob pulled away from him and got up.

Gob went to the door and only stopped to add, "You're my brother. I'll always love you." Then he walked out and shut the door.

Michael crawled back on the bed and sobbed.


	30. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another dream with Tony Wonder, and Michael doesn't take the breakup well.

Gob left the hotel and wasn't sure where to go now. It was only about 1:30 in the afternoon, so he didn't want to go back to Mark Cherry's house and wake up the guys. He needed some time alone to think about things. He thought about going to Mexico about his syphilis, but it was a long drive, and he wasn't sure he could make it without pulling over and crying. So instead, Gob drove to the beach, and then he sat down on the sand, staring out into the waves. He felt awful and depressed, remembering how recently he came here with Michael as lovers, and they lay together on a towel.

Gob saw some kids in the distance making a sand castle, and that reminded him of why he didn't want to say that at lunch, because it was something he had wanted them to do as kids, as brothers. If only he hadn't fucked everything up! Gob started to cry, and then his phone rang, and it was Michael calling him. Gob couldn't talk to him now. He went back to the limo, and sat in the back to cry in private. Of course, the limo made it worse, because he remembered the one time he and Michael had sex here.

Gob wanted a forget-me-now so that he could sleep and go numb again, but of course he shouldn't have a pill now. He needed to remember breaking up with Michael, so that he would not try to get back together with him.

When Michael called a second time, Gob gave in, since he was worried.

"Gob!" Michael was still half crying.

"Michael, I'm sorry."

"Oh, thank God. Come back here." He needed makeup sex.

"No, Michael. It's over. I'm serious."

"But I love you. I really do. It's not pretend. Please come back."

"No, I can't. We can't have sex anymore. It's wrong."

"It's not!"

"We can still be brothers, Michael. We can try to figure out how to be friends, like we should have been."

"You used to love me." Michael just couldn't understand.

Gob cried too, and said, "Remember when I read you stories? Remember when we were kids? I loved you then. That was real love, not this... this crazy stuff."

Michael kept sobbing, and Gob listened, gently shushing him.

But then Michael got out the CD and played it, hoping to make Gob fall in love with him again.

Gob frowned and said, "No, Michael. Turn that off. Get rid of it for good."

"No."

"I can't--" He gave up and said, "I'll come see you tomorrow. Don't call me now." Gob hung up, then lay back against the seat, crying some more.

He eventually exhausted himself and fell asleep again. He dreamed of his wedding illusion again, and this time he saw Tony Wonder sitting in Michael's chair, and in his lap, he held young Michael, crying about his 6th birthday again.

Tony patted Michael's head, but his eyes stared at Gob. "You did good."

Gob shook his head and felt miserable. "I ruined him."

Tony shook his head. "You were a little W, but now you're a big W. You let him go."

Gob cried and thought of Barry Zuckerkorn again.

Tony made an origami crane appear and he gave it to Michael, who finally calmed down and played with it. He said, "Happy birthday," and little Michael said thanks.

Gob felt bitter at the memory.

Tony gestured to him. "Come here, hold him."

"No I can't."

"You can. It's like with George Michael. You can learn how."

Gob worried that Tracey would appear and slap him, but she didn't. The church was strangely quiet and empty now. Not even an ostrich around, though he heard something that might have been a BabyTock in the distance.

Tony stood up from the chair and handed Michael over to Gob, who awkwardly took hold of the little boy. Michael cried when his origami crane was crushed, and Gob tried to hand Michael back.

Tony wouldn't take him, though. "He needs his big brother now."

So Gob held Michael and rocked him. They both cried some more, while Tony stood near and touched his shoulder comfortingly.

* * *

When Gob woke up later that afternoon, he checked his phone messages and found many from Michael. He debated whether to listen to them or delete them; they might be just the same sort of crazy voicemails that Michael had left in 1992, from the apartment. After a while, Gob just dismissed the messages and drove back to Mark Cherry's house.

He tried to sneak in, hoping that the entourage would be asleep, but they had woken early to talk about the party plans and write a song for Getaway and Michael.

Gob debated for a moment what to say, but JBJ noticed that Getaway looked awful. "What's wrong?"

Gob choked sadly and said, "I broke up with Michael."

"What?" JBJ was stunned. "But he was gonna move in!"

"And he just came over to surprise you the other night."

"What happened?"

Since he didn't have a cover story, Gob said that he didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to get drunk now.

JBJ hugged him and invited him to sit down with them on the couch. He even got a bottle and opened it for him.

Gob was glad to have friends, even if he couldn't tell them that Michael Bee had been his brother all along. They wouldn't understand. He barely understood it himself.

Since Gob didn't want to talk, they drank with him, and Mark Cherry asked awkwardly what they should do about the birthday party. Just cancel and return everything?

Gob said, "Yeah, let's not have the party, but, um, can we still give Michael our gifts anyway? This will be a really bad birthday for him."

They were all surprised by Gob's generosity, but they agreed, and started to cancel the plans.

JBJ patted Getaway's shoulder. "So you don't hate Michael now?"

"No, no. It's not his fault. It was mine." He cried some more and couldn't talk.

They stayed near, drinking with him and telling their own breakup stories. At dinner time they ate and watched TV together, trying to cheer him up.

JBJ asked if Getaway wanted to make up with Michael, if that was why he wanted to still give the presents. "We could help you, you know.

Gob thanked him but said no, the breakup was for the best. "I do wanna try to be friends with him again, but it--it'll take some time."

"Okay."

They each hugged or patted his shoulder sympathetically.

Then Michael called again, and this time Gob decided to answer, though he excused himself to his bedroom.

"Gob!"

"Michael, I told you to stop calling me."

"You didn't listen to my messages?"

"No, I couldn't. Please give up on this, Michael. We can't get back together."

"It's not fair. You loved me for so long, and now you just don't. How can you just change your mind all of the sudden?"

"You changed too, Michael. You--"

"No, I didn't! Not like that, at the drop of a hat. Sure I changed how I acted for Tracey, but I didn't make up my feelings for her out of nothing. I already loved her in high school. When I was a kid, yeah I obeyed Mom and Dad's fucked up rules, but that didn't change how I felt inside. I hated working at the banana stand, I hated the Boyfights, and I wanted us to be friends. Those were real feelings, no matter how I acted to get through it. Same thing with you, Gob. You went along with the Boyfights, and you did what Dad wanted in the election, but you still liked me in secret. You still felt guilty and said you were sorry. That's what Bluths do, we sneak around, 'cause we're two-faced. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. My feelings about you were always real. They still are."

Gob said, "But you didn't feel this way about me on the yacht."

"I was 18 years old! That was over twenty years ago. What, I'm not allowed to grow up in all that time?"

Gob insisted, "That was how you really felt."

"No!" Michael felt frustrated since he didn't remember the whole night. But he could recall the attempted kiss at the start of the evening. "I was just shocked, because we were brothers, and I hadn't seen you in two years, and I didn't know you felt that way. It was just a lot to take all at once. But Gob, if you hadn't been my brother, if you were just some hot guy I met in college, and you took me on a date and kissed me, I would probably have kissed you back."

"You don't know that, Michael."

"You don't know that I'm wrong, either. I am bisexual, Gob. I've noticed guys are hot before, like the Hot Cops or movie stars or whoever. I thought about dating some guys to get over you when I was alone in Sudden Valley. I was just still in love with you, and I'm no better at flirting with men than women. Come on, Gob, you think I'm dating guys all the time."

Gob said, "Well you said you weren't really on a date with Tobias."

"Not willingly. Even if he weren't married to Lindsay, I'm not attracted to him. My point is that, it's not the bisexual thing that kept me from being with you until 2004; it was the fact that you were my brother, and you kept disappearing even when I wanted to try."

"And you were married to Tracey."

"I know, but I think I got married to her too soon. Maybe I should have told her that I knew she was lying to me, and I could have put her off for a couple years until I graduated and knew what I wanted. What you wanted. I could have made her a deal about us."

"No, Michael, normal people don't do that."

"They might for money. I did love her, but it was partly the high school crush, and partly being so lonely without you in college, that made me willing to rush things with her. It was 'cause you weren't there, Gob. You should have come to college with me."

"No, we're brothers, and it's wrong."

"We were brothers all along! You knew it!"

"I know, Michael. It's my fault--"

Michael was becoming angry. "How could you even say that I was in denial and just faking the sex all along? You're the one who always denies being gay."

"I'm not--"

"See? There you go again. And you pretended that you weren't a hooker either in the '90s. So you're wrong about me too. You don't know everything just 'cause you're older than me. All the drugs have messed you up. I know I love you, Gob, for real. I know what I felt whenever we kissed and touched. I remember that first night together, and you don't. You don't even remember the last time we had sex."

Gob felt uncomfortable at the mention of sex. "I can't talk about that, Michael. Listen, I told the entourage that we broke up. They're gonna cancel your party, but I'll still bring you the birthday gifts anyway to cheer you up."

"I don't want gifts! I want you. I wanna move in like you promised."

"I know, but you can't. I'm sorry. Let's not argue about this anymore. We can talk to some therapist, and they can decide who's right." Gob still felt that he was right, though.

Michael said bitterly, "Any therapist will take your side, because they're normal people. They don't understand about us." It felt so unfair, that Gob was using therapy against him.

Gob said, "Then just try to let me go, Michael. You can get over me and meet someone else. You can be normal again."

"No, I don't want to be. Don't leave me, Gob!" He couldn't get over him; he already tried for three years. "I love you."

"I'm sorry. I can't love you like that anymore." He tried to change the subject. "Look, have you had dinner yet? Eat something, and then try to get some sleep, Michael. I'll come see you tomorrow and we can go find a doctor for my syphilis. Maybe we should both get tested, just in case I got anything else I don't know about. I want you to be okay."

Michael just cried in despair.

Gob told him again, "It's gonna be all right, Mikey. You'll realize that you're happier without me. Just give it time. Don't call anymore tonight, and throw away the CD. Goodnight."

Michael was too upset to answer at all, let alone say "Love you."

Gob sighed and hung up.

* * *

Later that evening, Michael had stopped crying, but he couldn't sleep. He paced the hotel room and balcony trying to think what to do. Gob wouldn't believe him, no matter what, and he told him to get rid of the CD, like it was just trash now.

He looked at his still semi-packed bags, and he decided to pack them again. He made sure to safely stow the CD, along with the card with his face on it. He would not let Gob take this away from him, or try to erase their past with therapy. It was real.

So Michael finally went downstairs with his bags, and he checked out of the hotel. The clerk asked for payment, but Michael said, "Charge it to Gob."

"Oh, Getaway?"

"Yeah. And give him this." He handed over the key to Mark Cherry's house.

"All right."

The bellhop took Michael's bags to the Camaro, and then Michael took one last look at the hotel before he drove away.

He returned to Sudden Valley, to the house with the broken door. He sadly looked at the street where they had sex in the limo, at the lawn where they fought, and at the model home in the distance where they retrieved the CD.

Michael got his bags and headed into the house with a sigh. He looked at the couch where they had kissed and touched, and where Gob made romantic promises to him. All the promises were broken now and he looked to see if there was any liquor left in the wet bar. Then he went upstairs to the bed where they made love, and he wished that he hadn't washed the sheets.

Going back downstairs for his luggage, Michael found the bedsheets still in the dryer, so he took them along and made the bed again. He didn't unpack anything but the CD player, and he played it to hear Gob's voice again. A voice from the past that used to love him. Michael just lay in the bed and cried. He wished that Gob remembered the last time that they had made love, and he cursed the forget-me-nows.

In the morning, Michael noticed now that animals had wandered into the house, so he left Sudden Valley to go into town, where he could get phone reception. He used his credit card to pay for having the door fixed, and he looked for a pest control service too. Michael briefly thought of Steve Holt's business, but he could not talk to his nephew right now, so he hired a different place instead. After that got done, Michael bought some groceries, or rather, lots of liquor, from the neighborhood store. Finally, he sat alone in the living room and got drunk. He was glad that Sudden Valley got no phone reception, because he didn't want to talk to Gob again now.


	31. Pete to the Rescue

Meanwhile, back in Malibu, Gob was shocked that Michael had moved out and disappeared. After paying the hotel bill, he kept trying to call Michael's cellphone, but he got no answer. He wondered if Michael had returned to Sudden Valley, but he was not sure. Michael might have decided to hide somewhere else, like the penthouse or Uncle Oscar's lemon grove. He might have even tried driving to Phoenix again.

The question was soon resolved by the credit card statement, which showed Michael making purchases and charges near Sudden Valley. Gob was relieved and he mailed Michael his birthday presents along with a long letter apologizing for the incest, but not for the breakup.

So that was how Pete returned to Sudden Valley. He was shocked to know that Michael had moved back, and he hoped that Gob was not with him again. But then he saw that the sender on the packages was Gob Bluth. That must mean that Gob was still in Malibu, so that was a relief to Pete. They must have ended... whatever they were doing.

As he drove his mail truck into Sudden Valley, Pete didn't see the limo, but a black Camaro, parked in front of house. The packages wouldn't fit in the mailbox, so Pete brought them to the porch, and he tried to leave them quietly.

However, Michael came to the door and opened it, hoping that Gob had come to make up with him, but it was only the mailman.

Pete felt awkward. Michael looked like hell, and he hadn't shaved in days. "Uh, some packages for you." He wondered if he should say, "Welcome back."

"Oh. Thanks, Pete." Michael wasn't sure what else to say. He didn't know that Pete knew about his affair with Gob. If Pete asked why he came back, maybe Michael could say that he fought with his brother, and he was out of the family again.

Pete didn't ask anything, though. He just said, "I gotta get going. Bye." He turned and left, hurrying back to his truck.

For once, Michael didn't mind not having a long chat with the mailman. He glanced at the packages and soon realized that they were the birthday presents Gob had mentioned before. Outraged, Michael just wanted to kick them off the porch, or maybe destroy them with a hammer. This was the worst birthday ever.

He went back inside and cried.

Maeby had also been shocked by Michael's return, which she had only discovered by seeing all the handymen and pest control people at Michael's house. She slipped by on her bike and just hid in the model home, wondering if Uncle Mike was going to get work done on the rest of the neighborhood's houses. Fortunately, nothing else happened, so that afternoon, Maeby ventured to Michael's house to spy from behind a fence again.

Now that the vans were gone, she could see the new Camaro parked by the house, which thankfully wasn't rocking. The broken door was fixed too. Had Uncle Mike whored himself out, so that Uncle Gob would buy him stuff?

She saw the packages on the porch now and was tempted to steal them, but of course that would make Uncle Mike investigate who took them, because surely Pete the mailman would mention the packages during one of their long chats again.

If Uncle Mike discovered Maeby in the model home, then she could probably blackmail him, so she decided to pack her stuff again, in case she really could get a decent apartment. So Maeby biked back to the model home, which was still a shithole.

Even if Michael had heard her on her bicycle, he was in no mood to investigate anything. After he ran out of liquor, he went outside and saw the packages again. He decided to take them inside now, but he didn't open them yet. He just wanted to get more liquor.

* * *

Meanwhile Gob worried about Michael not responding to his letter, and he tried to email Michael too, just in case Michael took his advice to go to an internet cafe to check his email. After all, Michael had taken the laptop with him, so maybe he was willing to talk again. Or maybe he just kept it to contact George Michael in Spain, and would still see the message from Gob.

However, Michael did not respond, even to another snail mail letter, so Gob finally drove back to Sudden Valley in his limo. He noticed that the door was fixed now, and he knocked.

Michael came to the door, but he was no longer in the mood to make up. He spoke to Gob angrily. "If you just came for the car, then fine, take the keys." He gestured to the keys on the nearby table, then he turned and walked away, leaving the door open.

"No, Michael!"

"Leave me alone! I don't want any more of your gifts and letters."

So he had opened the packages after all. "Michael, I came because I'm worried about you. I know you can't live alone."

"I did fine before you came here." But that was a lie. He'd been empty and miserable, and he only had Pete the mailman for a quasi-friend.

"Michael, I love you."

Michael paused at that.

"You're still my brother."

Michael just cried again and went into the foyer bathroom so he could lock the door.

Gob stayed there and tried to talk to him. "I didn't come for the car, or the laptop, or the credit card. Keep them, and do whatever you want. Give the car to Lucille Austero as a down payment on your debt. Or give it to George Michael when he gets back from Spain. It doesn't matter. They're yours, just like the gifts I sent you."

Michael said, "You can't bribe me to forgive you." To forget their love.

"I'm not trying to--" Gob sighed and found a chair. He pulled it into the foyer and sat there by the door. "You can see a therapist here, if you want. I'll pay."

"I don't want any fucking therapist!"

"I'm sorry, Michael. If you don't want to talk to me, or a therapist, then why don't you try to find the rest of our family? I don't know where they are now, but Mom would probably know if they visited her in prison." Gob didn't want to visit Mom himself, for she had always hated him, and would probably scold him cruelly if he confessed about him and Michael. Maybe he deserved a tongue lashing, but Gob wasn't that brave yet.

"I don't wanna see them!" Michael insisted. "They're the ones that fucked us up. I don't want anybody but you, and you don't love me anymore." He cried.

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up! Go away."

"I can't just leave you alone like this, getting drunk all the time. You need friends."

Michael didn't answer. Gob was his friend. Nobody else was, except maybe Pete the mailman, and he was just a normal person who wouldn't understand. Even Tracey wouldn't understand him anymore, if she were still alive.

Gob suggested, "Maybe Lucille Austero could be your friend. If you give her a payment, and you sit and talk to her, maybe she could help you. I mean, she knows our family, and I kind of liked her when we dated."

"When you cheated on me."

Gob sighed at Michael's continued jealousy, so he didn't suggest Buster, who might still be living in the penthouse, unless he had tried to sneak into Mom's prison. In some ways, Buster was an ideal person for Michael to talk to. He might understand incestuous feelings because of his creepy love for Mom, and his similar relationship with Lucille Austero. But then again, Buster still acted child-like and strange a lot of times, so Gob wasn't sure that Buster was grownup enough to talk to Michael about sexual issues.

Michael asked miserably, "Why don't you love me anymore?"

Gob wished that he could make him understand. "I saw a therapist yesterday, Michael. Took me a while to find somebody I felt comfortable with. I tried to talk about us, but I didn't know quite where to start. I said, 'I've made a huge mistake. I fucked my brother and--'"

Michael didn't want to listen to this anymore, and he unlocked the door to try to shove him. "Shut up! Shut up!"

Gob hugged him close and kissed away his tears.

Michael sat down on his lap, and Gob let him without thinking; he was trying to be comforting, but after a moment, Michael tried to kiss him.

"No!" Gob turned away and tried to push Michael off him now, but Michael struggled with him, and they both fell out of the chair onto the floor.

Michael clung to him and said, "Please, Gob. You don't remember the last time we had sex. If we kiss and touch, you could love me again, and we could be happy."

"No! No, Michael, I can't do that anymore."

"Please!"

Gob got up and tried to head to the door.

Michael offered, "You can fuck me without a condom."

Gob was so shocked that he had to turn back. "No!"

"Remember how it used to feel? How you--"

Gob was feeling sick again. "Michael, stop it."

Michael started to undress, and Gob suddenly said, "I still have syphilis."

Michael looked surprised and stopped. "What? You didn't get cured yet?"

"No, I was busy, and I forgot." Actually he had felt guilty and wondered again if the syphilis was a punishment from God for his sins. Maybe he deserved it.

Michael was drunk enough and desperate enough to say, "We could still do it."

"What? Have sex?"

Michael nodded. "I don't have condoms with me anyway"

Gob was shocked. "Then you'd get syphilis too."

"So? We can go to the doctor and get treated later. There's a cure for it, unlike herpes."

"That makes it worse." Gob told him that he never should have given Michael herpes in the first place. They shouldn't have been together.

Michael looked hurt and cried on the overturned chair. He said in despair, "I love you."

Gob just said, "I'm sorry," and rushed out the door.

* * *

Meanwhile, Pete had been outside for a few minutes in his mail truck. He was shocked to see the limo parked outside. Oh no, not this again.

Pete felt guilty for being a coward. He should have said something before, when he saw the brothers kissing. He should have stopped it from happening, so that Michael didn't leave with Gob. So that Michael wouldn't be so wrecked from the incest like he was now.

When Pete saw Gob leave the house, he got out of the truck to confront him. "What are you doing here?"

Gob was shocked and needed a moment to recognize Pete through his tears.

Pete said, "What did you do to him? Leave him alone!"

Gob felt guilty and ashamed. He deserved this, didn't he? He could only say, "I'm sorry," and cry as he ran to his limo.

Pete was still angry, and he yelled, "Never come back here!"

Gob drove away, feeling wretched. He needed more forget-me-nows.

Pete then screwed up his courage and decided to go into the house. He found Michael still sitting on the floor, crying against the chair. He looked up when Pete entered, but was disappointed that he wasn't Gob.

Pete came over and tried to touch him tenderly, although it was awkward. "He won't come back now. Are you all right?"

Michael shook his head and moaned.

Pete sighed and asked, "Was this why you quit your family three years ago? I'm so sorry. I was an idiot when I told you to go back to them. It's just, that I didn't know, until..." He got uncomfortable, and Michael looked up at him, frowning in confusion.

So Pete cleared his throat, and confessed, "I, um, I saw your brother kissing you once."

Michael was shocked. "When?"

Pete explained, "It was that day you told me that you were moving out with him. I went to my truck, but I turned back and saw you two through the door. I didn't know what to say, so I just left. I'm sorry I didn't do anything then. I should have protected you."

"You sound like him." Michael broke down in sobs.

Pete was confused by what Michael said. He didn't think his voice sounded like Gob's.

Michael said, "I love him, and he doesn't love me anymore! He doesn't--he used to talk about forever, and now it's all a mistake. He says it's wrong and fake, but it wasn't! It wasn't!" Michael couldn't speak coherently anymore, and he buried his head in the broken chair.

Pete felt disturbed and not sure of what to do. Michael's wretched sobs got to him, though, so Pete leaned down and tried to hug him. After a while, he got Michael off the floor and started to take him into the living room to sit on the couch.

As he entered, Pete saw a lot of empty liquor bottles. Also many of the packages were open on the floor, and the gifts lay broken. There were also ripped letters strewn in the mess.

Pete sat down with Michael and let him cry on his shoulder a while. But Michael couldn't talk much, and Pete was curious, so he pulled a letter fragment near and started to read it.

It said, "Michael I'm sorry. I know you don't have phone or internet, but go to someplace that does and call me please. I'm worried about you. I know you can't be alone. Try to find out where Lindsay is and talk to her. Maybe she could understand about us because you were always coming onto her and she wanted to marry you once."

That shocked Pete, for he remembered Lindsay as their hot blonde sister with the gay husband. This was a really fucked up family.

Pete started to feel guilty for reading the letter without permission, so he asked Michael, "Do you mind if I clean up a bit here?"

Michael shrugged and didn't care. "I forgot to buy trash bags." He cried and lay down on the couch.

Pete just gathered up empty bottles and other trash, which he decided to put on the dining room table for now. He could always bring trash bags tomorrow, or maybe come check on Michael later tonight when he got off work.

As he cleared the living room, Pete saw more scattered pages, some of them still whole, but with stains from alcohol. Pete couldn't help reading, "I'm sorry. Come back to Malibu and see a therapist with me. You need it. We both need it to get over this and move on."

Were these letters really from Gob? So maybe he didn't come to the house to seduce Michael again? He came to apologize some more and get him into therapy?

Pete felt very confused and conflicted. Then he looked at another fragment, reading, "Michael, I'm so sorry about us. I always knew it was wrong. I'm the older brother. I'm supposed to protect you, but I just went crazy in high school. I tried to control myself for years, but then you kissed me back, and I couldn't stop myself. I was stupid. You were so broken, and I thought I could fix you, save you from Mom and Dad. I thought we could be happy, that I could help you laugh and sleep through the night. I didn't see that I was messing you up too. I never meant to ruin you. I'm so sorry it took me so long to realize that we had to stop. I guess it was the drugs or something. Please forgive me."

Pete was stunned, and had to sit down on a dining room chair for a moment. He looked back into the living room at Michael crying on the couch, and he remembered Michael's earlier words about how he loved Gob, but Gob didn't love him anymore. He meant that Gob had tried to end their incest. Gob had tried to do the right thing, and Pete had yelled at him without understanding.

Pete wasn't sure what to do, but he went to sit with Michael again, and he patted his head. "Shh, you'll be all right, Michael."

"He doesn't love me," Michael moaned into a cushion.

"Michael, can you try to get some sleep now? I gotta get back to work, but I can come by later tonight and bring you groceries, and help you put all this trash outside."

Michael asked, "You'll come back?"

"Yeah, and we can talk some more."

"Okay." Michael sniffled and did feel sleepy. He hardly ate anything lately and just stayed drunk most of the days, waiting for Lucille Austero to come yell at him about his debt. Pete found a blanket and put it over Michael so he could sleep.

Then he got up and went to the kitchen, looking into the fridge and the cabinets to see what Michael needed. Everything except alcohol apparently.

As Pete started to go, he paused to move the broken chair out of the way, and he saw Michael's cellphone sitting on the table in the foyer. Of course there was no reception in Sudden Valley, but he could look into the contact information. He found Gob's phone number and wrote it down, then he left the house.

So Pete drove away from Sudden Valley, and when he could get reception again, he called Gob.

Gob was still half crying and was on his way to Mexico. He didn't recognize the number on the caller ID, so he didn't answer.

Pete left an awkward voicemail. "Hi, um, this is Pete, the mailman that yelled at you today. I told you to never come back, because I thought you were hurting Michael. But then I, um, talked to Michael and I saw some of your letters to him. So I-I guess that you were trying to apologize and help him now. Anyway, don't come back to Sudden Valley, but you don't have to worry about Michael right now, because he's not alone anymore. I'm his friend, and I'll try to help him out. So... that's it." He hung up.


	32. Hindsight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm having trouble writing Pete's dialogue with Michael about the incest, so I'm postponing it with a flashback to March 2006, featuring Lindsay as well as mentions of Buster and Tracey. I need to get back into Michael's point of view, and it's easier to do that at a time when he's less emotionally fragile (though still lonely and sad).
> 
> I initially thought that Lindsay and Tobias left for their trip to India very soon after the Queen Mary hijacking in February, but then I saw Maeby's episode, where we learn that all the Fünkes took the same flight on Maeby's graduation day. That means their trip to India happened two months after the hijacking (and yet somehow a month before George Michael's congratulations party). So why were Lindsay and Tobias still living in the model home together in April, if they were split up in February? This flashback will try to resolve some of that, but season 4 is still a mess regarding the graduations and the kids' ages.

Gob didn't know it, but Michael had already confessed to Lindsay years ago, the last time that he felt hopeless about his relationship with Gob. It didn't really cheer him up, though, nor did Michael want to stay friends with her once he quit the family.

In March 2006, only a month after the Queen Mary hijacking, Lindsay was still fighting with Tobias. At the coast guard station, she had told her husband that she wanted to end their sham marriage, but that was easier said than done. Tobias refused to move out of the model home, claiming that Maeby needed him around. Actually Tobias just had nowhere else to go, and not enough money to get a new divorce lawyer since Bob Loblaw quit. He did have a little bit of income, ever since he met Pastor Veal and started getting roles in Christian TV shows, but Tobias had already spent most of his acting money on a new car and a personalized license plate (which had not arrived yet). When Lindsay refused to let him stay in the pink bedroom with her, Tobias just started sleeping downstairs on the living room couch.

Lindsay still tried to move on with her own life, though. At first she tried to woo Bob Loblaw again into being her divorce lawyer for free, or at least into being her lover, but he said he was busy with his daughter Hope graduating soon and leaving for college. That should have reminded Lindsay of Maeby, but it didn't.

Instead Lindsay turned 40 and felt depressed about still being married to Tobias. Then she remembered her scheme to marry Michael after she found out she was adopted. Michael had refused her, claiming that he wasn't into older women, but Lindsay thought this was due to his initial shock and disbelief at finding out she was the Nellie in the photo album. Now that a month had passed, Lindsay was sure that she could seduce Michael. He had told her that she was beautiful for decades, even before her nose job, and he must be feeling lonely and horny after not marrying Rita and not dating anyone since.

So one night after everyone was asleep, Lindsay put on a sexy negligee and went into Michael's bedroom again. She got on the bed and leaned over to kiss him awake, but she only kissed his cheek at first. It still felt a little weird to her, because Michael was her brother. Maybe not by blood, but it still felt that way emotionally. If she just closed her eyes, though, and let him fuck her, she could probably pretend that he was someone else, somebody hot like Ice the bounty hunter. Lindsay hadn't been with a man in so long, and she was desperate.

As she kissed him, Michael stirred and murmured sleepily, "Gob."

Lindsay frowned for a moment, but then she figured that maybe Michael was just reminded of how Gob sometimes kissed his cheek in a clingy way. She got under the covers with him and lay close so he would feel her body and smell her perfume. "Michael..." she said in a sexy voice while thinking of Michael the bodybuilder from the gym who turned out to be a hooker as well. For some reason, Tobias had called the big black guy "girl Michael."

Her brother blinked and finally woke up. "What? Lindsay!" He gasped and pulled away when he saw what she was wearing.

She grabbed his arms to keep him from getting out of bed, and she pushed him down against the mattress. Lindsay could be very strong, and Michael had no idea how to fight a woman. Why, he barely knew how to fight Gob. "Stop panicking! I'm adopted, remember? You can marry me now."

He couldn't believe she was trying that again. "No! I told you I don't want to."

"Please, Michael! I need to get away from Tobias." She got on top of him. "Just have sex with me at least, and I can tell him in the morning, and then he'll accept that it's over. He'll move out and live in his new car or something until he gets more parts."

"Why don't you just lie to him that you fucked somebody else?"

"No, he'd know that I haven't had somebody stay the night with me. Besides, I really need sex," she begged. "Don't you? When's the last time you fucked a girl? Was it Sally Sitwell last year? You were just pretending that she was me, weren't you?" Sally was her rival in all things.

"No!" Michael couldn't understand why she (and apparently Gob too) thought he was attracted to his sister. "I don't want you like that, Lindsay. I wasn't coming onto you when we were kids. I was just trying to make you feel better when Mom destroyed your self-esteem."

Lindsay rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You expect me to believe that? Bluths aren't nice for no reason, without having an agenda."

She was wrong of course. Gob was often nice to him, in secret, long before they were lovers. Michael tried to explain, "Look, remember when we got drunk and I told you that I loved Marta? You said I was a great guy, but you weren't coming onto me. You were just being nice and comforting. That's what I was doing for you."

Lindsay thought about it for a moment, but then shrugged and said, "Well, I'm not a real Bluth. Come on. I know you find me hot, Michael. Didn't you say once that it was a struggle to not have sex with me?"

"I didn't mean--"

She tried to be brave and actually kiss his mouth this time, but he turned away and pushed her off him.

"Don't!"

"I'm not your real sister," she insisted. "Fuck me!" She started to take off her panties and show him what he'd only seen in a black and white photocopy before.

He covered his eyes and said suddenly, "I love Gob."

"What?" she was confused, but she stopped undressing at least.

Michael was relieved, but became sad about Gob, and how unfair the universe was. "I don't want you. I want Gob. I'm in love with him."

She stared and didn't know what to say to that.

Michael sighed and only warned her, "Don't tell anybody, especially George Michael." His son would not understand, for he was half normal. Lindsay wasn't a real Bluth, though she'd been raised as one, and she seemed not to comprehend it either.

Still stunned, Lindsay sat back and finally asked, "Then Buster was right?"

"What?"

"Buster told me, that when I lived in Boston with Tobias, you guys became too close to each other. Gob lived with you and Tracey for a while after his arrest, right? Buster said that you were always hugging and touching Gob. And Gob would stare at you like... like you were a frozen banana that he wanted to lick. His words." She cringed at the thought.

Michael was surprised that Buster was that observant; it was probably at the hospital after Gob's beating, or maybe when Michael sometimes brought him to visit Gob at the apartment. Milford had taught Buster well how to blend into the background, and they thought he was too innocent to see or grasp Gob's feelings. Michael's feelings were complicated then; he ached to be close to Gob and to protect him from further harm. He tried to obey Tracey's rules, but Michael had always been too needy with Gob, so he didn't actually know when he was being inappropriate instead of brotherly. Michael realized now that Buster had often babbled about his college classes out of the blue then; he must have been deliberately trying to remind them that they weren't alone together.

Michael asked Lindsay, "Did Buster tell anyone else?"

"I don't think so, but I don't think anybody would believe him. I thought Buster was just seeing things, because of him and Mom. I mean, why would Tracey let you be weird with Gob?"

Michael said with guilt, "She didn't really let us. She didn't know how Gob felt until he was on drugs in the hospital and confessed that he was in love with me."

Her eyes widened in shock. "He did?"

Michael nodded. "Tracey got upset and wanted to leave me, leave the family, but I talked her out of it. We were gonna take care of Gob and get him a therapist to cure him." If Lindsay asked why they didn't ask for Tobias's help, then he would remind her that Tobias was in Boston at that time. But she probably also knew that her husband was incompetent and offputting.

Lindsay recalled what Buster had told her about that time, "Oh, that's when you got him that apartment and nurse in 1992?"

"Yeah, but Gob overheard us discussing the therapist and he didn't want to go, so he disappeared. I got so scared and worried, and I slept in his bed. That's when I started to love him too." 

Lindsay frowned. "Did Tracey know?"

"She said I was obsessed with Gob, and that I was feeling guilty because I had shunned him for three years and he got arrested as a hooker. I felt guilty about him getting beat up too, and that was why I was obsessing about past times when Gob tried to kiss me."

"He tried to kiss you?" Lindsay asked, then realized that of course Gob had. When she moved back from Boston, Lindsay herself had seen Gob hugging Michael too intimately sometimes, and kissing his cheek lingeringly. She just didn't want to think that Buster could be right, though. "I mean, you told Tracey about those times, or she saw Gob doing it?"

"She saw him do it at the hospital, and I told her about another time back in college, when I stayed the night with Gob on his yacht. Tracey said that I was thinking about those times too much and just wishing that I could make Gob feel better. She said I felt sorry for him and was worried about his safety, but that I wasn't really in love with him. I was just imagining it and getting confused because I was so desperate to have him back. 'You don't really love him like that,' she said. 'He's your brother, and you're straight.' I could tell that she wanted me to agree with her, so I went along. I said, fine. I'm sorry I got confused. So she agreed to stay, and she asked about me and Gob when we were kids. She wanted to get me into therapy too, but I didn't want to go."

"Because you were in love with him?"

Michael nodded. "Yeah. Then Gob finally called to ask about how George Michael was doing now without the BabyTock. He called Tracey, not me, and he told her to make sure that I stopped calling him so much." Gob didn't want to get Michael into really serious trouble, so he had not detailed what Michael said in the calls; he just told Tracey that Michael was drunk and needed to stop worrying about his safety, because Gob could take care of himself. 

Michael told Lindsay, "I'd been at the apartment, calling him and begging him to come back. So Tracey and I fought about that, and I promised I wouldn't do it anymore. She told me again that I wasn't in love with Gob, and I tried to believe her. I really did."

He had tried to believe that Tracey was right, but his feelings for Gob did not feel like guilt, or at least not just that. They felt like curiosity and desire and heartache. He wanted to know what it felt like to be genuinely loved, and not lied to. Back then, Michael wasn't sure that he was actually capable of having sex with Gob, but he was curious enough to try it, and he had called Gob to make the offer. He thought that Gob would appreciate the effort, even if Michael couldn't really go all the way. Maybe Gob would agree to come back and stay, if they could secretly kiss now and then. And Gob could get a hooker and pretend she was Michael too. He rationalized that this was only bending Tracey's rules, and it wouldn't count as cheating if she didn't love him yet.

"Because you loved her," Lindsay said.

Michael felt guilty again. He had, but his heart had been torn in two. He had to live a two-faced life, but that was nothing new to a Bluth. It was difficult, though. When Gob started coming by the Bluth Company to see Dad about money, Michael would try to control himself and just make small talk. "How've you been? Oh, you started a Magician's Alliance?" But he still felt the tug in his heart and whenever he could get Gob alone, he'd beg him to move in again. Gob always refused, but at least he hesitated a moment and looked at Michael with such love. At least he kissed his cheek before saying no.

"I followed her rules for so many years, but I thought about him all the time. I wanted to know what it would feel like if we did kiss. Really kiss and touch."

The situation only changed when Michael started to realize that Tracey wasn't just looking at him with pity and frustration anymore, but something like fondness and affection instead. She would smile about how George Michael was getting to be a big boy now, and she stopped threatening to divorce Michael during their fights about therapy. She decided to take psychology classes herself, since he wasn't comfortable talking to strangers about his family. When he realized that her feelings were changing, Michael finally told himself to stop bending or breaking her rules. He had love in his marriage at last, and he should be happy for that. He shouldn't be greedy and want Gob's love too. He should just be straight and normal, like she wanted him to be. He should treat his feelings for Gob as a brief, misguided crush. Maybe it was just out of guilt and obsession after all.

Lindsay was still trying to process all this information about her brothers. Michael looked so sad, so she took his hand sympathetically. "And you still love him now?"

Michael nodded. Thinking of when he confessed to Lindsay about Marta, he decided to try to confess to her now. He whispered, "A couple of years ago, Gob and I started having sex."

"What?" She was shocked and let go of his hand.

"At Gob's bachelor party, we ended up alone, and his wife had already said that she loved somebody else." Michael had started to believe Gob's idea that she was in love with her own brother too, but that wasn't technically what Gob's wife had said that night. There was no point in over-explaining it to Lindsay. "After his wife left the hotel room, Gob and I made up, and we finally kissed. It felt so good, so right. It was everything I wanted, and then he said so many wonderful things when we made love that night. He told me how long he wanted me, and how he wished that we ran away together when we were kids."

She blinked in surprise and a little horror. "He loved you even then?"

Michael was quick to defend Gob. "No, not like that. We were just brothers then, but it touched me that he still remembered how we used to be close. How we tried to be friends, even if Mom and Dad wouldn't let us. But nobody could keep us apart anymore. Not them. Not Tracey. Now we could do what we wanted."

"And it didn't feel weird at all?" Lindsay couldn't help finding the idea creepy still. Gob wasn't adopted, as far as she knew. They were real brothers.

Michael could see her reaction, and he said, "No, it felt wonderful. I thought maybe I wouldn't be able to do it with him after all. Or maybe I had built up the fantasy too much, so that nothing could live up to my expectations, or Gob's. But no, it was great. It felt like home and tenderness and love. We were finally not alone anymore. The only bad part was that Gob had hit his head and didn't remember in the morning. But I refreshed his memory." He smiled.

Lindsay swallowed and just stared at Michael. Then she thought about Michael not wanting to marry or have sex with her, and she wondered if it was the thrill of the forbidden that he liked. Since Lindsay was adopted, they weren't really family anymore. Maybe Michael was only turned on by a real sibling. It was strange.

Michael continued confessing, "After I left the hotel, I was afraid it might be a one night stand for a while, but then Gob arranged to house-sit for his wife when she left for the army. So we started meeting there at her place."

Lindsay gasped with realization. "Wait, was this why you kept staying out all night? You weren't really working late at the office? You were with Gob?"

"Yeah, I would see him as much as I could. The only bad part was that he couldn't ever say that he loved me, but he used to sing me songs and hold me until I fell asleep."

"When did it end? I mean, you're not still doing it?"

"No." Michael looked sad. "We broke up because he cheated on me with Lucille 2 last year. So I tried to date Sally Sitwell in revenge, and then I found out that Gob didn't just have a one-night stand to get Lucille Austero to make him president again; he was still dating her and trying to keep it a secret from Buster. It was so crazy." In fact, hearing Gob sexily read the menu to her made Michael jealous and even more competitive. He goaded Gob to react to Stan Sitwell reading to her, and he became more determined to succeed with Sally Sitwell. She eventually became the seventh woman that he had sex with.

"Wow," Lindsay said, remembering that crazy time, as well as the romance packages from the bachelorette auctions. "Do we date the same people too much?"

Michael shrugged and continued, "Gob and I eventually made up after his divorce, and he made the CD for me. I thought about getting back together with him, but there was nowhere secret we could go now. Then I dated Rita, you know, and Gob got that Christian girlfriend without telling me who she was." He felt bitter. "How could he date Her, of all people?"

Lindsay didn't know. "Maybe he'll dump her now, if you ask him to?"

"I did. I called him already after the Queen Mary. I tried to convince him that he could say it was for George Michael's sake, and they could make up for real. But he told me that he slept with her already, and her creepy family wasn't going to let him go easily. He said he was selling his yacht and going to get an apartment now. He's going to start some kind of bee business." Michael thought Gob was doing this in order to have a steady income so he could support Egg now. He didn't know yet about the engagement, or that the bees were an escape plan.

"I'm sorry." She looked at Michael with pity.

Michael felt pitiful indeed. He had recently told Gob to "just be happy" so he was apparently doing that with Egg. Michael knew that he shouldn't be selfish and interfere if Gob was moving on, but it still meant that he was alone. Gob wouldn't come back to him.

Lindsay said, "Maybe you should try to move on?"

Michael thought she was coming onto him again, so he repeated, "I don't want to marry you, Lindsay. I don't want you. I want him."

She nodded and tried to pat his head comfortingly. "I know, but if you want me to take you out somewhere to meet someone new--"

"No."

"To help you get over him, or even just for revenge."

Michael appreciated the offer, but shook his head. "I can't right now." He couldn't be with someone else without imagining Gob in his arms instead.

"Well, let me know if you ever want to talk again."

He shrugged, and she left his bedroom finally. She changed out of the sexy lingerie because it made her feel dirty now, and she put on pajamas. Then she went back to bed, and she never again tried to talk Michael into marriage. He was clearly too fucked up about Gob.


	33. One Step at a Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob thanks Pete for helping, and Maeby gets a new boyfriend. Then Pete visits Michael, and begins to hear his confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this plot idea for Maeby to confront and blackmail Michael, but then I just threw it away because, you know what, she has better things to do with her time than live in Sudden Valley and keep going to high school. Besides, I counted up the school years from 2008 to 2012, and she's got an extra year too, not accounted for in the narration or the yearbook photos. So be free, Maeby, and have a year off from your roofie circle.

In Mexico, Gob still didn't talk to his doctor about the syphilis, and he just filled his prescription at the pharmacy again. It was far too late for him to take a pill to forget Michael's shocking behavior at the house, but Gob probably deserved to remember it anyway. He deserved to feel deeply ashamed and to see how horribly he had broken his little brother. How could he be so stupid and selfish for so long?

As Gob got back inside the limo, he checked his phone messages and was stunned by Pete's voicemail. So Gob called him back. "Hi, Pete, I got your message about Michael. How is he?"

Pete felt somewhat uncomfortable talking to Gob. "I think he's still sleeping it off now. I'm going to see him tonight after I get off work, and I'll try to sober him up."

"Yeah, that's good. Thanks." Gob was relieved for someone else to take care of Michael, now that he clearly could not. "So... Michael told you about us?" He guessed that Michael must have confessed to Pete sometime since he moved back to Sudden Valley.

Pete really didn't want to discuss the incest, or how he originally found out about it. "Uh, not much. He just kept crying about... you not loving him anymore."

"Right, um..." Gob felt awkward and guilty now, so he changed the subject. "Well I'm glad that you're his friend, Pete. He really needs one. Will you try to get him into therapy? He can charge it to the credit card I gave him. Don't worry about money."

"Okay. I'll try to talk to him about it later. First I gotta get some food in him and clean up his place." Having never tried to help someone recover from something as shocking as incest before, Pete wanted to figure things out one step at a time.

Gob added, "If you can, get him to see a doctor too. He hasn't had insurance in a while, and I should have taken him before."

"Is he sick?" Pete asked with concern.

Gob confessed in shame, "He's got herpes, and he should get tested for other stuff, like syphilis." There was a chance after all, that the condoms had not been enough protection, and that God might want to punish Michael too.

Pete felt creeped out by this, and he wondered why he was talking to Gob calmly instead of yelling at him for being a pervert. "This is fucked up."

"I know. I'm sorry. Just don't abandon him, please! He can't be alone right now."

"I won't. That's just too much information!" Pete shuddered and wanted to end this insane phone call. "Look, don't call me again or send Michael any more stuff. He needs some space from you, and I don't want you to interfere. Let me handle him. You just go see your own therapist, okay?"

"Okay. Whatever you want, Pete. Thanks so much." Gob hung up and drove back to Malibu. He tried to have hope for Michael, but he also sensed that Pete was judging him severely now. Well he deserved to be judged, didn't he? He ought to be grateful that it wasn't his mom yet.

* * *

Maeby wasn't at the model home anymore. At the penthouse, she recently picked up a royalty check from her Gangie movie, so she decided to cash it and not try to blackmail Uncle Mike after all. If he wanted to whore himself out to Uncle Gob, then fine, but she wasn't going to stick around and wait for Uncle Gob to come back for more sex.

Maeby realized that she was 20 now and still not over George Michael, even though he married her and abandoned her. She needed to forget him for real and lose her virginity too. Being so focused on her runaway parents, she had forgotten to have a real, sincere relationship before she got too old to have sex with the underage kids in high school. What was the point of staying in high school, anyway, when neither of her parents ever called to ask how she was, so that she could tell them that she was in high school?

So Maeby took all her packed stuff and moved out of the model home. She was going to Mexico or some place interesting like that, but then something unexpected happened.

On the bus, she ran into Jeff the script reader from the old Tantamount Studios, part of Imagine Entertainment. "Maeby! Remember me?"

He still liked her and asked what she had been doing since she got fired last year. "That was so unfair, by the way."

Maeby looked embarrassed, then said, "I'm taking a year off. I'm going to try to break into something else, like, I don't know, reality TV shows." That sounded easy, if she could get a camera and start filming idiots doing stuff. Then she could post it online, maybe, and possibly get someone to notice.

"That's cool. Hey, is it true that you were only 16 when you were my boss? I heard that at the studio, but I never got invited to your birthday party."

"Sorry. My idiot cousin was in charge of that." And Jeff was not in her address book of big important Hollywood people.

Jeff told her about his current job, and he said he had an apartment with a roommate. "But Dave's leaving to live with his girlfriend, and now I gotta find somebody else."

Maeby said to herself, "Freebie."

"What?"

"I said, 'how about me?' You know, I've always liked you, Jeff."

"Yeah?" he said, looking interested.

She talked him into letting her move in, and she even kissed him, but she restrained herself from saying "Marry me" this time. Better take things slow, even if they were going to live together. They could keep it casual at first, and she would have to confess that she was still a virgin. Maybe Jeff wouldn't mind.

Maybe Jeff could teach her what having a normal boyfriend was like. Steve Holt had been a little like that, but then he turned out to be her cousin too. Or maybe not her cousin either, since Lindsay was adopted. Anyway, Maeby didn't know where Steve went after high school. Now it was time to move on from them both.

* * *

In the evening, Pete got groceries and drove to Sudden Valley in his regular car instead of his mail truck. He couldn't call ahead, but he honked the horn in hopes of waking up Michael, then he parked the car and went to the trunk. He got out a couple of bags to carry to the house.

Pete knocked at the door and called out to Michael, who did finally come and turn on the porch light.

He opened the door and looked like a mess still. "I'm sorry. I heard you, Pete, but I thought I was still dreaming maybe." Or possibly he had dreamed the part about Pete offering to come back with groceries in the first place.

Pete said, "It's okay. I also brought the mail that I forgot to deliver to you today."

Michael looked a little worried that it might be more stuff from Gob.

"It's nothing. Just junk mail. Can you go back to the car and get more bags?"

"Okay." Michael moved aside for Pete to enter, then went out to the car. He was surprised by how much stuff Pete brought, and he wondered if he was meant to pay Pete back for the groceries; he only had a credit card on him and no cash. But hopefully Pete would be patient with him, like he was always patient about the long chats they used to have, months ago. So together they unloaded the groceries, then shut the car trunk. Pete turned off the headlights and locked up his car before returning inside the house with Michael.

In the kitchen, Pete handed over Michael's mail, then began putting the groceries away. "I hope you like all this stuff. If these aren't your brands or something, I could just take it back with me to my home."

"It's fine. Thanks." Michael awkwardly asked Pete if he could pay him back for the groceries tomorrow after he went to town for some cash from an ATM.

Pete dismissed it, saying, "No, just consider this a favor between friends."

Michael was rather surprised by that word, but pleased. He shyly repeated, "Thanks," and started to help unpack stuff.

However, Pete tossed over a package of trash bags. "Hey, can you start cleaning up the mess on the dining table now? Then I'll make us some coffee, and we can decide what to have for dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Yeah, I brought all this food, and we could make something now. It'll give us some time to really talk."

Michael was uncertain. "But how long can you stay, Pete? Don't you have to get home?"

Pete said, "Nah, not since I got divorced, and the kids moved out." He would miss some TV shows tonight, but that was what DVRs were for.

"Oh, okay." Michael was embarrassed, because he suspected that Pete might have told him this stuff already during one of their previous long chats, but Michael had not paid sufficient attention because he was too self-involved. With guilt, Michael began clearing up the trash and sorting the liquor bottles for recycling.

Pete half wanted to stop Michael from throwing away the letters, but if they upset Michael and made him wallow in alcohol, then maybe he should get rid of them. It was better for Pete to hear things from Michael's perspective, anyway. After all, Gob might be trying to make amends right now, but he had committed the incest in the first place, even though he knew it was wrong. Gob had also mentioned drugs, which probably made him unreliable with regard to facts. Hopefully Michael would be more rational once he was sober and well-fed.

Soon Pete finished with the groceries and helped Michael carry all the trash bags out to the curb. They decided on dinner and Michael cooked it, to feel more like a good host.

Pete set the table and poured coffee for them, while making small talk. It was easier to just catch up Michael on all that happened to him in the months since they last had a long chat.

Michael drank his coffee and made an effort to pay attention. That was what friends did, wasn't it? Not just acquaintances and work colleagues? He tried to remember what he'd read and observed about friendship over the years, but it had always been hard for him to act like normal people did. It was against his nature as a Bluth. Tracey had made things easier with clear rules, as well as her daily example of how to behave, though his imitation had never been perfect. It was a mask that could slip off sometimes, especially around Gob. Since Tracey's death, Michael had forgotten a lot, and it felt like he was trying to recall the steps to a dance that he only saw performed once, at a distance, a long time ago.

When dinner was ready, Michael turned off the stove, and they ate at the dining room table.

Pete complimented his cooking, and Michael thanked him for the groceries again.

"I know I should have gone shopping myself, but I was too upset about Gob."

The subject had been broached at last, and Pete asked cautiously, "How do you feel now?"

Michael frowned and stared at his plate. He didn't know if he could make Pete understand his relationship with Gob. He recalled confessing the first affair to Lindsay three years ago, and she had believed him when he said it was love. But she had been raised as a Bluth, and she didn't think like a normal person.

Michael swallowed and finally answered, "I still love him. I should hate him for all the horrible things he said, but I can't. I love him." How could it be a fake love, if he couldn't stop the feelings, even when he wanted to? How could Gob not see that?

Pete hesitated and asked, "What happened today, when he came over?"

Michael sighed. "He just wanted to say all the same garbage he said when he broke up with me. The same stuff in his letters, about how it's wrong to love each other." Michael finally looked up at Pete, trying to gauge his reaction. "I mean, I told you about my family, Pete. How fucked up they are. We all are I guess. But Gob was different when we were alone. He was my friend. He was the only reason I survived growing up without having a nervous breakdown or something. I could have ended up a gibbering idiot in an institution." Or worse, he could have become a serial killer, the kind of guy who intentionally kidnapped women, drove them out to the swamp, and tried to murder them with a shovel.

Pete didn't know how to react to that. "And that's why you love him?" It felt weird to use that word about the incest.

Michael nodded. "I know he's my brother, Pete. That was the point. It was us versus our parents, and Gob protected me and talked to me. He cared when nobody else did."

"I see," though Pete didn't really see. "When exactly did this happen between you? I mean, I never noticed anything weird until I saw you guys kissing."

Michael shrugged and wasn't sure where to start, but he knew that Tracey always focused on their childhood. "Nothing happened when we were kids. He told me recently that he started to love me in high school, but I didn't know it back then, because he never did anything weird or creepy around me."

Pete looked skeptical.

Michael insisted. "He's not a pedophile, or a monster! He protected me from Dad's pervert lawyer."

"What?"

"Yeah. I was too stupid and blind, and our parents weren't paying attention. Now for some reason Gob keeps saying that we're wrong, and he acts like he was a pervert just like Barry Zuckerkorn, but he never was! He talks like I'm not a grownup now, like I'm still 15 and not able to consent. I'm 40 years old, Pete, and I can take care of myself."

Pete didn't think so, because of the garbage accumulating in the house.

Michael went on, "How can Gob just change his mind like that? How can somebody love you for over twenty years, over half your life, and then just suddenly stop?"

Pete wasn't sure what to say to that.

Michael pouted. "He keeps saying that it wasn't real between us. Just an illusion. He even tried to blame it on the drugs he was taking, but he wasn't taking drugs in high school, and he was still taking drugs when he dumped me. It's so fucked up."

Pete agreed that the relationship was fucked up, but more because of the incest, rather than the breakup. It did surprise him, though, that Gob was apparently still taking drugs when he decided to end the incest. "So, um, what happened in high school?" Gob had mentioned going crazy then.

"Nothing! Well," Michael confessed about Gob sneaking out to bars at night and Michael sleeping in his bed. "But he never did anything to me, or even talked to me about his feelings. He says now that he fucked all those girls in high school so that he would get over me, but it didn't work, and then he left home. Back then, he said it was because he got a Christian girl pregnant, and she kept the baby. But he told me now that it was really because he wanted to protect me from him."

Then Michael told him how Gob disappeared for two years working on his magic and not going to college. "I missed him so much, and I had to finish high school alone, with nobody to talk to. Buster and Lindsay were too busy to hang out with me. Nobody loved me like Gob did."

As Michael told Pete about the night on the yacht, Pete finally interrupted.

"Wait, he says he roofied you, so how do you know that nothing happened later?"

Michael knew that Gob was a liar, but he said, "I know because when I woke up the next day I didn't feel sore, like I would if he'd fucked me."

Pete made an uncomfortable face at that.

Michael continued, "As for molesting me some other way... Gob was breaking up with me when he told me that he roofied me. He wanted me to hate him and think he was some awful pervert. So why wouldn't he just confess then, and tell me anything bad that he did? Besides, we used to talk about that night on the yacht a lot, and over the years, he always said that I didn't lose my virginity to him."

Pete just shrugged and didn't see the point in arguing.

Michael said, "Gob said he felt guilty because I got seasick and babbled about fairies. That it reminded him of us being kids together, and he felt awful." Michael then told Pete about college and Gob's campaign to make him lose his virginity.

It did really sound like Gob was trying to keep away from Michael.

Michael then told Pete about dating and marrying Tracey, then the three-year estrangement. "I was so stupid. But Gob should have told me about his feelings. He should have told me about the roofie and the night on the yacht. I would have forgiven him. I would have tried for him, and we could have worked things out with Tracey."

Pete stopped him to get more coffee, and he reminded Michael to eat. Maybe if he got more sober, then Michael would realize how crazy it was to be babbling about having a hypothetical affair with Gob while he was married and had a baby on the way.

Michael ate and had more coffee, but he kept going on about how he married too soon, and he never should have shunned Gob. When Michael came to 1992, and Gob's arrest as a hooker, Pete felt stunned. "He denied he was gay?"

"Yeah, 'cause Dad fucked him up about our sissy cousin Larry. Mom's homophobic too, and they both never loved him. I told him I would support him, but he was still upset with me, for shunning him. I apologized and tried to make it up to him, by asking him to come home with me that night. I called Tracey to tell her, and she said she would help me make up with him." Michael told Pete about Gob meeting George Michael and living with them for a while until his court date, when he disappeared. "I couldn't understand why, but I think he just felt too awful and guilty to tell me he loved me. Gob kept saying he could take care of himself about the drugs and STDs too."

Pete felt sorry for Gob.

Soon Michael talked about Gob in the hospital and Tracey's attempt to find a therapist. By the time he got to Gob disappearing again and the drunk phone calls, Pete did start to believe that Gob had shown considerable restraint in keeping away. The incest did sound like it was mutually both their faults. Both the brothers were so fucked up and crazy. It was a wonder that Pete hadn't noticed before, but apparently Michael's mask of normalcy was convincing, and he had changed a lot since 1992.

"Michael, why didn't you ever go to therapy like your wife wanted?"

Michael frowned in disappointment. So Pete was just like other normal people who couldn't understand. He was like Tracey. "Because I love Gob. I did, even back then. It was real, not fake, no matter what Gob says. Tracey told me for years that I was just confused and obsessed, that it was some misguided crush. But I know what I felt. What I feel now. He's the one. The only one who understands me." Michael cried. "And now he doesn't anymore." He put his head down on the table and sobbed.

Gob was the one that Michael showed his real face to, the one underneath the mask. He'd tried to show it to Tracey, but she was too normal to handle it. Gob was the one he needed.

Pete moved his chair next to him and half hugged him. He didn't know what to do.

When he could speak again, Michael said miserably, "I tried to kiss him today and beg him to make up with me, but he said he can't love me like that anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't... I can't get over him."

Pete patted his hand and said, "You need some time, you know, and maybe some therapy."

Michael scoffed and said bitterly, "You sound like him, and Tracey. I don't want therapy. I don't want to forget about Gob. It was real between us. I loved him. We loved each other."

Pete didn't know what to say, and Michael wondered if Pete was going to leave. If this fledgling friendship was over already, because Pete was too horrified and disgusted to stay.

Michael withdrew his hand. "You can go, if you want. I'm sorry I talked too much and made you uncomfortable."

Pete said, "It's okay. You needed somebody." He looked at his watch and sighed. "Yeah, it's been a long night. Why don't we clean up the dishes and you can head to bed? We can talk some more tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I could come over again tomorrow night, or maybe you could come to my place. We could have dinner there, and you can tell me the rest of the story." Michael still hadn't told him when the sex started, after all. Not that Pete wanted to hear about the sex, but he needed to know the length of this incestuous affair and the circumstances of the breakup, if he was ever going to figure out how to get Michael over it. Possibly he would have to avoid suggesting therapy for a while, until Michael was more open to it. Maybe he should just focus on being Michael's friend now and showing him that he wouldn't be alone without Gob.

Michael was stunned that Pete would still be his friend, so he agreed. "Okay. Where's your house, Pete?"

"It's an apartment. I'll come pick you up. Oh, and if you want to talk before then, here's my number. You can always drive out to where there's reception, right?"

"Yeah." Michael was pleased to add the phone number to his cell phone.

Pete helped him clean up and then said goodnight before returning to his car.

He waved before driving away. Michael waved back, then stood at the door watching his headlights drive away.

He closed it, then turned out all the lights before going upstairs to bed. Sudden Valley didn't feel so empty after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incidentally, Jeff the Reader was played by Simon Helberg in season 2. He later went on to become one of the stars of the Big Bang Theory.


	34. Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I was in a rush to post the chapter, and it was still full of typos. It's cleaned up now, and I added more stuff to Gob's scene with the therapist. I hope it's clear that I don't think homosexuality is shameful, or that I'm equating it with incest or pedophilia. Gob's crazy and miserable enough to think that way, though.

When Michael woke in the morning, he didn't feel hungover, and he remembered the good dinner and talk he had with Pete the previous night. Michael got out of bed and washed up, and he even shaved himself this time. Then he went downstairs to make breakfast, and he felt grateful for the groceries again.

He wanted to call Pete right away, but then he realized that Pete might not be awake yet, and besides, he would have to drive away from Sudden Valley to get reception. So Michael stayed at home to eat and read through the junk mail. Then he washed the dishes and went back upstairs to dress for the day.

Michael decided to go into town to get a morning newspaper and call Pete. Maybe he should buy Pete a thank you card, or at least a bottle of wine, for when they had dinner tonight.

So Michael drove out of Sudden Valley, and he called Pete to ask what kind of wine he wanted.

Pete would rather that Michael not have alcohol, though he appreciated the gesture. "How about you cook again for me when you come over? I mean, what else do you know how to make?" Pete was a passable cook, but his wife had been better. Ex-wife now.

Michael liked being appreciated, for his family at the model home had not been grateful whenever they stole food from him. George Michael didn't steal his food, of course, both because he was polite and because he could cook for himself. Tracey had taught George Michael how to cook, and they were very close when she was alive, for Michael was hardly ever home because of work. After her death, father and son moved to the model home attic and tried to spend time together on the weekends at least. But then George Sr. got arrested and the Fünkes moved in, so they came down from the attic. George Michael often had to cook for the family, because Michael often didn't come home, at first only because of the increased workload as president, and then later because of the affair with Gob. Michael had been very neglectful; that must be why he hadn't known about George Michael's feelings for Maeby.

Michael felt a twinge of guilt, and he wondered if he should stop at an internet cafe so he could email George Michael in Spain. But Michael didn't have the laptop with him. He wasn't sure if he could borrow a computer at the cafe to access his account, and he wasn't sure what to say to George Michael about Gob anyway.

For now Michael asked Pete, "What's your favorite meal? If I don't know already, I'll learn how to make it."

So they discussed that, and Michael thanked Pete again for being his friend. "I thought... I might have scared you off."

"No, it's okay, Michael." Pete still felt guilty for not saying anything about the incest months ago. This was a way of doing penance, and Pete wanted to help Michael get better. He was a pretty nice guy when he was sane, or at least convincingly acted sane. Hopefully, if Michael got professional help, then he could really become sane instead of just faking it like he did with his wife Tracey. But Michael didn't want therapy yet, so Pete had to tread carefully.

"I'll see you tonight."

In the back of his mind Pete was still trying to think of a way to bring up Michael's health so that he would go see a doctor.

* * *

When Maeby moved into Jeff's apartment, she took the second bedroom, Dave's old room. Jeff was fine with that, for he didn't expect immediate sex, since they hadn't seen each other in years and had never been on a date. He was glad that Dave had moved most of his stuff to his girlfriend's place already. There were just some minor forgotten things, but he could always drop by and get them later.

At first, Jeff just talked to Maeby about mundane stuff like the rent, bills, and where to do laundry. She didn't know much about living in an apartment, and had a lot of questions.

He was surprised. "But didn't you used to live at that penthouse?" he asked her.

She said, "Actually that was my grandparents' place. I needed a cover, you know, because nobody at the studio knew my real age. My family didn't know about my job either."

"Oh, right. Wow. You must be some kind of genius, Maeby, to stay a movie exec for so long. I never could have done it when I was that young. I'd blow my cover the first time I had to talk to an intimidating director or a big Hollywood star."

That helped her self-esteem, and she gave him a kiss. "You're sweet."

Just to make sure, he asked, "You're over 18 now, right?" Jeff knew it was impolite to ask her exact age, but he really did need to know that she was legal.

She nodded and said, "I'm 20 now. Just had my birthday." And she had felt miserable being alone at the model home, which was full of memories of George Michael as well as Steve Holt. It was good to get away from there.

He smiled in relief and told her, "I'm 29. I hope that doesn't bother you."

She said, "I like older guys. But, um..." She sat down and looked serious. "Listen, Jeff, because I spent all my time working at the studio and fooling my family too, it left me no time for serious dating. So maybe we can take things slow, okay? Please?"

He blinked and looked at her worried face. "Oh. Sure, Maeby. Yeah, if you want." He sat close and reassured her. "I mean, you hear about child actors all the time who never had a chance to just be kids and grow up normal. I guess you went through that too. I understand."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I mean, now I kind of feel weird for thinking that you were hot when you were 16, or actually 15 most of the time I knew you. I hope you didn't think I was creepy to you. When you said 'Marry me' and I said yes, it was my awkward attempt to flirt. Like, maybe you'd find my sense of humor charming and would go out with me if it wasn't against any rules. But when you just looked scared, I thought you didn't like me and were gonna fire me or something for going too far. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

She said, "I just didn't know what to say. I mean, whenever Mort would hit on me, I could make him back off just by threatening to tell his wife. But I didn't know what to say to you." She also didn't know how to tell Steve Holt that she wasn't ready for sex, so she roofied him.

"But you don't think I'm creepy now, do you? I don't want this to be weird, Maeby."

She said, "No, I want to go out on dates. I do. It's time that I grew up. But just remember that I don't have a lot of experience, Jeff. Plus my childhood was fucked up. They were gonna make a movie about it once, before Kitty betrayed me, and I got fired."

"Yeah, that was awful. I really wanted to see that movie and learn how you got to be so ballsy and confident."

She shrugged. "Just comes to me naturally." Actually, maybe it was a consequence of having to raise herself for her first 14 years.

They started to talk about her childhood, beginning in Boston, and he sympathized with her. "What horrible parents you had. Forgetting about you half the time, then using you in inner beauty pageants and that folk-singing band."

"Yeah." Maeby didn't want to talk anymore about her dad's obliviousness, or her mom's shallow causes and failed businesses. "What were your parents like?"

He told her about his family, and she was glad to not have to discuss her parents anymore. Maybe later she would tell him about moving to Newport Beach, and living in the model home with her uncle and cousin too. That would be a really long story, including the rest of the family's craziness, and then there would be Steve Holt, who turned out to be a Bluth too.

Soon Jeff invited Maeby out for a movie, to celebrate the birthday that he'd missed. They shared a thing of popcorn and enjoyed the movie. They walked home from the theater in a leisurely manner, and they talked about not just the movie they saw, but other movies in the past year. When they felt hungry again they stopped at a burger joint for dinner, and they gossiped about the industry together. Jeff was confident that Maeby could revive her career and be a success again. "I mean, lots of people would kill for your big name Hollywood contacts. I wrote a script myself, but nobody would read it."

Maeby said she would read it when they got home, and she started to, but got bored quickly. She said, "There's a reason you were the script reader, not me."

He shrugged and put the script away. "Oh well."

To cheer him up, she kissed him, and he kissed her back. Jeff was a good kisser, and they had a fun makeout session on the couch. But then she stopped him nervously and pulled away. "I-I gotta go to my room."

He got worried from how quickly she ran away, and he stood up. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to have sex with you already, I swear." He didn't want to be creepy with her.

She hesitated at the door. "Not even second base?"

He blinked in surprise that she was still using those kinds of terms. But she had a fucked up childhood. Was she still a virgin? He felt bad, and he repeated, "We can go slow. Come on, you don't have to hide in your room, Maeby. We can sit and watch TV together. I won't do anything you don't want. I'm not an animal."

"Okay. Just TV." She came back and sat at a distance away from him on the couch.

He turned on the TV and let her have the remote. Maeby was glad to watch TV again, because she couldn't get it in Sudden Valley and had to watch online at school or at other places that she could get free internet. If her favorite shows weren't available online, she sometimes insincerely dated high school boys in order to watch TV at their houses.

Soon Jeff and Maeby were laughing at _Babies Having Babies_ , and she relaxed again. She was glad that Jeff wasn't pressuring her. When it was late, she kissed him goodnight, then went to her room.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight." Then she added, "Thanks."

"For what? Letting you move in?"

"No, just... thanks."

He understood now. "You're welcome."

She smiled at him, then went inside and shut the door.

He went to his own room, and got ready for bed. Jeff was glad to have met her again, out of the blue like this. He'd never known a misunderstood genius in real life before, and if he could help Maeby at all, he wanted to. Plus she was hot and legal now, so eventually they could have sex when she was ready. Also, if she revived her career, maybe she wouldn't forget about him, and would at least pass his script around to people who could get it made. That way, they could help each other.

* * *

Michael went home to get the laptop, then he went to an internet cafe. He logged into his free email account and was surprised by the message from Gob. But he saw that it was old, from before yesterday, so Michael deleted it. It would not have anything new or different to say than the letters or Gob himself, when he came to the house.

Michael started a new message to George Michael, and he debated for a while on what to say. Finally he wrote tersely, "Moved back to Sudden Valley. Fight with Gob. Out of the family again."

He sent it, then had a second thought, and wrote another message. "You don't have to come back from Spain. He won't make you pay him back. He's not mad at you." To be truthful, Gob wasn't mad at Michael either. He was just infuriatingly apologetic and guilty and ashamed about them now, even though he shouldn't be. It made Michael angry, and he thought about writing to Gob, but he wasn't sure what to say. Maybe he would wait until tomorrow. He wanted to talk to Pete some more tonight.

So Michael left and put the laptop back inside a computer bag he had in his car.

Suddenly a black limo pulled up, and Michael feared that Gob had come by again.

However, the back window rolled down, and it was Lucille Austero instead.

Michael felt worse and guilty. She was obviously looking at the Camaro and his laptop in curiosity. He explained, "Lucille 2, this isn't really my stuff. I got it from Gob."

"Oh, your brother, Gob?" She smiled. "I'm so glad you've made up with your family, Michael. I was getting worried about you."

"No, um... actually Gob and I fought again. I'm still out of the family."

"Oh, Michael!" She opened the door and gestured for him to come inside. "Come here, tell me about it."

Michael reluctantly sat down and told her a carefully edited version of the truth, saying that Gob had come to see him to show off how rich and successful he was. Then they made up, and Gob offered to give Michael a job working in his bee company. "So I did that and tried to look for other work in Malibu too."

"Malibu?"

"Uh, that's where Gob was living, and he let me stay with him to get internet access and stuff." Michael frowned miserably at the lie; Gob had never let him move in, but it was too difficult to explain about Mark Cherry, or their affair in the hotel. "I couldn't find any work, though, and then we fought again, and I came back here. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was gone. I really thought I could get a new job and pay you back."

"No, no, Michael." She patted his hand sympathetically. "Are you talking about your debt? No, I understand. This is a horrible economy for everybody. I can be patient. Maybe you could look for work around here now. It's good to see you out and about, and not just sitting in Sudden Valley waiting for customers who won't come. If your brother Gob comes here to try to make you give back the car and stuff, you let me know. I will sit him down, and I will help you make up with him again."

Michael shook his head, "No, no. That's okay. I'll be fine. But I will look for work. Thank you for being patient."

"Of course. I love all you Bluths, and I wish you could make up with your family."

"I can't right now. I'm sorry."

"It's all right, sweetie."

"Thank you." He got up to go, and she tried to kiss him again.

He nervously said goodbye and went back to the car, driving away. He stopped at a grocery store to buy a few things he'd need to cook Pete's favorite meal, which Pete didn't already have at his house.

Then he went home with the groceries. After putting them away, he made lunch and ate it while reading the newspaper.

That afternoon he got out the laptop again and worked on his resume. He deleted "Vice President of the Gob Bee Company" from it. He went back into town to print off some copies, and then he stopped at an internet cafe again and he wrote a short email to Gob. He attached a copy of the financial budget he'd made for his brother months ago, and then he wrote a short resignation note, "I quit."

Michael then went home again to get ready to see Pete. He'd had a busy day already.

* * *

When Gob saw the message from Michael, he felt grateful for that contact, but he remembered Pete's warning to give Michael some space. Gob didn't reply.

He did tell his therapist Dr. Harris about it, though. Gob had told the entourage that he needed therapy partly because of the breakup with Michael, but also partly because of the trauma in the storage unit. JBJ was glad that Gob was getting some help for his nightmares, and Gob went to twice weekly sessions because he felt he needed it.

Dr. Harris was a fairly nice, understanding woman, and though she had been shocked about the incest, she didn't say anything too judgmental once she knew that the incest was over.

Gob was glad to have someone to confess to, but he was annoyed when Dr. Harris suggested that Gob could be gay. He insisted that he was straight, that Michael was the only man he ever loved, even in a fucked up way, and that was because Michael was his brother that he wanted to save. It was all an illusion. Plus, Gob always thought of Michael as beautiful, not "handsome", as if Michael were a woman.

Dr. Harris disagreed that the gayness was an illusion; the incestuous feelings for Michael might be an illusion from his fucked up childhood, but Gob had sex with other men besides Michael.

"I was a whore." Gob kept insisting that that was business, and it was because he'd been on drugs and in a spiral of despair about Michael shunning him.

Dr. Harris shrugged and told him to talk more about his childhood.

So Gob talked about all the things he used to do to try to gain attention and love, only to watch his parents spend all their fucked up love on Michael and their other siblings. He knew it wasn't Michael's fault that he was Dad's favorite son, but it was hard to not lash out in jealousy when their father goaded them into Boyfights. "But I always tried to protect him, because he was the only one who would love me back." In a way, Gob should be glad that his parents didn't care enough about him to spend time with him or manipulate him more. "I mean, I felt crazy just about Lindsay being Michael's twin; they could have suffocated me like Buster or made me into a robot." They did destroy his self-esteem, though, much like Lindsay.

The only thing that made Dad mildly proud of Gob was his becoming a womanizer with his "car trouble?" routine in high school. Gob had only done that to try to combat the weird feelings from gym class, when he saw the other boys in the shower.

"Wait, what?" she interrupted. "You had feelings about other boys in high school?"

Gob frowned. "No I said it wrong. I had weird feelings for Michael first, and then I started noticing other boys in gym class, and I was afraid the gayness was getting worse. So I had to fuck girls, instead of just date them, like I did before."

Gob didn't know, though, that he had it backwards. He had the feelings for other boys first, and then it spread to his home life, with Michael constantly sleeping in his bed. His mind had reversed the order of these events. It was a very easy sleight of hand, er, mind that could be done without drugs.

Gob couldn't be like their sissy cousin Larry, or Barry the pervert lawyer. He couldn't be either one of those. But when push came to shove, he knew which shameful thing his father preferred. Cousin Larry was out of the family, while Barry Zuckerkorn kept his job. So apparently Dad could turn a blind eye to criminal desires, so long as they weren't acted on.

Gob still needed to be in the family, even if Mom and Dad didn't love him. It was better to be in this fucked up family than be kicked out of it; he didn't want to be alone, with no real friends and no cars or money to make fake friends with. So his damaged mind substituted one thing for another, even if the incestuous lust did make him feel awful and ashamed. At least Michael still liked him, and Gob just had to learn how to control himself.

Dr. Harris tried to question him about the boys in gym class, but Gob got uncomfortable and kept deflecting. He wanted to talk about Michael. "Do you know if there's anyway to hypnotize me so I can forget having sex with him? And the storage unit too. I want to forget that."

They discussed the issue until time ran out on his session that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Lucille Austero to mention where Buster is now, but I don't know where he is actually. Supposedly he lived with Lucille Austero right after the trial, yet he was never aware that Lindsay was across the hall, and Lindsay apparently never wondered where Buster was, when she moved in with Marky and Cindy the ostrich. After Lucille 2 dumped him, Buster didn't want to go back to the penthouse alone (so he thought that it was empty?) and he tried to sell his Motherboy trophies at a pawnshop. The narrator says that Buster rejoined the army on the same day as Don't Ask Don't Tell ended, but that's in September 2011, at least three years after his mother's trial. Six months after reenlisting, he tells Lucille in the hospital, "You haven't seen me in a year." Only one year, Buster? Seriously? That also makes Buster too late to do the drone strike in Spain before George Michael comes back from Spain. Yet I can't move Buster's reenlistment or new hand earlier, because Lucille sings the Getaway song to him. Then the narrator mentions only a few weeks of rehab with the hand, and Buster only spends a few weeks with the Love family after that. That stuff has to be in 2012, for the election. The season 4 timeline is a mess.


	35. Backwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to high school, and Gob discovers that the Peter Pan novel is surprisingly dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I altered the ending of the last chapter slightly, and I added a paragraph here about Peter Pan, to make clearer when the locker room incident happened, relative to his feelings for Michael.

Pete picked up Michael in Sudden Valley, and they went to his apartment. Michael cooked dinner as promised, while Pete talked about his day.

"Do you mind if we put on some TV? We could watch it during dinner, and then talk afterward."

"Okay. Yeah, I've missed having TV." Being alone with his thoughts was horrible.

So they ate dinner and watched a show that Pete recorded. After washing the dishes, they turned off the TV and sat on the couch to talk again.

Michael started confessing about Tracey's coma and getting drunk with Gob, who apparently felt too guilty to try kissing him then. Then Tracey died and Michael had to sell his house to cover all the medical costs and the funeral. 

Pete commented that George Sr. was awful to make Michael and his son move into the model home attic.

Michael agreed and said they worked hard and lived alone for two years before George Sr. got arrested and Michael became the company president. He talked about the first year adjusting to having to manage the family, and how he loved Gob's girlfriend Marta. They continued to fight after she left, and Michael finally started having sex with women for the first time since Tracey's death. Then he came to Gob's marriage and his bachelor party.

Pete was confused as to why Gob thought his wife was in love with her own brother too. "You definitely heard her say, 'your brother' didn't you?"

"Yes, but she was probably in denial." Michael shrugged it off and told Pete how they woke up on the floor together and made up. Then they kissed and finally went to bed to make love. Michael didn't get into the sexual details, but he mentioned Gob calling him "beautiful" for the first time that night.

"Beautiful?"

Michael explained, "I know it's weird. Sometimes he'd call me hot or sexy instead, but other times he would call me beautiful, and I didn't mind. Maybe he was trying to talk to me like I was a woman, 'cause he was still in denial about being gay."

"Still? What, even after having sex with you?" Pete was disturbed. "I mean, you don't think that you're--?"

"I'm bisexual," Michael said, and was pleased that Pete didn't argue or look skeptical. "Another night, I asked Gob if he was gay or bisexual, but he always insisted that he was still straight, no matter what. He said that we were having sex because we were brothers, and screwed up about the boyfights and lessons and basically our whole childhood. We were making things right, after how our parents manipulated us for so long. They couldn't keep us apart or make us hate each other anymore."

Pete wanted to say that the incest didn't "make things right" but he didn't want to start an argument. Michael wasn't ready yet, even for therapy.

Michael reminisced fondly, "We would call each other 'my hermano.' It was more special than just saying 'brother' because Buster was our brother too, and we were different. 'Hermano' was our term of endearment, a way of saying darling or honey, without anyone getting suspicious if they overheard us. I loved him so much."

Pete asked, "Did Gob ever admit that he was gay or bi when you were together?"

Michael shook his head. "He never did, even when I brought up things like him being a hooker or how he worked for the Hot Cops, who were all gay strippers. He had even watched gay porn, and sometimes flirted with guys at the office."

"Really?"

"And he'd say that he wasn't cheating because he was only accidentally flirting and didn't know Gary was gay. I mean, come on!" Michael then told Pete about Starla and Lucille 2 as well. "He was always cheating on me or lying to me. He drugged me or drugged himself without telling me. He was actually kind of a bad boyfriend." He had painted a too rosy picture to Lindsay. Gob not being able to say "I love you" wasn't the only bad part about their affair; there were many annoyances about Gob being in denial.

Surprised to hear Michael call Gob a "bad boyfriend," Pete tried to pursue that angle. "Maybe you're better off without him. He's too messed up for you to be with, and he needs therapy before he can love himself or anyone else."

Michael frowned and thought about it. "I guess. I guess him going to therapy would be good for him. I just wish he wouldn't keep saying that we're fake."

"I know, but you can move on in the meantime. Maybe find a better boyfriend." He hoped that would encourage Michael to think of dating other guys.

Michael thought about it. "I could make him jealous, because I belong to him. Maybe then he could love me again."

Oh, that wasn't what Pete meant to suggest. "No, um, he needs therapy--"

Michael interrupted with a pout, "I don't know how to date other guys. I'm not good at flirting with anybody."

Pete said, "Well, you could learn how. I mean, I don't know about gay flirting, but I could help you meet women and be your wingman if you wanted to go out to bars." Although Pete would have to limit Michael's consumption of alcohol and somehow talk him out of his plan to make Gob jealous. Michael needed to sincerely date someone and get over his incestuous feelings for his brother.

Michael smiled and said, "Thanks, Pete. I don't have time to date now, though. I have to look for work because I ran into Lucille 2."

"Lucille 2?"

"Remember? I told you that I owed her money for the building costs in Sudden Valley."

"Oh right. I forgot." That had been some months ago.

So they talked about that for a while before getting back to the subject of Michael's affair with Gob.

Pete tried to make Michael feel guilty for neglecting his son and lying to him.

Michael did start to feel bad, and he mentioned George Michael's crush on Maeby, which he didn't know about until just before the Queen Mary. Michael backtracked to tell how he broke up with Gob and dated Sally Sitwell in revenge. More stuff happened, like Rita, which made him ache for Gob again. "But he was dating Egg, while lying to me and George Michael."

Pete encouraged Michael to vent some more about how Gob was a bad boyfriend.

Then Michael talked about how the second affair started, and he moved to Malibu.

Pete didn't like the fact that they pretended they weren't brothers, and lied to Gob's friends. The orgies with Mark Cherry sounded fucked up too, but it wasn't his business. He was concerned by Michael's delusions about trying to move in with Gob and fake a birth certificate. Gob's notion of getting fake married was terrible too, and he was relieved that Gob finally broke things off.

Michael could see Pete's reactions to the story, and he regretted that Pete was a normal person who couldn't truly understand. However, Michael appreciated that Pete took his side about Gob's drugs and the deception about the syphilis. Plus, Pete really believed that Michael was bisexual. Michael was learning that friendship was a give and take, and he would have to accept the flaws, and recognize when he was behaving badly as well.

Pete took the opportunity to suggest, "Maybe you should see a doctor, Michael. In case you caught that from him. Condoms aren't 100% protection."

Michael thought about it, and said, "I guess I could go find somebody here. I should get back on herpes meds too." So he agreed to look into that tomorrow.

It was late enough at night that Pete invited Michael to sleep over on the couch. Michael thanked him and said good night.

Pete went to bed and felt good for accomplishing something.

* * *

At the next therapy session, Dr. Harris tried to ask Gob again about his feelings for high school boys, but since he was uncomfortable, she tried to back off slightly, saying that he didn't have to be gay. He could be bisexual, and then she started to explain about the Kinsey scale, and sexuality being a continuum. He didn't have to label himself, just come to terms with whatever feelings he did have.

Gob still didn't want to talk about that. "I'm not stupid! I'm 42 years old, and I already know what I am. I just got fucked up about Michael 'cause of our horrible family. Are you gonna help me about him, or not?"

So Dr. Harris tried to calm him down, and she agreed to talk more about Michael. "Has he contacted you again?"

Gob talked on, avoiding the subject of high school and gym class.

Actually, Gob had seen boys in the shower years before high school. Milford didn't encourage sports, and George Sr. wanted Michael to learn how to play softball, so he signed him up for a local boys' team. He signed up Gob on the team as well, to encourage Michael's competitive spirit. To his surprise and exasperation, Gob turned out to be the better player, and Michael preferred to root his brother on, rather than compete.

After the games, the boys would all shower in the locker room, but Michael was shy and afraid of bullies. Gob protected his little brother, and he only glanced at the other boys in order to compare their equipment to his. He just wanted to know if he was growing up normal, and if nobody else had weird genitalia shaped like a lobster without its shell, like Buster did. It wasn't because Gob was curious or wanted to touch them.

Finally Dad put all his kids in public school for high school. It was less expensive than sending them to another private boarding school. Besides, Stan Sitwell had enrolled his daughter Sally in public school long ago, in order for his family to look like they were in touch with the common man. George was also fed up with the new age feelgoodery school that turned Lindsay against him.

So the Bluth kids each went to Balboa High School, starting with Gob as the oldest. Gob tried on a new "I don't give a fuck about grades" attitude, since none of the public school kids or teachers knew him. It was fun to be lazy and goof around, though his failing grades still didn't earn him any attention from his parents; they didn't even love him enough to get worried or discipline him. At least Dad gave him cars and money, which made him popular with his classmates. Gob dated a lot of girls, never getting serious with one; he often lost interest in them before they did more than kiss, and Dad always told him not to get anybody pregnant anyway.

Gob was also seeing more boys in the locker room in gym class. Michael wasn't in high school yet, since he was two years younger. So Gob ended up in gym class with no distractions, and it was harder to deny to himself that he was looking at other boys changing or showering. Gob often tried to get out of gym class and work on his magic instead. He was getting good at forging doctor's notes and then slipping out to his car to mess with his magic stuffs.

Then everything changed. Gob couldn't remember the exact day, but it was in 1984 when he was 17. Michael was now in high school with him, but he ended up in a different gym class.

The gym teacher wouldn't accept another forged doctor's note, and he told Gob to go run laps and do pushups. "I don't know why you try to skip this class. I heard that you're great at softball. Stop being lazy."

After all that exercise, Gob was sweaty and had to take a shower in the locker room. He dried off and dressed slowly, wishing that Michael was here with him. It was always easier to get distracted by Michael's problems, and it made him feel good that he was the one feeling pity for his younger brother. Both Lindsay and Buster often looked at him with pity for not being loved by either Mom or Dad. Michael was Dad's favorite son, but he was still broken enough to want and need Gob's pity. Even if he did get too needy sometimes and sleep in Gob's bed.

Suddenly, Gob heard a commotion and he saw some boys bullying another boy. Well, Gob could do something about that, like he did for Michael. It would make him feel good.

They were calling him queer, and Gob shoved them away, threatening to punch them and break their noses. Ganging up on one guy was cowardly, after all, and weren't they a bunch of sissies for picking on him?

They finally left, and Gob turned to the guy to see if he was all right. Then he noticed that the boy was wearing makeup. Some eyeliner and some lipstick as well. He looked... strangely beautiful.

"Thanks," he said.

"Uh, yeah," Gob responded with a shrug. "There's nothing wrong with being gay." For other people. Not him, if he wanted to stay in his family, and not get banished like cousin Larry.

The boy said, "You'd think that guys would be more open minded, what with pop stars like Prince and Boy George making androgyny cool nowadays. But school sucks."

Gob nodded and for once forgot to pretend that he didn't know words like "androgyny."

The boy noticed the way that Gob stared at him and stood close. Since all the other boys were gone, and the coach wasn't around either, the boy gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "My hero." Then he smiled and left for his next class.

Gob stood still, too frozen to even wipe off the lipstick before the bell rang. He was afraid of his own feelings, and he was glad that he never asked the boy's name.

That was the day that Gob went crazy. Or at least crazier than he used to be. Bluths were always crazy from the day they were born.

* * *

Gob eventually stopped seeing the therapist because he knew she was still thinking he was gay even if she didn't say it anymore. He made the excuse that he looked at the budget Michael sent, and he couldn't afford to see her anymore.

Dr. Harris knew he was lying, and she tried to talk him out of quitting, saying that she accepted that he was straight. He really needed therapy about Michael, as well as his issues with the rest of his family.

Gob was stubborn and said he would see someone else about the incest and his trauma in the storage unit. Somebody who could hypnotize him and make him forget.

He was lying, though. He thought he could work things out himself, and Michael was doing better with just informal talking to Pete the mailman. Pete had called him to leave a message about Michael going to a doctor and looking for work, after all.

Gob knew that the key was Peter Pan. Michael had started blocking things out after Gob read him the novel, and Michael had been in a play about Peter Pan in high school, not long before Gob started feeling weird feelings for him and also felt gay for the boy that kissed him in the locker room. (Gob still didn't know that he had the events backwards, and the beautiful boy had kissed him before Gob went crazy about Michael.) According to Michael, Gob had also mentioned Neverland on the first night that they had sex in the hotel after the bachelor party. All signs seemed to point to that Peter Pan novel having a disturbing influence on them.

So Gob got a new copy of the book to reread it with adult eyes. Fucking J. M. Barrie and his fucked up story about Peter and Wendy playing Father and Mother to all the Lost Boys, to the point that her brothers John and Michael forgot who their real parents were. All along, Peter Pan just wants to be a "devoted son" to Wendy, but Wendy, Tinkerbell, the mermaids, and even Tiger Lily clearly don't want to be just Peter's mother. The novel was full of fucked up blurred lines between families and sexual feelings.

And that was before Gob even read the biographical details about J. M. Barrie--how at six years old, he tried to pretend to be his dead brother to cheer up his mother, how when he grew up, he couldn't consummate his marriage and got divorced, how he became close to somebody else's family instead and adopted all the sons when the parents died, how he obsessively loved the five boys though they claimed he was sexless, and how many of them died young or even killed themselves. What a fucked up Victorian life, leading to a fucked up repressed novel in which Barrie worked out his psychological issues about never growing up.

Gob was amazed that Disney ever managed to sanitize enough of the novel to make a harmless kids' movie out of it. The pirates and mermaids and Indians were all misdirection.

Looking back, Gob realized that it was all make-believe between him and Michael, just like Peter and Wendy in the book; he and Michael were playing house together, because they were lonely and had nobody else to love them. They were escaping to Neverland, trying to be free of their parents, only to discover that Captain Hook was the same guy as Mr. Darling, and that they could never escape being Bluths.


	36. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob offers literary criticism, and Michael runs into old acquaintances.

Gob knew that he shouldn't email Michael, but he was growing concerned, so instead he emailed George Michael in Spain. "Tell me that Michael or your mom never read you Peter Pan when you were a kid."

George Michael was not sure what prompted this message out of the blue. It did seem to indicate that Gob was not angry or shunning him, though. He replied in confusion, "What? No, I don't remember if they did, Uncle Gob. Maybe I saw the movie once."

Gob wrote back, "Good. Never read that book, George Michael. It will seriously warp you."

George Michael did not reply to Gob this time. He quoted the nonsensical messages to his father, then added a large number of question marks and a comment. "What the hell, Dad? Was this what you and Uncle Gob were fighting about?" It seemed crazy to quit the family again over a book.

When Michael read the message, he replied to George Michael, "Ignore him. He's on drugs."

Then he opened a message to Gob, saying, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you bugging my son about Peter Pan?"

Gob debated for a moment whether to answer, given Pete's instructions to not contact Michael, but then he finally wrote a message summarizing his thoughts about the J. M. Barrie novel and the author's own fucked up life. He included quotations from the book as necessary, then he sent it to Michael, hoping that this would help him understand that their sexual relationship was all make-believe.

Michael read the message in disbelief and also fury. Then he replied, "If this is the kind of nonsense that your therapist is telling you, then you should fire him or her. They sound as incompetent as Tobias."

He added another paragraph. "So you seriously think that I got brainwashed by that book into loving you? Gob, I haven't thought about that book in years, and I liked the high school play better for having lawyers in it. As for George Michael, I doubt if the Peter Pan book could ever be as traumatizing to him as that time that he watched the prison drama Oz thinking that it was the Wizard of Oz." Tracey had to hold George Michael and comfort him for many nights afterward, until he could sleep again. "Besides, millions of kids must have read that book over the years and never grew up to have sex with their family."

Gob replied, "I know that, but those millions of kids aren't Bluths. We're crazy and fucked up to begin with, and I know you started blocking things out after I read you the book. Did you ever read it again to yourself? Maybe this is what made us worse, what made you come onto Lindsay and then keep sleeping in my bed even when I tried to get you to stop. That book got into our brains and fucked us up too."

"No," Michael disagreed in his next message, which was very short. "Our parents fucked us up, and we only had each other. We loved each other. Why don't you love me anymore?"

Gob sighed, and considered not replying. Pete had told him not to contact Michael, after all. So he left it for a few hours while he spent time with the entourage.

When he next returned to the email account, he was surprised to find two messages from Michael. He worried that Michael might be getting drunk and crazy again, like in his repeated voicemails.

Gob opened the first one cautiously, and read, "You don't know everything. You're wrong about me. I am bisexual. Pete the mailman believes me. He's my friend now." Oh right, Michael didn't know that Pete had contacted Gob.

Michael went on, "For the last time, I wasn't coming onto Lindsay when we were kids. I was being nice to her like you were to me. Also, for your information, I already told Lindsay about us years ago, a month after the Queen Mary. You talk to her, if you don't believe me. I told her that I loved you, and she knew I wasn't lying. Tracey was the one telling me that my feelings weren't real, and that I was just confused and obsessed about you after you disappeared from the apartment. She told me that it was just a crush, and I had to agree with her so that she wouldn't leave with George Michael. I went along with Tracey, not you, Gob. She was too normal to understand me. But you did. That's why I loved you. How can you keep calling me a robot, like I never got better? I was only ever human when I was with you."

Gob was shocked to realize that Lindsay knew about him and Michael, and yet she didn't look at Gob judgmentally at the family meeting at the penthouse. She didn't even make a snide remark about how Michael kept sitting on the arm of the sofa to be near Gob, when there was plenty of room on the piano bench nearby. Gob wanted to talk to her about Michael, but he was still too cowardly to visit Mom in prison and ask her where Lindsay was.

Then Gob read the next paragraph from Michael, "How dare you tell me how I feel! If you don't love me anymore, then fine, but don't pretend that I was faking it all along. It wasn't an illusion. It wasn't a lie. It was real for me, and I loved you. Whenever you weren't around, it was like a huge piece of me was missing. "

Gob felt sad and guilty as he opened the next message, sent a few minutes after the first one. Michael wrote, "You're the one who fucking taught me about safe words! That I should speak up whenever I felt uncomfortable during sex. Don't you remember? I did use them sometimes, and I always said no about the threesome too. So I knew how to say no to you, Gob. I would have stopped you if I didn't want to have sex. Maybe you have sex with people that you find repulsive, like Kitty, but I don't. I really wanted you, all the time. When we kissed, I loved the way you tasted. I loved to see you naked and touch you. It was hot, getting closer than we'd ever been before, and the orgasms were better than with a lot of women that I was awkward with. I kept leaving my shirt on with women, you know? But with you, everything felt easy and natural, and I liked it when you counted my freckles. In bed, we could be real and make up for any fights we had. When we fucked, I would pretend that we were still on that yacht together, and that we were doing it on my birthday like we should have done. It made me wish that we had been together years ago, before Tracey, or that I never shunned you. I wished that my marriage was different, and that I had just told Tracey the truth. I was going to lose her anyway, so why not be honest and happy? When you sang songs to me, Gob, it felt like we belonged together, that you would love me forever and no one could take you away from me."

Gob got uncomfortable to be reminded of having sex, but he sighed and thought over what he could recall of Michael saying no to him sometimes during sex. After all, he had nagged Gob to drive the limo back to Sudden Valley instead of having sex in the parking lot. There had been similar incidents on other occasions. Maybe Gob hadn't brainwashed him that much.

Gob tried to hope for the best, and he finally replied, "I'm sorry, Michael. I guess it does make me feel better if you really are bisexual and weren't faking the sex. But the sex was still wrong, you know? We're brothers, not just two guys. And I don't think Tracey would have been okay with us, no matter what. I actually do remember that night I was drugged in the hospital. I asked her for a threesome with you, and she refused even before I said that I wanted you. So if you had suggested anything like that, she would have got angry and left." Or been horrified and disgusted. But maybe Tracey should have left after all. She should have saved George Michael from the family and taken him somewhere else, far away.

When Michael read Gob's response, he became upset about being lied to again. "How many times have you fucking lied to me? What else did you say that night?" He ached to know.

Gob was uncomfortable with the memory. "I said how I wanted to taste you and count your freckles. Stuff like that. I thought I was talking to Nellie the whore for a moment. By the way, Nellie probably would have agreed to a threesome with you, because she liked how you looked like her, and it would be like making love to herself, she said. That time you hired her at the Bluth Company, she let me and Franklin sit in her hotel room to watch, when you came over that night. But you had to ruin it with your dumb idea that she was our sister." Also Michael was just in general opposed to hookers and threesomes.

Michael was disappointed that Gob apparently didn't say "love" at any point while he was drugged at the hospital. Then why did Tracey have to imply it? He wrote back to Gob, "Wait, you told Nellie about us?"

"I told her years ago, before there was an us. When it was only me having weird feelings. The first time I met her, I tried to sleep with her because she looked like you, but I just ended up crying instead. She talked me into being her pimp, and over the years, I would talk to her, so I could stay in control and not come onto you when you were married."

"So you had a friend all along. Why didn't you say so, Gob? Were you just ashamed that she was a hooker?"

"No, she wasn't really my friend, Michael. I was just her pimp, and after I forgot where I left Franklin, she had to get somebody new, and she wouldn't let me have free crying sessions with her anymore. The entourage are my real friends. I'm glad you have a friend now too, Michael; even if normal people can't completely understand us, it helps to not feel alone."

"Why would Nellie have to get somebody new? You could still do the voice on the phone."

"It's not the same without Franklin."

Michael didn't understand that, but he asked, "So, did you tell Nellie after we started having sex?"

Gob replied, "I thought about it, but it was something special between us, and Nellie wasn't really my friend. Besides, I was seeing Egg and her chaperoning friends then. One of them was a redhead and reminded me of Tracey. She slapped just like her too, so it made me feel guilty about whether to get back together with you."

"You mean we could have been together then? If I just hadn't said that garbage about the sign from God?"

Gob said, "Let it go, Michael. It's not worth it. I'm sorry that I made you fall in love with me, and I want you to get better now. Do you still have the number for the Hot Cops? They're nice guys, and they could introduce you to gay bars and stuff. Maybe you would have better luck this time if somebody helped you. Just be happy, you know."

Michael got annoyed again, especially at that phrase. He replied with bravado, "I don't need your help, Gob. I've got Pete. Stop emailing me, or bugging George Michael. Why don't you talk to your own son?" That was the last message he sent Gob for months.

* * *

Michael wasn't sure whether to tell Pete that he had emailed Gob, but he told him how his job search was going: just as badly as in Malibu. The only good news in his life lately was that he didn't have syphilis or anything else new. The doctor gave him a new prescription for the herpes, and Michael filled it.

He was eating more and drinking less lately. He sometimes used his bicycle instead of driving the car, since it saved on gas money, and the exercise was good for him. In Sudden Valley, Michael still couldn't pick up any TV signals by antenna or cable, but he could watch videotapes and DVDs, so he started renting stuff so he would have background noise in the house and not be alone with his thoughts so much. He even rented a Straight Bait porn once, but found that it stirred up memories of being with Gob, so he rented other gay porn instead, and that was better, though he still felt alone.

At night, he did sometimes listen to the Franklin CD while in bed, but it made him too sad and lonely. Finally Michael decided to return it to the model home attic. He didn't want to throw it away for good, in case he ever wanted it again. Michael still half hoped that someday Gob might come back to him. Maybe he could love Michael again after some therapy helped him to not be in denial about being gay. Maybe this was just another temporary breakup in their tumultuous relationship.

Meanwhile, Pete invited Michael out for bowling with his friends, and Michael tried it, but he didn't feel like talking to the other people much. He and Pete didn't meet every night anymore, though they did talk a lot by phone, or whenever Pete delivered mail. Many times they talked about just TV shows or Pete's life, instead of heavier subjects. Sometimes Michael would make food for Pete and put it in a tupperware thing to take home, and sometimes they would actually have dinner together. Sometimes they went to the beach on the weekends.

When Michael felt ready to date, Pete took him out to a singles bar to try to teach him how to flirt with women. Michael was still awkward, and Pete started talking about his ex-wife and his own attempts to date again. So they commiserated about romantic woes, and Michael said that he was actually curious about trying to date a man this time. Pete didn't know how to help with that, and he worried that Michael might be trying to make Gob jealous.

Michael said that he knew about one gay nightclub that Tobias used to own. He'd been there once with Lucille 2, who liked hanging out with gay men. It might be because of her brother Argyle, with whom she used to perform in musical theatre. The club had been empty, though, and Lucille Austero was too dizzy from Michael's car ride to stay long.

Pete agreed to come with Michael to the club for moral support, even if he didn't know anything about gay flirting. Pete wanted to make sure that Michael didn't drink too much or get in over his head with some strange guy. Maybe they would even run into Lucille 2 there, and she could offer advice, with how much she knew about gay men.

So one night, Michael and Pete went to the Tobias is Queen Mary nightclub, which still had not changed its name under the new owner. The neighborhood had improved, and Michael felt safe leaving his Camaro parked outside. Getting a table, they ordered drinks and sat together, while they discussed Michael's plan of action.

Finally Michael mustered up his courage and left to mingle among the crowd. Pete stayed at the table to watch their drinks, and to observe Michael's attempts.

Michael was still awkward chatting with the strangers, who were enjoying the music and dancing in various pairings and groups. Michael didn't really know how to dance like that, and he felt that he had not dressed appropriately. Then Michael recognized the Hot Cops hanging out, and they knew him as Gob's brother, so they waved at him. Michael was curious, and he wondered if they thought Gob was gay too, so he came closer.

Bix smiled and asked how Gob was. "We haven't seen him since the Queen Mary." The Hot Cops had come as Hot Sailors, and Lucille had tried to blame the hijacking on them.

Michael said, "He's in Malibu, living with Mark Cherry, the singer."

"Wow." They were all impressed and surprised.

Kenny said, "I thought Mark Cherry wasn't gay."

"No, uh, Gob's part of the entourage. They're not dating." Then Michael said, "So you guys think that Gob's gay, too, huh?"

Chet shrugged. "Well, maybe he's bi, but I never liked the women he was with."

Mike (the Hot Cop) said, "I wish he had stayed a stripper with us. We would have let him back in after he paid us for that one gig he missed."

Gator rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but he was too busy with his girlfriend Marta and trying to get back into the Magician's Alliance."

Curtis said, "But we had fun doing that lesson thing at the docks, right?" He nudged Michael with an elbow.

Michael nodded and remembered the failed lesson they tried to teach George Michael about pot. It was not as believable as the later lesson staged by George Sr. and J. Walter Weatherman. At least Gob and Michael got Dad back, even if it did take a couple of years to do it.

Chet said, "I went to a couple of his magic shows, though. I liked him dancing to the music."

Bix said, "I loved Gob's voice. It was so sexy."

"And the way he looked in a cop uniform!" Mike (the Hot Cop) said.

Kenny added, "Or the Amazing Jesus costume he wore on TV. I mean, all that hotness wasted on those religious fools!"

Gator said, "I wish he had invited us. At least he didn't get married for real."

Michael almost wanted to say that he thought Gob was hot too, but he remembered that he wasn't allowed to say that, as Gob's brother. It was not normal or accepted.

Bix said sadly, "It's too bad he was in the closet, though. I tried to help him out, but he wouldn't let me kiss him."

Michael tried to suppress his jealousy. "When was that?"

"Oh, one time when he first tried on the cop uniform in front of us. He said he wasn't gay, so I didn't try it again."

They all looked sad about poor Gob.

Michael said, "He's getting therapy now. I hope he'll get over his denial." Although maybe Gob needed a better therapist.

The Hot Cops were happy to hear that. "That's so great," Gator said.

Curtis said, "No offense, but your family really fucked him up."

Michael agreed. "They fucked us all up."

Bix then finally asked, "So what are you doing here, Michael? Who's that guy you brought?"

"That's Pete. He's my friend. Do you want to meet him?"

"Sure." They started toward the table, and Mike (the Hot Cop) asked, "Did you guys come for the show, or to meet somebody?"

"Pete's helping me. I want to start dating."

The Hot Cops all stopped to look at Michael in surprise.

Kenny looked both pleased and interested. "You too, Michael?"

Michael nodded, and said, "But I'm not in denial like Gob. I'm bisexual."

Bix smiled and said, "I always had a feeling about you, but I wasn't sure." There was a strange vibe around Michael, but it was confusing and ambiguous. Bix didn't know that it was because Michael always wore a mask around normal people, nor did any of them realize that Michael was in love with Gob, let alone that Gob requited his feelings for a while.

Michael explained, "Well, I'm not out to my family." Most of them, anyway. "And I never had time to date much." Except for Gob, in secret. "I want to try now, though I don't know how to flirt really."

A few of them started to offer to help teach him. "Anything for Gob's brother."

However, then Barry Zuckerkorn spotted them and came over. "Michael! Michael Bluth!"

Dammit! His parents' incompetent lawyer. Before Michael could think what to say, Barry said, "So you found out that I own this place, huh?"

"What?" Michael was startled.

"Sure, I bought it from your brother-in-law Tobias years ago. You should see the dungeon downstairs. Totally worth the price."

"No, thank you."

"Anyway, why did you come, Michael? Did you want to see me about your parents or something? They're still divorcing. Everything's fine." In fact, the divorce was fake, for George and Lucille had let Barry in on their plan for the border wall. Somebody else was pretending to be Lucille's divorce lawyer for the sake of appearances, while Barry handled George Sr.'s case and kept him up to date in the desert sweat lodge colony. Hopefully the wall would be profitable, but Barry was enjoying milking the fake divorce in the meantime. It had taken three years already.

"No, I just--just came to see Gob's friends." Michael glanced at the Hot Cops, who didn't contradict him, for they knew it was a touchy situation, and Michael had said he was not out to his family.

Michael said goodbye to them, and that he might call them soon, then he turned to walk away.

Barry said, "All right. Bye." He spanked Michael's ass.

Michael felt annoyed and angry, but didn't say anything. He just walked back to the table with Pete. The spank reminded him not only of what Gob used to do, but also about Barry's past attempts to come onto him. Though George Sr. had forbidden Barry to be inappropriate with the kids, since they were all adults now, he figured that there was no need for concern and Michael could protect himself.

Indeed, over the years, Michael had been able to put off Barry Zuckerkorn and tolerate his creepiness, but it had been more difficult in his twenties when Dad first forced him to quit law school and made him Manager of the company. It was hard to work with Barry all the time at the Bluth Company, what with Barry commenting on how hot Michael had grown up to be, and it made Michael recall how Barry offered him a job as a paralegal years ago. Plus it annoyed Michael to realize that Barry Zuckerkorn was clearly incompetent and not the legal genius that Mom and Dad thought he was after all. There seemed to be no excuse to keep him now, except that Mom and Dad thought of Barry as family, and all other lawyers had deserted the Bluths in the wake of the Queen Mary hijacking.

Pete saw Michael's face and asked, "Who was that guy who spanked you? You want me to go tell him off?"

"No, it wouldn't do any good. I know him. That's Barry, my parents' lawyer."

"Wait, you don't mean the perv--"

Michael shushed him. "Also the owner of this club."

Pete realized that he could not insult the man here, but he was still pissed. "And what about those other guys you were talking to? Do you know them?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you in the car." Michael asked if they could leave now, for he was in no mood to flirt with anyone now.

Pete understood and followed him back to the Camaro. They got in and they drove back to Sudden Valley.

On the way, Michael told Pete about the Hot Cops. "I think they do care about Gob and tried to be his friends, but he was in denial still, and wouldn't let them help him."

"Too bad. He could have used friends."

Michael agreed and parked the Camaro. "Oh, I forgot to ask for their numbers, but I guess I can just look up their stripping agency in the phone book. I guess I'll talk to them tomorrow. They said they would show me how to date guys."

"That's good," Pete said, taking off his seat belt.

They went inside the house, and Michael finally told Pete all about Barry Zuckerkorn, beginning with the incident when he was 15.

Pete was outraged. "I can't believe he's still your family's lawyer after all this time."

"I did fire him once, when I was in charge, but after the Queen Mary, all the other lawyers we knew refused to represent us, so my parents called him back."

"Still, he should have been fired when you were kids. He should have been in jail for being a sex offender. Who else's kids did he go after?"

Michael shrugged. "As far as I knew, he confined his sexual antics to adults after that." But that was only as far as Michael knew. "Us kids didn't see him much again until we were grown up. We were stuck with him after Dad's arrest, and we learned to live with him, since Mom insisted on keeping him." One time, Barry's proclivities had even come in handy when he recognized a photo of "Iraqi landscape" as a closeup of balls instead.

"You have a fucked up family," Pete said, though it was far from the first time that he'd said it.

Michael just nodded.

"No wonder you quit them." Pete stayed a while trying to make sure Michael was all right and asking if he wanted therapy about Barry Zuckerkorn at least.

Michael said no, for Barry had not actually touched him when he was a kid, and his occasional inappropriate contact as an adult just made him annoyed, not afraid.

Pete said, "You shouldn't go back to that club if he owns it, but I'm sure you can tell the Hot Cops that when you talk to them tomorrow."

"Yeah, I guess. They saw him spank me, and I could say I don't want Barry to tell my parents about me being bi. I could tell them that I quit the family too, and don't want to have anything to do with them."

"Sure, and then they can help you meet somebody new. A better boyfriend." Pete really hoped that Michael would soon get over Gob and finally agree to therapy.

"Yeah. Well, thanks for coming with me tonight, Pete."

"Sure. That's what friends are for."

"Yeah." Michael smiled and hugged him before saying goodnight.

Pete left for his own car and drove home.

After turning of the porch light and closing the door, Michael sat on the couch recalling how Gob warned him about Barry when they were kids. Seeing the Hot Cops also reminded Michael of the bachelor party, and the first night he had sex with Gob. It made him sad, and he poured himself a drink. If he got a new boyfriend, maybe he could make Gob jealous. He hoped so.

It was late when he went to bed that night.


	37. Side Effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael hangs out with the Hot Cops, and starts to date.

When Michael called the Hot Cops, they were pleased to hear from him, and they asked about Barry Zuckerkorn spanking him.

"Yeah, he's my parents' lawyer, and he's always been creepy like that. If you don't mind, I don't want to go back to his club. I don't want to see him or talk to my parents either. I quit the family three years ago."

"Oh yeah," Bix said. "Gob might have mentioned that, when we tried to talk him out of testifying for his mother against us."

"I thought you didn't see him after the Queen Mary?"

"No, but we called him on the phone, in like 2007, when we found out that he was on the witness list. He said that he needed to testify so he would get the money for his wedding illusion. We were annoyed that he was selling us out, but he said that the jury wouldn't believe his mom's dumb alibi anyway, 'cause all the fake testimony was laughable."

Michael had only heard Buster's recital of his testimony at the family meeting in 2006, and that had indeed sounded silly.

Bix continued, "We asked about his wedding, and he said it would revive his magic career. But why does he have to be a Christian magician? It's so sad that he was in the closet and hanging out with all those crazy evangelicals."

"Yeah," Michael agreed. "I wish that he never dated her."

"So did you want to get together somewhere else, then?"

Michael invited them to his house, and they agreed to come later that afternoon, so he gave them directions to Sudden Valley.

* * *

When the Hot Cops arrived, they greeted him in a friendly manner, and Chet asked if Michael could give them Gob's current number. "We miss him."

Michael had to suppress his jealousy, for he suspected that Bix would try to visit and kiss Gob again if he wasn't in denial anymore. But Gob needed friends, and he shouldn't be selfish. Besides, he could let them tell Gob about him dating again, and hopefully it would make Gob jealous.

So Michael gave them Gob's phone number in Malibu, and warned them that Gob usually slept until noon, and was busy at night. Then he asked curiously, "Hey, did you guys ever visit him in the hospital after the storage unit?" It was possible, after all, that Gob had been sedated when they came, and it would make Gob happy to know that he hadn't been alone for a week.

Curtis said, "We tried to visit, but the hospital officials wouldn't let us in because we weren't Gob's family." He scoffed, "Like his family ever did anything good for him."

Michael felt guilty. "I tried. I just--"

Bix quickly patted his shoulder and reassured him. "No, no. We know you were there for him, Michael. We could tell that he always liked you, even if you fought a lot."

Mike (the Hot Cop) said, "I tried to pretend to be you so that the hospital people would let us visit Gob, but then they asked for ID." He even tried to dress up like Michael, based on the wardrobe he wore when they occasionally saw Michael, like for the pot lesson and Gob's bachelor party.

Michael looked at the Hot Cop and wondered if it was a coincidence that Mike had the same name as him, or if Gob had joined the gay strippers on purpose because one of them was named Mike.

Kenny complained, "Those mean hospital people! I guess we must have missed you, Michael, when you came to see him. You would have let us sneak in with you, wouldn't you?"

Michael felt guilty again for not showing up at the hospital. He nodded, then quickly deflected by reminding them to help him with dating.

"Sure!"

"This is going to be fun!"

"Our own My Fair Lady to make-over!"

Because of Mike having the same name, Curtis wanted to avoid confusion and he suggested calling Michael by his initial. "You'll be Michael B, and--"

Michael interrupted, "No, I-I don't like that." It reminded him of being with Gob in Malibu and that was private. He wondered if Gob would ever confess the truth to the Hot Cops, and he became nervous that they would take Gob's side about the breakup. They were normal people after all, and Michael was only their acquaintance, not their friend.

Chet asked, "Why not?"

Michael didn't explain. "You could call me Michael 2, if you want, and he can be Michael 1."

They were a little confused about why he didn't like using his initial. After all, many signs in the neighborhood said "Michael B. Company."

Gator said, "No, he can be Hot Mike, and you can be Eliza." As in Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady.

Kenny said, "I think he's hot too," and gave Michael a flirtatious wink.

Mike (the Hot Cop) said, "Why can't I just be Mike and he can be Michael?"

They shrugged and went along.

So they gave Michael a makeover in clothes and hair, then offered him tips on how to behave and dance. They let him practice flirting with each of them, in different scenarios.

Bix asked, "Have you ever kissed a man before? Do you want to practice?"

Michael didn't want to confess that he'd only kissed Gob before, nor did he want to practice with Bix, if he had tried to kiss Gob once. "Can I practice with Kenny instead?"

Kenny came forward eagerly.

So they practiced kissing, and Michael was nervous at first to kiss a man who wasn't Gob, but after a while, he relaxed. Kenny was a good kisser, and he complimented Michael on being good, as if he had experience.

Curtis said disapprovingly, "Stop making out with him! He's Gob's brother." He considered that off limits. "We should at least tell Gob, before we do stuff with his family."

Michael turned and said to the group, "Yeah, can you tell Gob? I'm kind of fighting with him now, and it would be better if you guys told him."

"You mean, tell him that you're bisexual?" Gator asked with concern. It seemed like a big favor to ask of them.

Michael explained, "No, he knows that I'm bisexual already, but I've never been with another guy before." Another guy besides Gob. "Tell me how he reacts."

Bix considered it and said, "Hmm, maybe if he knows that you're out dating, it will show him that it's okay to be who you are. It could help him not be in denial."

"Yeah that sounds good," Curtis said.

The others agreed, and Michael didn't tell them that he was actually being selfish and trying to make Gob jealous. But if it had the side effect of helping Gob come out of the closet, that would be good too.

So they finished making him over and took him out to a bar. They helped him mingle, but were very concerned and protective of him as Gob's brother. Kenny also got a bit jealous, when Michael danced with one guy.

In the end, Kenny drank enough to be bold and not listen to Curtis's warnings to control himself. He ended up making out with Michael and groping him in the bathroom, before the other Hot Cops caught them.

Michael told them that he didn't mind, and he kind of liked Kenny. "You want to come home with me tonight?"

Everyone but Kenny discouraged Michael from rushing into what they thought was Michael's first time having sex with a man.

Michael reluctantly agreed to wait and have a proper date with Kenny some other night.

* * *

The next day, the Hot Cops felt guilty and called Gob. He was surprised to hear from them, and he disliked their questions about him going to therapy. He lied that he was seeing a therapist still, and he said that it was only for his trauma in the storage unit, not for anything else.

They told him about trying to visit him in the hospital, and he thanked them, but frowned a little because they somehow had the impression that Michael came to visit him. That was a lie that Michael had let stand. But Michael was a Bluth and a liar after all, just like Gob.

Gob just said, "I'm glad you're helping out Michael. He needs it."

Finally, Bix forced Kenny to confess that he had made out with Gob's brother Michael, and had plans for a date soon.

Gob felt rather relieved and thought that Michael was moving on. "That's great. You take care of him, Kenny. Be good and don't cheat on him. He doesn't like that."

Kenny was very pleased, "Sure, Gob," and he told Curtis off for lecturing him so much.

Bix got back on the phone and asked about Gob's life in the entourage. They chatted for a while, then said goodbye.

Kenny then called Michael to tell him that Gob had given his blessing.

Michael was surprised and disappointed. "Really?"

"Yeah. He's probably getting better now."

"Well, that's good."

"So we still on for our date?"

Michael shrugged and said okay; maybe Gob wouldn't get really jealous until they had sex. It could also be that Gob had been lying to Kenny and the others, so that they wouldn't suspect about the incest.

So they had the date in Sudden Valley. Michael made a romantic dinner for them, and then they made out on the couch.

Kenny wanted to go slow since he thought Michael was a virgin, but Michael insisted that he wasn't nervous. He said that he'd actually experimented with another guy before.

"You mean like in college?"

Michael nodded.

Kenny asked what he did. "Like blowjobs and stuff?"

"We did everything. Come on, I bought condoms and lube for tonight." He revealed that he'd stashed the things in the living room.

Kenny was pleased, so they had sex more than once that night. Michael enjoyed himself and thought it was nice that he got to be on top for once, unlike with Gob. But he didn't invite Kenny upstairs to the bedroom. That was still special to him.

But they kissed goodnight and made another date.

* * *

The next day Michael emailed Gob himself. It was the first time in a few months, and he tried to pick a time that Gob had often responded to him before, so that he might get a live answer. He sent a simple message, "Gob, I slept with him last night."

Gob's response was, "Can I call you for a minute?" He wanted to be able to hear the truth in Michael's voice.

Michael also wanted to hear Gob's genuine reaction, but he was in the internet cafe. "In a minute."

He closed the laptop and paid his bill. Then he went out to the car where he would have privacy, and he called Gob on the cellphone. "Gob?"

"Michael." It was so strange to hear his voice again after so long. Gob asked, "Did you really like having sex with Kenny?"

Michael said, "Yeah, it was good. I told you I'm bisexual."

Gob said, "That's good. Then you can be happy."

Michael frowned. "But aren't you jealous?"

Gob asked suspiciously, "Michael, are you using him?"

"No, I--I mean..."

Gob interrupted, "Did you really like the sex or not?"

"Yes, I did." Michael got a little upset. "But that's just sex. It's not love. I love you."

"No, Michael. It's wrong."

"Gob--"

"Don't use Kenny like that."

"I'm not!"

"I want you to be happy, Michael. Really happy. Not fake happy."

Michael asked, "What about you, Gob? Are you getting better? Are you dating a guy?" Was that why he didn't want him anymore?

Gob sighed and said wearily, "I'm not gay."

"What?" Michael was stunned. "You should fire your therapist." They must be incompetent.

Gob said truthfully, "I did. I stopped seeing her."

"Good. Get a new one."

Gob said, "Fine" but didn't intend to get a new one at all. He just said, "Don't use Kenny. Bye."

Michael sighed and cried a little. He called Pete, who also told him that he shouldn't use Kenny like that. "Do you hate me?" He was worried that Pete wouldn't be his friend now.

Pete said no, that friends could have arguments and not hate each other. He was just disappointed in Michael.

They met for dinner that night, and Pete comforted Michael, but said he should make things up to Kenny. "I mean, you can't tell him about Gob. That would be too much, I think. But since you told him about this other guy you were with, then you can tell Kenny that you're not over your ex. Say that you were trying to make him jealous, and then apologize."

"Okay."

So Michael met with Kenny to tell him this cover story.

Kenny only asked, "You're not getting back together with him, are you?"

Michael shook his head sadly. "No, it didn't work. He doesn't want me back."

"He's an idiot," Kenny said, then caressed his face. "So can we still have sex?"

Michael was surprised and confused.

Kenny said, "I still think you're hot, Michael. And besides, if we have sex and you get over your ex, then that's good too. You can find somebody else to get serious with later, but we can have fun for right now."

Michael thought about it, and Kenny came closer to kiss him. "Come on, you like this, don't you?"

Michael nodded and kissed him back. "Okay."

So they had sex again and continued to hookup occasionally. It made Michael feel less lonely, and it was like having revenge sex.

Pete shrugged when Michael explained how Kenny had responded. "Wow. I guess I was wrong, but it was good that you were honest. I hope he does help you get over Gob."

* * *

Meanwhile, Kenny told the other Hot Cops about Michael having an ex, and lots of previous experience, so that Curtis wouldn't lecture him about rushing a virgin into sex. "He's not a virgin! He experimented in college, and he was trying to make his ex jealous."

"What?"

"Then why did he lie to us?"

Kenny wasn't sure. "Well, he said the guy was a secret lover he had, that his family wouldn't approve of. Couldn't come out of the closet for him."

"Oh, that's sad."

"What a fucked up family."

"But how come he didn't know how to flirt and dance?"

Kenny shrugged. "He said they didn't get to date in public much. But they got back together for a little while, after he quit the family. Then suddenly the guy didn't want him anymore and broke up with him."

Michael looked so brokenhearted sometimes, whenever he told Kenny about his ex. When pressed for a name, he said the guy's name was George.

"Did Gob know about this guy?" Bix wondered. "He knew Michael was bisexual already."

Kenny shrugged, and called Gob to ask him. "Hey do you know about Michael's ex-boyfriend?"

"What?" Gob was a little confused.

"Oh, so he didn't tell you either. He told me about this secret lover he had, who dumped him. His name was George."

Gob realized that Michael had tried to tell Kenny the truth, and he felt relieved. Gob had felt guilty and thought about calling Kenny to warn him that Michael was using him.

"What else did he tell you?"

Kenny said, "Well, he's not over his ex yet. Said he was still in love and tried to make him jealous by sleeping with me. But I didn't mind. I'm okay with just having a lot of hot sex. Maybe I can get him over this George guy. Michael's too hot to be alone."

Gob said, "All right, Kenny. Yeah, try to make him feel better. Thanks." Gob hung up and wondered if he should consider the Hot Cops his friends. Then maybe he could open up to them and talk to them about stuff that he couldn't tell Mark Cherry or JBJ.

But no, that might make things awkward for Michael, so Gob didn't try to be friends with the Hot Cops. After all, they obviously still thought he was gay, and Gob didn't want to keep trying to convince them that he was straight. He rebuffed their attempts to get closer to him or to inquire about his nonexistent therapy sessions.


	38. Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to 2004, just after the season 2 premiere. Michael repeatedly said throughout this episode that he was going to jail if he didn't get bail money, but we never see him get the money. The "on the next Arrested Development" scene shows that the corporate checkbook is empty, and yet Michael doesn't go to jail until the end of the season, for a different reason.

At first the Bluth family were stunned when they realized that George Sr. had disguised himself as Oscar and had stolen the briefcase containing the signed contract with Saddam Hussein.

Gob told Michael, "You've made a huge mistake," but of course he was deflecting from his own guilt. Gob had handed over the briefcase himself, while distracted about Tobias.

They didn't know what to do at first, until Lucille suggested finding the police to tell them about seeing George. (She hoped that they could catch him this time, for she did not trust her husband; he might rat her out for her crimes if he wasn't in her control.)

Oscar asked her to wait so he could hide, in case the police mistook him for George again.

"Don't worry," she said. "Just stand with me when I tell them, and I'll explain that it's not you. Which way did those policemen go? If only I had my rape horn." She left the hallway with Oscar.

Meanwhile, Michael was skeptical about whether Dad would be caught in time, and he worried that he would have to go to jail tonight, so he asked if Lindsay would take care of George Michael, and drive him back to the model home.

However, the thought of Michael going to jail, and possibly getting sent to the Orange County Prison like Dad was, made Gob upset. He couldn't let Michael get shivved or worse.

"Wait, wait, Michael. We can still get your bail money, right?" Earlier, Michael had mentioned the corporate checkbook, as well as needing bail by 8 o'clock.

Michael asked, "Well, do you know where Mom put the corporate checkbook? If I can get to it in time, then I'll be okay."

Gob shook his head. "No, she didn't tell me where she stashed it." Though Mom had appointed Gob the company president, she did not trust him with the corporate checkbook after the first check he wrote himself. "Just ask her when she gets back. I mean, she was ready to let you use that Saddam contract, right? So she probably won't withhold it from you."

"Okay." Michael checked his watch and cheered up a little. But he saw that Maeby and Lindsay were looking miserable, so he said, "Let's go see Tobias since we're here."

"Yeah," Lindsay said, still reeling because that awful doctor had recently made her think that her husband was dead.

So everyone went in to visit Tobias, who was covered in blue paint, but alive. He explained that he had been going to a Blue Man Group audition when a car hit him. "It was Barry!"

"Our lawyer Barry?"

Lindsay sat close and started trying to clean the paint off him, at least in places where it didn't hurt him. She still loved Tobias, even if they were trying to have an open marriage now.

After a while, Lucille returned with Oscar. The police were looking for George, but he might have got away already. Michael reminded her that he needed the corporate checkbook, and she at first asked what was the rush? "Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

Michael explained that he needed bail money tonight by 8 o'clock, according to Barry.

"Oh." So Lucille agreed to go get the checkbook for him; it wasn't like she wanted to visit Tobias for long, anyway. First she would take Oscar, Buster, and Annyong home, then she would meet Michael at the Bluth Company.

Annyong spoke up that he needed a new Uncle Sam wig and to go to the late election rally, while Buster got jealous and said that the rally wasn't important anymore. Lucille sighed and left with them and Oscar.

Lindsay wanted to stay at the hospital with Tobias, so Michael asked Gob to take George Michael and Maeby back to the model home.

He gave Gob the car keys and hugged him. "Thanks."

"Sure, Michael." He kissed his cheek and then left.

Michael called Barry to talk to him about the bail money, but Barry was being detained by the police about the car accident with Tobias.

"Don't worry, I can handle your case too. Just need to get a lawyer of my own."

Michael checked his watch and took a cab to the Bluth Company to wait for Mom to bring him the corporate checkbook.

She called to say that she was running late because of Buster fighting with Annyong. However, she said there might be an old checkbook at the office, which still had blank checks in it.

Michael looked for it, as well as searching for his old desk. Gob had indeed moved it to the break room to become a massage table.

At last Michael found the corporate checkbook, only to see that the last few checks had been torn out in the past day by Mom and his siblings, who all wanted some cash the moment that Michael left for Phoenix and couldn't stop them.

Michael called Mom again, saying it was empty, and he needed the new checkbook.

"All right, I'll bring it over."

"Hurry, or I'll go to jail at 8 o'clock. Or maybe you can write out a personal check, since the money's in your account now. You didn't spend it all in one day, did you?"

Lucille was annoyed and did not want to admit anything about when and where she had squirreled away money. "Just wait, Michael." She hung up.

Michael was worried that she was delaying too much, so he called Gob and asked him if he had spent all his corporate check money on the pool table and stuff.

Gob said, "Nah, I put that stuff on the company credit card. I was going to use that check for an illusion, actually, but I can postpone it for you. I'm making plenty of money as the President now. Hang on and I'll come over." He had just dropped off the kids at the model home, and George Michael was busy unpacking now.

* * *

So Gob arrived to pick up Michael, and they left for the court together. Since Barry couldn't come, Michael represented himself, relying on his knowledge from his one year of law school. Gob signed over his check for bail money, and Michael was released without having to wait for Mom or Barry to show up.

As the brothers left, Michael was still unnerved about the serious charges he would be facing until the police could capture Dad, and he looked depressed as they got in the car.

Gob asked if Michael wanted to stop at a bar to get drunk. "We don't have to go home yet." He caressed Michael's face. "Or we could go to my place." His wife's place, actually, where they had so much sex.

Michael blinked and met Gob's eyes hopefully. "You mean it? You're not mad at me?"

Gob shrugged. "Did you listen to that message I sent you, about Kitty?"

Michael nodded. He had finally checked his messages before going to ask Gob at the Bluth Company for the corporate checkbook, but Gob had been mad at him, and not in the mood to make up anymore.

Michael said, "I'm sorry I didn't understand, but you were threatening me."

"I wasn't. Mom was there at the penthouse, and I had to put on a show for why I was taking over your job from you. And now I've done it, see. Now you're free. Maybe you can go back to law school and finish that degree now, huh?"

Michael shrugged. "You sure you wanna work for Mom? She can be just as bad as Dad."

"I know. And this Iraq stuff is only gonna get worse if Dad destroys that contract before the police catch him. Then you'll have to bail me out, huh?"

Michael didn't want Gob to be in danger of jail, or prison, or getting shivved again. "I don't wanna go. I wanna be with you." He moved closer and hugged him, which was the closest thing he could get to kissing Gob in public. "I'm sorry I said all that crap at Mom's. You know I get upset and say things I don't mean."

Gob nodded and ran fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry for being mean at the office, too. I do need you, Michael. I was just upset about you running off to Phoenix so many times, without a word about you and me."

"I'm sorry, Gob."

"I forgive you." He kissed Michael's cheek and nuzzled his ear. 'So you wanna stay for me, huh?"

"Yeah." Michael closed his eyes and sighed against him. They clung to each other in the car, and he whispered, "Can we have makeup sex?"

"God yes." Gob broke away and started the car. They drove to Gob's wife's apartment and then hurried inside. They locked the door and kissed hungrily against the walls.

They were so eager that they didn't make it to the bedroom this time, and they landed on the living room couch. They were undressing when Michael asked Gob to get the condoms.

"Fuck! Wait a minute." He got up. "Actually, get naked." He hurried back to the bedroom to get the condoms and lube.

Michael finished undressing and positioned himself in as alluring a manner as possible.

Gob came back and looked very pleased. "Mikey, you're so hot."

He grinned. "Come here." He took the lube and started opening himself, while Gob watched appreciatively.

"Get naked," Michael said.

So Gob stripped off his own clothes and then touched himself. Soon he was ready to put on a condom, and he climbed on top of Michael eagerly.

So they fucked, and Michael was very enthusiastic. Gob was pleased and even tried singing the Bryan Adams song to him. However, Gob got rather breathless while they fucked, so it spoiled the song a little. One of these days he needed to make a mix CD for Michael, so they could play it whenever they had sex. Then Gob could save his voice for grunting and moaning.

Soon Gob stopped singing to focus on thrusting harder and faster, while Michael stroked himself. It was so hot wrong, and Gob got off on the intense look in Michael's eyes. Then Michael finished messily, and Gob slipped out.

Worn out and sweaty, they collapsed against the couch. Michael snuggled against Gob's shoulder, while Gob caught his breath.

Michael cried a little at the thought that he ever tried to run away from this, to just abandon Gob and shun him again for a stupid misunderstanding. He was not going to make that mistake anymore. He loved Gob.

Gob was confused by his brother's tears. "You okay?"

Michael nodded and kissed him. "I'm sorry."

Oh, he was still apologetic about Phoenix. Gob caressed him and murmured, "My hermano."

"My hermano."

Suddenly they were startled by a phone ringing, which seemed to be Michael's cell phone. Michael was still a little overcome and didn't want to get up.

But the phone still rang, so Gob stood up and discarded the used condom, then he rummaged through their clothes.

It was Mom on the phone, and he was going to ignore it, but then Michael realized, "It's past 8, isn't it? She's calling about the bail."

"Oh." Gob handed him the phone, then left to go into the bedroom.

Michael sat up and tried to speak normally. He told Mom that he was fine now, no thanks to her. Gob bailed him out. Michael almost wanted to let his mask slip off, to be defiant and teach her a lesson. He wanted to just say that he loved Gob, but then maybe she'd fire Gob or something. Disown them both maybe, and frame them for Dad's crimes.

Mom claimed that she was sorry for being late, but at least everything worked out. She said Michael could come pick up the corporate checkbook now, as long as he agreed to be in charge of the company again.

Michael asked, "What about Gob?"

Gob came back wearing his short robe and bringing another one to Michael, and he became curious at the mention of his name.

Michael caught his eye and switched on the speakerphone for him.

Mom said, "Well he can't handle the company now, especially if they catch your father with the contract. He wouldn't last a minute under real pressure."

Michael said, "Gob saved me, didn't he? He's still smart, even after all the drugs..."

Gob caressed him fondly and handed him the robe, while he picked up the phone and switched the speaker off. "Mom, let me stay in charge. I'll protect Michael. I always will."

Lucille was annoyed. "Gob, what are you doing there?" Though she didn't actually know where "there" was. She probably didn't even know where Gob was living now. Nobody ever cared enough to ask where he moved to after blowing up the yacht.

Gob told Mom, "I bailed him out, and we went to get a drink together."

She hated the thought of her sons colluding, so she started criticizing Gob and telling him that he couldn't be President anymore. He needed to go back to his magic or something.

Meanwhile, Michael put on the robe and sat back down on the couch, waiting patiently. Gob walked near to caress him, and Michael kissed his hand with total trust and faith. Being lovers had restored some of their old dynamic, where he adored his big brother. If only he could move in here with Gob, and be with him 100% of every day. He didn't want to wear his mask for longer than he had to. He wanted to be real and human with Gob.

Gob kept talking to Mom. "Look, I could make Michael the Vice President."

"Vice President?" She was surprised.

The Bluth Company had briefly had a Vice President once, a non-family member that George fired to make way for Michael to take over his duties in 1992. But Dad had not given Michael the title. He made him Manager instead, and had not given him a new parking spot or a company car. He held back these privileges in order to keep Michael constantly striving for his approval. When Michael became President in 2003, there had still been no Vice President, for he did not like to relinquish any of the power to another employee; it was bad enough that Kitty was so insolent to him, acting as if Dad were still in control.

On the phone, Gob said, "Yeah, and he could work under me." He looked at Michael as he said it, smiling.

Michael had to stifle a laugh. He liked being naughty with Gob.

Mom said, "All right, I suppose that will fool the board. He can do all the real work, and you can be the figurehead."

Gob shrugged. That had been Kitty's plan as well, to make him a figurehead, but maybe he and Michael could negotiate something better in private. "So I'll announce it tomorrow to the board and get him an office. Bye, Mom."

"Goodbye."

He hung up and Michael desperately pulled him near for a kiss.

"Mikey." Gob sat close and told him about making him Vice President. "Then you won't be out of work, and it'll look better to the judge that you're not a flight risk about the bail."

Michael agreed, and even if it was technically a demotion, he felt that Gob was making it up to him for Dad denying him the title and privileges before. Michael also liked the idea of spending a lot of time together at work. "Can I move into your office?"

"I don't know. Mom might get suspicious, and there wouldn't be any room with my pool table. What happened to your old Manager's office?"

"It became a storage room."

"Okay, we can put your desk and stuff back in there. And sometimes we can lock the door and have private meetings, you know?"

Michael laughed.

Then Michael's phone rang again, and it was George Michael this time. Michael didn't like spending time with his son lately, since he reminded him too much of Tracey. He reluctantly answered, "Hi buddy. No, I'm all right. Gob bailed me out in time. Listen, I'm gonna stay late at the office with him tonight. We've got stuff to discuss because he's going to make me Vice President."

Gob kissed his neck and pulled Michael into his lap. He could still hear George Michael talking over the phone. It was exciting to be naughty like this.

Michael said hurriedly, "Yeah, we're really staying this time. No more Phoenix. So don't wait up for me tonight. Bye."

He hung up, and Gob kissed him passionately. "You're so beautiful." He was glad that Michael had chosen to stay with him. They belonged together.

Michael clung to him and said, "I love you."

Gob nuzzled him and sang the song again, now that he wasn't out of breath. Michael was happy, and slid a hand into Gob's robe.

Gob grinned, then he picked up the lube before getting up. Michael followed and grabbed the box of condoms. They headed to the bedroom together and made love again in the soft pink sheets.

* * *

In the morning they announced Michael's new job and began to set up his office. Gob said there was nowhere to move all the stuff in the storage room, and leaving all the extra shelves and such might muffle the sounds if they had sex in that room. Michael accepted that and arranged to get the walls repaired in Gob's office.

Gob didn't really want the responsibility of running the company, but he still wanted to feel useful and needed. So he told Michael that many of the employees were stressed out from not just Dad's crimes, but also Michael's strict management style. They needed some relaxation, such as a real massage table or a magic show or a hooker.

Michael disagreed, saying that work must always be serious and professional, as if he were a humorless robot like Wayne Jarvis.

Then Gob suggested that Michael should spread out some of the duties of the Vice Presidency among other employees, so that Michael himself would not be stressed out. His brother was not comfortable with that, either, and he couldn't let go of the power.

Michael said that Gob had never been really taught how the business worked, and he couldn't work the phones either, so he should just sit back and learn from watching Michael run the company. He also suggested that Gob's charm would be better suited for public relations work and schmoozing with investors.

Gob was disappointed that Michael also wanted him to be a figurehead. He was a lot like Mom that way, controlling everyone and hoarding power.

So Gob tried to keep busy doing fun things, and he met Starla at a boat show. After being forced to buy the boat, he ended up hiring her to work at the company. It was all an accident, but he thought he could impress Michael at the office with his new "business model" and slogan. That was PR work, right? Plus, Gob thought that Starla could be their new beard, and he could prove that he was not gay by making out with her a little. Unfortunately, this led to arguments with Michael about lying and cheating. He was always so ungrateful.

Then they fought over the fake house, and Dad in Mexico. It was like they could never move on from the Boyfights, and the balance of power could never be equal. At least the makeup sex was good, and Michael did dig him out when the coffin illusion failed.

Still, Michael became more irritable lately because he was jealous of George Michael's girlfriend. Gob tried to talk to him about that, but then he got distracted by Gary at the office, and Michael kept thinking he was gay again.

When Wayne Jarvis grilled Gob about the Iraq stuff, he got very nervous that he might let slip about the briefcase with the signed Saddam contract, but Gob managed to convince him that he knew absolutely nothing about the business, not even all the shady side jobs that Dad made him do over the years. Still, the interrogation was close, and in a moment of panic, Gob tried to hang himself from the new doorway. (While having the office walls fixed, Gob had decided to put in a second door to make it easier to sneak out to Michael's office without Starla seeing from her desk.)

Gob soon gave up on the hanging, but Michael seemed very concerned afterward. Gob claimed with bravado that he was only pretending to hang himself, and then he spent time with Buster to avoid the office for a while. Even when the balls stuff blew over, Michael still shielded Gob from stuff at work, and Gob increasingly got the sense that Michael was lying to him about something else. At the softball game, it turned out that Michael had been talking to Dad, who wasn't in Mexico after all, but Michael insisted that Dad wouldn't come back again.

All these betrayals and lies were disappointing, but Gob knew that he shouldn't be surprised; they were both Bluths after all, and were trying in their fucked up way to protect each other. If only they could get away from the company and escape their family for good. But all they could have was that time at Christmas when Buster dropped Gob from a crane, and Michael moved in to take care of him for a couple of weeks. They couldn't have sex because of Gob's injuries, but at least they could be close, and Michael could stop being a nagging wife. They did really care about each other, even if they didn't know how to show it.


	39. Fathers and Sons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael makes progress and Maeby returns in 2010.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cousin marriage is actually legal in California, but the show treats it like it's not legal, so that's what I have Maeby say here. Also, the cousins were too young to get married without parental permission, but that can be waved away if Michael signed some kind of consent form for the mock wedding, I guess. Laws are peculiar in the AD universe.

Michael still had no luck getting a job, but he had Pete to cheer him up, and he had fun with Kenny.

Then in early 2010, Michael met a new guy named Joe, who was friendly and cute. They had stuff in common, such as riding bikes and hating fishing. After some flirting, they started going out, and Pete advised Michael to tell Kenny, if this was getting serious. Kenny had recently met someone hot who had less emotional baggage, so he was ready to move on too. So they agreed to end their casual hookups, and Kenny just asked him to let the Hot Cops know if Gob ever came to visit again.

"Okay." It was a good rebound fling while it lasted.

However, Michael still had not emailed George Michael in Spain to confess that he was bisexual and dating men now. It wasn't exactly out of shame; he didn't even like to tell his son about his relationships with women, unless he was forced to by circumstances. George Michael had been very close to his mother, and Michael didn't want to feel guilty about replacing Tracey, even if George Michael claimed that he was fine with his father dating.

It must be his feelings for Gob, which had begun while Tracey was still alive, though he didn't act on them for years. Also, the first woman that Michael had wanted after Tracey's death was Marta, Gob's girlfriend, which gave him extra reasons to feel guilty. The infatuation eventually led to a big fight with Gob, and since then, the women he dated had a tendency to be crazy like Jesse the publicist or Maggie Lizer. Michael had even once dated Beth Baerly, not knowing that his son had a crush on his teacher, and that was a disaster too.

So of course Michael became used to lying to George Michael about his sex life, even before sleeping with Gob. He lied to George Michael about many things to protect his innocence (or avoid trouble like over Beth Baerly). Besides, Michael asked Pete, wasn't it normal for a kid to not want to hear about his parent's sex life? Gob hated the thought of Mom and Dad together, and Michael had not found it pleasant to hear about Lucille's moisture either.

Pete said that there was a difference between being discreet about sex, and being dishonest about relationships. It wasn't healthy to hide his real self behind a mask, and he shouldn't neglect George Michael either. Pete had grown up kids too, and he tried to advise Michael on how to be a better parent. "Tell him the truth."

Michael blinked. "So I should tell him about me and Gob?" That sounded like a huge disaster waiting to happen, and what was the point, if Gob didn't love him anymore?

"No. I mean, not yet." Pete frowned, and he did think that confessing about the incest would be too much for George Michael to handle over email or phone. That could wait until he returned from Spain and they could speak in person, with Pete or a therapist helping. "But you could tell him right now that you're dating a guy, so it won't be such a shock when your son gets home."

Michael shrugged and said he would think about it. He would certainly introduce George Michael to Pete when he could. Maybe on some holiday visit.

But privately, he did not want to come out to George Michael until he could see for sure that he was still normal and innocent. Michael worried that living in Spain might have a corrupting influence on his son, and he felt ambivalent about letting Gob send him money to postpone George Michael's senior year. Europe had different morals about nudity and sex, didn't it? Also, George Michael got fixated on that French film about dangerous cousins. Michael had seen the poster once in the kids' room, but he said nothing at the time; there had been other clues that he had blocked out and chosen not to hear as well.

In 2006, in the three months after Michael convinced his son to not pursue Maeby, George Michael had tried to blame all his inappropriate feelings on seeing that movie, as if he hadn't felt lust for Maeby before then. He didn't confess to his father about their marriage either, and he hid the incriminating evidence in the secret room of the model home. Back then, Maeby had been focused on failing school to get her parents' attention, and then they moved to that huge mansion when Michael quit the family. George Michael did resent his dad for making him tear up the check from Pop-Pop, but he realized that it was easier to move on from Maeby if they didn't live together anymore. He would just obey his father and look forward to college.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gob didn't talk to his own son Steve Holt at all. It wasn't that he hated Steve Holt; they did have fun together sometimes when they did magic or worked a banana stand together. It was just that Gob knew that all Bluths were crazy, and even back in high school, he assumed that he would be a terrible father just like his own father had been. Sure, it was callous to not even provide child support, but he rationalized that it was Eve Holt's decision to keep the baby, after all. Gob also thought that leaving town and abandoning his illegitimate kid might actually be the wisest decision. Let the baby be raised by his Christian mother and her family, so that he could have a chance to turn out normal and happy. Not insane and lusting after his own brother, for instance.

Over the years, Gob forgot Eve Holt's name, and though the name "Steve Holt" had a familiar ring to it somehow, he didn't realize that the overgrown high school kid was his son until Michael explained the S.A.D. letter to him. That idea filled him with feelings of regret, confusion, and shame. Gob feared that Steve had not had a happy life after all; he had stayed too long in high school and was an alcoholic, even though he hadn't been raised by Lucille Bluth. So maybe it was a bad decision to have no contact with Steve or his mother?

Gob went back and forth about whether he wanted to be fatherly to Steve Holt now, after so many years of neglect. Maybe it would be good for Steve, or maybe it wouldn't, given how much Michael disapproved of Gob's influence on George Michael. Tracey had raised such a good kid, and Michael didn't want George Michael to be tempted by drugs or sex, lest his Bluth half express itself. Gob didn't want the darkness to touch his nephew either.

He did get jealous, though, when Michael tried to spend time with Steve Holt as an uncle, and he did sometimes wonder if going to the army had helped Steve Holt learn discipline and responsibility, which Gob never could have taught him. In 2008, when they met up at Jeremy Piven's club, they at least had a good chat, and Gob had been happy and excited about joining Steve Holt's pest control business. But in the end, it was easier to just leave with the entourage and abandon his son again. He knew he was a terrible father, but he was a Bluth, and that was a given. Maybe the last thing Steve Holt needed was to become more like a real Bluth. After all, Steve Holt had managed to become a successful businessman while away from Gob's influence, even if he did lose his hair and looks. Maybe he was better off being a Holt than a Bluth.

* * *

Maeby returned to Sudden Valley after breaking up with Jeff and failing to restart her career. They had a fairly good relationship at first, though they had some fights because they were roommates as well as boyfriend and girlfriend. Maeby tried to pay the rent and other bills on time, but she had trouble with math. Jeff had to correct her often, and to remind himself that even geniuses had weaknesses in some subjects. Maeby had always been too bored and rebellious to study anything from a textbook.

Maeby tried to revive her career by using her Hollywood contacts, but it was difficult. Mort Myers had been fired for passing on the _Hunger Games_ , and Kitty Sanchez was still badmouthing Maeby all over Hollywood. She was gaining sway with Ron Howard, and she made sure that Maeby could never talk to him by phone or get upstairs to his office anymore. Then Maeby thought she could use Rebel Alley to get in touch with Ron Howard, but Rebel was still partying hard and could not be reached; her three-year-old son Lem was in France with his father, and she could live a single carefree life most of the time.

It was frustrating and disappointing. As Maeby and Jeff progressed romantically, she got distracted from her career ambitions, and she enjoyed having sex a lot.

Her manipulative nature asserted itself, though, and she tried to get Jeff to do things for her, for sex. For example, Jeff had suggested that Maeby needed to get her GED in order to get work, but she was too lazy to study the course materials. She wanted Jeff to do the work for her, much like George Michael had often done.

Jeff got annoyed and said that even geniuses like Maeby had to do hard work eventually.

The last straw came when they were talking about her childhood again. She mentioned her accidental marriage to George Michael and explained that it was technically legal since they weren't cousins after all. He got upset when she told him that they never got it annulled.

"You're still married now?"

"It doesn't matter! He forgot me and abandoned me!" Just like Hollywood did.

Jeff said that it did matter, and suggested that she contact her cousin in college and get an annulment or divorce, whichever one was easiest.

Maeby didn't want to. "If he can't remember that we're married, then why should I remind him?" It was the same logic she used with her parents lately. If they couldn't remember that she existed, then why should she remind them?

Jeff and Maeby fought about this, until they finally broke up in August. So Maeby packed her stuff and moved out. She had nowhere to go, and she reluctantly returned to Sudden Valley to await another royalty check.

From her cab, Maeby saw that the black Camaro was not in front of Michael's house, so she hoped that he had moved out again, even if it was to be with his brother Gob.

She returned to the model home and unpacked her bags. Not knowing that it was illegal for her to enroll in high school again, she thought up a new alias and made sure that her bike was still stashed in the garage where she left it months ago. Jeff thought it was so important for her to get a high school diploma, after all, and she would show him. She could return to school and manipulate some boyfriends to do the work for her again. It would be easy, she thought.

However, later that night she discovered that Michael was still living in Sudden Valley, when the headlights of his car were visible in the deserted neighborhood. Uncle Mike had only been out on what apparently was a date with some guy. Maeby just spied long enough to be sure that she didn't recognize the guy, then she biked back to the model home to avoid hearing anything sexual. The guy didn't leave until the morning, when he called a cab and kissed Michael goodbye.

Pete the mailman sometimes came to visit Michael after work or on weekends too, and from what Maeby overheard when she spied, the Joe guy was an actual boyfriend; Michael was not just being a whore for stuff again. They also talked about Michael looking for work in the area, so it seemed that he really was keeping busy nowadays.

So Maeby decided to continue hiding from Uncle Mike, and not cause him trouble. Why try to blackmail him about Gob and ruin his life now, if he had finally stopped being a whore? She knew how hard it was to find work and love, and she decided to leave him alone. She would save her manipulations and cons for high school.

* * *

Michael continued to date Joe for months, and even invited him upstairs to the bedroom where he once had sex with Gob. It was weird at first, but it made him feel less lonely to have someone to fall asleep with and wake up with. Sometimes they stayed the night at Joe's place instead. Joe was indeed a better boyfriend who didn't lie or cheat or take drugs, and they could have sex in ways that Gob had not been comfortable with, like letting Michael be on top sometimes.

But as much as Michael liked Joe, he did not tell George Michael about him, except as a friend that he casually mentioned in emails. The truth could wait until his son came home. It would probably be the first thing to confess, along with introducing Pete.

Of course, Pete wanted Michael to eventually confess to George Michael about Gob too. If Pete was there, he'd probably call it incest and not love, because he disapproved of it. A therapist would probably say the same and emphasize that it was all a huge mistake.

That made Michael sad, because he still wanted to call it love. He wanted someone normal to understand about him and Gob, to know that it was real. Lindsay at least believed him four years ago, but Michael was annoyed with her spiritual fakeness and her returning from India to reunite with Tobias for mercenary reasons. Even if he did feel like forgiving her and asking her to help him talk to his son, Michael didn't know where she was now.

Michael didn't know how to tell George Michael without making him upset about all the lies and neglect. He might get mad on his mother's behalf as well, or call Michael a hypocrite about Maeby. If Michael tried to explain why he discouraged him, there was no guarantee that George Michael would hear him out or forgive him. It seemed like a recipe for disaster.

That was why in Malibu, he had asked Gob to make a fake birth certificate, but the scheme never came to pass. It was a risky fraud, of course, but it was also Michael's warped attempt to tell a version of the truth to his son. He had wanted to try to drop the mask and integrate both halves of his life. He wanted to be happy with Gob, and to have George Michael accept them somehow. But Gob didn't love him anymore, and they could not be happy together. It seemed pointless to confess to George Michael now.

Part of Michael still missed Gob, and he wondered if Gob had a better therapist yet. Was he making any progress in overcoming his denial, and was he weaned off the roofies at last? Michael did want Gob to get better, but he knew that any therapist would probably take Gob's side about the incest being wrong. Maybe they would confirm Gob's opinion that the feelings were all fake, figments of his imagination? Maybe they would hypnotize him or medicate him until he was not himself anymore? Maybe Gob would try to forget their love and completely block it out, as if it was the same as his trauma in the storage unit. Or any other shameful moment that he erased with forget-me-nows.

It made Michael feel rejected, to be erased and forgotten after so many years of their tangled history. He still refused to go to therapy because he was not ashamed of their love. He would not forget the memories, and in his heart he would always belong to Gob.

Michael tried not to be selfish, though. He tried to wish that Gob was doing better and had found happiness. Yet the thought of Gob dating some new guy in Malibu made him jealous. He hoped that Gob was only having a rebound fling so far, like what he had with Kenny.

Pete kept telling Michael to appreciate Joe and not think of his brother that way anymore. It was over, and Michael knew that. Gob didn't understand him now, and he didn't understand Gob. They were like strangers, and he had to move on. Could he ever love someone as much as he did Gob? At least as much as he did Tracey, from whom he had to hide half of himself? Michael wasn't sure, but he would try to make things work with Joe.


	40. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now for the year 2011, building up to Pete's death. The full story will be about 45 chapters, and we'll get to 2012 soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both Lucilles, Buster, and the narrator all refer to Lucille Austero's "imaginary kid" or "fake kid" having a room in her apartment years before Perfecto Telles comes along. I think this means that every election year, she pretends to adopt a child to help her campaign chances, but each child disappears soon after the election results. It's like Lucille Bluth adopting Annyong and then sending him to Milford when she tires of him. Apparently Lucille Austero just volunteers to be a foster parent at politically expedient times.

Gob spent much of 2010 having orgies with the entourage again, to prove to himself that he was not gay, and to try to drown out his memories of having sex with Michael. In order to remember the sex with women, he only took the roofies intermittently, just on the nights when he had bad dreams and needed to get to sleep again. He still felt shame and dissatisfaction during the orgies, but he thought that was a sign from God, that he could never fully make up for his sins with Michael. That he deserved an empty life, alone and without love.

Gob told the entourage that he quit the therapist because he was cured of his trauma now, though JBJ still worried that his friend looked sad and zoned out sometimes. But then JBJ had his 21st birthday, and they all had a big birthday party for him at the hotel. Over the next few months, Mark Cherry and the other young stars turned 21 as well, leading to more hedonistic excess, even though they'd been doing illegal stuff for years before then. Gob didn't want to celebrate his 43rd birthday at all, lest he be reminded of Michael, or get depressed about being so much older than the other members of the entourage. But JBJ found out his birthday at last and threw a bash for him as well; Gob had a fun night, but took a roofie to forget it. He didn't deserve to have real friends who remembered his birthday.

The entourage enjoyed spending time with Getaway again; they thought that all this partying showed that he was over Michael Bee. They didn't know about the syphilis, or that Getaway was trying to numb himself to his pain and misery. The only reason that Gob stayed functional and didn't wreck himself with worse drugs, like cocaine, was because of Michael. He had to take care of his little brother, even if it was only financially. He wanted Michael to get better and learn how to be normal again.

In early 2011, Gob cautiously called Pete to ask how Michael was doing. He sort of knew because he was still monitoring the credit card statements whenever he paid the bills, but he wanted more information than cold numbers could give him.

Pete felt somewhat awkward talking to Gob again after so long, though he did feel more sympathetic to him ever since he listened to Michael's explanation of their tangled relationship. So he answered, "Uh, hi, Gob. How are you?"

"Fine. How's Michael doing?"

"Okay I guess." Pete admitted that Michael still wouldn't go to therapy, but at least he behaved far more rationally and calmly than he did a year ago.

"That's good," Gob said. "I'm so glad you could help him, Pete. Thank you." Having a normal person as a friend seemed to anchor Michael and make him work hard for approval.

Pete sighed. "I wish I could help him more, but Michael still can't find a job. He's worried that Lucille Austero won't be patient about his debt for much longer, or that she'll try to kiss him again if he asks for an extension."

Next year was an election year, after all, so Lucille Austero would surely try to run for office, and she would probably fake adopt a kid again to look charitable and relatable. That would require money.

Gob offered, "I could try to help Michael. I mean, I can't pay it all off, but maybe I could give her a partial payment." Either by writing a check, or by sleeping with her if she asked. Lucille 2 was a nice woman, and Gob had enjoyed dating her years ago, even if she did remind him of his mother a little bit. But she was a far nicer version of his mother, who cooked him food and called him magical. It made him feel warm inside.

Pete said, "You've done so much for him already. It might make him feel guilty to owe you more. I mean, he can't pay you back for the car or laptop or credit card."

Gob said, "He doesn't have to pay me back. He's my brother. I should take care of him." He still felt awful about wrecking Michael, and for casting a shadow over much of his marriage too. Michael should have been happy with Tracey and appreciated her while she lived, instead of lying to her and working long hours so that he could avoid fighting with her about therapy. Back in the 1990s, Gob had thought that Michael worked too much at the Bluth Company just to please Dad, but years later Michael confessed that it was part of him being two-faced with Tracey about his feelings for Gob. Alone in the Manager's office, he could sit and miss Gob, as well as think about what-might-have-beens about going to law school and living in an apartment with Gob.

Ever since Gob's bachelor party, the brothers had both regularly lied to Michael's son, and neglected him for years. Not to mention Gob's relationship with Egg, but George Michael had forgiven him for that betrayal at least. Still Gob felt ashamed for ruining so many lives, and he needed to do penance by taking care of Michael.

Pete suggested, "Hey, maybe you can help me convince Michael to go into therapy? You could explain how much it helped you, and maybe he'll listen to you."

Gob hesitated, not sure he could lie well about his therapy sessions and how they ended. He needed to work out a full cover story.

Pete continued, "You could tell him that it's not going to make him into a soulless robot. And maybe your therapist can recommend somebody around here for Michael."

Gob deflected from discussing Dr. Harris. "Wait, do you think Michael still needs therapy, Pete? I mean he's doing so well with you."

"But I'm not a therapist. I'm just a mailman. I can be his friend, but I don't know everything that he needs to recover. Besides, he's still got a lot of issues with the rest of your family, and Barry Zuckerkorn, and his career. Michael seems guilty and mixed up about his wife Tracey, too. I think that's why he doesn't want to be honest with his son, even after all this time."

"George Michael?" Gob was shocked. "We can't tell him about us, Pete! He won't understand--"

"No, I know it will be a shock. I was shocked too. Anybody would be."

"He'll never forgive us, and he might get mad enough to not come home from college." George Michael might decide to leave Newport Beach, or even the state, and shun them forever. He might go crazy and do something horrible, like become a real Bluth. Let the darkness envelop him and destroy any innocence he had left. And who knew what Michael would do if he lost his son for good?

Pete said, "Yeah, I know that he'll be upset, Gob. But I'm not saying you should spring it on him suddenly without any buildup. I just think that Michael should come out of the closet at least, and tell George Michael about his boyfriends right now. I mean the other guys, not you." Confessing about the incest could wait until after the kid came home.

"Oh." Gob calmed a little as he realized that Pete was taking things in stages, like when Gob told Michael not to rush George Michael about the fake birth certificate. "You mean, Michael lied about Kenny and what's his name?" Kenny might have mentioned the new guy's name over the phone, but Gob had forgotten by now.

"Yeah, the other guy was Joe." Pete explained, "Michael pretended that they were just friends whenever he mentioned them in emails to his son. He says that he wants to wait until George Michael comes home from college to tell him more. I guess he's afraid of his son hating him too. But they have such a terrible, dishonest relationship, that I think Michael should start repairing it right now. He should try to confess a little of his real life to George Michael at least. If I can't get him to do this, then maybe a therapist could. Maybe a professional would know what to do and could help Michael find a way to confess about the incest after George Michael does come home. Maybe you can be there too, and everyone can try to make up."

Gob thought about it, and it did sound good. He did want to try to win George Michael's forgiveness, if it was possible. Maybe fixing things between Michael and George Michael would be a good way to make amends for his sins. "I guess therapy would be worth that."

"Sure, and maybe you can invite Steve Holt along and try to make up with him too. Be a real family and love each other." Like normal people, not like Bluths.

Gob shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know if Steve will forgive me." Sometimes Steve still called him, though Gob never answered. He was better off being a Holt, not a Bluth. But maybe Gob could be friends with Steve at least, even if he couldn't be a father to him. Maybe Michael could get a job working for Steve Holt's pest control business, and it would be good practice for being a better parent to George Michael.

"Well anyway, let's just focus on getting Michael into therapy first. Maybe you can send him an email or call him later today when he's in town for a job interview."

Gob said, "Hey, um, actually I could drive to Sudden Valley tomorrow, Pete. Do you think I can visit him for a little while?" He missed Michael as a brother, and he needed to see for himself that Michael was getting better and not just fooling Pete. Also, maybe Gob could inquire with Lucille Austero about Michael's debt, or the rest of their family.

Pete hesitated and asked, "You're really doing better now?"

"Yes," he lied. "I won't... come onto him." Gob said it distastefully, rather horrified that he had ever lusted after Michael, let alone had sex with him for so long. "He won't try to kiss me again, will he?"

Pete replied, "I don't think so, but I can be there to stop him if he has a relapse. I mean, he probably won't. It's just that he broke up with Joe a couple of months ago, and he still feels bitter about it."

"Oh." Gob felt pity for his brother to lose another boyfriend.

Pete reassured him, "But he's not getting drunk or anything like that again. He's still taking care of himself, and I think he'll get over it soon."

"Good." This was just a temporary setback, and hopefully Michael could do better next time. Or at least Gob could try to make sure of it when he came to visit.

Pete said, "Anyway, yeah, you're right. You could probably convince Michael to go into therapy more easily in person, if he sees how well you're doing. Besides, you both need to learn how to be just brothers."

"I know, and I'd really like it if you could help us do that, Pete. I want to be friends with him." Michael was the only family he had left who loved him, and Gob wanted to fix their fucked up relationship. Maybe in time they could learn how to be normal siblings, with Pete's help. He wasn't broken like them and evidently had the patience of a saint.

"Okay." Pete found it encouraging that Gob seemed genuine about recovering. "Yeah, I think he's ready to try being friends now. Okay, so talk to him about coming over tomorrow. Make it lunch time at Sudden Valley so I can be there too."

"Okay." So Gob hung up and sent Michael an email, asking if he could visit the next day.

Michael read it when he was in town at the internet cafe, and he wondered what the message meant. Was Gob not in denial about being gay anymore? Did he want to be just friends and brothers, or did he want more? Did he love Michael again, or was he going to tell him about some new boyfriend he was getting serious with now?

Feeling conflicted, Michael soon called Pete, who gave his approval for the visit, and said they could try to be friends again. It was time that he saw Gob in person, and Pete would come too for moral support. So they arranged for the visit, and Michael replied to Gob's email. Then he made plans to cook lunch for the three of them tomorrow.

* * *

So the next day at 12:30, Gob arrived at Michael's house in his limo, and he saw that the mail truck was already there. Gob got out and nervously knocked on the door.

Pete answered, and said, "Hi. You made it." Though he had spoken to him yesterday, it still felt strange to see Gob in person again.

"Yeah." Gob felt awkward too, but he said, "Thanks for doing so much for Michael."

Pete shook his hand and gestured for Gob to come inside.

Gob saw Michael setting the table for lunch. He looked healthier and better than the last time, over a year ago. He had shaved and didn't look drunk at all. "Michael."

Michael looked at Gob to assess his health as well. He seemed rather pale and thin, though. "Hi, Gob. Are you all right?"

Gob shrugged it off with bravado and came closer, wondering if he dared hug Michael now, if that was too much to ask. He deflected by saying that he was on a new diet and not getting enough sleep because he was partying with the entourage again. He needed to be young and shredded to fit in with Hollywood.

Michael looked concerned and glanced at Pete, who frowned and inwardly wondered if Gob was still on drugs. He insisted that they all sit down and eat.

So they had lunch, and Michael was glad that he could get Gob to eat something other than parmesan and mustard. He needed to take care of his brother.

Pete asked Gob about his therapy, and Gob now had a cover story that was convincing. He claimed that he had fired Dr. Harris because she was incompetent, and he lied about seeing a second therapist that helped him get over the incest and his trauma in the storage locker. But he stopped seeing this doctor a couple of months back, because he felt better and wanted to spend more time with the entourage. He bragged about how much fun they were having.

Michael wanted to ask if Gob had seriously dated anybody recently, but hearing about the orgies made him jealous. Also, he might have to tell Gob in turn about his recent breakup. Joe had dumped him and complained that Michael was too suffocating and controlling.

Pete asked some more about therapy, and he worried that Gob had quit too soon. He also tried to get Gob to convince Michael to start being honest with George Michael.

Gob did his best. "If you make up with him, Michael, then you won't have to sneak around so much the next time you date."

Michael deflected, saying that George Michael had been uncomfortable around their gay brother-in-law Tobias. He explained to Pete, "I think it started ever since they had to share a bunkbed, and he saw his uncle in his cutoffs one night." George Michael had glimpsed balls and recognized the "Iraqi landscape" photos.

Gob said, "Yeah, and he didn't want to give Tobias a bath, or even look at him when he got sick. Do you think he's homophobic?"

Michael shrugged. "I thought Tracey raised him better, but I don't know, maybe Mom or Dad influenced him when we weren't paying attention. Plus that Oz show traumatized him when he was little."

"Oh right." Gob feared being judged by George Michael, especially if dating Egg had influenced him to be homophobic as well. She had a creepy uncle Paul, but her evangelical family really had fucked up religious ideas.

Neither brother realized that George Michael might just be disturbed about Tobias suffering from Graft vs. Host, and that he might be upset about having to share a prison cell with his sick uncle once as well.

Pete tried to get the subject back on track. "If you're afraid to talk to George Michael, then that's why you need to go to therapy. They could give you advice and help you both."

Michael asked, "What's the point in telling George Michael about me and Gob, though?"

Gob sort of agreed. "Do we have to confess about the incest?"

Pete sighed and considered it. "I know the incest is over now and you want to forget it ever happened. That's healthy."

Michael frowned and ate his food angrily. He hated that Pete took Gob's side about their love. It was in the past, but it had been real once. At least for him.

Pete insisted, "But George Michael needs to know the truth. Besides, he knows how fucked up your family is already. He's experienced some of it himself. He knows about the Boyfights and lessons, and he's seen Buster with your mother. He had a crush on his own cousin."

Gob looked up in surprise, wondering if Michael had mentioned the cousins to him before and he'd forgotten it.

Pete continued. "So it's not like George Michael is completely blind and innocent. I think if you break the news to him slowly and apologize and tell him that it's all over, he might eventually come around. I'll try to help too. But first you have to stop neglecting him and lying to him, Michael. You need to build a good foundation for him to start to trust you both."

Michael shrugged noncommittally.

Gob asked Michael about the cousins, and Michael was glad to deflect by telling the story of George Michael's confessions just before the Queen Mary.

Gob asked, "Then why was he upset about Egg on the yacht if he wanted to be with Maeby?"

Michael said, "Because I told him to go back to her. I didn't know she was your girlfriend."

Pete sighed. Maybe this visit was a mistake. Gob didn't seem that much better, and the brothers both kept deflecting from therapy. They seemed to reinforce each other's insanity. Pete tried to interrupt and tell them that he had to get back to work now, and that Gob should leave too. They could finish their discussions over phone or email instead.

Before they could answer Pete, there was suddenly a knock on the door. Michael went to open it. He expected the visitors, and was only surprised about time passing so fast during their lunch.

Pete and Gob were surprised to see the Hot Cops arrive, and the strippers all rushed in to greet Gob at the dining table.

Gob stood up but didn't hug them back as effusively. "I'm fine." He felt awkward and looked at Michael accusingly. "What are you guys doing here?"

Bix said, "Michael called us to say you were coming for a visit."

"We haven't seen you in forever," Chet complained.

"Why don't you call us more?"

"You know, busy with Hollywood parties and stuff." Gob deflected by asking about how their stripper agency was going.

Gator said that they had started working with new, younger strippers in the agency. Their business was going well, ever since the Queen Mary gave them a lot of publicity.

Michael stood watching the group talk to Gob, and he glanced at Kenny, wondering if he was still dating someone else. Michael hadn't asked Kenny about that when he called the Hot Cops yesterday to invite them over after lunch. Kenny smiled at Michael and patted his shoulder to thank him for remembering to tell them about Gob coming.

Michael said "You're welcome" and decided that maybe later today or tomorrow, he would call Kenny alone and find out if he was available to hookup again. Some sex might make him feel better about being rejected by Joe.

Meanwhile Pete also said hello to the Hot Cops. Michael had introduced him to them once, (not at the Tobias is Queen Mary club), back during Michael's rebound fling with Kenny. Pete had thanked them for helping Michael and forgiving his lies, but he didn't see them much since then because they didn't socialize in the same circles. Still, Pete greeted them in a friendly manner and was relieved to have some normal people around, so that he wouldn't be outnumbered by Bluths who still weren't fully recovered.

Then Pete looked at his watch and said he really had to leave for work now. They all said goodbye to him, and Pete hugged Michael before going. He felt it was okay to leave the Hot Cops to unknowingly chaperone for Gob and Michael. He waved goodbye to Gob, then went outside to get in his mail truck.

The Hot Cops kept asking Gob how his therapy was going, and if he was dating somebody now. If he was nervous about coming out of the closet, they could give him help and advice. They could even come visit him in Malibu if that was all right.

Gob said he was fine and kept deflecting by saying that Mark Cherry wouldn't like them to come and hang around in his house. It was obvious that the Hot Cops still thought he was gay, and he kept glaring at Michael in irritation for inviting them over.

The strippers also noticed that Gob seemed rather pale and thin, and when he said it was a new diet, they suggested instead that maybe he caught the flu or something. He should see a doctor to make sure.

Gob insisted he was fine, and asked more about Michael. He wanted to hear about his breakup. Michael didn't want to discuss it. He said he had to clean up after lunch, and he started to pick up the dirty dishes from the table.

The Hot Cops helped clear the table, and Kenny said that Michael was a good cook.

Gob said, "He'll make somebody a good wife someday." If he could learn to not nag so much.

The Hot Cops just laughed and helped Michael in the kitchen, but told him to leave the dishes soaking right now, so he could come back and talk to them.

Michael was becoming uncomfortable with their presence, and he didn't like that Bix kept touching Gob's arm and sat near him. It made Michael regret inviting them to come by.

Gob asked more about the new blood in the stripping agency.

"Oh they're okay," Curtis said. "We're trying to do new dance moves and music."

Mike the Hot Cop said, "It's great getting so many regular gigs."

Bix joked with a shrug. "I guess it's not all bad that your mother used us to hijack the Queen Mary."

"And you were right," Curtis added, "Nobody believed your mother's dumb alibi at her trial."

Gator nodded. "At least somebody in your fucked up family got the punishment they deserved."

Gob and Michael both took the opportunity to vent about their mother, who turned out to be the mastermind behind all of Dad's crimes, and even the original banana stand. For years, the brothers were fooled into thinking that Mom was too drunk to do more than control the family at home and fight with Dad about his cheating.

Eventually Michael got the Hot Cops to leave by saying he wanted some alone time with his brother.

"Okay, sure," Bix said. He figured that they needed to discuss their mother in prison, or maybe private stuff about the rest of their family.

Mike the Hot Cop suggested, "Maybe next time we'll come visit you in Malibu, Gob. We can stay at a hotel."

"Yeah, we won't bother Mark Cherry," Kenny said.

Curtis said, "Just let us know when we can come. Bye, Gob."

They each hugged Gob as they left, and Kenny gave Michael a hug and kiss on the cheek too. Then they all waved goodbye and got into their company car together. It was parked across the street because of Gob's limo taking up so much space.

After the Hot Cops drove away, Gob turned to Michael at the door. "You had to invite them, didn't you?"

"They're your friends, Gob."

"No they're not." Gob found them too clingy, and he hated that they kept thinking he was gay, no matter what he said.

"Well, they want to be friends." Bix seemed to want to be more than friends, even. Michael shrugged and pouted. "I'm sorry."

"Good." At least he realized that it was a mistake to call the Hot Cops.

Michael gestured at Gob to close the door. "Come on, help me wash the dishes now."

So Gob shut the front door and followed Michael back into the house.


	41. Mutually Destructive

Michael washed the dishes in the sink, and Gob's idea of "helping" was to lean against the kitchen island and drink while watching Michael. When he finished, Michael stacked the dishes in the drying rack and put the pots and pans in the dishwasher to clean. Then he put away the leftover food in containers in the fridge.

Gob wanted to observe how his brother behaved away from normal people. Was he really better now, or only faking it for their approval? Gob asked about his recent breakup.

Michael was still calm, and didn't try to kiss Gob now that they were alone. But he didn't want to talk about his ex-boyfriend Joe. He deflected by asking if Gob was still taking roofies while he was having orgies with the entourage. Also, were there only girls in the orgies, or had Mark Cherry let Gob bring drunk guys along now?

Gob said wearily that he wasn't gay.

Michael was stunned and turned to look at his brother. "What the fuck? But you said that your second therapist was better."

Gob lied, "He was, and he told me that I'm not really gay. It was all an illusion. I just got fucked up about you because I wanted to protect you and fix you."

Michael disagreed, saying that this Dr. Blumen guy sounded incompetent. (He didn't recognize that this was the fake doctor's name that he had given to his family when trying to drive to Phoenix after Dad's escape from prison in 2004.)

Gob retorted, "What do you know about therapy, Michael? You've never been." The brothers started to argue and moved into the living room.

Getting suspicious, Michael asked when exactly did Gob get rid of his syphilis, and was he sick with something new now due to the orgies? Were both Dr. Harris and Dr. Blumen so incompetent that they didn't tell him to see a physician? Did Gob even have an American doctor yet, or was he still seeing his corrupt doctor in Mexico?

Gob hesitated, weighing his words and pacing the room. He hated it when Michael judged him and asked him accusing questions. He wasn't Gob's nagging wife anymore. So why did he have to still nag? Was this why Michael couldn't keep a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Michael stared at his brother in concern, and he repeated, "Are you still taking roofies?" Gob hadn't answered the earlier question yet.

"I only take them sometimes." Finally after a moment, Gob confessed, "I never got cured of the syphilis, Michael. I still have it now. It's my punishment from God."

Michael was shocked that Gob was believing such religious garbage. "Gob, that's not true. You don't deserve any punishment. You saved me from our parents. You loved me."

"I fucked you up. I fucked up your marriage too."

"No, I fucked it up myself. I shouldn't have married Tracey so soon, or I should have listened to her about leaving the family and starting my own company years ago. Back in the 1990s, I could have been a success." Not like now, with Sudden Valley turning into a ghost town. "It's just that I didn't want to lose the chance of seeing you again, Gob."

"See? You should have escaped the family when you had the chance, Michael, but I ruined that. And you know, when I took over your job at the Bluth Company, you should have left with George Michael. You should have moved to Phoenix like you wanted and gone back to law school."

Michael pointed out, "But I was out on bail, Gob. It would have been illegal for me to run off like that, and the cops would have come after me and George Michael. We wouldn't have gotten anywhere close to Arizona."

"But I could have stalled the police or something, so you could escape. I could have told them about Dad having the signed contract with Saddam Hussein."

"No I didn't want to leave without you, Gob," he reminded him. "I loved you, and you saved me." Michael had also tried to escape the family in 2006, on the yacht, only to discover Dad sleeping in the bed upstairs. It made Michael realize that they would look like fugitives and thieves, especially since they had the $500,000 checks from the Bluth Company with them. Also, Michael knew he would probably get seasick if they tried to go too far on the choppy ocean, so he gave up on his plan to flee to Mexico.

Gob still felt guilty. "I wrecked your relationship with George Michael too. We were lying to him all the time, and we didn't notice him getting obsessed with Maeby. That time he asked me to make him a fake passport, he must have been trying to see that French film, and he got fixated on it."

Michael said, "Gob, you couldn't have known. That's not your fault, and he's over her now. He doesn't mention her at all in his emails."

"That's good. Are you sure you never read him Peter Pan?"

Then Michael realized that Gob was deflecting, and he insisted, "You need to get treated for the syphilis. Come with me and I'll take you to my doctor right now." Actually, he would probably have to make an appointment with the doctor. But maybe Michael could take him to a hospital emergency room instead. Gob must have had syphilis for at least a couple of years now. It was serious, and he had to take care of his brother.

"No," Gob refused to go. "I deserve this, Michael."

"No you don't! Gob, what if that lipstick message had been about HIV, not syphilis? You could have been dead by now because you didn't even get treated at all. You have to take care of yourself."

Instead of protesting that he could take care of himself, as usual, Gob said something far worse. "What's the point now? I'm 43, and I can't take another 60 or so years of this guilt and shame and misery over what I did to you, Michael. What do I have to live for?" He didn't deserve love with somebody else.

Michael was too shocked to speak at first. "You mean you want to die?"

Gob tried to be reassuring. "I'll help you for as long as I can, Michael. You'll get better, and then when I'm gone, you'll get all my money and stuffs. I put it into my will already." Gob had hired Bob Loblaw as his lawyer.

"Gob!" Michael couldn't stand that he was talking like this. Being self-destructive, and slowly killing himself. Gob thought he was worthless, instead of someone rare and precious and kind. "No, no! I don't want you to die. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't deserve this."

"I do! I wrecked you."

"No! They wrecked us." Michael tried to hug him. "We were broken, and I loved you."

Gob backed away, afraid that Michael was trying to seduce him. "It's wrong, Michael."

Michael sat down and cried. "You were the only one who understood me, Gob. You were my best friend." That meant love, didn't it? People were always calling their spouses their "best friends" at weddings and other romantic occasions. "You saved me and protected me. You made me happy."

"No, that wasn't happy. You were just faking it."

Michael shook his head. "Gob, don't kill yourself. I don't want your money. I want you to live. To be my brother and my friend. I want you to get better and be happy." Even if it wasn't with him, even if they never got back together as lovers. "You should live for 60 more years, or however long you can." Medicine would probably get better by then, if Gob could just survive that long. "You deserve a better life than this." Stupid Mark Cherry and the entourage, for not taking care of Gob! "I want you to be happy."

Gob shook his head and still felt ashamed. He couldn't be happy, but Michael just didn't know any better. Gob sat down with a sigh, and he tried to tell Michael that he needed to make up with George Michael while Gob could still help him. That would make him happy.

Michael shook his head and realized he was an idiot. He felt guilty that he didn't see the signs before about Gob being miserable and suicidal. After all, back in 2004, Gob had genuinely tried to hang himself once when grilled by Wayne Jarvis at the Bluth Company. When Michael soon caught him with his pants down, Gob claimed that it was fake, to fool the prosecutor into thinking he knew nothing incriminating. However, Michael had afterward checked the security cameras and had seen the footage, so he knew that Gob had really panicked. Then Michael shielded Gob from any more illegal stuff at the company, as well as the secret of Dad hiding in the model home attic. He had to protect his brother.

Apparently Michael still had to protect Gob now. Their parents had wrecked him into feeling worthless, and the drugs had ruined his brain, and the therapists were incompetent, and the entourage were just Hollywood kids who were fucked up too. Gob was still Michael's responsibility. He should have cared more and seen through the lies. Michael should have nagged Gob about the syphilis more. In Malibu, he should have realized Gob was sick even before he saw the bathroom mirror, but he had been so selfish, focused on his job search and his happiness at reuniting with Gob.

Michael felt like a horrible brother. This was like when he quit the family in 2006, and he decided not to fight Gob's engagement or come to his wedding illusion. He wallowed in self-pity and only focused on his own problems in Sudden Valley, so he wasn't there to rescue Gob from the boulder and the storage unit.

Or it was like him dating Rita and never realizing the truth about her because he was too self-involved. Michael felt awful for not getting Gob help for the roofies too. He knew something was wrong when Gob kept zoning out. He thought he was good for Gob, that he could take care of Gob, but instead it seemed like Michael was incompetent at taking care of him.

Gob was still rambling on and apologizing for the incest again, "I was selfish to seduce you. It's just, you're the only one who loves me, and I wanted to be loved."

Michael finally protested. "No, Gob. I'm not the only one. Marta loved you. Your almost-wife loved you."

"She said she doesn't love me anymore."

"But she loved you before the hospital, and she was gonna marry you. Other people can love you too, if you just give them a chance to know you and be close. I mean, Bix seems to want to be with you." He tried to swallow his jealousy.

Gob insisted, "I'm not gay."

Michael felt horrible that Gob couldn't get over his denial after all these years. Why couldn't he find a competent therapist? Were there just not enough therapists who worked on things like incest? He shrugged and placated Gob for now, "Or maybe you could love a woman back. Maybe Lucille 2 was good for you, because she knows how special you are. But you keep looking for escape routes all the time, Gob. Maybe I was just an escape for you too. I don't know. I wish I could help you and make you happy, but if it's not meant to be..." It broke his heart to know that he was terrible for Gob, and hadn't helped him at all.

Gob spoke tenderly, "I love you, Michael. You were my brother and I should have taken care of you. I tried to, but we got so fucked up."

"I know. I tried to take care of you too. I wanted to help you. You were everything to me."

"I want us to be friends now. Can we do that?"

Michael nodded. "But you should see a doctor about your syphilis, Gob. Do it right away, before you get worse. And you should get another therapist."

Gob shrugged and placated him with a lie. "I'll try, but you should make up with George Michael, like Pete says. Do whatever he wants. He can take care of you like I couldn't." Hmm, maybe he could get Bob Loblaw to make Pete the executor in his will. He trusted Pete.

Michael nodded and hugged him. "Take care of yourself, Gob. I want you to be happy, I do. Whoever you do fall in love with, whenever you do, they're going to be so lucky."

Gob said, "You too, Mikey. You can find a new guy and make it work. You'll be okay." He kissed Michael's cheek, then got up to go.

Michael sighed and watched Gob drive away. Then he shut the door and went inside to get a drink. He sat down and felt depressed that Pete might be right after all about the incest being wrong. Michael could see now that their sexual relationship was unhealthy and doomed all along. It was like Tracey had told him years ago. They were co-dependent and damaged, clinging together in the absence of anyone else to talk to and be their friend. It was shared misery, not love.

Michael accepted now that he and Gob were mutually destructive, and they should never resume the affair, even if they ever got tempted by loneliness. He felt so awful.

* * *

Later that night, Michael told Pete how things went with Gob, and what he had realized.

Pete was glad that Michael finally was letting go of the incest and admitting that it was not real love. He tried to comfort Michael, and he said that Michael shouldn't talk to Gob again until he got better and had a new therapist.

Michael agreed and cried, hoping that Gob would see a doctor about his syphilis soon.

Pete said, "I'll try to keep on him about that and make him listen to me." He asked if Michael wanted to go to therapy too now.

Michael hesitated, then he asked with worry, "Pete, do you think that George Michael is really normal, or is he just faking it?"

"What do you mean? You're worried about him and his cousin Maeby?"

Michael said that George Michael loved his mother a lot. "I couldn't tell if it was normal love or too much, like with Buster and Mom." Normal people might love their mothers, but Michael couldn't ever imagine loving his own mother. "He seemed okay while Tracey was alive, and she wasn't worried. She said he didn't have many friends at school, and she liked being there for him. He was sweet and shy. But after Tracey died, I noticed that George Michael seemed to hate me and disobey me more and more."

Pete was surprised by the suggestion of an oedipal complex, and he pointed out that George Michael had legitimate reasons to hate his father that had nothing to do with his mother. "You neglected him and lied to him. You tried to put him into schools like Milford against his will. You openly hated his girlfriend and still can't remember her name."

Michael said, "I know, but one time Mom kidnapped George Michael to go to a Motherboy competition and he didn't even try to escape until I came for him. Buster said George Michael was the new Buster."

"He always seemed like a normal kid to me." Granted, Pete had only seen the boy occasionally in his capacity as a mailman. "But then again, I didn't know he had a crush on his cousin until you told me about it."

"That's his Bluth half coming out. Getting fixated on that movie and being in a mock wedding with her." Michael still didn't know that the mock wedding turned out to be legal, or that a marriage certificate was mailed soon after. Pete didn't read that piece of mail either.

Pete said, "Well, maybe he needs therapy too. You can talk about it with him, and you can confess more about why you need therapy." Such as the incest.

"I guess so. You'll help me, right?"

"Sure, Michael."

After he went home that night and went to bed, Michael thought about his son's crush on Maeby and the feeble advice he gave him then. Thinking of Gob, he tried to follow his own advice, that being with family was not an option. Not even if you pretend that you're not family. Not even if you pretend you're normal.


	42. Death of a Mailman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael grieves, and Gob visits. As I said before, the R.I.Pete mail truck from 2008 made no sense, so I've moved it here to Pete's actual funeral.

Pete died. It happened suddenly in October 2011, when he was delivering mail to Michael and had a heart attack out of the blue. Michael was horrified and rushed to his side. "Oh God. Come here, let me take you in my car, and I can drive you out of here." Then they could get phone reception and call 911 for an ambulance.

Pete found it too painful too move, and he collapsed on the lawn.

"Pete!"

Pete told Michael, "If I don't make it... call my kids."

"I will, but you're gonna make it. You'll be fine."

"Your son... make up... tell him... truth."

"I can't, I can't. I don't know how. Not without you, Pete."

"You can... therapy... love each other."

Michael could see Pete getting worse, and he didn't want to waste more valuable time. He got out his phone and ran toward the hills, desperately trying to get a signal. "Hang on, Pete!"

Meanwhile, on the lawn Pete repeated, "Love each other."

Of course Michael didn't succeed in reaching 911, and he came back to find Pete already gone. Why was the universe so unfair, to take such a good man too soon? He was a great man.

Michael cried over losing his friend, his best friend since Gob, and the only normal friend he'd ever made. He'd had acquaintances and lovers and even a wife once, but no one else that he'd confided in so much. It was all his fault for building Sudden Valley this way, too, with the community pool that severed the main information cable.

It took Michael a while to get in his car and drive out, so he could call for help. Help that was far too late, of course.

* * *

As promised, Michael called Pete's kids, along with his ex-wife, who all came back to make funeral arrangements. Pete's bowling friends and his work friends came as well, and Michael tried to grieve with them, but they didn't seem to understand how much Pete meant to him. Before his death, Pete had mentioned some of Michael's family problems to his grownup kids, but not the full truth to his more casual friends and acquaintances.

Many people praised what a kind, cheerful, and generous man Pete was. Michael agreed and missed him dearly. He felt that Pete was a saint, maybe more so than even Tracey had been. He had been so patient and put up with so much, with no ulterior motive.

Michael almost wanted to get up to say something during the eulogy, but he didn't know any of the people there, and he could see that Pete's kids looked uncomfortable being near him. To them, he was their father's weird friend with a fucked up childhood, but they personally did not know him well or understand why their father had helped him for so long. Sure, they could understand their father feeling pity about the incest at first, but as the months and years passed, they did not see why Pete put up with Michael avoiding therapy for so long. If Michael was too stubborn to get help or even be honest with his own son, then why stick around?

Still, Michael was also the guy with Pete when he died, so out of the politeness, the two siblings shook hands with Michael, and thanked him for at least trying to save their dad.

Michael felt ashamed. "It was my fault there was no cellphone reception. Please forgive me."

Pete's daughter Janice tried to be reassuring. "We don't blame you. You did your best."

"Yeah, that heart attack could have happened anywhere along his mail route. He might have died in front of some stranger's house. At least he knew you." Pete Jr. bit his lip to keep from adding, "even if you are crazy."

Michael felt grateful for their kindness, and he hugged them, but they both felt awkward about it. They broke away, saying they would go join their mother who was talking to another guest. Janice only paused to say to Michael, "Get some therapy like Dad wanted, okay?"

"Okay." He watched them walk away and rejoin their mother. He felt so alone, without any anchor.

* * *

When Michael left the funeral, he returned to his house to drink the rest of the depressing day away. He did think about going to see a therapist, since that was what Pete, as well as his kids, seemed to want, but ever since Gob's visit months ago, Michael had become distrustful of therapists. He didn't know how to find a therapist who was not incompetent, and he still worried that he would not be able to confess his feelings to a stranger. This also made him leery of suggesting therapy to George Michael. Besides, if Michael kept delaying any confession to his son, then maybe it would keep Gob from trying to kill himself. He wanted to be there to help Michael, didn't he?

As promised, Pete had nagged Gob about both syphilis and therapy over the phone for a few weeks after his visit. Gob finally said that he would check into rehab and there would be a therapist there as well. That could have been a lie, but Pete couldn't go up to Malibu to confirm or deny it. Rehabs wouldn't give out information about who was checked in, especially to strangers, and even if he did check in, Gob could easily escape, given that he helped break Lucille out of the Shady Pines clinic years ago. Pete had tried to just focus on Michael while hoping that Gob sincerely got some medical help.

Michael finished another liquor bottle, then sat back on the couch with a sigh. He felt sad that he didn't have more photos of Pete to remember him by. He just had a couple of photos from one time when Pete took him to Legoland to cheer him up. Michael missed him so much.

The next day, Michael went to town for internet access so that he could look up various therapists in the area. But he quickly chickened out again and distracted himself with a new idea. Many of Pete's coworkers at the funeral had decorated their mail trucks with special R.I.Pete signs, and they made a nice procession together.

So Michael decided to put up a memorial to Pete in Sudden Valley. He thought about putting up a plaque, but could not come up with any words that didn't feel inadequate. So instead he settled on a mailbox that played "Amazing Grace."

Michael brought it home and installed the musical mailbox on the lawn where he died. It looked nice, though he felt sad that no one would see the memorial but him and the next mailman who was assigned to the route. So he thought about trying to get customers for Sudden Valley again. But how?

Getting an idea, Michael went to town and sent an email to Gob, asking if they could meet. He mentioned Pete's funeral in passing, then asked how Gob was doing now. Then Michael went grocery shopping.

Later that day, Gob read the message and was shocked. Instead of emailing back, Gob tried to call Michael, but got no answer. He must be at home in Sudden Valley. It was only 2:00, so Gob got in the limo to drive there.

He hoped that Michael was not getting drunk or crazy again. Pulling up to the house, Gob honked the horn and parked the car.

Michael came outside in surprise, and Gob rushed to hug him. "Why didn't you tell me about Pete before? I missed the funeral."

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd be too busy with the entourage." Or maybe therapy.

"Not for Pete. Not for you."

Michael looked touched and asked, "Do you wanna see the memorial I put up?"

"Yeah."

So Michael showed him the mailbox, marked with Pete's full name, and he made it play "Amazing Grace."

Gob said, "That's great."

"It's not too corny?" Michael asked. "It's just, he meant a lot to me."

"The man was a saint," Gob said, "with a huge heart."

Michael smiled to see that Gob understood him. He looked at Gob closely now, trying to assess his health and whether he'd really gone to rehab. Gob looked well actually, and Michael hugged him in relief.

He didn't realize, though, that Gob had just become good at hiding his illness from the entourage as well as from his brother. Also Lucille Austero had commented on his appearance when he went to visit her months ago, and she tried to make him go to the hospital and make up with his brother too. He told her instead that he had made up with Michael already and wanted to help him about his debt. Lucille 2 was happy for the brothers, but said she could wait about the money, because Gob looked so ill and needed to be in the hospital. Gob managed to deflect and say that he preferred to go to his doctor in Malibu, and he left.

Gob only looked better now because he gave up on his crazy diet and started taking care of himself a little; he wanted to stay healthy enough so he could live to see Michael getting a new boyfriend and making up with George Michael when he came back from Spain. He had to be there for his brother.

Still standing by the mailbox, Gob patted Michael comfortingly. "I'm so glad that you had a friend, Michael."

"Me too."

They listened to the song finish, then went inside to talk. Gob asked how Pete died, so Michael explained about his heart attack and his last words.

"Wow." Gob wished that he still had his magic props or a "love each other" sign. "I could have added it to the memorial."

"That's all right, Gob. I'm glad you came."

"So how are you doing now, Michael?" Gob already knew that Michael wasn't in therapy yet, or at least he wasn't paying for it with the credit card. He didn't want to bring up the subject, though, lest Michael ask about Gob's new therapist yet. Gob was an excellent liar, but it was getting hard to keep track of all the names and lies.

"I'm okay. You look good too. I'm glad you got better."

Gob just shrugged and asked, "Why did you email me, if it was too late for Pete's funeral?"

Michael said, "Well I need your help, Gob. I want to try to get the phones working here, so that nobody else will ever die because of no 911 service." He felt that was more important than therapy.

"Sure, Michael." So they discussed that, and he agreed to help contact the phone company and find out how much it would cost to restore phone service.

"Hey, maybe you could help me get the internet and TV working too," Michael suggested. "If those things were fixed, then I could finally attract some customers." He felt guilty for being dependent on his brother for so long.

Gob thought that was a good idea. "How much would that cost?"

"I'm not sure. I'd have to contact some companies and ask for an estimate. They might have to dig up the community pool and reroute all the cables. Or maybe they could install a big TV antenna somewhere."

"Sure. Or get satellite TV dishes."

"Yeah. So can you work on that, and get them to mail me some written estimates on how much it will cost? I mean, you can ask for written copies too, since you're paying for it. I'll pay you back as soon as I can get customers, you know."

"Sure." Gob gave him a hug and said he was glad that Michael was all right. Then he said goodbye for now and headed for the limo.

Michael watched him go and was glad that Gob was his friend again.

* * *

Over several days the brothers continued to call or email each other about situation, while still deflecting from the fact that neither one was in therapy. Michael meanwhile started visiting each of the houses in Sudden Valley to inspect them and make sure they were in good condition to be shown off to customers. He had neglected to care for all the houses after he left for Malibu, and even when he returned he hadn't inspected them. Michael didn't reach the model home yet, and wouldn't for some days yet. He needed to document each home carefully so that he would know how long it would take to fix them up. Hopefully he wouldn't be dependent on Gob's money for too long.

Unfortunately, Gob discovered that it was a Catch-22 to get Sudden Valley fixed. The phone company didn't want to go through the trouble and expense of rerouting wires in the valley if there were no residents in the houses. Besides, everyone was using cellphones now instead of landlines. They could only profitably bundle landline packages with internet and cable TV, and again, the phone company would not go through that expense in a neighborhood that had remained empty for years. It was a ghost town.

Cable companies responded the same way, and Michael felt frustrated that he couldn't get anything fixed. That he was still a failure. In bed he tried to relieve his frustration with sex, but since he hadn't dated anyone since Joe, he was alone. He tried to fantasize about Kenny or Joe to get off, or even recall his female lovers, but he found himself thinking about Gob sometimes too. He told himself that this was wrong, but that just made him think it was hot wrong.

Michael tried to recall that he was terrible for Gob, and that Gob had been a bad boyfriend both times they were together. But Gob had been good sometimes too. He held Michael in bed, making him feel safe and protected, and he sang to him about love. Gob was the only reason that Michael even knew what love and friendship felt like when he was a kid. Without Gob, those things would have been just abstract concepts, like the special connection that he always read about twins having. Gob taught Michael that love was real and not just fairy tale garbage pushed by TV and movies onto deluded normal people. He showed him that love was good and made you not feel alone.

Dad had often claimed to love Michael as his favorite son, but it was a fucked up love full of lies and manipulation. Mom and Dad claimed to love each other but fought all the time about cheating and drinking. Gob had shown him brotherly love as kids, so it seemed only natural to Michael that Gob would show him romantic love as well, especially before Tracey started to love him back. Even when she did love him, Michael still longed for a love where he could show his real face and not feel alone. Ever since their last breakup in 2009, it was hard to accept that he shouldn't love Gob that way anymore.

During the day time, Michael also found himself talking to Pete's photo so he could fill up the silence in the house. "I wish you were still here, Pete, to give me advice. Even just to talk." But then he started talking as if Pete really could hear him in heaven and Michael realized that he was going a little crazy, like Gob with Franklin.

Gob returned to Newport Beach to visit Pete's grave with Michael. He kept visiting Michael afterward to try to comfort him about Sudden Valley and make sure he was not losing control without Pete around. He innocently hugged and touched Michael more often, only intending to figure out how to be friends and brothers again. Michael had to pull away sometimes, though, because of the way that Gob's touch affected him still.

Feeling guilty, Gob tried to cheer his brother up. Maybe if Lucille Austero won an election next year, she could use political influence to make the phone company help Michael. Or maybe he could get Mark Cherry to buy a house in Sudden Valley, and use his celebrity influence with the phone company.

"Are you sure?" Michael asked if Gob told them that he was Michael Bluth, not Michael Bee.

Gob frowned and admitted that he hadn't, for he knew that the entourage wouldn't understand about the incest or lies. Dammit! He would have to figure out how to either explain about Michael Bee being his brother, or somehow keep Mark Cherry from meeting his brother while buying the house. Neither possibility seemed likely.

So instead he offered to bring Nellie the whore to live here, or at least use the houses for her business. She could pay rent and make it look like Michael could attract customers after all.

Michael shook his head and said no, the phone and internet companies would not look kindly on the valley becoming a brothel. Besides, he didn't want to live near a prostitute, especially one that looked like him and made more money than him. It would make him feel even more like a failure.

Gob remembered belatedly, "Oh, I still can't find Franklin, so she won't quit her new pimp to come back and work for me."

Michael sighed and patted his shoulder, saying that Gob didn't have to feel responsible for him and shouldn't visit him so much. Go back to Malibu and get on with his own life.

Worried, Gob leaned near. "You don't hate me now, do you? You still like me?"

"Of course I do, Gob." He met his eyes and murmured, "I love you." And that was the strangest part, that he loved him as a brother and also as a lover.

Gob said, "Good. I'm glad you forgive me, Michael. Don't be stubborn and have too much pride. I just want to help you."

"I know. But you can't." He shouldn't be dependent on Gob anymore.

Gob didn't listen and got an idea, "Hey maybe I can bring the sick bees here and you can try to get them to make honey." Of course, that would require that the bees get well, and that Michael learn about beekeeping.

Michael started to protest again, but Gob insisted, "Just give me some time to work something out. Don't worry. I'll take care of you, Mikey." He kissed his cheek and then left for his limo again. He waved goodbye, then drove back to Malibu.

Michael sighed. "This isn't working."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've no idea how much it would cost to restore phone, internet, and TV service to Sudden Valley, but it must be prohibitively expensive since Michael did not fix it for years. Yet as Season 4 gets closer to Cinco de Cuatro, the phone service gets restored without explanation. (See Gob's cellphone working multiple times in the model home, and Maeby also calling her mother to arrange the Balboa Country Club dinner. Even Steve Holt's phone works when Gob calls him about going to the Gothic Castle.) It's too many times to be a fluke, so someone must have fixed Sudden Valley's phone reception somehow. I'll be relying on that fact too in a later chapter, so keep it in mind.


	43. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael leaves with good intentions, and Maeby confronts Gob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 4 is a little confusing about Michael's luggage, since he only brings a paper bag of clothes to campus when he first moves in with George Michael in 2011. Yet months later he has empty luggage that he takes with him to the airport. George Michael also has luggage when he gets evicted, even though he arrived at campus without his trunk that fell off the staircar. Possibly he bought the luggage for his trip to Spain, though.

After Gob left, Michael went back inside his house and felt depressed. He sat down for a drink, and soon decided that he had to move out of Sudden Valley. Being alone in the neighborhood was not good for him and would only make him go crazy. He was already tempted to kiss Gob again even though he knew that would be stupid and destructive to them both. Even if Gob stopped and rejected him, things would become awkward and weird between them.

Besides, he suspected that any scheme that Gob came up with to help out was doomed to cause him trouble with Mark Cherry.

Michael needed a normalizing influence, an anchor like Pete. He thought of George Michael, who was back from Spain and recently sent an email saying that he got a double room for his senior year. Michael could join him, and be a better father like Pete told him to be. Plus, he could take classes online and try to finish law school. He needed to get a new career and provide for his son again.

So he wrote a letter to Gob saying goodbye and telling him to forget about fixing Sudden Valley or trying to help him. He included the letter with the laptop and went to a post office to mail the package to Malibu. Luckily, he remembered at the last minute to write the sender's name as Michael Bee instead of Michael Bluth, in case the entourage saw the package. His brother would get it in a few days and see that Michael was really serious about not being a burden on him anymore.

Back at his house, Michael packed his stuff and then started to load the luggage into the Camaro. However, this reminded him of when he left the hotel in Malibu in 2009, and it brought up painful memories.

Michael sighed and realized that if he took the car with him to campus, it would remind him of Gob constantly. Even if he gave the car to George Michael as a welcome home present, that wouldn't help Michael forget Gob. Also his son might ask awkward questions about why Gob would give Michael such an extravagant gift, let alone allow him to keep it after they fought and he returned to Sudden Valley.

Plus, Michael still had his debt to Lucille Austero. She might be upset about him leaving town again without telling her or paying her. Maybe it was better to give the car to her.

So Michael took the luggage out of the trunk and brought it back inside the house. He considered dropping off the car at Lucille Austero's place, but he was afraid that she'd try to kiss him again if he saw her in person. Could he just write a letter to her too and mail her the car keys so she could come pick it up herself?

But then he would have to take a bus to UC Irvine, and it would be inconvenient to bring so much luggage with him. Michael started to unpack his stuff so he could take fewer bags with him. In fact, why take the luggage at all? He could sell the luggage set and use the money to pay for law school himself. He needed to wean himself off using the credit card constantly, and save it only for emergencies.

So Michael unpacked all the luggage and just put a few clothes and things inside a paper bag. He didn't need more than that, because he could share stuff with George Michael.

Michael then took the empty luggage set back to the car, and he drove into town. He found a pawnshop and sold all the luggage there. He also called Lucille 2 to tell her that he was leaving Newport Beach to be with his son and go back to law school. He was relieved that she wasn't home at the moment, so he could just leave a voicemail message. Yeah, that would be better than sending her a letter. So after explaining about his move and asking her to accept the car as a payment, Michael hung up and drove back to Sudden Valley.

As he put his bag of clothes into the basket of his bike, he realized that he didn't have a padded envelope or stamps to mail the car keys with, so he just left them inside the Camaro and left the door unlocked. He could call Lucille Austero while he was on the bus to let her know that the keys were inside. That done, Michael got on his bike and rode to the bus stop.

However, after Michael left Sudden Valley, but before Lucille Austero came by for the car, Maeby decided to steal it.

She initially went up to the car to damage it so that Michael would quit going around Sudden Valley inspecting the houses. It was hard for her to keep hidden in the model home, and she was reconsidering her idea to blackmail him, especially since she saw Uncle Gob's limo hanging around again lately. Uncle Mike was such a whore and a hypocrite!

Then she noticed the keys left inside the car, and she found that the door was unlocked. Freebie. Maeby didn't want to keep the car for herself, in case Michael ever had sex with Gob inside it, but she drove it away to the model home just to spite him. Taking the keys, she went inside the house and packed her bags. She figured that when Michael came to see her about the car, she would confront him about the incest and make him agree to put her up in a decent apartment with whatever money Gob was giving him.

So when Lucille Austero arrived in a limo, she did not see the Camaro where Michael said he would leave it. Had he changed his mind and taken it with him? After her chauffeur drove her out of the valley, she called Michael, and he answered at George Michael's dorm.

"What? No, I didn't take it." He said someone must have stolen it. He left the keys in it because he thought Sudden Valley was deserted and safe. "I'm sorry."

Lucille was fine with that explanation, and she said that he didn't have to make a payment on his debt just now, what with his plans to go back to law school. "I hope you finish your degree soon, and when you become a lawyer, you can work for me maybe." For free possibly, due to his debt.

"Um, okay," Michael agreed. It was a relief to have a guaranteed job, although he was a little worried that she would keep trying to kiss him if he worked for her. Maybe he would eventually have to tell her that he didn't feel comfortable, given her prior relationships with Buster and Gob. Michael regretted trying to flirt with her in 2005 to get her to sell her company shares back; she seemed to think he was genuinely interested because of that.

So he said thanks again for the loan extension, and he hung up the phone. 

George Michael asked who he was talking to, and if he needed to go back to Sudden Valley to handle whatever happened to the car.

Michael told him that it was Lucille Austero, and he lied that the car was hers (he'd meant to give it to her after all), and he'd only borrowed it for a little while. But no, Michael didn't have to go back now, and finally he would be here for George Michael, with no family dragging him away anymore. He gave him a hug.

George Michael sighed at the irony that his father was never there when he needed him as a kid, and now he was here when he didn't want or need him at all. He pulled back from the hug and deflected by asking, "Lucille Austero? Who's that?"

"You know, Lucille 2. Gangee's neighbor and archnemesis. She was Buster's first girlfriend. You tried to buy pot for her vertigo, and also met her once at a party at the penthouse. Remember, she bought out my Bluth Company shares in 2006 and loaned me money for Sudden Valley." He didn't want to mention her dating Gob too, lest he betray his jealousy about it.

"Oh. That was a long time ago." George Michael shrugged it off. "Before Spain." He began to tell his father about his two years in Spain, but he edited out the part about having sex with the Spanish woman.

Michael listened as he unpacked, but he privately wondered if George Michael had memory problems or was blocking stuff out about Lucille Austero. Maybe he was still mad about having to tear up the check at his graduation party. Michael would have to try to make it up to him and fix him.

Privately, George Michael was not pleased to have his father move in, but he couldn't say no, what with him grieving about the death of his friend Pete. George Michael figured that his father would feel better after spending the holidays with him, and he would return to Sudden Valley before the next semester. Sure, he wouldn't have any internet access there, but George Michael figured that his father could keep going into town for internet, or stay at the penthouse with uncle Buster. It had been five years after all. Why stay out of the family so long? Why not try to make up again, like he had made up with Uncle Gob, at least temporarily?

Michael of course chickened out of confessing about Gob, or even his last boyfriend Joe. He couldn't be a better father if George Michael kicked him out of the dorm due to homophobia. Michael needed to work on fixing him first and make sure that Spain hadn't corrupted him beyond growing that horrible mustache.

* * *

At first Maeby still thought that Michael was living in Sudden Valley, and she kept expecting him to come looking for the Camaro.

However, he didn't come, even when she drove by his house and honked the horn tauntingly. Getting out of the car, Maeby then finally noticed the new mailbox which was a memorial to Pete Baker. Oh, that mailman died? Come to think of it, nobody had delivered mail to this house for a while. Uncle Mike must have moved out of Sudden Valley again. Did he go back to live with Uncle Gob? What a whore he was!

Maeby decided to sell the Camaro for money, and she drove to town to haggle for as good a price as she could get on short notice. However, before she could rent an apartment and move out of the model home, she ran into Uncle Gob.

* * *

Soon after Lucille Austero called about the car, Michael decided to email Gob to tell him that the Camaro was stolen, and to report it to the police so he could get an insurance payment. That would certainly make him feel better to not owe Gob so much money. "I mean, don't tell them that I left the keys in it. Say it was broken into or something."

When he read the message, Gob called his cellphone and felt worried about the car getting stolen. "Why'd you leave the car like that? Are you all right?" He wondered if his brother was getting drunk and crazy.

Michael was glad that George Michael was currently out with his college friend Ray who had graduated already, but came to visit and ask about Spain. "Yeah I'm fine, Gob. I wasn't even there when the car was stolen. I already left Sudden Valley."

"What? Why?"

"I was tired of nothing working there, and not having a job, and being a burden to you."

"You're not--"

"Gob, come on. I don't want to get into it now. I already sent you a letter to explain all this, so just wait for it please. It's in a package, and you should get it soon."

"Oh, a package?"

"Yeah. Anyway don't worry about me anymore. I decided to move in with George Michael at his college. I'm gonna go back to law school and try to make up for neglecting him."

"Oh." Gob was surprised but also felt better to know that Michael wasn't alone. "You want me to come over too? Try to make up with him?

"No, not yet, Gob. He's come back a bit weird, so I have to fix him. Besides, Pete always said to wait until he came home to confess everything. I can't risk having a big fight with him here on campus, or distracting him from his senior year too much. So we'll all sit down next year in Sudden Valley and try talk things through. Maybe we'll even have a therapist there. For now, just go back to your own life, Gob. Have fun and don't worry about me so much."

"Okay," Gob said. "Good luck with George Michael."

"Thanks. Don't forget to report the car stolen. Bye." Michael hung up.

* * *

After Gob received the package the next day, he read through the letter and felt sad that Michael felt like he was going crazy in Sudden Valley and that Gob's presence had made it worse, not better. Michael's letter ended with, "Maybe you don't need this laptop back since it's so old, but I guess you could sell it for money or something. I'll still keep the phone and credit card for emergencies, in case George Michael has an accident or something. I don't have any insurance to cover him, you know. But thank you for everything you did for me, Gob. I'm gonna try to get back on my own feet now, and I don't want you to worry. It's my responsibility, not yours. I hope the next time I see you, that I can pay you back. I'll try to get better too, and not think of you the wrong way anymore. Thanks again, Michael."

Gob sighed and put aside the laptop. He didn't really need it, since Mark Cherry had been generous and got everybody in the entourage an iPad last year. Besides, the laptop was Josh Abramson's old computer, and if he hadn't asked for it back already, then he didn't want it either. So Gob would sell the laptop later. For now he had to deal with the stolen Camaro. Gob didn't think the story about the car getting stolen in Sudden Valley would be convincing to the police or the insurance claims agent. Sudden Valley was a ghost town. However, maybe Gob could go and figure out what really happened to the car. Maybe it wasn't stolen, but Lucille Austero just got confused about the directions and went to the wrong house.

In any case, Gob drove the limo back to Sudden Valley so he could look for the car. He parked by the house and took a moment to stand sadly at the mailbox again. He wished that Pete hadn't died. Hmm, maybe he could make a "Love Each Other" banner, if he could just figure out how to print from the iPad? Or maybe the laptop would work better, if he could hook it up to a printer at Mark Cherry's business manager's office.

After thinking about that, Gob then started to look around for the Camaro, which he didn't see anywhere nearby. How did it disappear? Was it really stolen? While Gob was puzzling that through, Maeby came along.

Coming home from school and riding on her bike, she was shocked to see the limo in front of the house again. Before she could stop and hide, Gob heard her bike and turned around.

"Maeby?" He hadn't seen her in a few years and was surprised.

Crap! Was he coming back here with Michael? Were they both going to live here now? Then she better hurry and get her packed bags so she could leave.

Gob rushed over to her to stop her from riding away.

She felt scared at first about being caught, but then she stood her ground, realizing that she knew a secret that she could use for blackmail. He was the one with the money apparently. So she got off her bike and said coldly, "Uncle Gob."

He frowned and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Not living with Uncle Mike, that's for sure!"

He didn't notice her accusing tone. "Yeah, he moved out already. Why did you come, to see George Michael?" After all, Maeby might not know that George Michael had postponed his senior year. She might think that he graduated already and had come home.

She got angry. "I don't care about him anymore!" Although she did wonder why he didn't come home the last couple of years. Still, it could be that he found out about his father somehow and decided to stay away. "What are you doing here if you knew he was gone already?"

Gob said, "I was looking for Michael's car. It got stolen."

"Oh that." She felt pleased that she sold it before Gob could come to get it.

Gob was confused. "What, you've seen it? The black Camaro?" How long had she been here in Sudden Valley, if she saw the car before it was stolen? Did she see Michael before he left? Why hadn't he mentioned her?

Maeby nodded smugly. "Yeah, and there's no way he could afford to buy it. So what, did he whore himself out to you so that you'd give him money and stuff?"

Gob was shocked. "No, it wasn't like that! He's not--!" Gob broke off and frowned, realizing that she knew something, even if she got the facts wrong. "Did you see us together? Me and Michael?"

She nodded and grimaced at the thought. "I saw you in the limo once."

"Which time?"

Ew! They did it more than once in the limo? "I don't know. I just know that he's a fucking hypocrite, telling George Michael to break up with me, when we're not even blood related. Unlike you guys! How could you do that to your own brother? I mean, I didn't even think you were gay." Uncle Mike, on the other hand seemed to be bisexual, or at least have phases.

"He was different. He was special. I--" Gob shook his head and felt guilty. "It's over now! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just--" He covered his face and turned away to the limo, trying to control himself. The shame and darkness was creeping up again.

Maeby felt a little shocked to see him so upset. "If it's over, then why do you keep coming around here?"

Gob leaned against the car and answered without turning to look at her. "I was just trying to make sure he was all right. That he wasn't alone now that Pete's gone." Apparently he'd only made things worse, though.

Maeby was skeptical that he was here for non-sexual reasons. "Oh, so the moment that his friend is gone, and can't stop you from coming back, you drop by to talk him into turning tricks again!"

Gob protested, "I didn't--! He's not a whore! He loved me, and I wanted to take care of him. We thought this was..." He trailed off and bit his lip miserably. "I mean, we just got so fucked up. I know you can't understand, Maeby. It's just--we didn't have anybody. We didn't want to be alone, and we needed... We pretended that we could fix each other."

"Fix each other?" She stared at him in confusion and became uncomfortable from his evident emotion. She had previously assumed it was just hatesex and manipulation before. Some sick Bluth power trip playing out between the brothers, due to Michael's desperation for cold hard cash. But Gob was talking like it was love or something.

After the initial shame, it actually felt a little therapeutic to Gob to be honest about the incest. He hadn't had someone to talk to like this since Dr. Harris, or Nellie the whore. It made Gob wonder if this was how George Michael might react to finding out. Could Maeby understand it and forgive him if he explained it all?

So Gob turned to her and said, "I know it was wrong, Maeby. I know. It's just that I was so crazy, and Michael loved me even after all the Boyfights and manipulation when we were kids. Our parents wrecked him, and he became like a robot, you know? So broken."

"Yeah." Maeby had indeed noticed how uptight and obsessed Michael was about work, riding all the employees hard at the company. At home, he pushed George Michael to be super serious about his grades and work too much at the banana stand. Michael's siblings often called him a robot who couldn't cry, and her own father Tobias had accused him of being John Wayne hiding from his emotions. It was one of the few things that he said as a therapist that Maeby thought sounded insightful. Uncle Mike acted very judgmental and superior for someone who had no friends, kept fucking up relationships with women, and was accused of serious crimes just like Pop-pop.

Gob said, "So I tried to take care of him and fix him, Maeby, but I didn't know how. I thought we could be happy if we loved each other, that it would make it okay somehow. But it was just fucked up, and he got worse. I was selfish and blind for so long, but it's over now," he emphasized. "It's been over for years. I'm sorry that it ever happened, or that you saw anything. Are you okay?"

Maeby didn't know what to say and didn't feel like trying to blackmail him now. It seemed like Uncle Gob got fucked up about family, like Maeby got fucked up about both George Michael and Steve Holt. She felt torn between feeling sorry for Gob, and feeling weird because they were still brothers and blood-related, as far as she knew.

Worried, Gob began to wonder again what Maeby was doing here and how long she had been in Sudden Valley if she had seen Michael and him together back when they were still lovers. "What are you doing here, Maeby? Where's your parents?"

She shrugged in annoyance. "How should I know, when they're off cheating on each other and are too busy to remember that I exist?"

Gob felt more confused. "They have an open marriage again? Or they split up? What do you mean they forgot you? You don't live with them anymore?" He could not remember exactly how old she was, but then he realized that she probably should have graduated college, maybe last year if she didn't take extra time like George Michael did. "You have a job yet?"

Ironically, Gob had once seen Maeby years ago on her job, while she was filming on a boat on the ocean, but Gob had been too preoccupied then about trying to capture the seal that ate Buster's hand to notice that Maeby had a job as a movie executive.

Maeby felt bitter about not having a career in Hollywood anymore. She said, "I'm still going to high school," and watched to see if he would care, unlike her own runaway parents.

"What?" At her age? Then he realized that Tobias and Lindsay had fucked her up like Gob had fucked up Steve Holt by abandoning him. He assumed that Maeby just kept flunking for all these years, and perhaps also became an alcoholic without her parents around. "And you're by yourself? Where do you live?"

She shrugged and said, "At the model home. It still has lots of my stuff, and it's not like Uncle Mike ever notices. He's too self-involved, and now he's gone again."

Gob was shocked that Michael hadn't known for years, but in a way it made sense too. "You can't stay here on your own, Maeby. You want to come with me to Malibu?"

"What?" Was that where he lived now? And what kind of job did he have anyway? Whenever Maeby saw him, Gob didn't ever have a chauffeur for his limo, but maybe he was only being discreet and trying not to bring a witness along whenever he visited his brother.

"Yeah, come on, pack your stuff and drive back with me. I'll introduce you to Mark Cherry and my friends." He started to head to the model home. "Maybe they can give you a job or help you get a GED or something."

Maeby wasn't sure that she wanted to go live with Gob, though. She didn't want to work on her GED and get reminded of Jeff. Besides, the last she heard, Marc Cherry the TV showrunner was facing a lawsuit from a fired actress, so Maeby doubted that he could help her. Marc Cherry didn't do reality TV anyway, and scripted shows were a dying medium in her opinion. She did wonder how Gob knew Marc Cherry, though.

Meanwhile, Gob suggested that she could see Steve Holt again too. His son still called him sometimes, and maybe Steve could show Maeby how to fix her life and get over her abandonment.

Maeby didn't want to see Steve Holt either. "No, I--" Then she decided to lie. "No, actually I still live with my mom, Uncle Gob. I was just exaggerating before about being abandoned."

Gob stopped and looked surprised. "Really?"

"It's just that she, um, she put me in a boarding school so that she wouldn't have to take care of me." Lindsay had mentioned that idea in India, after all. "And she spends a lot of time with her weird boyfriend now. He's some crazy tree hugger."

"Oh. And you just came home for the holidays?" It was close to Thanksgiving after all.

She nodded. "Yeah, and she forgot to pick me up from the airport. That's all." The usual crappy parenting.

Gob felt relieved. "So you're not alone, and Lindsay's been hiding out at the model home? Did you guys lose your house?" He'd never been invited over to the huge mansion, but was aware that they'd bought it even with no income back in 2006. But how had they paid for the boarding school? Some kind of loan from the other family members?

She nodded. "We got foreclosed on, and my dad ran off with some actress. I haven't seen him in years." Which was perfectly true.

Gob was surprised by Tobias being with another woman. Maybe he was still in the closet, or the "actress" wasn't really a woman. "Well maybe I should go talk to Lindsay and try to help you guys out." He headed toward the model home again.

She stopped him. "No, um, she's out doing some tree hugger protest with her boyfriend right now."

"Oh, well do you know where it is? Can we go see her, or should we wait for her to get back?" He started to return to the limo while looking at his watch.

Maeby shook her head. "No, um, you don't need to see her. Besides, I've been trying to keep her from finding out about you and Uncle Mike."

"She already knows," he said.

"What?" Maeby was shocked.

Gob said, "Yeah, Michael told her years ago. I guess she was trying to protect you, Maeby. See, she does care about you." He touched her shoulder.

Maeby was not comforted by this at all. In fact she was angry, and she pulled away from Uncle Gob. "You mean, you guys were doing stuff even before 2009? Before Uncle Mike quit the family?" She had assumed that Gob meant that they felt lonely since quitting the family.

Gob nodded and felt guilty again. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

"And Uncle Mike was a fucking hypocrite when he told George Michael to break up with me!" She knew she should let go of George Michael by now, but living in the model home again stirred up memories once more. Her cousin had forgotten and abandoned her, even though he'd married her and seemed to obsessively love her for years.

Gob tried to explain Michael's reasoning, "He was thinking about leaving for Mexico at the time. You know, on my yacht while we were on the Queen Mary. He had just found out I was dating Egg, so he wanted to forget about me too."

"Well, it obviously didn't work."

Indeed, Michael had called him and tried to get back together soon after the Queen Mary. Gob had considered it too, wanting to escape his engagement to Egg. Maybe Michael should have talked to his son about Maeby again, but it was hard to confess about the incest. "Did you love George Michael?" he asked. He wasn't sure how much she reciprocated George Michael's feelings. Had it only been a crush to her, or more?

Maeby didn't want to talk about George Michael or confess about being married. It made her feel pathetic and alone to not let go of him after all these years. So she grabbed her bike where she dropped it, and she told Gob, "I don't want to talk to you anymore, and I don't need your help. Just leave me alone." She rode away.

Gob felt rejected and miserable. But he deserved it, didn't he? For the first affair, as well as the second. For all the years messing up Michael's marriage and his relationship with his son. Maeby had even pulled away from Gob's touch. Perhaps she thought he was a pervert and was trying to seduce her by asking her to live with him in Malibu. He shuddered at the thought and got back into the limo.

Not even remembering about the stolen car anymore, he drove away to Mexico to get more forget-me-nows. Of course, the three-hour drive would make him too late to forget his conversation with Maeby, and he'd have to drive back to Malibu anyway. But at least he would have the pills to make him numb again that night. He realized that maybe George Michael would react the same as Maeby did if he tried to confess about the incest. He'd hate Gob and think of him like a pervert, and he'd be angry at his father too. There was no way to make things right again, and maybe Michael was better off without him. He didn't want Gob's help, after all. Maybe nobody needed him at all. He ruined everything and everyone.


	44. Reason to Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maeby visits her mother, and Buster talks to Tracey in 1993. I figure that he's been mentioned so much, that we need to see him, even though I can't fix his confusing season 4 timeline. I include the scene with Lindsay and Tobias to explain how they each know that Maeby is living in the model home in 2012.

Later, Maeby remembered that she should be mad at her mother too, so she went to visit Lindsay at the penthouse. She knocked on the door and said nothing at first when Lindsay answered it; she was waiting to see if her mother could remember her name without prompting.

Lindsay was shocked to see her daughter, and she asked with a little guilt, "Um, Maeby, how are you?" She hugged her and let her into the penthouse. "Sorry for the mess. I wasn't expecting company." The apartment was smelly and completely trashed from 3 years of living with the ostrich. Only Lucille Austero's intervention kept them from being evicted long ago; she had a soft spot for Lindsay, as well as the rest of the Bluths.

Lindsay sat down on the couch, while Maeby chose the piano bench for looking relatively clean. She said sarcastically, "Love what you've done with the place."

With a shrug, Lindsay asked, "How's your father? He didn't come with you?" Maybe he was parking the car downstairs. "He doesn't want to spend Thanksgiving together, does he?"

"No." Maeby lied that she was living at the model home with Tobias. "I'm still in high school," she confessed, just to see what reaction it would get. Just some concern about her flunking, or even a lame attempt to punish her for bad grades, like years ago, would be welcome.

Lindsay felt relieved that Tobias wasn't living somewhere better than her. "That's good. So Michael let you guys move back to Sudden Valley after I left? I'm glad he's not out of the family anymore. I guess he wanted to help you keep going to school. He always claimed to be a better parent than me." As if! Tracey was the one who raised George Michael to be a good kid.

Maeby was angry that her mother still didn't know her age or care about her. She decided to cut to the chase and she said bluntly, "I found out about Uncle Mike and Uncle Gob having sex. You knew for years, didn't you? Before Uncle Mike quit the family."

Lindsay gasped in shock, and she looked toward the door of Cindy's bedroom, where Marky was trying to feed the ostrich pebbles without getting kicked. (Wild ostriches swallowed pebbles to help their digestion.)

Lindsay beckoned for Maeby to follow her into the dining room, and she whispered, "How did you find out?"

Maeby whispered back, still annoyed, "Tell me how you found out first."

Sitting back in the chair, Lindsay summarized what she could remember of Michael's confession in 2006, but she edited out the part about her trying to have sex with Michael that night. She told Maeby that Michael had been in love with Gob for years, but hid his feelings from his wife. Nothing happened right after Tracey died, but after Michael took over the company, he got close to Gob again. Since the bachelor party, the brothers had an affair, and then they broke up when Gob dated Lucille Austero. "They made up eventually, and Gob made him that Franklin CD, remember? After the fiasco with Rita, Michael wanted to get back together with Gob, but he couldn't because of what's her name the Christian girl. He couldn't get over Gob, even after he found out who she was on the Queen Mary. I bet he took the engagement pretty hard, and that's why he blew up at that family meeting in 2006. You know, saying he was done with all of us and kicking us out of the model home."

Maeby nodded and asked, "God, how could Uncle Mike sneak around so much and claim that he's the good, moral one?" She was mainly upset about Michael lying to his wife Tracey and also George Michael later.

Lindsay thought Maeby just couldn't understand about the sex. "Michael's only turned on by real siblings, I guess, because of thrill of the forbidden. That's why he didn't want to marry me after I found out that I was adopted. He's weird like that."

Maeby felt angry and regretted that she barely remembered Aunt Tracy, from the few times in the 1990s when her parents came back from Boston to visit. Even if Aunt Tracy really was a golddigger (like Pop-pop always said), she had suffered plenty for her mistake in marrying Uncle Mike. Maeby decided that she was better off being abandoned by George Michael, and not having a real marriage with him. If he was just like his father, then he'd be a terrible boyfriend, let alone husband.

Lindsay asked Maeby again how she found out about the incest, and Maeby said, "They got back together for a while in 2009, but Uncle Gob finally came to his senses and ended it for good." Maeby hoped that Uncle Gob realized what a horribly selfish person Uncle Mike was. He was so fucked up, and dragging other people down with him.

Lindsay tried to ask for more details, to know if Tobias had found out too and tried to help with therapy, even if it was incompetent.

Maeby didn't want to tell her mother any more, though. She didn't want to explain about the car she stole or how Uncle Gob offered her a place to live and to help her get a new job. She didn't want Lindsay to get greedy and try to suck money out of Uncle Gob for any of Marky's harebrained schemes.

Maeby looked at her watch and said she had to leave because her dad was picking her up now.

"Oh, okay, Maeby. Have a good Thanksgiving. I hope you guys are getting along with Michael okay." She gave Maeby an awkward hug before showing her out.

Maeby sighed and went back to the model home. She didn't think that she needed to move out anymore now that she was over George Michael. She needed to save her money from selling the car, so that it would last until her next royalty check from the Gangie movies. 

At least she could have a nice Thanksgiving meal, even if it wasn't with her parents. That Thanksgiving miracle at the Chinese restaurant years ago had been the only good memory they had together as a family. Perhaps she could splurge and have a good Christmas too.

* * *

After Maeby left the penthouse, Lindsay felt bad and looked up Tobias's cellphone number, hoping that he kept the same number still in hopes of getting auditions from his glittery resumes that he sent around Hollywood.

Luckily, the phone number was indeed working, and Tobias answered in surprise. Hopefully Lindsay was just calling because of Thanksgiving, not because she wanted to start formal divorce proceedings; Tobias could not afford a lawyer.

"Hi, Tobias. How's your career going?"

"Great!" he said with bravado. However, he was currently living in a cheap motel with DeBrie. Her frequent hospital visits cost a lot of money, and they couldn't get TV acting gigs anymore. They were now trying to make a living on the streets in Hollywood, but it was proving difficult to hide from the lawyers defending the Marvel character rights. DeBrie suggested that she could use her law degree to support them, but he didn't want her to give up on their acting dream, just like he didn't want to go back to being a therapist.

Lindsay said, "I'm concerned about Maeby still being in high school at her age." Although Lindsay thought her daughter was just 18 or 19 now, when she was really 22 already. "Can't you help her at all?"

Tobias assumed that Lindsay was being mean and pointing out that he hadn't visited or called in years. "She's never done well in school, no matter where we sent her. Remember how she dropped out of Openings? And she never said anything after she went away to boarding school in England." (Maeby had never been to boarding school in England, but they didn't know that.)

"Well it doesn't help that she's living in the model home with an oblivious parent!"

Tobias was stunned that Lindsay was actually admitting to being an awful parent. He tried to be supportive of her rare moment of honesty. "Being a single parent is hard."

Lindsay softened a little, realizing that he was right. After all, she should have tried to contact Tobias before and asked how Maeby was doing. "I'm sorry for how we ended so suddenly, Tobias. I tried to make it work with you, but I guess we weren't meant to last."

"I know," he sighed, and felt guilty for leaving her at the swapping restaurant in 2008. He suggested to her, "Maeby might do better with some discipline and close attention."

"Yeah, I think so. Anyway, have a happy Thanksgiving with her. Good luck."

Tobias assumed that Lindsay meant Debrie, not Maeby. "You too. You guys can work things out with some heart-to-heart love." He meant Lindsay and Maeby.

Lindsay assumed that Tobias meant her and Marky. "Thanks. Bye."

"Bye. Happy Thanksgiving."

So that was how they each assumed that the other parent was disciplining Maeby and getting her to be serious about graduating from high school. They never called to check on each other's progress, though.

As Marky came out of Cindy's room, Lindsay sighed and told him again, "It's me, Lindsay." They had a frustrating relationship, but it was better than having no sex at all. At least she had Lucille Austero to turn to when she needed a break from Marky or the ostrich.

She wondered if Tobias had found someone else yet. Was he still in the closet about being gay, or was he really straight after all? She thought he was straight when she married him in 1990, but his never-nude affliction, his way of talking, and his avoiding sex with her had strained their marriage. All her family seemed to believe he was gay without question, and it made her doubt more and more over the years.

* * *

In 1993, Buster screwed up his courage and visited Tracey while Michael was not at home. He needed to confess to her about Michael and Gob being too close. Normally Buster would be too shy and not want the responsibility, but Lindsay had not believed him when he called her on the phone and asked her to have a woman-to-woman talk with Tracey.

So Buster arrived at the house and asked to visit George Michael. The little boy was sitting in the living room playing with a woodblock, as if he could still remember the sound of the BabyTock and wanted to match it.

Tracey sat down and smiled at her son. He was so sweet and loving, not like a Bluth at all. Well, maybe a little bit like Buster. It wasn't inappropriate, though. Michael was just seeing things because he didn't know what a normal family was like.

Buster played with George Michael a little while, trying to rub his shoulders.

Then he asked to talk to Tracey alone. "It's about Gob."

"Oh, okay." She led Buster into another room and asked, "Have you found out where he is now?" Gob had disappeared from the apartment months ago after recovering from his beating. Then a few weeks ago, Gob called to ask how successful she was at weaning George Michael off the BabyTock, but had volunteered no specifics about where he was. Tracey hadn't asked for specifics, because she was upset to find out that Michael was apparently calling Gob drunkenly. They fought about it until he finally promised to stop calling and sleep at home again.

Buster said, "No, but there's something I should have told you when he was living in the apartment with the nurse." He uncomfortably confessed to her about Michael touching Gob all the time whenever they visited together, and how Gob stared at Michael like he was a frozen banana that he wanted to lick.

Tracey sighed and sat down. "I know, Buster."

He was stunned and confused. "You do?'

She nodded and explained about what Gob said in the hospital when he was on drugs. "We wanted to get him into therapy, but he must have realized it. I think he's still running away from his feelings. As for Michael... he's going crazy without Gob." She cried a little and Buster went to rub her shoulders comfortingly.

"What happened?"

Tracey said, "He started staying the night at the apartment after Gob disappeared. He slept in his bed and even said he thought he loved Gob, just like Gob loved him. I keep telling him that he's wrong. That he's just fucked up because of his awful family. I tell him he's only confused and feeling guilty about Gob being a hooker and getting beaten, but he doesn't believe me. Gob called me a while ago and told me that Michael kept calling him and begging him to come back. I tried to talk to Michael again, but he's so stubborn and closed off."

Buster sat down next her her and took her hand. "Don't worry. It's all right. Gob won't do anything now that he's off the drugs. He can control himself, no matter what he feels. He doesn't want you to leave with George Michael."

"Maybe I should, though. I don't know. I can't get Michael to agree to therapy."

"You think that would help him let go of Gob?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. At least he'd have somebody to talk to about his childhood. He keeps holding back with me. What did Gob do to him?"

"What?" Buster told her, "Gob didn't do anything to him as a kid. I mean, he did the Boyfights, but that was only because of Dad. Most of the time Gob wanted to be nice to Michael. He protected him from bullies when they played on that softball team together. Michael was never good at sports or making friends."

Tracey was relieved to have an independent source to tell her about Michael's fucked up childhood. Buster was a good witness, being a Milford Man.

So Buster told her all he witnessed or heard about when they were kids. Gob was a good brother to Michael, even if he had to hide it often from their parents. Not long after their Peter Pan phase, they would sometimes play pirates and look for buried treasure around the house, if their parents weren't home, and Rosa wouldn't tell on them. Buster felt left out of the fun, and he tried to play with Gob too, but Gob only wanted to punish him for being Mom's beloved miracle baby. Buster shrugged, "But he did motivate me to get over my fear of going on the slide. It was good until he punched me."

Tracey was glad to have someone to talk to, and to tell her what a sweet kid Michael used to be, before she knew him. Even in high school, Tracey hadn't noticed Michael much, because he was invisible to her while she had crushes on more popular boys.

Buster told her that as a kid, Michael would often read the Peanuts comic strips or watch the animated TV specials, and he thought of himself as Charlie Brown, especially when Lucy kept taking the football away before he could kick it. Charlie Brown never learned, just like Michael never learned to stop falling for George's promises of fishing trips to the cabin in Lake Tahoe. (Buster had been blending into the background, unknown to both Michael and Dad then. Buster was the one who eventually tattled to Mom about the cabin. Buster would have told before, but he was too young for years to realize that Dad was cheating on Mom with all those women he took to the cabin.)

Tracey could see that Michael still kept believing in George's promises about being Manager and taking over the company someday. It was so fucked up.

However, Buster mentioned, "Dad sometimes caught Michael with the comic strips, when he should be reading the business sections of the newspapers, so Michael would blame it on me, 'cause I was still a baby. I helped him and said that I liked reading about Charlie Brown because he had almost no hair on his round head, just fuzz like on my Charlie Browns."

Tracey frowned and remembered uncomfortably that Buster wasn't normal after all. She had indeed heard about Buster's strange genitalia from the rest of the family. Buster used the euphemisms of "Charlie Browns" and "Linus" for his private parts.

"You and your mother, Buster... maybe you're too close too."

He nodded. "I know. We've been going to the Motherboy competitions too long. I notice that a lot of the sons there aren't my age."

"Then why do you still go?"

"Because I still love her, and if she loves me too, she'll still protect me from Dad. He wants to kick me out of the penthouse and make me get a job. But I want to keep going to school and learning all about fun stuff. And when I'm home from college I want my Mom to still take care of me. It's better to be loved by her than not to be loved at all. That's what's wrong with Gob, you know. Mom and Dad don't love him."

She nodded and frowned. "Yeah."

Buster knew that his relationship with his mother was what psychologists called unhealthy and oedipal, but at least he wasn't crazy enough to get obsessed about his siblings instead. He tried to tell Tracey that things would be all right now. He was only worried because he thought she didn't know what was going on between Michael and Gob. "Gob will stay away and get over it. As for Michael, I'm sure you can help him and talk him into therapy."

"I don't know. He says that he doesn't want to talk to strangers about his family."

"But he talks to you at least?"

"A little bit." Then she got the idea. "Maybe I could learn more about psychology, and I could help him."

"Yeah, you can go back to school. It's not too late." He was still in school after all. "I can help you study."

"Thanks." She was glad to have a friend, even if he wasn't completely normal. He was at least relatively sane and self-aware. Tracey had been lonely ever since her own family decided to shun the Bluths, and so abandoned her after the wedding. But if she had some help from Buster, she wouldn't feel so alone.

She would raise George Michael right, and hope that Michael would get better at being normal. It would rub off on him and he would learn about real family love at last. Maybe after she learned how to give him therapy and make him well, then she could pursue her own career as a therapist. Then she could support them instead, so that Michael could quit the Bluth Company and go back to law school like he really wanted. Everything would be all right.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gob had nothing to live for anymore. Oh sure, he could still financially support Michael by paying the credit card and phone bills, but he could also die, and Michael would get all his money because of his will. The financial budget he drew up years back had helped Gob to build up some savings in a bank for the first time ever.

So Gob had no reason to live, and he wished that God would just end his misery and pain already. He couldn't have love, and he couldn't help anyone in his family. Why did the syphilis have to take so long to kill him?

To use up time, Gob often drove to Newport Beach to visit Pete's grave and put flowers on it. It often had flowers from Pete's family and friends as well. The headstone had his dying words "Love Each Other" on it, and everyone loved him. He deserved it. Gob wished he could find out where his magic props had gone to, so he hired Gene Parmesan to go looking for the huge glittery cross with the Love Each Other sign on it. He wouldn't be allowed to add it to the cemetery, but maybe he could have it installed in Sudden Valley, near the house where the memorial mailbox was.

Gob hoped that Maeby and Lindsay were doing okay in Sudden Valley, but he had the feeling that he shouldn't try to visit again, lest he mess them up too. He should add them both to his will, though, and he met with Bob Loblaw to change the will. He also left instructions about installing the cross, if it should ever be found, or maybe the magic prop guy could just build a new one. Once Gob signed the new will, he sighed and went back to Malibu to numb himself with more orgies and roofies.

JBJ noticed that Gob was depressed all through Thanksgiving and Christmas. He tried to cheer Gob up and ask him what was wrong.

Gob shrugged and said that he tried to be friends with Michael Bee again, but he was just bad for him, messing up stuff for him and his son.

JBJ hugged him and said that Michael Bee didn't deserve him. He would find somebody else someday and have real love.

Gob was glad to have a friend, even if he was just a kid who didn't know how awful Gob really was, or how many sins he had committed with his brother.

Maybe he could live for his friendship with JBJ. Maybe God would let him keep this small comfort, even if he couldn't have love.


	45. Unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In 2012, many paths collide at UC Irvine, and Gob finally collapses from his syphilis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tobias's timeline where he wanders the streets for "three weeks" before getting arrested as a predator makes no sense with Gob's timeline, where the bee incident happens the night before Opie Awards. It makes no sense with Maeby's timeline, where the patio door is broken the morning after the Opie Awards. It also makes no sense with Lindsay's timeline, where she visits Marky in jail the day after the Herbert Love Rally (which was on the same night as the Opie Awards); Tobias can't be in jail already, and yet he is. I'm just going to ignore that mess, just like Buster's mess.

Michael had moved into his son's dorm room so that he wouldn't be alone, so he wouldn't go crazy. But he was going crazy anyway. He was unraveling more and more everyday. He was trying to remember what both Pete and Tracey told him about how to be a good parent, but his Bluth nature reverted more easily to following his own parents' example instead. When he wasn't being neglectful, he was being critical and suffocating like Mom, or controlling and ambition-crushing like Dad. He couldn't be with Gob, he couldn't revive his career, and he couldn't confess anything to George Michael, so his behavior became weird and erratic. He couldn't remember how to be normal, and he did not understand privacy or family or even how to work his damn phone anymore.

Michael could sense this was happening, and he tried to shake it off, to learn how to break out of the unhealthy pattern. He remembered that he had been supportive and nice when he tried to get along with his siblings, but of course Gob became more than a sibling, and Michael didn't want to turn his son into Buster either. So he decided that he should act more like he did with Lindsay, his fake twin. George Michael could be his fake twin now and he would try to build up his self-esteem. That way his son would have better standards and not date girlfriends like Egg again or get fixated on movies about cousin love.

George Michael had come back from Spain with a silly mustache and matador pants. Michael told him to shave, lest somebody mistake him for a musician. George Michael argued with him at first, but finally got rid of the mustache. He still kept the matador pants, though. Surely George Michael realized that he shouldn't be a musician, given his name, which he had been teased about since grade school? Tracey had to comfort George Michael about it often and tell him that she loved his name. It was nothing to be ashamed of, and sometimes they would dance to "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" at George Michael's birthday parties as a kid. It was on all the home videos.

Shielding her son from learning about the pop star's sex scandal, Tracey claimed that the other kids teased him about the name because they were homophobic or their parents were. Then she explained that it meant that they were scared and hateful about the singer-songwriter being gay. There was nothing wrong with being gay or being honest about your feelings. Over the years, she didn't let George and Lucille influence her son to be racist or look down on poor people either. He was such a good kid.

However, now that he was grown up, George Michael said that he hated his name; he even said to his father that he had finally found out about the singer-songwriter's sex scandal during a something-search on his name. So clearly George Michael would be crazy to pursue a career in music with his name. Besides, Michael thought, who seriously considered a woodblock to be a real musical instrument? It wasn't like a guitar or a piano where you needed more talent than a precise internal clock to keep time. Michael was just looking out for his son.

When the new semester started in January, George Michael got another roommate named Paul Huan, but Michael called him P-hound instead. It was much like how he could only remember George Michael's high school girlfriend as Egg. In fact, Michael hated P-hound just like he hated Egg. That guy was always sneaking off with George Michael for secret talks, and he had a feeling that P-hound was turning George Michael against him.

Thankfully George Michael confessed that he was only sneaking off with P-hound to work on his software, something to do with privacy. Michael was glad that his son was working on something practical and business-related, even if he didn't understand internet stuff.

Anyway, at least Michael was going to get interviewed soon for an in-flight magazine, so he felt that his career was recovering. Maybe he could get back some customers and earn some money to help pay for finishing law school.

* * *

In February, Gob finally collapsed outside the corner pharmacy, and he got treated for stage 4 syphilis in a Mexican hospital. It required a strong dose of antibiotics along with careful monitoring. JBJ was Gob's emergency contact in his phone, so he heard the news, but only after he and the other guys woke up from their usual day-long siesta.

When he heard the voicemail, JBJ felt guilty and quickly told all the other guys about the crisis. They were all shocked and rushed to visit Getaway in the hospital; thankfully they weren't turned away for not being his family. Celebrity clout counted for something, and it was Mexico after all.

Mark Cherry and JBJ were concerned, but the others felt more mad about the lies, once they learned from the doctor how long Getaway must have had the syphilis. JBJ argued that Getaway just forgot because of his roofies, and he didn't take care of himself because he always took care of them instead. So they tried to be sympathetic, and as soon as Getaway could be released, they brought him home to recover in an American hospital with a private room. He needed to gain back some weight as well.

JBJ felt so sad and guilty for not noticing how sick Getaway had been. He also finally saw the message on the bathroom mirror when he went into Getaway's room to pack some stuff to take to him in the hospital. It shocked and worried him, and then he realized that Getaway must have had the syphilis even when he was dating Michael Bee in 2009. Was that why they broke up, because Michael found out that Getaway had been lying about his health? It was all so confusing and self-destructive.

When he visited Getaway in the hospital, JBJ asked about the bathroom mirror as well as the breakup with Michael Bee.

Gob didn't want to talk about those things. He asked whether JBJ hated him now. If all the guys hated him.

JBJ said no and asked, "Why didn't you tell us about the syphilis years ago? Were you afraid of getting fired? But why? You could have just been treated."

Gob said he didn't deserve to live, and he cried.

"Don't talk like that!" JBJ hugged him, and he tried to suggest taking some time off to have therapy again, but Getaway wouldn't agree to it.

After he came back to Mark Cherry's house, Gob finally cleaned off the bathroom mirror, but only partly, because he was lazy and ran out of glass cleaner.

Gob went back to his roofie circle, and he drank way more than usual. He no longer handled his alcohol well, and he became hostile, much like his mother was a mean drunk. It got harder to be tolerant of his rude behavior, and he increasingly forgot appointments for the guys too.

Since Getaway was spiraling out of control, the other members of the entourage said that they should force him into rehab. JBJ said Getaway would only escape, like in his story of breaking his mom out on Spring Break. JBJ begged for more time to take care of Gob and to convince him to voluntarily get help.

Mark Cherry didn't have the heart to fire Getaway or make him move out of the house yet, but he was becoming very annoyed, especially when Getaway violated his privacy by taking a picture of him in bed to impress some random woman. Mark Cherry vented his feelings in the "Getaway" song.

Gob didn't take the hint to either leave the entourage or change his behavior. He did run into Josh Abramson at the studio, though, while he was trying to use the laptop to print out something on the business manager's printer.

Josh Abramson recognized his old laptop, and he didn't need it really, but he asked if he could have it back.

Gob frowned. "You want it right now?"

"No, not now. Take it home and make copies of your files first. Then I'll come to the house some time to pick up the computer, okay? I mean, you don't need it anymore, do you, Getaway? You can email me any stuff you want me to print, and I can deliver it to you even." Josh Abramson was trying to find an excuse to hang out with the entourage again. To be included in their Hollywood fun.

Gob shrugged and said okay. He looked at the "Love Each Other" banner he was printing out, and he decided that he needed a big laminating machine so that the banner wouldn't get ruined in the rain. Maybe Josh Abramson could get him access to one. Gob folded up the banner and took it home along with the laptop.

* * *

Back at UC Irvine, Michael unexpectedly ran into Maeby in the dorm room, and he tried to be supportive of George Michael's privacy software. He didn't really understand any of this technology stuff, and it might as well be gibberish that his son was saying, but Michael nodded along politely. It was good to see Maeby again and realize that his son was totally over the crush he had back in high school. Apparently George Michael was strong enough to recover without any therapy. 

However, Maeby gave Michael a weird look when George Michael left with P-hound to work on the software again.

Once they were alone, Maeby asked Michael, "So... have you seen Uncle Gob lately?"

"Gob?"

"Yes, your brother," she said pointedly.

Michael got sad and wistful. "No, not for a long time." Gob didn't even call or email anymore, so he must be busy with the entourage or something.

"Yeah I kind of figured." She had seen neither Michael or Gob in Sudden Valley in months.

Michael thought his niece was just judging him for quitting the family in 2006 and kicking everyone out of the model home. "He's better off without me."

He sighed and thought about Gob, wondering if he had moved on and found love yet. Was he happy and better now? Michael could never use the word "hermano" anymore; it made him miss Gob. Not that he tried to say hermano much, but George Michael sometimes slipped into using Spanish phrases to show off what he had learned in Spain. He tried to correct Michael sometimes if he used the incorrect "brothero" but Michael lied that it brought up bad memories about Marta, and fighting over her with Gob, so George Michael stopped correcting him.

Michael said to Maeby, "I'm glad you dropped by to visit. What are you studying? Are you graduating this year too?" He assumed that she must be in college by now, even if her education had been delayed by Lindsay and Tobias's fucked up parenting.

Maeby didn't bother to explain about still going to high school; George Michael could correct his father later if the subject came up. She said with a shrug, "If George Michael helps me, maybe I will finally graduate. He's tutoring me in algebra." She pointed to the math problems on the whiteboard nearby.

"Oh." Michael was surprised that she was so far behind, but math had never been her strong subject even in high school. "Well, how are your parents doing?"

"Oh, they split up years ago. Bluths have strange ideas about marriage." She was snidely alluding to George Michael abandoning her, as well as to Uncle Mike fucking up his marriage with Aunt Tracey.

Michael didn't understand her, and he thought she meant Gangie and Pop-pop, or her own parents even if she did use "Bluths" instead of "Fünkes." He said, "Yeah, Lindsay and Tobias were doomed from the start."

Maeby rolled her eyes and just left for the bus back to high school.

* * *

A few days later, Michael was in the computer lab to tell George Michael that the in-flight magazine was out on planes now, but P-hound said that magazine was gay. Great. So P-hound was homophobic too! He hated that guy. He wished he had a copy of the magazine to smack that kid with.

It also hurt Michael to be reminded of his failed relationship with Gob. During his interview with Altitude magazine, he had to avoid talking about Gob and lie about where he'd been for months in 2009. It made him look more pathetic for not trying to get a new job before, and for failing to get Sudden Valley fixed. At least he could talk about what a great friend Pete had been, even if he edited parts of what they talked about. He didn't mention the Hot Cops or his boyfriends, either, lest George Michael read the article.

Michael hoped that the magazine article would attract some positive attention, and maybe the phone, cable, and internet companies would finally agree to restore phone service, to avoid bad publicity about Pete dying. If Sudden Valley could be fixed, then Michael could revive his career at last and start paying back Lucille Austero. Plus if George Michael's software worked, then they could both have successful businesses soon. Like twins. It would be so great, and maybe Gob would be proud when he came to visit.

* * *

Since running into George Michael at college, Maeby got depressed about her cousin being so successful and moving on with his life. Meanwhile she was stuck in high school in an endless roofie circle. Her current boyfriend was named Perfecto Telles, and he was Lucille Austero's latest fake kid for her election campaign. Maeby was using him for tutoring in English class, and they mostly just made out.

At a bar, she tried to drink her troubles away, and she stumbled onto a money-making gig by renting out the model home to John Beard's "To Entrap a Local Predator" TV show. Unfortunately, she also stumbled onto the knowledge that Perfecto was an undercover cop.

Worried, she ran into Barry Zuckerkorn outside the high school. He told her the law about being too old to enroll in high school, and he advised her to get something incriminating on the cop. Soon Maeby changed her clothes and went back to the penthouse to get her mail again, hoping to get the latest royalty check. But the ostrich chased her around the apartment, and she had to lock it out on the balcony. Then she found out that she was getting a lifetime achievement Opie Award, so that boosted her self-esteem. She left without ever running into her father Tobias, and she called the Predator people to say that the house would be free for them to film in that Thursday night.

The next day, Maeby came back to UC Irvine for more tutoring. George Michael kept discussing his study abroad and bringing up the fact that he'd had sex with some hot older Spanish lady. Just to make her jealous, she supposed. Did he remember that they were married after all? Was he being a fucked up Bluth and trying to manipulate her for something?

"Look I don't care about you and some Spanish housewife. Can we get back to tutoring?"

"All right," he said reluctantly.

Later, after a snack break, she ran into Uncle Mike talking to George Michael in the computer lab. They were discussing how to vote P-hound out of the dorm room.

Maeby denied being George Michael's girlfriend, or even being attracted to him anymore. She thought of telling him about her boyfriend Jeff, but that was special and different. It felt like another life from the one she was currently living. 

Michael then came up with a crazy scheme to vote against himself, and he roped Maeby into it. She stayed with them for hours trying to get George Michael to work up the courage to confront his father and kick him out directly. George Michael almost did so, but Michael's own obliviousness doomed them into having the vote.

She found it fun to evict Michael out of the dorm, as a sort of belated punishment for all the things he did to fuck up his family. He was such a hypocrite.

Then she told George Michael about the Opie Awards on Thursday, and he offered to drive her there. She couldn't go with Perfecto, or anybody from high school really, so she agreed. It would be better to have a date in case she ran into anyone she knew from Hollywood.

* * *

Johnny Bark called Gob to tell him to come to the bee hospital, or more properly the bee colony that he ran with his wife Joan Bark. Gob's bees had colony collapse disorder, and the Barks refused to keep them, lest they infect all the other hives. So Gob loaded the boxes into the limo and drove home. He wasn't quite sure what he would do with them. Maybe he would put them in his room at first, or in the backyard if Mark Cherry didn't mind.

But when Gob got back to the house in Malibu that night, the guys were all trying to sneak out without him, and JBJ looked guilty as he apologized about making a "mistake." He could see now that he shouldn't have talked them out of rehab.

Getaway began to sense the tension, and he put the beehives into the trunk so that he could drive them out to clubs as usual.

JBJ tried to protest that he could stay home and do whatever he needed to do about those bees. They could go call a cab or Josh Abramson instead.

Getaway insisted on driving them himself, though. He said he wouldn't drink at all, and it would really be fun, like the old days. Mark Cherry decided to give him another chance, so they all got into the limo together.

Gob drove them to Jeremy Piven's club to pick up some party girls, and this time there was a really weird blonde woman in a blue suit. They opened liquor bottles anyway, and Mark Cherry told Getaway to raise the partition, like he was just their limo driver. Lately he did feel that it was better to change this from friendship to a business relationship. JBJ knew that any protest of his would be overruled, given how he had failed to reign in Getaway.

Gob went along with the joke, and he continued to play the "Getaway" song obliviously. He never noticed that somebody let out the sick bees in the trunk, and that everybody was getting stung in the limo's cabin.

When they arrived at the house and he found everybody semi-conscious and moaning, he assumed that they just got high on some strong drugs, and he carried each of them into the house. As they lay there all over the couches and the floors, he told them an entertaining story like always. They didn't even try to have sex or interrupt him with requests for more drinks; they just lay there listening to him, and he thought it meant that they forgave him and still wanted to be friends.

Gob had a great time and went to his room at last to give them privacy. He took another roofie to forget the undeserved happiness, then he got into bed to sleep. He never heard Josh Abramson arrive for the laptop or the seven ambulances that took everyone away.

* * *

On the night of the Opie Awards, Maeby was on her quasi-date with George Michael, hoping to impress him with her success so that he wouldn't look down on her for still being in high school. Running into her old film colleagues made her insecure again, though, so she latched onto George Michael's Fakeblock software to impress them. If he wasn't going to even remember that she was his wife, then the least George Michael could do would be to let her use his software to make herself a Harris. Then she could really move on with her life. After some initial reluctance, George Michael seemed to agree to her plan, and he adopted a new name for himself, "George Maharris."

Maeby spotted Perfecto at the awards, and she went to talk to him about being an undercover cop. He finally admitted to it, and she kissed him.

Then she went to get some coconut shrimp, and she ran into her mother wearing a red wig. She claimed to be protesting Herbert Love's rally, and Maeby briefly respected her. But when she told her mom about her Opie Award, Lindsay didn't believe her and walked off, talking about therapy. Maeby just left and gave her big acceptance speech at the Opie Awards. She defiantly kissed off the movie industry and promoted FakeBlock, then got chased by security.

Gob didn't even recognize Maeby when she ran by him, for he was trying to sabotage a podium for Tony Wonder at some Schnoodle software event. He called Mark Cherry to brag about it (and find out why they hadn't arrived for the awards yet), but apparently everybody checked themselves into rehab, and Mark Cherry accused him of not taking care of them and not being their friend anymore. Josh Abramson was their real friend.

Gob was hurt, but didn't have time to react for long because Tony Wonder popped out of a speaker instead. Apparently Gob got the wrong podium, and there was an explosion at the Herbert Love rally. Some other random guy was blue in the face, and the software thing got ruined. Gob felt so alone, but he didn't answer the phone call from Steve Holt.

Maeby saw her mother after the police arrived on the scene, and she was flirting with Herbert Love. How horrible and hypocritical! Maeby called her mother a whore, and this unexpectedly led to Love's campaign manager giving her back her own missing Gangie 4 royalty check. He wanted to hire Lindsay (in her redhead persona) as a prostitute, and Maeby was more than happy to agree. Even if Uncle Mike wasn't a whore, it seemed that Lindsay sure was.

* * *

That night, when Michael returned to Orange County after his flight to Phoenix, he couldn't bear going back to Sudden Valley again, so he decided to try the Balboa Towers penthouse. Maybe Buster would let him move in and keep him company. Michael passed a hot redhead on the way to the penthouse, and when he opened the door, he discovered that the place was completely wrecked. Did Buster go crazy again without Mom around? It almost looked like Mark Cherry's house after an orgy, and Michael wondered if Gob had brought them here for some reason, to spend time with Buster perhaps. Then Michael got knocked down by an ostrich and he had to call animal control to take it away. He realized later that he had missed an eviction notice on the door, due to the ostrich.

When Michael cleaned the penthouse, he figured out that Lindsay was the one who trashed it, for he found a lot of her clothes still in the apartment. There were male clothes too, but they didn't look like Buster's or Tobias's. She must have left her husband at long last, but there was no sign of where Buster had gone. Maybe he snuck into Mom's prison after all, or decided to get a job with J. Walter Weatherman?

Then the next day, Michael had to get a new job, and he was so desperate by now that he accepted the first offer he had. He had to drive a Something Maps car, and it was just as big a nuisance as the old staircar. Out of the blue, Barry called him to say that Ron Howard the actor and director wanted to meet with him in Hollywood. Michael didn't know what this was about, but he drove there and was surprised to run into Kitty, who was a redhead now, apparently to suck up to her boss, Ron Howard. When Michael got upstairs and met with him, he mentioned the in-flight magazine article and said he wanted to make a movie about Michael's life.

Ron Howard even wanted to have Tracey be alive in the film, so that she could die onscreen and be played by some "girl" named Rebel Alley. Most likely a mistress. Michael would have protested more about using Tracey for cheap tear-jerking drama, but then he realized that if the focus was on Tracey, then there would be less need to go into detail about him and Gob in the movie. It would be mostly based on the magazine article anyway, which had an edited version of the truth. Also Ron Howard said he wanted to focus on the father/son relationship, so clearly Michael's siblings would not be too important. It sounded like a safe project, though he was doubtful of getting George Sr.'s signature.

Then outside the building he ran into an actress who looked like Tracey, when she was young and healthy and beautiful. Michael didn't catch the redhead's name, but he wanted to see her again. He needed to see her. If he had someone like Tracey in his life then maybe he could fix his life and learn how to be normal again.

So Michael pursued both the actress and the movie rights. George Sr. initially refused to sign over his movie rights, but they met again at the Orange County Imagine office, and his father was now apologetic. Then they made a lot of deals for favors, and Michael hurried to the Ealing Club after getting the signature.

Unfortunately, Ron Howard said that the father/son relationship he wanted to focus on was Michael and George Michael. Michael worried, but he met the actress again, and they had a fun date despite her terrible taste in music. She had a six-year-old son named Lem, and he ended up lying about George Michael's age. They fooled around in photobooth, and at the end of the night he discovered her name. Rebel Alley. Dammit! Why could things never be easy?


	46. Toward Cinco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete gets a new memorial, and Maeby becomes a pimp.
> 
> The title is a pun on _Toward Zero_ , an Agatha Christie novel in which various events lead up to a murder. We're still barreling through 2012, but just the characters I care about.

After the Opie Awards, Gob drove back to the empty Malibu house to pack his things and gather up the beehives. He put them back into the limo and considered if he was desperate enough to take them to Sudden Valley and to move into Michael's house. Lindsay and Maeby were probably still at the model home, and he would have to hope that they wouldn't shun him, and might agree to help him revive his bee business, despite the sick bees. After all, Lindsay liked animal-rights stuff and once had a Dip-a-pet business.

He was just sad about losing JBJ as a friend. But then he got a call from JBJ, asking him to come join him in rehab about the roofies. JBJ had checked into a different place from Mark Cherry because he wanted to hide from his father, who would be sure to be disappointed in him.

Gob said, "I'm sorry I didn't notice about the bees stinging all of you."

"That's okay, Getaway. We didn't notice about you having syphilis for so long. Please come and get help with me now."

Gob said, "You still want to be my friend?"

"Yeah. Even if Mark Cherry kicks us both out of the house now. We can go someplace else. Maybe make our own group or something."

"I guess. Um, let me figure out what to do about my bees first, and I'll call you later."

"Okay. Don't take too long." He was really worried.

Gob spent the night at the house, and then the next day he left in the limo to drive to Sudden Valley.

However, his mother called him at long last out of the blue. She got his new phone number from Gene Parmesan, and she apparently hadn't heard about the incest from anyone else in the family. She wasn't being mean or critical at all. In fact she was offering him a job, telling him to work with his father in the desert, where he had founded some kind of sweat lodge colony. Gob was going to protest that he had plans already, but Mom also promised that he would be groomed to be Bluth Company president "in case something happens to Lucille Austero."

That puzzled Gob for a moment. Why would she think something would happen to Lucille Austero? But maybe Mom was plotting with Dad to make Lucille Austero leave the company to work on her 2012 election campaign instead. But why were his parents plotting together again? Did they not get divorced after all? They must have reconciled.

Anyway, Gob was happy to be acknowledged by part of his family again and to be trusted to run the business now. Maybe he really could fix the company if he ran it again without Michael as Vice President. He told his Mom that she wouldn't regret this, and that he would take care of the family.

Suddenly Gob almost ran into someone that looked like Michael on the street, but possibly he was just imagining it because he was preoccupied about family again. Besides, why would Michael be in Hollywood anyway, instead of in Irvine with George Michael?

As Gob kept driving, Mom gave him directions to the colony, and Gob thought it sounded familiar, much like his normal route to Mexico. He didn't point this out to his mom, though, assuming that she knew already. So he thanked her and said goodbye.

* * *

During the three-hour drive, Gob realized that he could set up the beehives in the desert colony, and maybe they would recover enough that he could get them to make honey again. Then he could sell it along with Dad's lemonade business, and he could be a gentleman honey farmer while waiting to take over the Bluth Company. Well, technically the Austero-Bluth Company now.

Gob was so happy about these new plans, that he forgot about calling JBJ back. His memory was still terrible because of the roofies, and the syphilis hadn't helped either. He felt full of hope now and realized that he was wrong to try to slowly kill himself. If he had family again, that would keep the darkness away.

However, when Gob got to Mexico, he had to swerve because of an ostrich on the road, and it knocked over his boxes. When he found the Father B colony at last, Dad acted like he didn't know anything about Mom's scheme. What was going on? Before he could puzzle it through, Dad let the bees escape from the limo, and soon there was chaos with screaming people running from the bees.

Gob tried to get the bees to calm down, but he soon discovered that the sweat lodge was actually his old prop cave from the wedding illusion in 2008. It was so strange, like a sign from God. He investigated the secret compartment and finally found out that it had been jammed shut with a tiny gold T. In a more lucid moment, he might have recognized it as a cross, but Gob had not been lucid for a long time. He stared at the T, and said, "Tony Wonder." Of course. Everything revolved around Tony Wonder.

When Gob finally left the cave, the colony had completely collapsed from all the people panicking and leaving, and Dad ranted about how Gob ruined everything, but Gob didn't care. Dad fired him from whatever job he was supposed to have, and he told him to get the hell out of there and never come back.

Normally Gob would be hurt and miserable again, but it didn't matter now. He didn't need to live for family. Tony Wonder was the one responsible for ruining his life, and he was going to have revenge now. Yes, Gob could live for Tony Wonder. That would be his new purpose in life.

Letting his bees remain where they were, Gob got back into the limo and drove away. He soon got a phone call from Gene Parmesan saying that he found the huge glittery cross finally, and Gob said he would come pick it up soon. Everything was going so well for him now. It was like Pete was being his guardian angel from Heaven maybe. He was so happy.

Before leaving Mexico, Gob stopped at the nearby pharmacy to show them that he was all right now and to thank them for sending him to the hospital months ago. Then he left cheerfully, not even recognizing his father who passed him wearing a strange floppy hat.

* * *

Meanwhile, Maeby set up her mother Lindsay to be a hooker for Herbert Love. The money was great, and it helped her set up the Fakeblock company for George Michael. She visited him now and then in his dorm to tell him how successful she was. Sometimes it seemed as if he was flirting with her. But maybe he was only jealous because his roommate P-hound was flirting with her too. Bluths were so fucked up, and she was glad to be over George Michael.

At school, she was still pursuing Perfecto Telles, to get something incriminating on the undercover cop. If Maeby had stopped to think about her plan a little more, she would have noticed a fundamental flaw. If Perfecto believed her to be 17, then he had no reason to kick her out of school for being too old; if Perfecto believed Maeby to be 23, then he could have sex with her without any worry. She wasn't underage, so there wasn't anything to blackmail him for. Maeby didn't realize this inherent flaw in her plan because she was so busy with her many jobs, as a student, pimp, and Fakeblock promoter.

She still trusted George Michael as a cousin, and even though he came up with the Maharis alias, she thought he was still an innocent idiot about how to manipulate people. She never noticed that he was becoming like a real Bluth now. He'd lied before in his life, but usually with good intentions to try to protect family or other people. But now he was lying like a Bluth, easily and selfishly. He could do it without blowing his cover due to guilt or shame.

Maeby unknowingly ran into her other cousin Steve Holt when she called for a pest control service to spray the model home. The patio door had been broken recently, and that let animals get inside. It was because of John Beard and his TV show people, but she figured that she would get the house in good condition before she moved out to her own apartment.

She was still in the middle of packing when her uncles suddenly barged into the house. She had to duck and sneak out while they were drinking together in the living room. She hoped very much that Uncle Gob would not get drunk enough to sleep with Michael again, but there was nothing she could do about it right now.

* * *

Despite his worries over Rebel Alley, Michael kept pursuing movie signatures from his family members when he could find them. However, he was thrown off when Dad told him that he must give Gob a job, and that Gob was already on his way to Sudden Valley now.

What happened to Gob's job in Malibu? What was Dad doing interfering in Gob's life again? He hoped that Dad hadn't manipulated Gob and made him do something criminal again.

Michael did sort of want to see Gob again, but he wasn't sure if he could handle it right now, if he would be strong enough to keep from touching him. He had gone so crazy at the dorm, and he missed Gob. Besides, Gob would ask him how things went with George Michael, and that was a complete disaster. He didn't really have a good job now, either, what with his Maps car and the Orange County Imagine office. And of course Sudden Valley was still deserted. Michael felt like a failure, and didn't want Gob to be disappointed in him. It made him so insecure.

He didn't know what to do when he spotted Gob's limo, but then he saw the weird cross sticking out of it. They narrowly avoided a crash with some pest control van, then drove into the neighborhood and parked their cars.

The brothers greeted each other on the street, and Gob looked great. So healthy and confident, with his old swagger. Michael had to control himself and not try to hug him. Gob also stayed aloof, knocking over the musical mailbox.

Hurt, Michael reminded him that it was the memorial to Pete the mailman.

Gob said that he knew that already, and that he'd brought a new memorial, "the size of the man's heart." However, he couldn't remember how to get it out of the limo. God his memory was so bad lately.

Michael stared at the giant glittery cross, and it seemed to match the description that Pete had given him of Gob's wedding illusion. "That's not from your Christian magic act?" How did Gob get it back if all his props were sold off by his fiancee?

Gob got offended by the term "Christian magic act," and they talked about his failed show in 2008. Gob frowned like the wound was fresh again for some reason. Maybe it was because he got the cross back now.

Michael changed the subject, boasting that he was having an incredible year. He bragged about his movie, and his dating an actress.

Gob bragged about his own love life, saying that he'd met someone famous. Michael wondered if it was Julie Bowen, and they got into a pointless argument about that.

Eventually they stopped fighting, and Gob headed into the model home because he wanted some food. Why Gob thought any food would be in there was a mystery to Michael. There was a shriek as they entered the house, but Michael thought it was vultures, and they kept going.

They found the kitchen stocked with Mike's Hard Lemonade, though, and Michael wondered if that was from Lindsay, if this was where she went after leaving the penthouse. Or maybe Tobias came back to crash at the model home when he couldn't get an acting job. Michael had seen Tobias's car outside the house.

Gob and Michael decided to open the bottles and drink them. They sat down in the living room and began to catch up on each other's lives.

Feeling more relaxed now, Gob told him about finally being cured of the syphilis, and Michael became upset about being lied to. Was he still on roofies? Gob insisted that he was fine now, that he didn't need the entourage anymore. Of course that reminded him of JBJ, and he would have to call him back later.

For now Gob continued his story about the bees and how he lost his job. He'd even failed to sabotage Tony Wonder's trick at the Opie Awards. Then he talked about the sweat lodge colony in Mexico and Dad firing him. But at least he discovered the cave from his wedding illusion.

"I found out that it was definitely sabotaged, and then Gene Parmesan found that cross. I was gonna call you at the UC Irvine, but then Dad called me again and said I should work for you now, and he didn't tell me why you were back to selling houses. But at least it gave me a chance to bring down the new memorial for Pete."

Michael said, "Thanks, Gob. We'll figure out how to get it out of the car later."

"Sure. So what happened with you and George Michael?"

Since Gob had confessed about many failures, Michael felt okay about confessing how he went crazy at George Michael's dorm, and ran into Maeby, and got voted out.

Gob was pleased to hear that Maeby was starting college now. She was still in high school last time Gob talked to her.

"She didn't mention that to me. When did you see her?"

Gob told him about looking for the stolen car at Thanksgiving, and Michael was confused.

"What do you mean she was living with Lindsay here? You mean that's why there was liquor in the kitchen? But I thought Lindsay was living in the penthouse. That's where I'm staying now." Hmm, but there had been an ostrich too. "Maybe it was just one of Lindsay's crazy animal rights stunts."

Anyway Michael then told Gob about Ron Howard wanting to make a movie about his life.

Gob looked worried and asked, "You wouldn't tell them about us, would you?"

Michael assured him, "No, no, of course not, Gob. It's supposed to be about my father/son relationship with George Michael anyway. Tracey too." He told Gob about Rebel Alley, though he didn't use her name yet. He just called her Ron Howard's mistress.

Gob got Ron Howard confused with the late Moe Howard of the Three Stooges, and Michael had to correct him.

Soon Gob offered Michael advice about making up with his son. He should take him to the Ealing Club and then George Michael would respect him for having a new career.

Michael was grateful, and Gob thanked him for the wonderful opportunity he was giving him. Michael felt guilty and told him that it would not be easy to sell these houses.

Gob of course knew that; these houses had not sold for years. No, Gob was grateful for something else. He'd found out where Tony Wonder was having a show tonight, and Gob wanted Michael to pose as his boyfriend at the Gothic Castle.

Michael refused to do this, and he became worried. "Isn't that inappropriate? We're brothers. I thought we both agreed not to cross the line again."

"Of course, but that's not what I meant, Michael. For your information, I didn't even ask you first. I asked Steve Holt, because he likes magic and all. But as soon as I mentioned the gay night, and pretending to be my boyfriend, he changed his mind and didn't want to go."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Gee I wonder why? Gob, that's creepy."

"You sound like my son." Gob explained that he was just trying to get revenge against Tony Wonder for his failed wedding illusion.

Michael said that Gob had no proof that Tony Wonder sabotaged his trick, so Gob showed him the tiny gold T that he found in the cave.

Michael said that it stood for Jesus, but Gob insisted that it was a T for Tony Wonder. His mind had really been ruined by the drugs.

They kept arguing about who sabotaged who and when, and Michael couldn't keep track of it. He tried to convince Gob to give up his revenge plot, and just concentrate instead on his new job selling the houses.

Gob was getting annoyed with his nagging. "If you insist on speaking to me like you're my wife, then don't be surprised to find my dick in you and never see me again." Not that he wanted to have sex again, but Michael really needed to learn to shut up and not control him anymore.

Michael sighed, and felt sad that their relationship got so fucked up. Deflecting, he decided to talk about the movie rights instead.

Reminded of the movie, Gob considered letting his lawyer Bob Loblaw look at it, but then he just decided to trust Michael and sign the papers.

Michael bent over so Gob could use his back to sign, and Gob couldn't resist spanking him. To explain that it wasn't sexual, he said, "I'm going to be in a movie. Tony Wonder's never been in a movie. I bet this will help my magic career."

"Yeah, maybe." Michael shrugged and hoped that would satisfy Gob, revenge-wise. He said Gob could stay here at the model home while he sold the houses. "Oh wait, but if Lindsay's here?"

"Don't worry. If I see her, and she doesn't want me to stay, I'll go to one of the other houses.

"Right. Here's the keys to everything."

Gob said, "Maybe the phone company will fix things if we tell them that Lindsay and Maeby were your customers instead of your family. You can get people to move in after all."

"I guess so. Look into it, will you?"

Neither of them knew yet that the phone service was already restored; Steve Holt had been in the model home when he answered the call from his father. It was actually because John Beard's TV show people didn't like the communication problems in Sudden Valley, so they put in a request a few days previously, and the service had finally kicked in today.

* * *

Michael and Gob went back outside to try to get the cross out of the limo. The brothers finally figured out how to dislodge it, then they dragged it to an empty lot on the edge of the neighborhood. Michael got some shovels, and they dug a hole for the new memorial to Pete. It seemed to stand up all right, and they stood looking at the "Love Each Other" sign together.

Gob felt proud and stepped closer, smiling. "Michael."

"Gob." He stepped back nervously, for Gob looked hot, all sweaty and panting from the hard work. Michael had never stopped thinking that his brother was attractive, even if he knew that they couldn't be intimate like that anymore

Gob just reached out and took his hand. "I just--I'm sorry for what happened between us, Michael. But I'm glad you found somebody new."

Michael nodded. "You too."

Gob had been lying, though, about meeting a famous person. Well, other than Mark Cherry and the entourage, but Michael already knew about them, and now he was fired anyway. Gob shrugged and murmured softly, "You'll always be my brother."

"You'll always be mine."

Gob then let go of his hand and stepped back, "Anyway, good luck with George Michael. I'll call him so you can meet tonight."

"Thanks." Michael got in his car so he could drive back to the penthouse and then change to go out to the Ealing Club. Unfortunately, in all the fuss over the cross, Gob had forgotten to tell Michael about the membership rules, or to loan him his membership card.

Instead, he took his clothes and things out of the limo, and took them inside the model home. He unpacked in the master bedroom, then showered. When he got dressed again, he remembered to call JBJ and tell him that he was living in Sudden Valley now and working for his brother Michael. He didn't have time to go to rehab, but he promised that he would quit with the roofies now. He wished JBJ good luck in recovering and said that he would visit as soon as he had time.


	47. Love is in the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob finally reunites with Tony Wonder, both in real life and in his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies. I rewatched the 2nd date again and realized that I had the order of Tony and Gob's conversation wrong. So I'm fixing the chapter now.

Full of his revenge scheme, Gob went shopping for gay clothes in town, but nothing in the store looked leathery enough to be gay. He called George Michael and asked him to meet him at the Gothic Castle to discuss Michael that night. It would be good to see George Michael again after so many years. It was a shame that he had to involve his nephew in his revenge scheme against Tony Wonder, but Gob was desperate, and surely a favor wasn't too much to ask after how he wrote that check for George Michael to go to Spain. Besides, it would be good for George Michael to see more gay people than Tobias; he should learn not to be homophobic.

Gob was so excited to see Tony tonight. He had to see more of Tony than that brief glimpse from afar at the Schnoodle event, at the same hotel as the Opie Awards. Gob had to ruin Tony Wonder's career like Tony ruined his. Then they would be the same.

So after Gob finally got a leathery outfit to blend in with the gay people, he waited at the Gothic Castle for his nephew to arrive. George Michael was confused and anxious about his father, so Gob told him that Michael was fine while leading him inside to get their hands stamped. He needed George Michael to remain calm and stay long enough for Gob to explain that he needed an arm candy bean so he could sabotage Tony Wonder's illusion.

"Don't make that face. You look homophobic."

George Michael said that he wasn't being homophobic; he was just uncomfortable.

Gob insisted that he was blending in fine, and then somebody took a picture of them as a couple. He did worry for a moment that the photo might get them into trouble with Michael later, but he remembered a news report he had seen after the Opie Awards. "Even if he does post that somewhere, that Fakeblock thing will scrub it away."

"You know about Fakeblock? You know that's my software."

Wait, that didn't sound right. Gob thought George Maharis was the guy all over the news for creating Fakeblock? Oh wait. Michael had mentioned something about George Michael and P-hound working on privacy software too, with a similar name like Faceblock. Maybe they were rivals, or maybe George Michael and P-hound were programmers working for the top geek George Maharis who was the real inventor. George Michael was only bragging about "my software."

Because of this confusion, Gob didn't pay much attention to his nephew's ramblings about his fight with his father. Although Gob did finally admit that Michael was really upset and George Michael should go see him. George Michael became angry at Gob and raised his voice a little as he complained about the deception. That was the perfect opportunity for Gob to fake a public fight with his "boyfriend", so he sucked his finger and asked, "Mad?"

George Michael declared that he wanted to find his father now, and Gob said he was a good son. However, Gob gave him a creepy kiss on the mouth before he could go, and pretended that George Michael bit his tongue. He whispered apologies afterward, but George Michael just glared at him while Gob covered loudly with comments for the witnesses around them. That was the last straw, and George Michael nervously left the club.

Just in case George Michael was leaving for Sudden Valley, assuming that his father was there, Gob texted from his phone "Michael's at the Ealing Club" and gave the address in Hollywood to George Michael. That done, Gob slipped backstage to sabotage Tony Wonder's act, and he locked everything in sight. But then a bird statue gave Gob an uncomfortable flashback to the storage unit, with the words that haunted him. He quickly pushed back the curtain and slipped out to join the audience for the show.

But as he sat watching, Gob was disturbed by some lines in Tony's voiceover about being in the closet. "Don't talk to us, they said... I don't want to look at you, son... Why can't you be like your brother?" It brought up uncomfortable and familiar feelings, and Gob had to look away from seeing Tony with the father character onstage.

But instead of getting trapped in the closet, Tony Wonder popped out of a bean bag chair, and Gob realized that he had failed once again to get revenge. During the applause, Tony Wonder noticed Gob and invited him to have a drink later. So Gob stayed through the rest of the show, feeling more jealous than ever about Tony's success. Maybe Pete wasn't looking out for him after all, or he was busy being a guardian angel to Michael and George Michael now.

* * *

At the bar later, Gob became nervous that Tony Wonder might have discovered all the sabotaged stuff backstage, but he didn't try to duck out of the club yet. Maybe now that they were alone, he could confront Tony about his wedding illusion, and ask why Tony had sabotaged him first. That was what still bothered him. Why would Tony be so mean?

To Gob's surprise, Tony appeared behind the bar and revealed that he had another guy wearing a mask to pretend to be him. The real Tony joined Gob in front of the bar, and he whispered the secret of the earlier bean bag trick to him, which also involved masks. Gob was glad that Tony was treating him as a full and equal magician now, not like during the Sword of Destiny illusion when Tony considered Buster the magician and Gob just a lowly assistant. Tony smelled good too.

Gob couldn't help liking Tony again. He was so being friendly, and he came up with cool stuff like his W quotation marks with his hands. Tony asked Gob how he had been since his wedding, and Gob admitted that he was a runaway groom.

Tony assumed that Gob was gay, because of how he was dressed, so Gob played along and mentioned his boyfriend being at the club earlier. He could still use the cover to keep coming to Tony's shows, maybe.

Anyway Tony talked about the wedding illusion again, and how Gob looked shredded on the cross. He didn't make fun of Gob for being in the Whoops column in Poof magazine, and he said that Gob's assistant probably sabotaged him.

Tony even let Gob feel his smooth shaved legs, and Gob nervously pretended that he had never touched a woman before. Tony laughed in a flirty way and wanted to have more fun, but said that he shouldn't be seen with the Christian magician. But then the valet brought Gob his car keys, and Tony changed his mind.

Gob was pleased because he had a new revenge plan, to make Tony fall in love with him and break his heart.

So they went out on the town together, and had a lot of crazy fun, much like Gob did on the night of escalating dares with his nameless wife. Gob thought it would be more difficult pretending to be gay, or that it would remind him of being with Michael, but it was easy. Tony was such a cool guy. They even stopped to make candy bean dishes at Color-me-mine, and Tony said that Gob's crooked smile was cute.

After dropping off Tony back at the Gothic Castle, Gob finally drove back to the model home that night. He still hadn't seen Lindsay or Maeby in Sudden Valley, but maybe they had gone to live somewhere else with Lindsay's tree hugger boyfriend, or maybe they were in one of the other houses because they reconciled with Tobias. After all, it was Tobias's car with the "anustart" license plate that Gob had been using all night. Gob would have to figure it out tomorrow.

For now he went upstairs to the master bedroom to undress. He felt a little weird about sleeping here in Michael's old bedroom. Years ago he had phonesex with Michael while his brother was here, and back in 2009 they had sex in a similar room in another house with the same floorplan. Putting on his robe, Gob considered whether to stay in this room or try one of the other empty bedrooms on the floor, but then he noticed hidden cameras placed all around the room. What? When did that happen? Oh no. Had somebody been watching him change clothes here all the time? Was the FBI bugging the house to try to get more evidence on Mom? (After all, Mom only got convicted for hijacking the Queen Mary, not for the S.E.C crimes.) Well no wonder Lindsay and Maeby left the house! They must have discovered the cameras and felt violated.

Gob quickly retreated downstairs to sleep on the couch like he used to, and he grabbed a blanket to cover himself. Tomorrow he would try to disconnect all the cameras, or if he couldn't, maybe he would choose another house to live in. He should try calling Michael too, but he would have to drive out of the valley to get reception. (Gob didn't know that cellphones worked here yet.)

Gob lay down, but he was still restless and excited from his fun night with Tony. He wondered if he should take a forget-me-now to sleep, but no, he had promised JBJ that he would quit the roofies. When Gob packed his stuff from the Malibu house, he didn't leave the pill bottle behind. He knew that he would feel some withdrawal symptoms if he stopped the pills cold turkey, so he had planned to have the roofies with him when he joined JBJ in rehab; then hopefully a doctor there would gradually wean him off the pills.

But Gob had no time for rehab now. He had to get revenge on Tony Wonder first. Besides, if Tony wanted to have sex with him (which he assumed Tony would want, while they were falling in love), Gob figured that he could roofie Tony to make him think that they had sex, when they didn't. Gob could maybe fake a few kisses and creepy stuff like he did with George Michael at the Gothic Castle, but Gob didn't want to have gay sex just for his revenge plot. He wasn't a whore anymore, or being crazy with Michael.

So Gob tried to sleep and not worry about having nightmares again. He had to save the roofies for when he needed them, and he should keep the prescription bottle by the wet bar sink, so that he could easily slip a pill into a drink before handing it to Tony.

Slowly Gob drifted to sleep. He dreamed about being stuck in the storage unit again, with the ostrich attacking him again.

However, this time Tony Wonder appeared and froze the ostrich into the carousel statue that he saw backstage at the Gothic Castle. Tony helped pull Gob out of the broken boulder, and then he made the cuffs disappear. Gob clung to him gratefully, and Tony whispered in his ear, "I came to save you." Gob felt happy, and Tony touched his shredded abs, while Gob felt his smooth legs again. They kissed and made love.

* * *

The next morning, Gob got up to dress, but he forgot all about the cameras because he still half remembered his dream. Returning downstairs, Gob lay on the couch some more and thought about his incredible date with Tony. He wished that he could call Tony back, but he didn't want to seem to desperate, and he would have to drive out of the valley again.

Suddenly Tobias entered the house, looking for his car keys. Oh right. Gob had borrowed his car last night. Well, not technically borrowed, since he didn't ask Tobias beforehand. He just found the keys, and the car, and took them for his gay persona.

Tobias came into the living room to talk to him, saying he was a sex offender now. Gob didn't mind, and invited his brother-in-law to have breakfast with him.

So over Parmesan and mustard, Tobias rambled on about how he won and lost his girlfriend DeBrie, how he was arrested for being a sex offender, and how he met up with DeBrie again while on work-release at Lucille Austero's clinic.

Gob was surprised that Tobias still had a girlfriend, but he wasn't sure that they ever had sex from the way Tobias spoke about her. He was getting bored with his brother-in-law's story anyway, so Gob started to gush about his own relationship with Tony Wonder, though he avoided using Tony's name, lest Tobias think that Gob was actually gay. As if. No it was all a revenge plot. White hot hatred.

Gob admitted that he was broke now and told Tobias about his new job selling the homes. Tobias said that Sudden Valley was just the neighborhood he needed now, as a sex offender. He knew lots of other offenders, too, so Gob decided to fill the homes with them. It was a good solution, and some of the sex offenders might be wrongfully convicted like Tobias, or their offenses might even be minor, like peeing in public. Gob also knew that he had come close to being a sex offender himself many times with all his sexual harassment lawsuits at the Bluth Company. Besides, after all the things he'd done to Michael, Gob couldn't judge other people for their mistakes, so long as they were attempting to start new lives.

So Tobias asked for his car keys and drove back to the Austerity Clinic where he was working now. Gob still had his limo, though it didn't have a gay license plate. But he was going to let Tobias move into the model home, and Gob figured he could borrow the Cabriolet again if he needed it for another gay date with Tony Wonder.

* * *

To attract more sex offenders, Gob decided to put out an ad online, but that meant he had to drive to town for internet. However, he took out his cellphone to check if he needed to charge it before he left home, and he made a startling discovery. His phone had bars. He had a signal in Sudden Valley! Gob was amazed, and he tested it out by calling Michael.

"Yeah, Gob?"

"Michael, the phone is working!" He explained that he was still in Sudden Valley, but the phone was working.

"Already? How did you do that?"

"I didn't do it. It just happened somehow." The universe was on his side again.

Michael said, "Wow. Hey, maybe that in-flight magazine article finally shamed the phone company into fixing things, so that nobody would die again like Pete."

"Oh, I guess so. This is great. Now I can really sell the houses."

"Yeah, you might get a lot of customers, Gob. You want me to help?"

"No, I can handle it now, Michael. I got a great idea from Tobias."

"You've seen Tobias?"

"Yeah, he came by for his car that he left at the house. He's working for Lucille Austero's rehab clinic now."

"Oh, that's good. He's finally gone back to being a therapist. Maybe I'll try to visit and get his signature for the movie rights."

"Yeah, but he's moving in with me now, so you can drop by the model home after he gets his stuff and comes back."

"Okay. Anyway, I'm glad you gave up on your revenge scheme, Gob. You'll make a lot of money selling the houses."

"Sure." Gob didn't tell Michael that he hadn't given up on his revenge against Tony. "Bye, Michael."

Gob hung up and then decided to test if internet was working. He got out his iPad, but couldn't connect to anything. Oh well. He shouldn't restore internet access anyway, if he was going to sell to sex offenders now. So Gob drove into town for internet, and then he placed an ad for Sudden Valley, with a phone number to call if they were interested.

Then Gob went shopping for more food and liquor for the house. He shouldn't eat more than Parmesan and mustard if he wanted to be shredded and pretend to be gay, but perhaps he should have food on hand to serve as snacks when customers came by to look at the houses.

After Gob returned home and unloaded the groceries, he thought about Tobias's story of how he got arrested. Apparently Lindsay and Maeby must have rented the house to John Beard's TV show, in an attempt to make money. That must be why Lindsay had money to send Maeby to college at last. Maeby sure graduated quick, but perhaps she got a GED, so she would be in time to apply to college and be accepted.

Gob investigated the cameras in the bedroom upstairs, and he discovered that they were indeed for the Predator TV show, not for the FBI. That was a relief. Still, maybe he should call the TV show to have the cameras removed. Also, it would not be good to keep renting out this house to John Beard. That would scare off the sex offenders from moving in.

Gob would have to find out where Lindsay was, and ask her who to call to cancel the rental agreement.

* * *

That afternoon, Gob called Tony to ask about another date. He tried to sound cool and casual, but he got excited at the thought of Tony surprising him in the house. Gob just left a message, hoping that he didn't sound too desperate.

After Gob hung up, his phone rang, and he thought it was Tony, but instead it was his mother, so he had to cover. She didn't care about him dating a celebrity, and she said he had to hire a crew to build a border wall on the desert land where the sweat lodge used to be.

Gob didn't see why he had to do this stuff. "Well I'm kinda busy right now. I'm working with Michael."

Lucille became angry about him working with Michael. She insisted that she needed help from someone who had half a brain.

Gob told her about Tobias's new job at rehab, and she sounded interested in that.

Lucille told him again to get a building crew and start the wall, but not tell Michael. She said she would get a transfer by putting on the old drunk act.

"That was an act?" he asked, but she had already hung up on him. She still hated him.

Gob sighed. He got anxious waiting for Tony to call him back, so he figured that he might as well go do Mom's wall thing.

Gob went out in the limo with a bullhorn, and he tried to hire a crew, but failed. Then he thought maybe he could start the border wall himself. After all, he and Michael had put up the new memorial to Pete by themselves. So Gob grabbed a shovel and drove back to Mexico. Luckily, he ran into China Garden, who said that she could help him hire a crew. Even better, Tony Wonder called him back and made a date for Saturday. Gob was so giddy and excited. He was going to ruin their life together.

* * *

Returning from Mexico, Gob suddenly realized that he needed to go roofie George Michael. Gob had kissed him at the Gothic Castle, and if he told his father about it, then Michael might think that Gob was really coming onto him. Dammit! There were no messages on his phone from Michael yet, so possibly George Michael hadn't told him yet. Actually, it was probably already too late for a forget-me-now to erase that night, but Gob was not thinking very clearly in his panic.

He drove to UC Irvine and luckily found his nephew walking around the campus. He tried to roofie George Michael, but his nephew resisted and finally said that he wouldn't tell anybody about the kiss. Gob felt better then, and he discovered that George Michael had been kicked out of his dorm.

So Gob decided to sell a house to him; after all, George Michael had bragged that the Fakeblock software was his, so he must have a lot of money coming to him whenever the software went on sale. Gob told George Michael that he could afford the house, and that it would make his father proud. He couldn't remember what they were fighting over now since the Ealing Club. George Michael hesitated, but felt guilty enough to agree to buy the house.

Gob drove away, glad to be able to sell one house in Sudden Valley at last. He had a lot of other customers calling already, but unfortunately, like Tobias, most sex offenders didn't have the money to actually buy houses, so he rented them the houses instead. It helped him fill the homes with residents and gave him some much needed cash. Having George Michael buy a house meant that Gob had something to impress Michael with, so he went back to Sudden Valley and got all the paperwork ready for George Michael to sign. (George Michael meanwhile went to pack his stuff for real and and drive the staircar to Sudden Valley.)

Gob didn't think that George Michael would be in any danger from the sex offenders in Sudden Valley. After all, he was an adult and smart. Also, both Gob and Tobias were living in the model home, and Michael could stop by and see his son as well. Everything would be great.

Soon George Michael moved into Sudden Valley and became popular with his neighbors. They even had a party when George Michael invited his new girlfriend to visit, but they didn't know about her son Lem. Gob wasn't in the neighborhood during the party, or he might have recognized Rebel Alley. No, he didn't know the actress from her movies, nor did he remember the one time in 2008 that he met her at a bar and she kissed him. But Gob would certainly have recognized her resemblance to Tracey, George Michael's mom.

However, Gob was in town getting a mask made of his face, like Tony Wonder's mask. He had lied before about using such masks in his act. Gob didn't have a magic act for years, but he should keep up with current technology if he was going to restart his career after he got revenge on Tony. So Gob was not home for the big pool party, and he never had the chance to give his nephew a warning about oedipal complexes.

Later, Gob heard back from China Garden who told him how much a Chinese building crew would cost, but this was too expensive, so he got a Mongol horde instead. He called his mother who was now in rehab and asked her if she had the money to pay for the construction crew, but she told him that Dad would have it by Cinco. She also told him where he could get the blueprints for the builders; it had been in a secret compartment in the penthouse ever since 2006, when Lucille came up with the border wall scheme. She insisted that Gob get the blueprints without letting Michael know about it.

Michael was going to visit Lucille in rehab to sign some papers regarding the Bluth Company. It was part of the series of deals that Michael made with George in order to get the signature for the movie rights. So Gob agreed to get the blueprints from the penthouse, and then he delivered them to the Mongol horde, who began to build the wall.

* * *

On Saturday, Gob headed to his second date with Tony Wonder, but unfortunately he ran into Michael at the Little Ballroom. Michael kept accusing him of dating some Rebel Alley person just because she had a dead dove labeled "Love Each Other" in her freezer. Even if that were Gob's dove, it could have been any woman that he'd fucked in the past few years before he got off the roofies. Why should Michael think that Gob was trying to purposely hurt Michael anyway? Couldn't it have been an accident? (Gob didn't know that Mom had turned Michael against him, making him think that "George Maharis" was Gob's alias.)

Anyway, Michael was being a real jerk to not believe Gob, and they ended up Boyfighting again in the ballpit. After they were worn out, Gob insisted again that he was not guilty of anything. He told Michael that he'd even filled all the houses in Sudden Valley. However Michael didn't like the customers being sex offenders, and he threw Gob out of the movie.

Like he even cared about the movie now. Gob just left and didn't bother to tell Michael that George Michael had recently moved into Sudden Valley. Why should Gob help Michael with his son now, if he was going to be a big jerk?

Gob had to find Tony Wonder and make up for their missed date.

* * *

Gob had an incredible second date with Tony at his house. They had so much in common, and they talked for hours. Tony reminded Gob that they met again long after the Sword of Destiny. It was the Save Our Bluths fundraising dinner, and Tony had come expecting Gob to perform an illusion.

"But you were being a waiter instead, and I kept waiting for something magical to happen with the crazy chicken dinners, but then your brother Michael made that strange speech and everybody left."

'Oh." Gob thought back, trying to remember that disastrous dinner in 2006.

"Did your brother ruin it somehow? I was so confused, and then you said something about following people to their cars."

Gob frowned, feeling sad and remembering the time that he was a whore in the 1990s.

Tony looked concerned and touched his face. Suddenly the darkness went away.

Gob looked at him and wanted to touch him too. Just like when he felt Tony's smooth legs. Were they supposed to kiss now? Was that what he was supposed to do, to pretend to be gay? But he had only kissed Michael, and more recently George Michael, that way before. Somehow it felt different with Tony, more important and significant. Gob told himself that he was just nervous that if he couldn't fake the kiss, Tony would find out that he wasn't gay.

Gob still hadn't said anything, and Tony didn't ask him anything else. He was staring at Gob for some reason, with his hand still on his face. Tony almost said something, then he cleared his throat and pulled his hand away. He got up from the couch and announced that he was going to make some popcorn. He went to the kitchen.

Gob was relieved to break the tension, and he told the story about the Save Our Bluths dinner.

Soon Tony came back with the popcorn, and they talked some more as they ate and drank. Feeling relaxed, they discussed high school and using magic for misdirection. Then Tony choked on a piece of popcorn, and Gob had to save him, but they both felt awkward about touching, so Gob went to get some water from the kitchen.

After they drank all the water, Gob suggested that he ought to go home now.

Tony said that they should take things slow and not rush things. He just drank a lot of water.

Gob agreed that if not for the water, he would definitely stay and have gay sex. Er, normal sex. If he had been thinking more clearly, Gob could have brought up his pretend boyfriend as an excuse to put off sex. He could say that they were exclusive, and he couldn't have sex with Tony without breaking up with his young boyfriend first. However, Gob could think of no one but Tony Wonder. He was so totally focused on Tony, and his cute little W beard.

"You know, maybe we make a date to do it another time, and then tonight, we just--"

"We just sit and talk," Gob finished his sentence.

Tony answered, "That would be amazing."

Out of nowhere, Gob found himself saying, "I have feelings for you."

To his relief, Tony said that he had feelings for Gob also. He didn't just say "Same." He actually said the words, and it made Gob's heart flutter a little.

This was so weird and new. Gob never had emotional feelings for guys, other than Michael, and that had been wrong. A huge mistake. He had sex with other guys when he was a whore, but that was just sex; that wasn't feelings. This felt intimate even with no kissing or sex.

Tony suddenly suggested that they have sex on Cinco, and Gob invited Tony to his place (since after all he needed the roofies at the model home to make Tony think they had sex).

Tony and Gob talked some more that night, clarifying that they meant Cinco de Cuatro, not Cinco de Mayo, and they worked out the time for their date. They were so excited to commit to having normal sex.

When Gob finally left the house and sat down in the car, he took the face mask out of his pants so that he could drive more comfortably. He had stolen Tony's mask from the kitchen, and he realized that it wasn't so he could sabotage an illusion; it was so he could look at Tony's face even after he left the house.

* * *

Gob returned home to Sudden Valley and took the mask upstairs to the master bedroom, to hide it in the nightstand along with the mask that he got made of himself.

But then Gob sat on the bed and wondered if Tony ever followed people to their cars for money? Probably not. He was always successful as a magician, and he probably never felt low enough to whore himself out. Unless his fucked up relationship with his own brother ever made him desperate and crazy? Not the younger brother who was still alive. The dead one with the widow. If Gob confessed about his fucked up relationship with Michael, surely Tony would not answer "Same"?

Gob worried and wondered if Tony would act ashamed of him, if Gob told him about that part of his life? But no, Gob shouldn't confess that kind of thing to Tony Wonder in the first place. This wasn't a real relationship. This was revenge.

Gob sighed and took the mask out again to look at it. To smell it.

Then Tobias woke up and knocked on the door. He had already been home for hours, and had been sleeping in the pink bedroom with the twin beds, which he used to share with Lindsay.

Gob jumped and quickly stuffed the mask in the drawer with guilt. "What?"

Tobias opened the door and asked, "Have you found Lindsay yet?"

"No, sorry. I'll try to look for her."

"Okay, thanks." Tobias wanted to talk to Lindsay about maybe getting a real divorce now. He was thinking that he could talk his public defender into being his divorce lawyer, even though the incompetent guy got him convicted as a sex offender. "Did you have a good date?"

Gob nodded. "Great." After Tobias went back to bed, Gob got undressed and decided to sleep in the master bedroom now, hoping that it would remind him of being with Michael. Not that he wanted to have sex with Michael again; it was so Gob would realize that he was not really gay. It was all just a fucked up illusion with Michael before, and it was wrong. He shouldn't go crazy like that about Tony Wonder too; it was just revenge.

But when Gob fell asleep, he didn't think of Michael that night. He dreamed of Tony Wonder again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is wondering and doesn't have time to check the episodes, I believe that Lindsay has been living in Marky's trailer since she was evicted from the penthouse. She tried to move into the model home, but Maeby refused her while pretending that Tobias was the one who wouldn't give permission. Then Herbert Love gave Lindsay a key to his hotel room, but I think she only gets to use it when they're having sex. So I think Lindsay's still living in the trailer while she's being Cindy Featherbottom. She did run into Michael a couple of times while she was a redhead, but let's assume that he didn't mention these meetings to Gob because he's so distracted by the fights he keeps having with George Michael.


	48. Collateral Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Wonder plots with Sally Sitwell, Maeby gets fired, and JBJ visits Gob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Narrator claims that the only other girlfriend that George Michael had a relationship problem with was Maeby, apparently forgetting about the love triangle with Becky and Ray during his sophomore year. So I'm going to use that as a symptom of George Michael's selective memory. It always bothered me that he didn't overhear his father talking outside the photobooth either.

Sally Sitwell dropped by on Sunday to ask how the Little Ballroom date went. Tony Wonder explained about Gob not showing up to the Little Ballroom, then gushed about Gob coming to his house later that night to make up.

Sally was getting fed up with his rambling, so she cut in, "Did you get to his phone or not?"

Tony had forgotten about the plot to steal the software. "No, um, I'm sorry."

"Why is it so hard for you to get his boyfriend's phone number?"

Boyfriend. Tony almost forgot that Gob had a boyfriend. Some young guy who apparently created Fakeblock. Tony could never compete with a rich young kid like George Maharis. He started to go to a dark place.

"What is wrong with you?" she said impatiently and snapped her fingers in front of his face.

"Nothing! I'm fine." He lied, "It's just, you know, hard because that Maharis kid is all secretive, you know, so Gob doesn't let me near his phone." He deflected, "Have you found somebody to hack the software once we get a hold of it?" Tony didn't know much about computers or the internet, and he had somehow convinced himself that such hacking and theft could be done through a mere cellphone number. It was like magic or the movies.

Sally said, "I'm trying, but it's hard to contact a hacker, understand their gobbledygook, or negotiate any deal. Plus apparently those Anonymous activists don't want to steal Fakeblock. They want to destroy it." She was beginning to fear again that this was a house of cards. Why was she even helping Tony with his stupid plan to finance the magic musical movie, anyway? She only got into this trying to figure out how to have revenge on all the Bluths. She had come to hate them like her father did, but for different reasons. There was her long rivalry with Lindsay Bluth, of course, but there was also her brother Michael Bluth.

Michael Bluth used to be so sweet and shy as a kid. To annoy her father, Sally Sitwell flirted with him in high school, only to have Michael turn into a coward and flee when she tried to go for a golfcart ride with him. So she didn't waste her time with him anymore. In 2005, though, Michael finally tried to flirt with Sally as an adult, and she initially refused him at the bachelorette auction because her father approved. However, she finally gave in and dated Michael, and he was self-involved enough to be blind to the alopecia symptoms she was having then. (Sally didn't used to have alopecia as bad as her father did, and it boosted her self-esteem to think that she could fool a guy, if she got worse.)

But Michael kept trying to hide Sally from his son George Michael, and he even denied that they were dating. He was always looking for things to go wrong, and it made her feel that they weren't in a real relationship. (She didn't know it was purely a revenge-based relationship to get back at Gob.) Then Michael got crazy obsessed over Maggie Lizer seemingly being pregnant with his kid, so Sally dumped him for her own sanity. 

But Sally soon discovered that she caught herpes from him, because she had unwisely slept with him once without protection while just relying on her birth control. Michael was so awkward in bed and never took his shirt off, so she thought that being risky would help him become more wild and uninhibited during sex. He said that he had only slept with six women before her, so she thought he must be clean, but apparently his past lovers were not so clean. Sally should never have trusted a Bluth, even one that seemed to be good and honest. She began to believe that Michael had infected her on purpose, that his sister Lindsay knew of his herpes and talked him into pursuing Sally, and convincing her that he was innocent and inexperienced. So Sally began to hate Michael as well as Lindsay. Bluths were a fucked up family.

Michael quit his family in 2006, and Sudden Valley had failed for many years, which used to satisfy Sally's schadenfreude. But now in 2012 he had an article in the in-flight magazine, and she heard that Ron Howard was going to make a movie about Michael Bluth's life. No doubt the Sitwells would be cast as villains, so she wanted to bankrupt the Bluth family and destroy their company for good.

Lucille Austero was majority owner in the Austero-Bluth Company, so Sally cozied up to her and stole money from her campaign, which she gave to Tony for his magic act. Sure, the widow Austero had never done anything bad to Sally directly, but she was always helping the Bluths out, and Sally knew that Lucille Austero kept Lindsay from being evicted from the penthouse for years, at least until the ostrich attacked her. Sally considered Lucille 2 mere collateral damage in her quest for revenge against the Bluths.

"Just get the phone number!" she told Tony testily. "Why can't you just drug your red wine and knock him out and steal his phone?"

"All right, all right," he said. "I'll do it when we have our sex date on Cinco."

"Sex date?" But then she shrugged and laughed it off. "Oh right, the third date means sex. At least you can drug him to get out of the sex. Don't forget about the phone though." She would be glad to have this scheme over with so she could concentrate on destroying Lindsay.

Tony Wonder just sat there and thought about having to destroy his life with Gob. But one of his face masks went missing after all, so Gob must have stolen it to sabotage his magic act somehow. Besides, Gob shouldn't be dating that Fakeblock kid anyway; he wasn't sure why, but he felt certain that Gob didn't belong with some twenty-year-old asshole millionaire. If Tony stole the software, that would surely cause a breakup.

Sally tried to have sex with Tony again, so he told her he had to get some drugs to put in the wine and that she needed to work on getting a hacker again. So she shrugged and left. He didn't tell Sally that the sex date was at Gob's house. Sure he could drug his red wine and bring a bottle over to the model home, but he didn't want to do that for some reason. Maybe they could just have another night talking for hours until Gob fell asleep, then he'd steal the phone. Tony liked the idea of seeing Gob asleep.

* * *

Maeby had George Michael visit the new Fakeblock offices, so that she could get the staircar from him. She recently got Lucille 2 to invest in the software, and she had promised to get the staircar back, since technically it was the property of the Austero-Bluth Company. Maeby got him a yellow Cadillac in return, though, and gave George Michael the keys.

For some reason, George Michael had no idea who Lucille 2 was, even when Maeby clarified that she meant Lucille Austero. What was wrong with his memory lately? Even if he didn't recall meeting the rich widow years ago, Lucille Austero's name was on campaign posters and banners all around Orange County, including at UC Irvine. She gave press interviews and bought time for negative TV ads attacking Herbert Love's sex scandals. George Michael must have seen some of these, even if he weren't following the election closely.

Maeby shrugged it off as more Bluth insanity. George Michael very conveniently forgot about their marriage too when he abandoned her for college. For all she knew, he might have blocked out Annie McNoFace as well, given how calm he was at the family meeting in 2006, even when Uncle Gob announced his engagement. (Maeby didn't know that George Michael had also blocked out his college girlfriend Becky, as well as a recent conversation that he overheard while in a photobooth at the Ealing Club.) 

Soon Maeby took George Michael inside to her own office, and he started confessing to her about his fight with his girlfriend Rebel Alley. Or maybe she wasn't technically his girlfriend, since she kept saying she wanted to keep things anonymous.

Maeby was surprised to learn that George Michael met the actress again after the Opie Awards and started dating her while still using his Maharis alias. Maeby didn't think that George Michael had the guts or skill to maintain a deception for that long. Also, Rebel Alley looked a lot like what Maeby could remember of Aunt Tracey. How creepy. Did George Michael not remember what his mother looked like before her cancer and coma? Or was he just thinking about Rebel's starring role in the American remake of the cousins movie? What a typical Bluth he was, getting fucked up about family. Maeby didn't burst his bubble of denial, and she just mocked George Michael's indecisiveness about whether "serious" or "seriously" was the correct word. Maeby couldn't take George Michael seriously at all; he was asking his wife about his girlfriend problems.

To change the subject, Maeby finally took George Michael to see his huge office, with room for 500 nerds. She told him all about the plans for the product launch at Cinco, but he got scared for some reason. She figured that his cold feet didn't mean anything serious about the software. He was just being a socially awkward geek who related better to computers than to people. He was just nervous about how to be a boss and manage so many employees. George Michael was a puny thinker and needed her to be in charge of his company.

But as she rode away to return to her own office, George Michael suddenly fired her. She stopped the cart and felt too stunned to speak. How dare he use all her money and hard work to build up his business, only to fire her before the product launch! How dare he humiliate her in front of Mort Meyers, and stop her from becoming a Harris! George Michael was her cousin, and he betrayed her. He was worse. He was her husband and couldn't even remember it after all this time. She should never have trusted a Bluth, even one who seemed good and honest.

Maeby didn't bother to confront George Michael. She stormed out of the Fakeblock offices and left in the staircar, which she had already said that she would deliver to Lucille Austero. Right, Lucille Austero and her fake kid Perfecto. Maeby should still be friendly to Lucille 2 so that she might give her money or a job, and she should still seduce Perfecto so that she could stay in high school. She needed to graduate and finally move on from her roofie circle. However, she ran into Uncle Mike in the hallway, and he asked to speak to her in the penthouse.

Now that she saw what an awful, selfish person George Michael was, she regretted being so hard on his father. Also, Uncle Mike had spoken to Uncle Gob lately and must have learned about Maeby living in Sudden Valley for years, and that Maeby knew about the incest too. He might want to discuss that, and between them, the brothers might have even figured out that she stole the car.

So Maeby decided to try to make up with her uncle, and she started to apologize for evicting him, but he interrupted her and wanted to re-explain the entire voting scheme again. God, he was so oblivious and self-involved! Uncle Mike was wasting her valuable time.

Before she could go, he asked her to sign over her rights for a movie about the family. What the hell? Ron Howard acted like he didn't know her for the last four years, then cut a deal with Michael instead? To hell with him and his suckup Kitty Sanchez!

Maeby signed the papers but suggested that it be a TV show instead.

Disagreeing, Michael told her that Rebel Alley would star in the movie, and more importantly that he was dating Rebel Alley.

Maeby was very pleased to have a way to get back at George Michael. She admitted that she knew Rebel Alley too, and that the actress was breaking up with her other guy for getting too serious. She manipulated Uncle Mike into going to win her over.

After he was gone, she went into Lucille Austero's apartment and told her about the staircar downstairs.

"Oh thank you, dear." She took the car keys and started to call her chauffeur to meet her at the staircar. But before she left, she saw Maeby go into the bedroom with Perfecto Telles.

Lucille 2 glanced at them somewhat worriedly, but didn't stop them from closing the bedroom door. She was not sure of Maeby's exact age either, and Perfecto was only her fake kid that she wouldn't keep after the election. Anyway, she needed to get the staircar painted to say "Austero-Bluth Company" before Cinco de Cuatro, so she left the apartment.

* * *

JBJ broke out of rehab. Getaway hadn't visited him like he promised, or called him in a long while, so JBJ was afraid that Getaway was still taking his roofies. Or worse, maybe he'd collapsed somewhere from lack of food, and was alone in the hospital, and his brother was a jerk who didn't visit again.

It just took awhile for JBJ to figure out a good distraction so he could break out of rehab. He then got in a car and headed to Sudden Valley. Getaway had talked about it so much in stories, so JBJ at least knew that it was near Newport Beach. Maybe he could get better directions once he was in town. When JBJ searched for Sudden Valley online, he saw an ad for the neighborhood, and it had a very helpful map, so he drove there straight away. There were a lot of signs for the Michael B. Company around the neighborhood, although lately Getaway had added, "Gob Bluth, Vice President" to the signs. It always took JBJ a minute to realize that "Gob" was Getaway's real name. Well, his real initials.

Soon JBJ found the model home, so he parked there and knocked at the door. No one was home, so JBJ called Getaway's number and asked where he was. To his relief, Gob sounded fine.

Gob was in town buying "No Kids Allowed" signs to put up. Some inconsiderate person had brought a kid to the pool party, and a lot of the residents panicked and left the neighborhood. Gob had to take out a new online ad to get renters again. "I'm just buying some signs in town. I'm sorry I forgot to visit you in rehab, JBJ. I just got so busy with my family and the business." And getting revenge.

JBJ said he was out of rehab now and was at the model home hoping to visit him.

Gob was surprised and pleased. "Oh, okay, I'll come back soon. Give me about fifteen minutes." He then also told JBJ that the back patio door was open, and how to get around the fence.

So JBJ let himself into the house and went to sit in the living room. While he waited, he figured he would browse on his iPad some more, only to discover that the internet stopped working in the Valley. How inconvenient. So he walked around trying to think of what to do, and not be tempted by the alcohol at the wet bar. But then he noticed a pill bottle.

These were Getaway's roofies. He still had them. Had he really quit taking them like he promised, or was he lying again? JBJ opened the bottle and poured out the pills to count how many there were. Then he poured them back in and shut the bottle.

He tried to think about what he would say when Getaway arrived, how to confess that he broke out of rehab to see him. Maybe Getaway would be proud and impressed with him. Then he would have to convince Getaway to let him stay here and take care of him now. JBJ needed to know that his friend was all right.

Maybe he should ask Getaway's brother for help too, if he wasn't being a jerk now. Gob had claimed in an earlier phone call that Michael gave him a job and a place to live. Michael Bluth. Michael B. Wasn't that a funny coincidence that Getaway's brother had nearly the same name as Michael Bee?

Then he saw a picture of Michael Bee on a nearby table. Oh, Getaway still had one. Wow. But wait a minute, this was a family photo with all of Getaway's family. Getaway said that they had to sneak around, and that his family would not approve of Michael Bee. So why would they let Michael Bee be in the photo with them? Also, where was Getaway's brother Michael? He counted up the siblings, and there was one missing.

Then he heard a car pull up and he looked out the windows to see if it was Gob. Instead, a crazy Maps car pulled up, and he thought he saw Michael Bee get out of it. What was Michael Bee doing here? He wanted to make up and be friends with Getaway again? But then Michael Bee went over to a different house with a yellow car parked in front of it. A young guy came out and greeted him. Wait, that looked sort of like George Michael from the family photos. They were talking now, and George Michael called him Dad. Oh God. JBJ was so stunned that he hurried away from he window and didn't listen anymore. His mind was reeling.

Michael Bee was Michael Bluth. Getaway's brother! Oh God. He felt sick and horrified and wanted to forget. He could take a roofie. But when he went back to the bottle, he thought that maybe the roofies were to blame for Getaway dating his brother. He was so messed up by drugs all the time. JBJ opened the bottle and started pouring the pills down the sink. He washed them away, but didn't notice that one pill got stuck at the bottom.

That was when Gob came in, calling out. JBJ put down the bottle and backed away.

Gob smiled to see him and started to come closer for a hug.

JBJ was so shocked and trying to stammer some question, some exclamation.

"What's wrong?"

Finally JBJ managed to point to the family photo. "Michael Bee! He's your brother!"

Gob realized how stupid he was to let JBJ come into the house before having a chance to hide the family photos. "I'm sorry! I-I can explain. I shouldn't have lied before, but it's over. We're not--!"

"You work for him!" JBJ also pointed vaguely toward the other house. "He just came over here and saw his son."

Oh, JBJ saw Michael arrive in his Maps car? Gob didn't see Michael outside, or he would have confronted him about the unpleasantness at the Little Ballroom. In any case, the car was near George Michael's house, so Gob assumed that George Michael called his father to make up.

"Yeah, he's just visiting his son. But I swear, we're not dating anymore. We realized that it was crazy and wrong. We were just fucked up." Gob kept trying to explain, like he did with Maeby, but JBJ was too shocked and upset to listen.

He ran out of the house and got in his car and drove back to rehab. If he didn't go back, he'd be tempted to down a bunch of pills to make himself forget all this.

Gob tried to follow his friend for a little while, but then gave up and just stopped the limo in a parking lot in town. He called JBJ's phone to leave messages and apologize some more. He talked about Peter Pan, and Tracey, and therapy, and Pete the mailman. He said anything that he thought might help JBJ understand and forgive him.

Gob kept calling JBJ for much of that day, so he didn't go back to confront Michael about their fight at the Little Ballroom. Let Michael make up with his son for now. Gob could complain about Michael being a big jerk later. By the time he returned to Sudden Valley, the Maps car was gone anyway. So Gob put up the new signs and tried to hope that JBJ would call him back. He missed his friend and didn't want to lose him.

Friendship. Maybe that was what he was feeling with Tony Wonder. It was just friendship and he was only getting confused. Gob often felt distressed by his sex dreams about Tony Wonder lately, and had tried to blame them on having withdrawal from his roofies. But maybe he was just getting confused about friendship again, like he got confused about Michael as his brother and friend.

Eventually JBJ called back and said he listened to all the messages. He wasn't sure if he really understood it now, but he hoped that Gob was telling the truth about stopping the incest.

Gob insisted that it was really over. Michael was just his brother now, and his boss. He didn't even like him now because they had a fight. Gob hoped that JBJ could forgive him, and he offered to come visit him in rehab.

JBJ said maybe later. He needed some time. But Getaway could still call him.

So Gob did keep calling JBJ and confessing stuff to him. But nothing recent. Nothing about Tony Wonder and his revenge scheme. Gob had spent 40-odd years in denial, and he could not get over it easily. His brain needed some kind of plausible excuse to hold onto still.

* * *

After discovering that his son was George Maharis, Michael realized that they were dating the same woman. It was the Beth Baerly incident all over again, only worse because George Michael didn't just have a crush on his teacher; he was actually dating Rebel too.

Soon Michael got mad at Maeby. It was her fault. Instead of this mess being caused by a misunderstanding by Lindsay, this was a deliberate setup by Maeby to send Michael to steal George Michael's girlfriend away. So he called his niece to yell at her and throw her out of the movie over the phone.

Then Michael drove to Sudden Valley to confront Gob about the sex offenders, and maybe ask advice about how to mend things with his son. However, he ran into George Michael at another house. He had a new yellow car, and said that he was home. This shocked and worried him, and they went inside to talk. George Michael confessed about buying the house, because of his good credit and the Fakeblock success.

Right. That's where Michael heard that name George Maharis before. Michael had blocked out the memory of the Fakeblock news stories, and George Michael's software with P-hound. He didn't want to make the connection, or realize that his son could be the same George Maharis who was dating Rebel Alley. Michael felt guilty, but too cowardly to confess that he was the other guy.

George Michael said that he couldn't maintain lying to his girlfriend anymore, and that it was probably over.

Michael privately decided that he should end things with Rebel Alley too, and give up on the movie. It was not meant to be. So father and son made up for now, and Michael left.

He felt guilty for accusing Gob wrongly, but he couldn't find Gob in Sudden Valley, and his cellphone was busy for some reason. He would have to apologize to his brother later. Maybe put him back in the movie or something, so he could still lord it over Tony Wonder. (Michael had already forgotten that he decided to quit the movie.)

So Michael went back to Austerity to throw Mom out of the movie. This mess was her fault too for turning him against Gob and making him hire Gene Parmesan. She and Dad were always pitting him and Gob against each other, though Dad did seem to stop after they taught him that lesson about Boyfights in 2006. What was Mom's problem with brothers getting along?

While outside the rehab clinic, Michael ran into Buster and got him to sign over his movie rights. He had to have something to show Ron Howard, if he was going to get the movie made after all. Buster was all happy about falling in love with some new woman, who used to be his mother figure, and he also had a weird new hand. Michael only noticed it after he got the signature with Buster's good hand, and Buster told him briefly that Army gave it to him, while saying that he had to hurry back to his lady love.

Michael then went inside to confront Mom. She was on the phone with Dad too, so Michael told him about Gob filling the houses with sex offenders. He threw Dad out of the movie too and stormed out.

He called Kitty to let her know that he got Buster's signature and would try to get Gob's again. Maybe it could be a movie just about brothers and no Tracey, then he wouldn't see Rebel Alley again. Ron Howard might be pleased to keep Michael away from his daughter, and could always have her star in some other movie instead.

However, when Michael returned to the penthouse, he found a threatening note from Argyle Austero, demanding that he pay the $700,000 debt. Dammit! It was Cinco already.


	49. Cinco de Cuatro

Before his sex date with Tony Wonder, Gob went to the Cinco celebration to get the money from Dad to pay the Mongol horde. The builders were going to come too, and hopefully the exchange could be done discreetly under the table, lost in the crowd of people. That was the way that Dad often paid Gob for doing illegal side jobs for the Bluth Company.

Gob had already bought some Cinco stuff which was waiting for him to destroy back at the model home. He planned to celebrate the local holiday with Tony Wonder alone. Maybe they could go throw stuff into the pool or joke around and fall in together. Maybe they'd get all wet and take off their clothes and kiss... No, no. Gob shook it off and told himself he wasn't going to do that. He was just going to roofie Tony and make him think that they had normal sex. All he felt for Tony was friendship because they had so much in common, and he used to wish they could be friends back during the Sword of Destiny illusion. The feeling was friendship. But Gob knew that they couldn't really be friends now. Tony had sabotaged his wedding illusion, so Gob still had to get revenge and break his heart.

Out of the blue, Gob ran into George Michael who apparently needed some advice about his girlfriend. Gob didn't pay attention, for he was getting sick of dealing with both Michael's and George Michael's problems. Why did he have to do everything for this family? Gob said, "Love each other," but George Michael didn't seem satisfied by this answer.

When George Michael finally left, Gob met with Dad and started talking about the wall. He hoped that Dad would be proud of him, but Dad was nervous about Lucille 2 finding out about the wall. Gob said he could handle her. (Yeah, if he went and slept with her again, it would prove that he wasn't gay, wouldn't it?) Gob asked Dad for the money to pay the builders, but Dad confessed that he had no money. He just ran off and left Gob standing there, with the angry Mongol horde staring at him. Luckily, Gob came out of his darkness quickly enough to spray lighter fluid in their eyes and escape before they could catch him.

Gob tried to blend into another part of the Cinco party that looked calmer, with no rioting. After Lucille Austero gave her campaign speech on the staircar, maybe he could talk to her alone so he could get money from her. Although he would have to figure out how to not let her know it was for the border wall that she opposed.

But Gob ran into his former fiancee, and she had a five year old son. How could that be? The kid would have to be born in 2007, and he knew that she hadn't had a baby during their long engagement. Dumb Egg was miscounting again. She and her creepy family were always screwing up ages because they counted nine months in the womb; they believed that life began at conception. It took Gob forever to figure out the day when she would really turn 18, which turned out to be the same day as the Queen Mary.

Gob feared for a moment that the boy was his, that she might have been hiding her pregnancy during their wedding, but Egg told him that it was Tony Wonder's kid.

Tony Wonder. Gob was reeling and couldn't believe that Tony Wonder slept with her right after the wedding illusion in 2008. Maybe even while Gob was in the hospital; maybe it was why Egg broke up with him. Tony Wonder had already come out as gay years before, but Egg said Tony took advantage of her and promised her a life together. What, he was going to get married to her? He wasn't gay. Tony Wonder wasn't gay.

Gob felt so confused and hurt and betrayed. He needed to get revenge. Not just breaking Tony's heart, but something worse. Something that would destroy him in public and ruin his career. He asked Egg if she wanted to have revenge sex tonight, and she agreed, telling her nanny Jacqueline to take care of her son, whatever his name was.

So Gob left with Egg for Sudden Valley, and he didn't even pay attention to all the chaos from the Mongols' blowback or the boat exploding in the bay.

* * *

Back at the model home, Gob changed into his robe and then talked to Egg in the master bedroom. He decided to use the masks and the Predator cameras which were still connected for his revenge; he figured that tomorrow he could still find Lindsay and have her contact John Beard's people to get the footage. Then he could maybe post the video online or something, and everyone would know that Tony Wonder was straight. He would be ruined, and Gob would have his revenge for his broken heart.

Gob tried to explain his whole big scheme, but Egg argued with him until he finally agreed to have sex with her instead. Ugh! But it was going to take a moment for him to get in the mood, for him to be able to pretend. He was glad when she left the room and went downstairs, presumably to change clothes. He stared at the Tony mask, wishing that Tony had been real, that his feelings were real.

Eventually Gob turned out the lights and lay in the bed to wait. Trying to imagine Tony. He put on the mask so the cameras couldn't see how upset he was.

The door opened and someone came in. Gob did not move, then the person came and sat on the bed, brushing against him. But wait, these clothes were pants. They weren't the black mini-robe he'd given her, nor the sweater and skirt that she'd been wearing. Who was--?

He felt hands touching him, feeling his robe and his legs. The hands paused on his hairy legs, and there was a tense moment. Gob could hear breathing in the darkness, and it almost sounded like--but he dared not hope--

There was a hand reaching up to touch his face, but found the mask instead. "Gob?" Tony said, but his voice was muffled somewhat.

Was it really Tony? Was he just wishing it was? Was he going crazy again?

Then the fingers deftly pulled off the mask and felt beneath it. "Gob," Tony repeated, sounding surprised but also rather pleased. He ran fingers through Gob's short hair.

Gob reached out and found a mask on Tony's face as well. He pulled it off and then felt his face, just to be sure. He was so relieved to feel that W beard. "Tony," he half gasped.

"Gob." Tony suddenly moved closer and they were kissing. Kissing.

Gob clutched at his hair, and kissed him back passionately. He tasted so good, and Gob forgot about any revenge plot. All he wanted was for Tony to be real. For this not to be a dream.

Tony felt for Gob's short robe again, and he reached to untie it. Gob wanted to undress him too, but he was fumbling in the darkness.

"Wait, I'll undress." Tony pulled back and started removing all his clothes. He dropped them to the floor along with their masks.

Gob wished it wasn't so dark so that he could see Tony naked. He could only dimly make out the outline of his figure by the light filtering in from the hallway.

Then Tony came back to bed. He was kissing him again, and Gob shrugged off his robe so that they were both naked now. He could feel that Tony wanted him. He was getting hard already and moaning against him.

Gob wanted to kiss every part of him. Wanted to blow him for hours. Wanted to do anything for him or to him or with him. He pressed Tony to lie down against the bed.

Tony cooperated, but he asked, "Gob, do you know how to do this? Have--have normal sex? I thought--she told me you weren't gay."

"She told me you weren't gay either. You had a son with her."

He shrugged and seemed embarrassed, though Gob could not really see his expression. "It was a huge mistake. I just wanted to know what you saw in her, why you'd marry somebody who's not even in your league. But maybe you didn't see anything in her, since you left her."

"Yeah." He agreed that the engagement was a huge mistake. Still Gob needed an answer, "But what about now? Is this still an act? Are you gay?"

Tony hesitated, then pulled him close for another kiss. "I am for you."

That was all the encouragement he needed. Gob kissed him hungrily again. They kept touching each other, and Gob enjoyed even just rubbing up against him.

Tony rolled them over, though, saying, "Do you mind? You're heavy." So he stayed on top, kissing his nipples and feeling how shredded Gob still was. He realized that he'd been turned on by those muscles ever since the Amazing Jesus illusion.

Gob didn't protest being on bottom. Suddenly it didn't matter about who had control, or which position was more gay. They were both being gay. God the way Tony felt...

Gob groped him and felt that Tony only had one testicle. Oh right. He lost a nut to that dove down his pants. Tony got nervous for a moment, but Gob reassured him that he didn't mind. It just proved to him that he was really in bed with Tony Wonder, and not just dreaming again.

"You dreamed about me?" Tony asked happily.

"For years," he admitted, and kissed him again.

"Oh Gob."

They experimented for a while, as Gob asked what Tony was curious about and what he liked. At first they kept kissing and humping each other messily, to relieve their pent up desires. Then once they were satisfied and calm, they took their time to explore. Tony laughed and realized that they were being stupid. He reached for the bedside lamp and turned it on so that they could see each other.

Gob was so happy to see him naked that he didn't remember about all the cameras in the room, recording them. Revenge was the furthest thing from his mind.

"Wow, when did you learn how to give head like that?" Tony asked after Gob blew him.

Suddenly Gob felt ashamed. He frowned and whispered, "I used to, um, to turn tricks."

Tony blinked and looked shocked. "You mean..?"

"I'll tell you later, but I just--" He got upset and worried that a confession about Michael as well would spill out of him. That look of pity was so familiar.

Tony sat up to kiss him and said comfortingly, "It's okay, it's okay."

Gob confessed, "I have herpes." Unlike syphilis, that disease could not be cured for good, only suppressed.

"You too?" Tony asked, then felt guilty too. "Oh, I'm sorry. I should have told you before you went down on me."

Gob was surprised and somewhat comforted.

Tony looked embarrassed. "You know, crazy magic groupies make you careless." But he felt guilty because he actually got the herpes from Sally Sitwell, who got it from Michael Bluth back in 2005. "Look, we've all done stuff we're not proud of. Let's not talk about it now. Some other time we'll hash it all out. Let's just enjoy each other now."

Gob agreed in relief, and he was pleased to think that there would be another time. He said he forgot to get any condoms or lube for their sex date, but maybe they could save fucking for later.

"Sure," Tony said. "It doesn't matter what we do."

So they went back to making love, and after Gob came, they both felt tired. So they turned out the lights again and rested.

Tony nuzzled him and said, "Let me know when you're ready for another round, Gobie."

Gob liked the nickname, and his heart fluttered. He nodded and kissed him while they snuggled together. What a great Cinco this turned out to be.

But then Gob remembered about the Mongol horde and the money he needed to get from Lucille Austero. He didn't want to have to cheat on Tony, just for his family's sake. Maybe Michael could--

Michael. Gob might have to confess to Tony about Michael eventually, and that scared him. Tony wouldn't understand. He would judge him and be disgusted with him. They would fight and Tony would dump him. Gob felt so awful at the thought that they might have only one night together and no more. He should have known that God wouldn't let him have real love; this was just more punishment, to break his heart even worse.

Gob needed to get out of bed, maybe walk out on the patio and cry a bit. So he got up and got dressed. He put on his shirt and pants, not just his robe this time.

Tony asked, "Where are you going? What's wrong?"

Gob hesitated and was glad that the room was dark, so Tony couldn't see how upset he was. "I, um, I have to get us some dinner, you know, and drinks. Maybe call the maid to clean up the mess in the living room."

"Oh. Okay, Gobie." Tony kissed him.

Gob exited the room and still felt upset. He started to go downstairs, but he heard someone come into the house then.

Who? Not Tobias? Damn it. He thought that the musical at Cinco would last longer. In case Tony heard the noise too, Gob talked loudly as if the fictional maid Maria had come along. Hopefully he could get Tobias to leave and stay in one of the other houses for the night. Many of the houses were still empty since the pool party. Then Gob could cry in private and try to pull himself together.

But then Gob saw Michael using the sink at the wetbar. Oh no! Not his ex meeting his new lover! And the worst part would be that Tony would be shocked to find out that Michael was his ex-lover at all, and not just his younger brother.

If it weren't for the fight at the Little Ballroom, Gob might have trusted Michael to be mature and happy for Gob. To support him and know to keep his mouth shut about the incest. Maybe even give him advice on how to talk to Tony. But after Saturday, Gob was not willing to trust his brother not to be jealous or try to fuck things up for him with Tony Wonder.

Gob needed to make Michael leave, or else roofie him, so Gob joined Michael in the living room. He mentioned the recent unpleasantness at the Little Ballroom to hint that Michael was not welcome here. Sure, Michael might technically be his boss and still own all of Sudden Valley, but he was not living in this house, and he had been a real jerk lately.

Michael actually apologized for that unpleasantness, though, and he started babbling about something awful that he had done. It was strange, and he was wearing a Banana Stand shirt for some reason.

Gob went to get his forget-me-now pills, but he found that the bottle was almost empty. But how? Oh JBJ must have done it when he was at the house before. That was why he was at the sink before. Well, maybe Gob only needed one roofie after all, so long as he could keep Tony from overhearing anything terrible that Michael said.

Michael kept babbling about his shameful problem, and saying that he was out of control. Gob tried to taunt Michael for whatever he did, to rub it in. Then he wondered if Michael could give him some advice about his conflicted feelings about Tony.

"Bad example: if you were ashamed about being in love with a man, suddenly discovered these new feelings, something that you only allowed to happen because you thought he was gay and you were hoping to exact revenge, but then you found out he was straight, then you wanted to get even, so maybe you put a mask on someone and tried to convince yourself that the sex you were about to have was with yourself, but it turned out to be him and all you ended up doing was proving that your feelings were real, then I might say something like, homo much?"

Michael stared at him throughout this speech, but he looked more annoyed than interested in helping. (Michael was still processing the fact that Gob pursued his revenge against Tony Wonder after all, and had kept lying to him. It didn't strike Michael yet that Gob's speech was as much about falling in love as it was about a fucked up revenge scheme.)

Anyway, Michael was still preoccupied about something awful that happened with Lucille 2. He wanted to be alone, so he was going to leave the house, but Gob stopped him this time and offered to split the roofie. Gob suspected that Michael had been forced to pay the $700,000 debt with more than just a kiss this time, and he knew that his brother would feel ashamed about having to be a whore, especially since he was supposed to be dating this Rebel Alley person, whoever that was.

Michael didn't want the pill, though, and said that he wouldn't judge Gob anymore, when suddenly Tony came downstairs wearing Gob's robe and holding one of the face masks.

Oh no. Tony saw Michael and ran.

Michael saw him too and then said, "That's who you were with?" Judging again already. Then he started shouting, "I knew it! I always knew it!"

Gob wished that Michael didn't have to gloat. Before Michael could say anything else, Gob tackled him to the floor and gave him the last roofie. Michael needed to be quiet and forget what he saw. Forget whatever happened at Cinco too. "Stupid forgetful Michael." Gob stayed with Michael a little longer and sang to him to make sure he went to sleep, then he went upstairs to talk to Tony.

When Gob returned to the bedroom, the lights were on and Tony was dressing in his clothes again.

"Tony, wait. It's all right now. Michael's out cold."

"Michael? Is that who was downstairs with you?"

"Yes, my younger brother. I told you about him." Well not everything about him.

Tony sat down and relaxed slightly. "Oh, right your brother. I haven't seen him in so many years, and I got confused. I thought I heard you talking to somebody named Maria?"

"Yeah, I thought at first it was the maid come to clean up all that Cinco stuff in the living room. But Michael showed up and tried to apologize to me for a fight we had recently. I'm sorry that I couldn't get rid of him before he saw you."

"Oh." Tony shrugged and said, "I don't know what I was worried about him seeing me for. I mean I am the gay magician already. I guess I was nervous for you and your Christian magic career." Actually, that wasn't really true. He had panicked because he was still getting used to being really gay for somebody, instead of pretending to be gay for his career. Someone else seeing him with Gob made it suddenly too real to Tony.

Gob sat with him and used the convenient excuse. "Yeah, uh, that's why I roofied my brother, 'cause I didn't want him to tell anybody else and ruin my career." He shrugged. "I mean, not that I have much of a career left. Haven't done a show in years."

Tony patted his hand comfortingly. "I'm sure you'll be able to do something again. I think you deserved to have a break from magic after how your wedding illusion turned out. I'd be scared if I was trapped that long too."

Gob thanked him then kissed him. "Anyway, we didn't have dinner yet because you were so early for our date. Do you wanna go downstairs and eat? My brother won't bother us."

Tony was indeed hungry by now, so they went downstairs to the kitchen. Gob had recently bought some red wine as well as some real food, since he thought Tony would deserve better than Parmesan and mustard. Of course, he didn't really know how to cook, so it was more of a pre-packaged dinner that he just had to heat up and serve. Gob would have to learn to do better, or hire a regular cook, he supposed. Or he could ask Michael to teach him how to make stuff, maybe, if he would stop being a jerk.

So Tony opened the wine bottle while Gob set the table. He did remember a little of when he was a waiter for the Balboa Country Club, so he tried to make things look nice and correct. Maybe when the food was ready, he could serve it and flirt with Tony. Make him want to go back upstairs and have sex again.

Tony poured the wine into a couple of glasses and gave Gob another kiss as he handed the wine over. Gob went to check on the food and to serve it out onto plates.

"It smells good." Tony sat down at the table and tried not to be distracted by the fact that Michael was still unconscious in the living room, but he glanced there and said, "Maybe we should put him in his bedroom?"

"His bedroom?" Michael used to sleep in the master bedroom upstairs, but not anymore, since he moved out of the model home.

Tony asked, "Didn't you tell me before that your brother lives with you?"

(Gob's exact words were, "I can't go home. He's probably waiting for me." This was during his second date at Tony's house.)

Gob shook his head. "No, uh, Michael is staying at our parents' penthouse. It's just that he owns this place and sometimes comes to see his son or nag me about my job selling the houses. But my brother-in-law Tobias is living here. He's out performing in some musical at Cinco."

"Oh." Tony got nervous at the thought of being interrupted again. "What time will he come back?"

"I don't know. Do you want to stay the night? I could ask him to go somewhere else and take Michael with him." Oh wait. Did he trust Tobias with his roofied brother? Tobias was a terrible psychiatrist, and Michael might babble who knew what stuff while drugged. Gob knew from experience that drugs could make you say unwise things.

Tony indeed was tempted to spend the night here with Gob. After dinner they could go back upstairs maybe. But then he had a phone call, and he saw from the caller ID that it was his girlfriend Sally Sitwell. His girlfriend. Oh God. Now he felt terrible for lying to Gob, and for cheating on his girlfriend too. He had to go home and break up with her. He had to back out of their scheme. But then how would he finance his magic movie musical? Damn.

"What's wrong?" Gob asked, noticing that Tony kept staring at the phone instead of answering it. The call went to voicemail.

Tony felt guilty, and he stammered, "It's just, just this girl that I-I work with. It must be some kind of emergency business thing. I think I have to go."

"Now?" Gob looked disappointed, especially since he was just bringing the dinner to the table.

"I'm sorry, Gobie." He came close and kissed him. "I'll make it up to you another time. Take you out to dinner and everything." He gestured to the food. "I mean, it won't be a total waste. You can save that for yourself and Tobias. Or maybe Michael when he wakes up. I'm sorry." He kissed him again.

Gob shrugged and reluctantly let go of Tony. He did need to watch Michael after all, since his brother was roofied. "You'll call me tomorrow?"

"Sure. Oh, hey," Tony realized something. "You're not still seeing that young guy you brought to the Gothic Castle?"

Gob felt awkward about George Michael. "No. That was fake, 'cause I'm not--I mean, I wasn't before--"

"Oh right." Tony forgot about all the confusion earlier. At least Gob was gay for him now. He explained, "Good, because I wanted you to break up with him for me."

Gob smiled and laughed in relief. Then he walked Tony toward the door and said goodnight to him. They kissed again, and then Tony left for his car.

Tony checked the message and found out that Lucille Austero went missing or something. That sounded serious. He drove away from Sudden Valley and hoped that this campaign emergency would not prevent him from getting a moment alone to break up with her tonight.

Sally Sitwell might get very angry with him and might even complain that he never found out the Fakeblock kid's number. Tony regretted that he wouldn't be able to fund his movie, but he didn't want to continue deceiving and scheming against Gob.

He had so many things he needed to confess tomorrow, and he hoped that Gob would be able to forgive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I assume that the Narrator is wrong about Tony taking a roofie to forget that night, just as I consider him wrong about "the feeling was friendship" and Gob being a person who "never loved anybody but himself." Heck, I didn't even agree with the Narrator about Maeby not wanting to get serious with George Michael after all the making out they did in season 3. Plus, the season 4 timeline is so fucked up that I'm perfectly willing to believe that the Narrator is an unreliable narrator giving us wrong facts and opinions all the damn time. I love this show, but it's not perfect. That's what fanfic is for, I guess


	50. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cinco de Mayo, and beyond. The Bluths finally come together, and Maeby fulfills her destiny. Although it could be debated whether she's better off escaping the family. Maeby could always change her mind and make a different destiny for herself in a few years.
> 
> I split this chapter into two parts because it was too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how the next season and/or movie will turn out, and I'm anxious to see all the cliffhangers resolved. For now, I'm just going to take my best guesses at the murder mystery, based on various theories I have read on the internet. There were so many ostrich symbols and redheads in this season, so I think they must be clues like the recurring Parmesan and mustard. I find it significant that certain characters like Stan Sitwell and Lupe appear briefly, then are never mentioned again. Where have they gone, and does this mean that they're doing something interesting in the background which will surprise us later? So I tried to fix Buster's timeline, but the drone strike problem still eludes me, as does Tobias's mess.
> 
> I don't know much about Tony Wonder's family, and I hope we'll learn more whenever the show returns. I also don't have an opinion about whether Michael or George Michael "deserves" to win Rebel Alley, because both Bluth men are screwed up. Also, Rebel seems rather flighty to me, and not that great a parent, since she only has her kid for a few months out of the year and still has to do PSAs. I don't see how she could be good for either one of them. Father and son do need to hash things out though, about much more than Rebel Alley.

On the morning of Cinco de Mayo, Gob's mother called him to tell him that Lucille Austero disappeared last night, and now he could become President of the Bluth Company again. But she warned him to have "no scandals" and he agreed. Feeling happy, he got up to shower and dress for the day. Everything was still going great for him, and while he was shaving, he noticed a call from Tony Wonder. His heart fluttered to hear Tony call him Gobie again and ask about having another sex date.

But then Gob remembered about the cameras in the bedroom and what his mother had said about "no scandals"; if that TV footage got out somehow, then she would find out about him and Tony Wonder. That would be a scandal, and she might be angry. For the sake of the company, she even might do something to Tony to try to make him disappear. Might plot anything with Dad and kick Gob out of the family for being gay.

Gay. Gob wasn't sure if he was comfortable with the word yet. If that label really explained everything that he had denied about himself for so long. It was all so confusing, and his memory was messed up still. Gob only knew for sure that he was in love with Tony now. This had to be love; if it wasn't, then he didn't know what love was at all.

He wanted to be with Tony. He wanted them to have a happy ending, with love and magic and everything he always wanted. But nothing was easy and simple, like in a fairy tale. Gob still had not confessed so much stuff to Tony, and he wasn't even sure if Tony would understand about Michael, and being a whore, and wanting revenge.

Oh God. He couldn't lose Tony. He couldn't. Gob was too upset to call Tony back right away, and he rushed back to the bedroom to sit down and cry about Tony and his family. He didn't know what to do about any of it.

* * *

Meanwhile, things were bad for Michael too. He woke up from the roofie on the floor and saw the TV playing. Wow, when had TV service been restored to Sudden Valley? Had Gob really been fixing everything, and he didn't notice? Michael felt guilty for fighting with his brother, and he wondered why he was on the floor in the model home. The last time Gob roofied him was so many years back, so he didn't recognize the woozy feeling.

But then the TV show reminded him of his debt to Lucille 2, and he guessed that maybe he came to the model home to hide out from Lucille 2, if she or her tapdancing brother tried to collect the debt that he couldn't pay. He must have drunk too much and passed out on the floor. Sitting up, Michael reluctantly called Lucille Austero to arrange a time to meet and pay her in the only way he could. He didn't yet know that Lucille 2 was missing and presumed dead. The phone call made him feel dirty and miserable, though.

He wished he could be with Rebel again. Well, why not? George Michael said his relationship was over with her, and it was unhealthy anyway. She looked too much like Tracey; George Michael shouldn't be with someone who looked like his mom. That was crazy. That would be like Buster dating Lucille Austero.

So without guilt, Michael called Rebel to try to make up with her. He didn't want to talk about "the other guy." He assumed it was over already, and that they could ignore it somehow. She agreed that he could come over later to talk, and Michael was happy as he left the house.

He did get a call back from Kitty, though, saying that she told Ron Howard his idea for a movie without Tracey, but Ron Howard disagreed, insisting that Rebel Alley would star, and that casting was his decision.

"Okay," Michael said, giving in. Well, if he was going to continue dating Rebel, it would be good to keep her in the film. They just had to get around Ron Howard's disapproval, but surely they could just sneak around.

Michael decided to get Rebel a gift before going over to her apartment that day. Along the way, he heard on the news that Lucille 2 disappeared at Cinco, and he selfishly felt relieved. If she was gone, then he wouldn't have to pay his debt after all, and could just resume his relationship with Rebel without cheating on her. He thought the universe was going his way finally; he must have made the right choice.

Unfortunately, then Michael ran into George Michael coming out of the apartment building. Apparently he decided to reconcile with Rebel too. Caught redhanded with his gift, Michael awkwardly talked to his son, and they discovered that they were both dating Rebel Alley. Well, George Michael discovered it; Michael already knew.

They apologized to each other, though, and Michael thought that their relationship was salvageable, just like after the Beth Baerly incident. But then Michael stupidly mentioned the photo booth, and George Michael figured out that his father already knew that they were dating the same woman. He punched him furiously, and Michael was so shocked that he didn't do anything or try to explain. He just stood there realizing how deeply his son hated him now, for this and many other reasons.

Things got worse when Rebel came out of the building and ran into both of them. George Michael told Rebel that she was dating his father. She was stunned and confused. "What?"

Michael pointed out that George Michael had lied about his name; he was not George Maharis, but George Michael Bluth.

"You're not the internet genius?"

"No that's me. I just changed my name." Knowing that Fakeblock was not real, though, George Michael felt guilty for still lying to her, even after asking to get serious in their relationship. He deflected by saying that his father lied to her too; he was not a movie producer. (Rebel had sometimes mentioned that the other guy she dated was a movie producer, but she never mentioned the producer's name.)

"No, I am! They're still making a movie about me, and Ron Howard still wants Rebel to play Tracey." He pointed out that Rebel looked like Tracey, but George Michael was in denial about that.

They all kept arguing until Rebel got fed up. She told both men to leave and never call her again, then she stormed off. It was much like Marta deciding that she didn't want either Gob or Michael. So father and son left separately, both seething and blaming each other for the mess. They were like twins.

* * *

But then Buster got arrested for killing Lucille Austero, and Michael realized that there were more important things to worry about. He rushed to see Buster in the jail, and he found that most of the Bluths and Fünkes came as well. George Michael looked away from his father awkwardly, but didn't say anything about their recent fight.

Suddenly, Maeby arrived and was in handcuffs, being booked for having sex with a minor. Lindsay and Tobias got confused and angrily accused each other of being bad parents. George Michael just followed Maeby in concern, and she asked him to call Barry to be her lawyer.

Lucille asked, "Where is Barry anyway?" He should be here for Buster, and now Maeby too. When Mom tried to call the lawyer, they learned that Barry was in jail himself, after losing his court case for some incident while he was lurking outside a high school. He was still a pervert, apparently.

"Where are we gonna get another lawyer from?" Lindsay asked.

"I'll do it," Michael said, and he glared at the whole family, lest they protest again that he only thought he was a lawyer because of the Peter Plan play in high school. Michael was all they had now, and at least he had two years of law school to help him. He was sure that he could be way more competent than Barry anyway.

So using a check that Lucille brought along, Michael got Buster bailed out of jail, and then he had to go see about Maeby too.

"Can you take Buster back to the penthouse, Mom?"

Lucille said she couldn't come with Buster, though. "I'm just here from rehab, Michael; I have to go back, or they'll return me to the prison." She hugged Buster desperately and was finally warm to him after their long estrangement. "My baby!" she cried a little, and told him to try to be brave for the trial. Michael would prove him innocent, and her sentence would end next year, so she could come home to him.

Buster was very happy and hugged her in return. "Mom." He confessed to her that Lucille 2 got him drunk on juice on purpose, so that he would miss her trial. "It wasn't my fault! Do you forgive me?"

"Of course. Oh my baby! I'm so sorry." She turned and said, "George--"

"I'm not George. I'm Oscar."

"Oscar?" Everyone was surprised, for he was dressed in one of George's suits, and he didn't look like a hippie at all anymore.

Oscar said firmly, "Lucille, this is my son we're talking about. You think I wouldn't come?" He hugged Buster too and rubbed his shoulders comfortingly. "Don't worry, Buster. I'll take you home to the penthouse. Michael, go handle Maeby now."

"All right." So he joined the cousins, who both looked scared. They might technically be adults, but they felt like kids again. Michael explained that Barry couldn't be here, but he would help instead, and they were grateful enough to not bring up their recent fights with him.

* * *

When Oscar brought Buster back to the penthouse, they discovered George, who was dressed like a woman now and acted like one too. Buster was so stunned and confused, though Oscar was less surprised. The twin brothers called a truce over their fights, and they agreed to both take care of Buster, since he needed them. They also hired Lupe again, because she had quit ever since Lucille was under house arrest for months and began doing the creepy smoking thing with Buster.

In fact, for a couple of years in 2009 to 2011, Buster had even gone to live with Lupe after Lucille Austero kicked him out for wanting her to be motherly. Lupe felt sorry for his hook and also felt fond of him since they once had sex. Buster tried to help out Lupe's family and work with them again, but he wasn't very good. So Lupe suggested that he get a job with J. Walter Weatherman, and Buster enjoyed that for a while, until J. Walter Weatherman died, and he got depressed again. That was when he decided to pawn his stuff and reenlist in Army.

Now that Lupe was back, she was shocked by the change in George Sr., and asked Buster in Spanish why his father was a woman now. (Buster's fluency in Spanish had improved during the time he lived with her.) Buster didn't know, but Oscar would take his brother to a licensed doctor now, so he could get treated. Lupe then asked about Buster's new hand, so he explained to her about his time in Army. Lupe tried to make him feel better about the monstrous hand; he could wait and upgrade to a new hand when the technology improved, but he should not go back to piloting drones anymore. She also comforted him about Ophelia Love and Lucille Austero betraying him, and he smiled and hugged her. Maybe, after this trial was over, if Buster could be alone with her and work up his courage, he might ask her out.

Meanwhile, Ron Howard or his movie people kept trying to bug Buster and get interviews about the murder, so Michael got a restraining order on them; he kicked himself out of the movie, and tore up his own papers signing over his movie rights. Even Kitty came to the penthouse trying to get access to Buster through George, but she was very confused when she saw him. She had to leave and just make up the movie from what she herself knew about the family. She even unburied the script for Maeby's old movie, which now entitled Maeby to a new royalty check.

Barry Zuckerkorn did get out of jail soon, offering to be George Michael's lawyer when P-hound sued him about Fakeblock. Michael couldn't handle that since he knew nothing of technology, and he was so busy with Buster's case. Technically Michael had not finished law school yet and didn't have his degree, so Barry still had to be the Bluth family lawyer nominally in court. However Michael would always be there too, so he could rein in Barry's behavior and backseat drive the murder case. He had to make sure that Buster had competent legal representation, and besides, he could still finish his last year of law school and take the bar exam before the actual trial date.

Meanwhile, Maeby got bailed out too, but it looked like she would be found guilty and have to live in Sudden Valley again. She felt stupid for talking about the sex in school, where she could be overheard, but Perfecto was such a horny idiot.

Maeby sighed in disappointment as Uncle Gob drove her back to Sudden Valley. At least the neighborhood was somewhat fixed now, with phones and TV, but she didn't want to live at the model home again. It was too full of miserable memories of her being alone for years. (Besides, Uncle Gob and Tony Wonder were having a lot of loud sex now that Tony broke up with Sallly Sitwell and confessed about his revenge.)

Maeby was still trying to decide which Sudden Valley house to rent when George Michael asked her to move into his house. He said that if the spare room stayed empty too long, then his father would try to move in. Also George Michael felt tender and protective toward her ever since her arrest, just like when they were kids.

He tried once again to flirt with her and suggest that fate brought them back together. His Homefill furniture had arrived, and didn't she like it?

Maeby said that it would be awkward to move in, and with a sigh, she finally reminded him that she was his wife. When he looked stunned, she said she could show him proof, because the marriage certificate was in the secret room of the model home. "Maybe we should get a divorce or annulment now."

George Michael believed her, though; he just couldn't believe that he had blocked out their marriage for so long. He now remembered their mock wedding, and the certificate in the mail, and the wedding ringtone. He felt guilty for cheating on her so much, and for not trying to contact her for years. He tried to apologize, "No, no, Maeby! I remember now. I'm sorry. It's all the more reason why you should move in here with me. You're my wife, and we belong together." He asked her to help him with Fakeblock again.

Maeby considered it, but did not agree to moving in yet. Sure, she would be glad to get her job back, but she still resented him for firing her. She explained that that was why she got revenge by sending Michael to seal the deal with Rebel.

He got upset and they started arguing. He asked how she could make such a huge mistake with Perfecto Telles. He was obviously not an undercover cop, or else Lucille 2 wouldn't have fake adopted him for her campaign.

"Oh, so you do remember Lucille 2 after all. Why the fuck were you lying before?" She retorted that he made a huge mistake with Rebel, dating someone who looked just like his mom.

"What? No." George Michael gasped to realize that his father hadn't just been lying before. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you remember your own mother? Check a photo album, you know."

George Michael sat down in shock. He had not consciously noticed Rebel's resemblance to his mother until now. Rebel Alley was just a beautiful redhead to him, as well as the star of the American version of the cousins movie. He had been in denial about anything else that attracted him to her. "Oh God. I'm turning into Uncle Buster." Buster and Lucille Austero.

"Yeah you're crazy just like your father. Why do you think he wanted to be with her? Because she looked like Aunt Tracey, and he was trying to go back in time." She shrugged and reflected that Rebel had a narrow escape from both Bluth men. Bluths were so fucked up, and she felt very smug and superior.

George Michael still sat there blinking in horror about the sex he had with Rebel. His life was a mess. After a moment, he finally confessed to Maeby that Fakeblock was fake. It was a woodblock app and had nothing to do with privacy or internet piracy.

"What? You idiot!" She was so angry that she hit him. "I was going to be a Harris!" All this time she thought he was a software genius, but instead he was a crooked businessman just like his father and grandfather before him. He was a selfish, lying Bluth conning her and every other investor too. Fakeblock was ruined, and all her stock options would be worthless. No wonder P-hound hated him and was suing him to get something before the collapse.

George Michael ducked as she tried to throw a lamp at him. As Maeby chased him around the room, he nervously explained how the lie started because of his father at the dorm, and then it snowballed with her talking up Fakeblock at the Opie Awards. She kept building things up afterward, until things were out of control and he fired her. So in a way, Fakeblock was partly Maeby's fault too.

She shoved him, and while they were fighting, he suddenly kissed her. "Maeby, you're so hot when you're angry."

She noticed that George Michael was a much better kisser now. "That Spanish housewife really taught you something, huh?"

"Yeah." He kissed her again and said, "Please stay, Maeby. Let's not get a divorce or annulment. Let's start over. Move in, and I'll make it up to you for leaving and never calling. I was just trying to block out what happened in high school because of my dad and all. Besides, I thought you cared more about your parents than about me."

"Who needs parents? They're fucked up, and my mother's a whore." Then she said, "All right, I'll try to fix your stupid Fakeblock mess. But let's get one thing straight. I'm the genius, not you. Who the fuck ever uses math?"

He laughed and didn't point out that some people did use math. He just kissed her again and agreed that she was the genius. So what if he was married to his cousin? They weren't blood related, and she was just as devious and manipulative as him. He would let her be the boss of their marriage.

After they had sex, Maeby got a brilliant idea. Fakeblock got blamed for ruining Schnoodle, so maybe the Schnoodle guys could get blamed for ruining Fakeblock somehow. She would contact Mort Meyers for the names of some Schnoodle programmers who could help them come up with a software con that could get George Maharis off the hook, or even blame P-hound. Maybe they could even restart Schnoodle too and own a profitable piece of the real software instead.

While husband and wife were putting together this scheme, the Anonymous hackers kept protesting Fakeblock and trying to find out where its servers were, so they could attack it. Maeby decided to blame Anonymous for ruining Fakeblock instead, and she had the Schnoodle programmers set up dummy Fakeblock servers for them to hack. She was a fucking genius, and George Maharis was no more. He changed his name to George Fünke-Bluth, and she was very pleased, though she sometimes still called him George Michael out of habit. Once their money troubles were gone, he did the work to get her a GED, then tried to focus on his woodblock app and his ambitions to get into Julliard.

Maeby regarded her husband's music obsessions as puny thinking, and also a symptom of him still being crazy over BabyTock. Still she tolerated it, since he did help her get the GED at last. She was busy managing Schnoodle with Mort Meyers and the various nerds. Also, she was privately plotting her eventual revenge on both Kitty Sanchez and Ron Howard. Once she finished her sentence as a sex offender, they wouldn't know what hit them.


	51. Fairy Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally we're at the end of this strange epic tale. I try to provide some closure and happy endings. I considered pairing off Michael with somebody, but I think it's better to just fix his career and his relationship with George Michael. I'm also not sure who should win the election, Lindsay or Sally Sitwell; maybe it would just turn into hatesex or a lesbian lovefest. You can imagine what you like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I separated this part from the previous chapter, and I also changed the 2nd date scene in Chapter 47, Love is in the Air.

Meanwhile Lindsay lived in Herbert Love's former hotel room, since he was in a coma at the hospital. His campaign manager said they assumed that Love got hurt during the blowback at Cinco, and he got Lindsay to agree to run for Congress. She campaigned as Lindsay Bluth against Sally Sitwell, who replaced Lucille Austero.

Marky felt hurt that Lindsay was abandoning her liberal principles, so he went back to his mother, only to discover that the ostrich farm was gone, and all the birds ran wild. He called her, and she told him that she was back at the bee colony with his father Johnny. "My father's dead!" he said in shock. "No, you idiot! That was somebody else who fell from the tree and died. I told you this before, but that mescaline must have made you forget. Plus you still can't recognize your own father's face." So Marky went to join them at the bee colony.

Tobias was confused by Lindsay turning into a real Bluth as well, and he felt hurt that she dropped his last name. Lucille 2 was gone, but her brother Argyle (who had changed his surname to match his sister's married name) was disappointed by the disastrous Fantastic Four musical, especially when he discovered that they didn't have the rights after all. Plus, DeBrie had to go back into rehab for all the pills she took at Cinco de Cuatro, so Argyle decided to fire Tobias, who went back to prison. That gave him some time for some much-needed reflection about how awful he was to DeBrie, and how terrible an actor he was.

Lindsay's campaign against Sally was at first successful, but Sally was quick to use the incriminating photos, accusing Lindsay of being Herbert Love's whore. Lindsay tried to deny that it was her, since she wasn't a redhead, but Sally had a secret weapon: Maeby. She was more than happy to reveal that Cindy Featherbottom was Lindsay in a wig. Lindsay got very mad and didn't speak to her daughter for a while. Meanwhile she got revenge in the press by exposing Sally's alopecia, as well as the fact that she embezzled money from Lucille Austero to fund Tony Wonder's branding as a gay magician. Tony Wonder confessed to his part in the scheme, as a favor to Gob. (They didn't really support Lindsay being a right-wing nut, but they hoped to convince her to be liberal on social issues at least.)

When Sally tried to get revenge on him by saying that Tony wasn't really gay, Tony said she was wrong. He was gay, and he introduced his boyfriend Gob Bluth.

Gob was very pleased, and kissed him in public, feeling too happy to be scared about a supposed "scandal" that would make his mother angry at him. After all, she was worried about Buster, confused about what happened to George, and seeking therapy in rehab. Michael had advised Gob to be honest as well, and he said he was happy for his brother.

The press loved Gob and Tony as a couple, and after so many years of saying the ailing Austero-Bluth Company was doomed, they wrote positive articles again. Gob was actually fixing the company, just like he was fixing Sudden Valley. He knew that he'd never been to college, and he was too lazy to go back to school to take business classes, but he promoted long-time employees who did know how to run the housing company, and he put them in charge of any duties that he didn't understand. Meanwhile he developed a new magic act with Tony Wonder, and they had fun.

But Gob wasn't just a hands-off figurehead. At a board meeting, he gave them the idea to rent houses to sex offenders, and to create more neighborhoods like Sudden Valley, with very strict policies about no kids allowed. It was an untapped market, and they had lots of customers now. Plus the sex offenders didn't have to keep moving around so much, so they could get stable employment and eventually earn money to buy the houses they rented. They also could go to regular counseling and get better.

Gob also sometimes had special fun days at the Austero-Bluth Company office, where he set up massage tables and did smaller magic shows with Steve Holt as his assistant. It helped the employees relax and let off steam. Then Steve would hand out coupons for his pest control service. The employees were happy and without stress from either George Sr.'s embezzling or Michael's management style. So they built better houses without shoddy construction, and they frequently put up banners saying "Workers Love Gob!" George Sr. had been wrong all along. Gob was his good son, and the only one to save the business. The Austero-Bluth Company was now legitimate and starting to turn a profit again.

When Lucille Austero had run the company, she tried to fix things, but she had been more well-intentioned than competent. She did not know about the housing business, so she asked Stan Sitwell for advice since 2006, but Sitwell had only pretended to help her while using information she told him to make Sitwell Housing more successful in Orange County. She yelled at Sitwell and tried to fix things once she realized how he sabotaged her, but George and Lucille undermined her and kept working on the border wall scheme over the years.

Speaking of Stan Sitwell, he had never planned to build a border wall to keep out immigrants. Both George and Lucille Bluth had completely misread the blueprints that George took a picture of in his office, and Sitwell was more than happy to let them get caught up in the border wall, which was doomed because of both politics and the bad economy. Sitwell went forward with his own completely different idea, a series of dykes and walls on the coastline, to protect California from rising sea levels and catastrophic storms due to global warming. However, that too got politically doomed, and he felt frustrated.

In 2012, Stan Sitwell hired Gene Parmesan to try to discredit Lucille Austero and make her leave the Austero-Bluth Company so he could buy it out and destroy it. Instead Gene Parmesan frightened Lucille Austero when he took off his disguise at the top of the staircar. She lost her footing due to vertigo, and accidentally took a tumble down the stairs, knocking down a container of donkey punch that was part of Gene Parmesan's disguise. Gene felt guilty and went to get help for Lucille, who was still alive but unconscious.

Buster arrived and fainted at the sight of Lucille Austero covered in what he thought was blood, while Marky's bomb sprayed water near the area, shorting out electricity for a little while, That left a gap in the security tapes, so when the fireworks went off and Gene Parmesan returned with a wheelchair, no one saw him. He checked that Buster was fine, just fainted, then put Lucille Austero into the chair and left. However, Sally Sitwell caught them leaving the scene, and she made Gene Parmesan help her kidnap Lucille Austero instead. Before calling the police to the crime scene, Sallly erased the earlier part of the security tape showing Lucille fall and Gene going for help. (The security guard in charge of the cameras was not in the office because of the Mongols rioting.)

Lucille Austero eventually woke up and was treated for her injuries, but she was also confined to a rehab clinic for her vertigo. They drugged her so that she wouldn't notice the passage of time, and they did not allow her to communicate with the outside world for months, long enough for Sally Sitwell to run for Congress instead.

Michael discovered the truth slowly, while trying to figure out everybody's alibi. In fact he became upset with Gob for giving him a roofie and making him forget his own alibi. There were also many red herrings and for some reason, ostriches. But Michael kept his head down and powered through it, hiring investigators and carefully piecing together what happened on Cinco de Cuatro. The awful thing he did, other than proposition Lucille Austero, was play The Thing in the Fantastic Four musical, since Argyle could not find Tobias or any other replacement at show time. He did however find the costume. They didn't have a Sue Storm either, but could fake her with fishing line, since she was the Invisible Girl.

Argyle came to his sister Lucille on the staircar to tell her about the crisis, and Lucille decided to make Michael take the part as The Thing to pay his debt. (Well, a partial payment at least; there was no telling how many more humiliating favors she would make him do.) So Argyle Austero could vouch for Michael leaving with him to get into costume for the musical, but the police suspected him of lying since Michael didn't confirm Argyle's story at first.

(Michael also discovered that he had changed into the Bluth banana stand shirt after putting The Thing costume and his own blue shirt over DeBrie. No one had noticed her because of Tobias's sign advertising the musical, and she continued to be ignored during the confusion of the Mongol blowback. Michael had found DeBrie shivering and nearly dying, so he had called for an ambulance while trying to keep her warm.)

After Michael got Buster's murder case dismissed, the family celebrated with a party, but not on a boat. Then Michael finished law school and passed the bar exam. He was now an official lawyer, and he was great at it. Just like Gob said, "lawyer is Latin for liar" and Michael was a damn good liar. He was also deadly serious and able to unnerve even Wayne Jarvis in court. This was what Michael Bluth was meant to do; it was his destiny, and he had never felt more sane in his life. Charlie Brown was getting to kick his football at last.

* * *

Meanwhile, everything was going right for Gob and Tony Wonder. Gob still worried a little about his family, wanting to get Tobias out of prison and wishing that Maeby could make up with her parents, but at least Michael and George Michael were talking again. They went to therapy together and discussed all their issues. Michael found it easier to confess about the incest, now that he could point to George Michael's relationship with Rebel Alley as proof that he was not normal either. Still they frequently fought about hypocrisy, and even Michael had to agree that he was a terrible father.

Lucille Bluth was having major breakthroughs in therapy too, confessing a very strange and tangled story about brothers, ostriches, and being an invisible girl to her own family. Buster visited often once he was cleared of the murder charges, and he was stunned to see her crying and acting human. He told his other family members about it, and tried to get them to visit too, but they were reluctant.

Lucille claimed that she was not a villain at all, just misunderstood and numbing herself with alcohol and postpartum medication. She kept people away to protect herself, and she had been held back for years by men who were puny thinkers. So Maeby visited Gangie, and they commiserated over the challenges of being married to Bluths, who were such helpless idiots that needed strong women to control them. George Michael insisted that he would never cheat again or forget that he loved her; that was why he was going to therapy, to get better.

Meanwhile, Michael, Lindsay, and Gob weren't sure how to take Lucille's attempts to be nice and loving. They still debated whether to believe her apologies or suspect some plot. At least Lucille said that Gob coming out as gay seemed to be good for the family and the business. She said she would attend one of Gob and Tony's shows once she got out of rehab and George Sr got well. Maybe the whole family should go together.

His mom's acceptance made Gob very happy, and he told Tony about it excitedly. They kissed and talked about trying to fix things with Tony Wonder's family too. They were fucked up, but in a somewhat different way than the Bluths.

Tony was shocked at first when Gob tried to explain the whole truth about his relationship with Michael, but Tony remembered that he had been crazy competitive with his older brother, and he slept with his brother's widow in a fucked up attempt to "win" and get revenge on his dead brother. Tony still had a difficult relationship with his younger brother too, but he thought they could fix that with time.

For now Tony was just happy to be living and working with Gob. They were going to save up money to get the magic musical film made. Maybe they could borrow some money from the Fünke-Bluths too. Tony and Gob weren't broke, but Gob still had to financially support his family members who didn't have jobs yet, and Tony had to pay child support for his kid with what's her name.

"I love you," Gob said, snuggling up to him in bed.

Tony said, "Love you too, Gobie. You're so magical."

Gob smiled his crooked smile. This was real magic and love and everything he ever wanted.

The End


End file.
